I’m breaking up with my girlfriend because she won’t give me sex. Should I tell her the truth?

Question

We have been together for 2 years. She is 30 and I'm 34. I had a previous relationship in which I had sex basically twice a day or once a day and it made me feel satisfied. But in my current relationship we only have sex about once a week and it is absolutely been killing me for the past year. I have tried so hard to make it more romantic and watch a movie or go out together, give her all the space she needs and wants. But it just never really got better for longer than a few days.

I’ve tried to talk to her about it but she has such dumb excuses n lies every time. She even used to be an escort. An even bigger red flag 🚩

Even though she doesn’t want sex. She still wants to spend all her time with me. For example, she wants to go everywhere together, and cuddle n kiss each other to sleep every night. She even tells me “I love you” multiple times every hour and wants to be affectionate. She even wants me to text her regularly and keep my Snapchat location on so she can see where I am. She also gets jealous when I speak to other women.

But mostly says no when it comes to sex. I love her but I can't handle this for the rest of my life to be honest. I broke up with her before and she was really sad. I took her back and she was crazy sexually submissive, but again it was only for a few days.

We are on vacation in Chicago at the moment. We came here for her family reunion. When we come home I’m gonna get rid of her permanently. I have therapy appointments already set up to cope with the coming break up. Should I tell her the reason or just let her go?

Oliverlogan263 · Accepted Answer

Man, that's tough. On one hand, being honest about why you're breaking up is usually best so you both have clarity and she knows not to try to change your mind. But in this case, telling her it's cause of the sex stuff might really embarrass or hurt her feelings.

It sounds like she really cares about you regardless, even if she's not wanting it as much physically lately. Ending things will crush her either way. Maybe it's better in this situation to just say you don't see a future together or have fallen out of love, without throwing her sex drive under the bus. Or if you do tell her, be super gentle about it - like you care about her but have different needs that aren't being met.

The thing is, none of us can make someone want it as much as we do. And I get you've got desires too, but I don't think rejecting her completely is the answer either. Could you try dating other people for a while instead of a full breakup, to take some pressure off but still leave the option open maybe it could work down the line if things change?

Trying to force or guilt her into more sex probably won't go well. And staying bitterly resentful isn't good for either of you long run. I'd go with a kinder version of the truth if you do tell her why, but think hard if fully breaking up is truly the only option here instead of trying other things first. Tough call man, but I'd go easy on her heart if you can.

BetaBucks · Accepted Answer

Dude, she's grossed out by sex because of her past. There's no getting past that. Maybe if you acted like her old pimp, she'd be all over you, but I doubt you have the will to treat someone you love like garbage.

Yes, just be honest with her, but only after you break up. Don't make her feel bullied into trying to fulfill your needs just so the relationship won't end. Even if it works for a few months, it won't last. Just find someone with the same sex drive and enough attraction to you to keep the sex life steady. Maybe work on getting in better shape in the meantime.

Just an FYI I've ended a bunch of relationships without giving an explanation, and occasionally will tell them weeks, or even months later. I wasn't trying to change them so I never tried to explain it during the relationship. You can't change people anyway. You can change yourself and see if that change will motivate different behavior.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

For both of your sakes, its better you break up so she can find what she needs and you can find what you need rather than go on for years and just endure because society says you can't ever change your mind if things aren't working out in a relationship. You've already gone back and it still isn't working, so best I can say is be honest and direct with your meaning, but also try to understand how you'd feel if you were on her end, and avoid being cruel because given her background, there may be something deeper to it that she may need to overcome on her own.

DishLady · Accepted Answer

She possibly just has low sex drive OR doesn't want to be your "submissive" (whatever tf that means to you). Clearly she's not into whatever it is you're expecting of her.

But it's also douchy to expect a girl to just give you sex daily if that's not the relationship you developed between you... Comparing her to someone this way is unhealthy for you and unfair to her.

"Get rid of her permanently" sounds like you'd be doing HER the favor. Get your therapy... you need it.

Finchie40 · Answer

If she is constantly making dumb excuses you are best to end it with her and move on , just be honest with her and tell her you want to be with someone that has similar sexual wants and needs as you do
, so I’m sorry it didn’t work between us and wish her the best. You don’t have to be mean and rude to her , just make it clear to her you want more intimacy and affection with someone that doesn’t make lame excuses

AviatorTom · Answer

A partner deserves a reason why you are breaking up. Tell her.

Stef12 · Answer

Let me tell you something. Escorts have a weird relationship with sex. They've often had trauma in childhood. And she may be associated sex with her past.

She OBVIOUSLY loves you. And wants to express it in other ways. You say she won't give you sex. But then you say it's once a week. A lot of people only do it once a week anyway. To expect her to have sex to keep you happy wouldn't be fair and would you want her to? I know I wouldn't. I would want them to do it because THEY WANTED TO.

You have to ask yourself do you really love them because love is MUCH more than sex. You could be throwing away the best thing you'll ever have just for a few extra sex sessions. Would you rather have someone special and less sex or someone you don't like ad much that gives you sex all day?

Kelley1 · Answer

Since you are not sexually compatible, you should break up with her. Telling her serves no good purpose, If you tell her, rather than lose you, at least for a while, she may have sex more often but mind and body will not be into it and it will not be long before she makes excuses to not have sex again. Besides, if all you require is a non-responsive body, you may as well buy a silicon love doll.

Anonymous · Answer

I suggest communicating honestly.

I don't know why you think her being an escort in past and not wanting sex with you is a red flag. I feel that you think that she chose to be an escort because she loves sex which is not necessarily true. It's a job that pays bills. I am not a mind reader, but she may feel that you only want her for sex. She is used to guys just valuing her for sex I guess and she wants instead for a guy to value her for other things. It concerns me that you mention, "I've tried to talk to her about it but she has such dumb excuses n lies every time" yet you don't elaborate what those excuses and lies are, you expect us to believe you. If you want a proper answer/answer, you need to provide objective answers, not blanket statements.

Also, I don't like your tone: "When we come home I’m gonna get rid of her permanently". Get rid of her like some object?

I think both of you have some growing to do as we all do.

Anonymous · Answer

You weren't clear and made yourself miserable. Wasted an entire year of your lives in the process. You should have been honest about your higher drive when you met and you could have decided together, then, to carry on or not.

foxsquirrell · Answer

Maybe she doesn't want to feel like she is your escort. She might be testing you if you only want her for sex. I think if you find her attractive and you like her you should not leave her.

Anonymous · Answer

yes tell her the truth and see if she wants to stay in a relationship but let you go off with friends with benefits whenever you want. then you can have 2 or 3 girls on the side

Apple1996 · Answer

Escorts tend to have low sex drives so it might be because of that

bannacookies · Answer

2 times a day? Man... Anyway. probably don't tell her the reason why. She might have past trauma & telling the truth may make it worse for her future mental state

Razp_Sorbet · Answer

Man she deserves better and so do you. Clearly your libidos aren't aligned.

Crazzyyworld · Answer

If she doesn’t as an escort she will not be satisfied with one man only. She is a skipper. You are not the only guy in her life. Lose your hope and get rid of her

LiamJHayden · Answer

She has a lower drive than you, and as sex is more improtant to you than the relationship just end it and find someone with the same drive.

noohair · Answer

Telling the truth is best. But it will not change her. She has some psychologial thing going on.

Anonymous · Answer

once a week is actually normal. use your hand on yourself then.

Vegasrunner · Answer

Probably just let her go. Even if you share thr reason she's not going to hear you.

Anonymous · Answer

My ex girlfriend was not having sex with me. She said that I am fat and I have small dick. So she used her vibrator. Later I found her naked with one trans.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Leave her, she deserves better.

Anonymous · Answer

true question is if you should stop trolling

Unit1 · Answer

Yes. Its better than lying or ghosting

OfDeath · Answer

Break up immediately.

strateguy632 · Answer

Nope.

Anonymous · Answer

Better than my last relationship

Mad836362738 · Answer

Yes.

I’m breaking up with my girlfriend because she won’t give me sex. Should I tell her the truth?

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