Is chasing a man for a long time after breakup ruining my chance to get him back?

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

I am not going to judge you like the other people here. Because I am guilty of doing the same thing.

I confess I passively “stalked” one of my exes for a long time. I never showed up on her door or workplace or anything. Never did anything to break the law. She also never told me to stop contacting her. But I look back at some of the things I said and did years ago and cringe with embarrassment and shame.

Truth is I just wanted closure about something brutally nasty she said to me at the end. She gave me the one of the deepest and most damaging insults I have ever taken from a woman in my life back then. I have had plenty of women say and do horrible things to me before but there was something about different about what she did.

I just wanted her to say: “I didn’t mean that. I was upset and I should have handled that differently. I wish you the best but please go on your way.” I was actually trying to find a way to start that dialogue. But in reality I think I just reinforced her decision to say that by passively stalking her.

Anyway you can’t make things better but only can make things worse if you try to stay in touch with your ex. Especially if they dumped you. And this nagging feeling you have about them really isn’t about them. It’s something you are struggling with that exists outside of them.

Get psychotherapy.

[Asker]

If i stop chaseing him.. do you think he will notice and come back?

[Opinion Owner]

Who has more power in the relationship: the person who is more interested or less interested?

You are NOT helping your chances by chasing him. If anything it’s driving him away. But I get it you want to do something about it and the only thing you can do is nothing. And that’s much easier said than done.

Fortunately women get more wiggle room when it comes to stalkerish behavior than men. He’s most likely annoyed with you but highly unlikely he’s scared/threatened. Cut off all contact and if he reaches out then that means there is a (maybe) a chance. If he doesn’t there isn’t a chance nor ever was one.

I know that’s painful but you want to leave this with SELF RESPECT. Repeat those words to yourself in the mirror “self respect!” That’s what I had to do when I was behaving how I did when I was struggling to move on from my ex. But my issue was really more about closure.

Remember that a part of brain is lying to you right now. It’s likely caught up in a fantasy addiction as there is an anonymous group for that. I highly recommend you look for a SLAA (sex love addicts anonymous) group.

[Opinion Owner]

by the way here are the most likely possible reasons your ex boyfriend hasn’t told you to stop contacting him:

- He’s not in love with you but he feels guilty
- It’s stroking his ego knowing a least one woman out there is still nuts about him
- He sees you as back up plan just in case nothing else works out.
- He cheated on you while you were dating and feels guilt about it. That’s why he never told you to stop contacting him (99% sure this is what my ex did).

Do you really want to be with someone like above?

[ThaMaskedMarvel]

Yes, it definitely does. You have to let him see you with your friends having fun. Then after 3 or 4 weeks of that, you say a small hello to him & ask how he's doing, say your goodbyes. Then, more fun with friends, even guy friends for many months. This is as close as can get you to getting him back. He will have to come to you. If he never comes to you, then he's gone. This trick has no guarantees because who knows that's going on in his head to begin with. Could be any of a thousand things. Good luck.

[Ms_Facesitter]

That's a waste of time. It already lead to a break up so why would he go back if he didn't see a future to begin with?

If there is a small chance for him to come back, chasing probably won't help because you don't give him any room to breathe. I don't want to give you hope, because I think that chasing someone who broke up with you is futile, but it does occur that some people, when angry, need to have space to think and if you keep barging in ruining the peace, he won't have time to think and all the more reason to confirm that his decision was the correct one.

[strawberrybaby3]

Yes. You’re pushing him further and further away. You’re not giving him the chance to become curious about you or miss you. He probably also expects you to chase him. If you do the opposite, you have a better chance at getting him back even though it is not guaranteed.

[Finchie40]

Yes, you are wasting your time , because you are coming off as desperate to him , if he really wanted to work things out with you? , you wouldn’t be chasing for long. You are best just to move on and find someone else

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Yes. What you chase, runs from you ;) That’s an instinct.

Even a bear might run if you charge onto it.

Don’t chase.

[OlderAndWiser]

Why do you want to reunite with someone when it didn't work out the first time?

[Makeushiver]

Yes. My experience has been that once attraction is lost on one end it's a waste of time trying to keep in on life support. One of the least attractive behaviors ion any man/woman is neediness. Not just temporarily distracted but just not interested. If that is your case and you think you might be chasing him; he's liable to be less attracted to you. If the situation is reversed and he is chasing you; that's a tough call. If the breakup was the result of an argument or one time misstep then I believe that can heal & relationship survives. If it is the result of a gradual but unstoppable decline in interest then I wouldn't try any heroic life-saving measures

[avery58]

Yes, don't chase him. Most of them will casually text you after some time, except if you're chasing him. It becomes a big turn off for them and they start to resent you and become disgusted with just the thought of you, which obviously greatly increases the chances of them never wanting to see you again.

Don't force yourself onto anyone anyway.

[Fireguy17]

it probably won't work in most cases.
A lot depends on why you broke up in the first place.
Cheating, lying, drugs, alcohol abuse, stealing, all of those for me a one and done thing.
You will not get a second chance.
If you just drifted apart it might work unless he has already moved on.

[DishLady]

WHY are you chasing ANYONE who either broke up with you or you broke up with them? Please don't do this to yourself...

[Account]

Yes for sure. It makes you look obsessed and desperate and one thing I know for sure is that people do not respect desperate people.

[sheikalana]

Yes. If he initiated the break up and you keep chasing him you're not respecting his boundaries. You're just pushing him away.

[LaurenM1997]

I wouldn’t chase a man who’s broken up with me

[OddBeMe]

Yeah probably. Behavior analysis would say that which is harder to get is most desirable. I think also confucious.

[marshmallowcream]

If you have to chase him , he doesn’t want you

[laly520]

its already ruined

[CriticalCatDad]

I thought all women fear men?

[DrPepper12]

Yes. It's over.

[In_Trance]

you have no chance