I wished my ex birthday but Im still hurt for what he did and didn't get proper closure, should I let it out before no contact again?

[Anonymous]

We broke up since June this year. He hurt me with harsh words in the end. He didn't even apologize and reach out to me within months. But I still love and care about him. His birthday I wished :

Happy Birthday. Wherever u are, i always pray for ur happiness & success. U still mean everything to me & i care about u. I’ll always cherish every memory we had. I hope u have a memorable birthday with ur family this year.

He replied :

Hey thank you :), normally i’d wish you success and great future, but you already have those. so i wish your health. take care.

I feel relieved of wishing but its just I still didn't get proper closure and Im still hurt with the things he said to me in the end before this. Could I let it out to let my wound heal? Maybe it would help me to feel better after letting it out although he doesn't care.

[Oliverlogan263]

Dang, that's a tough situation, girl. I can totally understand why you're still feeling hurt even after reaching out for his birthday. Not getting that proper closure can really mess with your emotions, y'know?

I think it's understandable if you wanna let out how you're still feeling about the way he ended things. Holding all that in can be draining, and it might help you start to heal if you get it off your chest, even if he doesn't really care.

Just be careful though, 'cause you don't wanna end up regretting opening up that wound again, ya feel me? If you do decide to let him know how you're still hurting, maybe try to do it in a way that's more about you and your feelings, rather than blaming him. That might make it easier to get the closure you need without dragging up more drama.

At the end of the day, you gotta do what's best for you. If keeping no contact is gonna be healthier in the long run, then stick to that. But if you think letting him know how you feel will help you move on, then go for it. Just protect yourself first, girl.

[Asker]

alright thank you for your kind advice 🥺

[Asker]

i didn't text him anything but he suddenly texted me recently : ‘ Hi, i just wanted to let you know, you did everything great to treat me right, it was never your fault.
im in the wrong here i’ll admit, but its for the better of us, i was scared to be the one bringing your life down, you had everything you ever wanted in your life except a successful person.
You can make that dream come true now without me.

Im sorry i lied to you about my education, im sorry i lied about everything else, i always lied to you,
but one thing i didn't lie is i did loved you, unfiltered, i really did loved you.

i hope you dont put too much blame on yourself, please just move on from me,
one day i hope our paths cross in the future and i wish we could talk again as friends.’

Does it mean he still have feelings for me? Does it mean he want us to be friends now and soon if everytbing’s okay, we will be how we used to?

[Oliverlogan263]

Woah, girl, that's a lot to process! The fact that he randomly reached out to you like that, unprompted, definitely seems like he still has some unresolved feelings for you. The way he's taking responsibility and apologizing for the lies is a pretty big deal too.

It definitely sounds like he still cares about you, even if he's telling you to move on. The part about hoping your paths cross in the future and being able to talk as friends is a bit of a mixed signal - he's kind of giving you that glimmer of hope, you know?

My take is that he still has feelings for you, but for whatever reason, he feels like he needs to let you go. Maybe he's worried about holding you back or not being good enough for you. But the fact that he's acknowledging his mistakes and saying he truly loved you is pretty big.

I think you're going to have to really sit with this and figure out what you want. Do you still have feelings for him too? Do you think you could rebuild a friendship down the line? Or is it just too painful and you need to move on for real?

Whatever you decide, just be honest with yourself about what will be best for your healing and growth. Don't jump back into anything unless you're completely sure it's what you want. Your happiness and well-being have to come first, girl.

If you do decide you want to try being friends eventually, make sure to set really clear boundaries and expectations. Take things slow and focus on rebuilding trust. But if that's too much, don't be afraid to cut ties completely. You deserve to be with someone who can fully commit to you.

Sending you all the positive vibes, sis. This is a lot to unpack, but you've got this. Trust your instincts and do what feels right for you. Wishing you all the best!

[Asker]

awwww ur words are very kind :( i appreciate it a lot. i hope everything will be fine. its just it will be sad if he reached out but dont want to have any friendship or relationship now. i still have feelings for him and im really ready to be a better person. i hope this is not going to be one sided

[Anonymous]

Please stop it, okay? You only want to drag things out because you aren’t ready for it to be over when it is. You say you want closure, from what? He isn’t sorry and you can make him be. Once you took the initiative to reach out to wish him happy bday then spilled your guts about how much you miss and love him, that’s basically you waving the white flag saying no hard feelings, so you missed your chance for another talk no matter what. Let it go, move on, because that’s what he’s doing.

[Asker]

hey :( alright. its just im still hurt seeing how he didn't reach out and apologize within those months but i still care to wish him happy birthday. i feel relieved since i overtbink almost everyday to wish him or not. but im happy i did since it helps me feel relieved. i just want him to know that i still care about him and i dont want to regret if i dont wish in case i dont move on next year.

[Asker]

it’s just i dont want him to think im okay for the things he said to me in the end but before this i did let it out how he hurt me but he didn't care :( i just dont want him to think its settled and im okay with the things i feel hurt. or he will feel regret soon? maybe im like this cause i didn't get any apology from him :( hope u could give any opinion regarding this that would help me to feel better. i would appreciate since i need it the most.

[Opinion Owner]

I understand what you’re going through and I’m sorry to hear it, I’ve been there before too and that’s why I say to please stop. Mainly because what if he’s never sorry, you know? Like if he doesn’t feel wrong in the situation then he won’t apologize just to give you closure. I think you need to redirect your focus by taking accountability for your part so you can move on. You decide how much or how little accountability you take, but you must take some because no matter why you did it, you still stuck with him when you should not have. The red flags were there after a certain point, but you justified all this in order to be with him, when you should’ve said goodbye. Now you have to make peace with your choices so you can forgive yourself for them. I know you want closure from him, I mean isn’t that ideal? To have him say sorry and maybe even beg you back and rekindle things, then he acts like the best man, that’s a great fantasy huh? Sorry but we don’t always get closure from the guy, so we have to find it for ourselves by doing whatever work we need to do to heal the wounds.

[Asker]

aww thank you for your kind words :( he treated me like really well compared to my first ex. its just in the relationship, sometimes he doesn't understand me when im sad. he did love me but then he lost feelings like i mean nothing to him :( thats why it’s hard for me to move on. we had really good memories together. his pasts cheated on him. i did love him genuinely, put more effort and loyal to him but im hurt, in the end he treated me with harsh words but he ended in good term with his exes. he hurt me on my birthday in May.

[Asker]

but would he regret for doing this to someone who genuinely loves him :( i cried non stop after receiving his reply. i know its better than i expected. its just i feel really down how he didn't feel sorry for what he did. i just want him to know how hurtful it is :( would he realise soon? :(

[Opinion Owner]

Putting all those eye rolls look very passive aggressive when there’s really no need, that’s why I clarified before I’m not trying to offend. It isn’t mean or wrong for me to say that when the red flags happened you should’ve been done, like when you noticed he was losing interest. Of course I’m sorry it came to this, I know it hurts but once you make peace with everything you can move on. You don’t need his closure or his pity, you can find closure on your own.

[Asker]

i hope i can move on without his apology. its sad seeing he changed 360. would u think he realised soon :(? i dont have revenge but i just want him to realise in the future. compared to his pasts, i love him genuinely and treat him better. but its sad that he didn't appreciate me and hurt me in the end like i mean nothing. hm :(

[Opinion Owner]

What do you want him to realize?

[Asker]

i just want him to realise he hurt someone who genuinely love him

[Opinion Owner]

It sounds like he knows he hurt you he just doesn’t care because he doesn’t think he’s wrong. If he were to apologize it would only be as a favor to make you feel better, he’s not going to mean it and that alone would hurt your feelings even more.

[Asker]

hi, i didn't text him anything but he suddenly texted me : ‘ Hi, i just wanted to let you know, you did everything great to treat me right, it was never your fault.
im in the wrong here i’ll admit, but its for the better of us, i was scared to be the one bringing your life down, you had everything you ever wanted in your life except a successful person.
You can make that dream come true now without me.

Im sorry i lied to you about my education, im sorry i lied about everything else, i always lied to you,
but one thing i didn't lie is i did loved you, unfiltered, i really did loved you.

i hope you dont put too much blame on yourself, please just move on from me,
one day i hope our paths cross in the future and i wish we could talk again as friends.’

Does it mean he still have feelings for me? Does it mean he want us to be friends now and soon if everytbing’s okay, we will be how we used to?

[Anonymous]

I know you want to pour your heart out in hopes of getting closure but trust me, you won’t get it. You’ll only be digging up old wounds, it seems like you’re still harboring the pain rather than letting it slowly subside. Plus you guys are broken up, he’s not obligated to reach out to you anymore.

Also, how do you think he’s going to react if you do decide to let out your feelings?

[kylee2437]

This is selfish on your part. You reached out with conditions that he was unaware of, and pretended to care about something that you don’t actually care about. He doesn’t owe you closure, and he doesn’t you anything, especially on his own birthday.

[Asker]

im not being selfish :( u never knew how hurt it is. i still care and love him and i did wish him genuinely. its just it still hurts me. i just want a closure. i wanted to let it out at first to heal my wound. maybe u shouldn't respond if u dont understand my situation.

[kylee2437]

It is selfish. You only reached out to benefit your own feelings, not because you actually care about his. And if you actually liked him, you wouldn’t have waited until his birthday to mention such feelings. You are making his day about you and that is the most selfish thing a person can do