Why is it that when girls break up with you or get broken up with. They can't be mature and start being rude?

[Anonymous]

Like me and my ex of a few years just broke up and im trying to grab my things from the house we shared and now she's being extremely rude. We literally broke up for no reason. She literally attacked me and I walked away and she got mad I didn't hit back. She mad because I left immediately after being hit , that's the reason we broke up smh.

[RandomGirl42]

So your question really has nothing to do with what you want to tell us. You want to tell us about a 300 pound girl with mental and emotional issues who is prolly having some type of problem adjusting to meds. I am not condoning her behaviour but that might explain some of it. And then it also sounds like you want validation for it. No one should be in an abusive relationship but you don't need us to tell u that. But maybe at least check in on her, sounds like she might need some actual medical help.

[Asker]

Yea I did and yes I know she's adjusting to the meds. But it the fact that I try to say that she's wrong for hitting me and instead she says she never did and wanted to break up cuz I wanted space from the situation.

[HollyK21]

You did absolutely nothing but she beat your ass and left you? I call intentional bias @Abbycado 😒

[Asker]

So your on the abusers side cool. She's has bpd, but we were literally just chilling she start kicking me i ask her to stop several times then she gets on top of me and try to suffocate me so I push her off and leave that was it

[HollyK21]

Nope, I’m on the truths side. We only get your side of this, not hers, and you provided no explanation for her outburst, just painted her to be crazy as shit out of nowhere. That doesn’t make sense neither does this story.

[Asker]

She has bpd thats how she acts. So if she told you something youd automatically believe her. She tried to say she was playing fighting but I don't do that and if I say stop you stop

[HollyK21]

And she’s never shown signs of this before? Just randomly went from one extreme to the other and broke up with you in the midst of it? I have an ex who was Autistic and had BPD, and while I know every case is different, he never just woke up one day and decided he was gonna attack, verbally abuse and then leave me without any sign of this behavior prior. There were signs, I just made excuses for them.

[Asker]

It gets worse the older they get thats why she's on medication for it and its getting better. No she wasn't like that before it just started getting bad

[HollyK21]

It just started within that day and moment? You’re already anonymous so let’s just be honest. Even if the signs started within the month, the week, anything, there’s been things leading up to that moment. No matter how big or small, something else has happened before this whole explosive ass beating and breakup.

[Asker]

Just a question do you think women can't be abusers? Are women only victims? Because I've told you what happened but you seem to think oo i must the attacker. Also no one deserves to get hit male or female

[Asker]

The story is that we've been together for years on and off she had bpd so she goes through waves she always has split personalities. So id try to be with her but then she'd forget who I am and not want to be with me until im gone for months then want to be together. Then I found another girlfriend and I told her I will be with you if we can actually work together and be together and I chose her. But I do now bpd gets worse with age so there is that as well

[HollyK21]

I’d really love for you to point out where in any of my statements I shifted blame onto you or even insinuated that you were the attacker. You can’t because that’s not the case. All I’ve done is ask questions about what exactly happened because I wanna know how a woman just wakes up and decides she’s going to beat her boyfriend and leave him. Now that you’ve given me more context we can conclude that this in fact was not the case but there has been ongoing issues between you two for years. It’s been your personal decision to go through all the motions with this woman year after year, despite knowing she’s on the spectrum and despite knowing she’s got “split personalities”. You seem to be one of those people who only share the aspects of the story that’ll make them look like the victim when there’s really more to it. No, she should never have hit you and putting your hands on anyone, man or woman, in anything other than self defense is WRONG. It just never should’ve gotten to that point in the first place.

[Asker]

Your saying someone else must have happened before the beating. But nothing did that's part of her bpd and split personalities. One day she's fine and the next day she attacks. One day she wants to be together then the next she doesn't.

[HollyK21]

I never said anything happened before she hit you, I ASKED what led up to that fight (used caps because I can’t italicize for emphasis so don’t take it personal). It seems like being asked questions puts you in defense mode rather than trying to understand all this on an unbiased level, and if that’s what you’re gonna do then why did you post here? Wasn’t it to gain outside perspective?

If you really want to understand, you should be open to looking at the situation from different angles other than only the angles that you want us to see. As I figured, there were layers to this situation, years of layers, and it wasn’t just a perfectly fine/stable relationship until one day she woke up and decided it was time to hit you and breakup. Nothing is wrong with looking outside of your own perspective, if you didn’t then how would you learn anything?

I get it — one day she’s this way and one way she’s that way, but these are all factors and traits your were privy to before all this and you still stayed with her. Make all the justifications that you want but like I said, it never had to get to that point. For as toxic as you think she was I bet she’d have a lot to say about how you treated her in the relationship as well. You two should’ve hung it up years ago but decided to push and push until it got volatile. Your biggest takeaway from this should be to leave when you see the signs.

[Asker]

Because from your first response you said your on truths side? Why would I come on here and make up a story. I came here to ask for opinions. But I should have stated she had bpd. But again its gets worse with age and no she was not this before. She woke up one day and started getting super crazy so thats why we went to the doctor and put her on the pills which helped a bit sometimes. I was only upset at the fact that she wanted to be the victim for hitting me. All I wanted was a little space after and to come back when she had calmed down

[Asker]

Sorry if I had misinterpreted what you were saying. I do have epilepsy and autism so sometimes I misinterpret information and thanks for the insight

[HollyK21]

Saying I’m on the truth’s side doesn’t mean I’m calling you a liar or saying that you’re making things up. If you read the the rest of what I said within that same statement you’ll notice I explained by saying we are only getting your side and your side only provided the context and worked in your favor. You purposefully left out key pieces of information because all you want is validation and affirmation. You can still get those things while also taking accountability for your part in how things got to this point. You repeatedly side-sweep me saying that there are layers to this situation and that there’s more to the story. This wasn’t a perfectly healthy/unproblematic relationship until one day she decided to lash out at you. I don't know why you’re having such a hard time addressing that without turning it back to being all about you. That isn’t a productive way of unpacking traumatic or tumultuous events like a messy breakup or a volatile connection.

[HollyK21]

**the context that worked in your favor

[capriVib]

This behavior convincing herself she is right and avoiding accountability is a defense mechanism. By suppressing past good memories and exaggerating your flaws, she rewrites history to prevent any feelings of guilt.

[Asker]

Very true she does that a lot she never owns up to anything

[jahaims]

You were dating someone immature it has nothing to do with gender. Someone who is immature is going to act immature obviously.

[Bitter_Sweet94]

It’s not a “girl” thing.

Some people just don’t handle rejection or endings well.

Hurt turns into defensiveness, and defensiveness turns into rude behavior.

It’s immaturity, not gender.

[Asker]

Yea for sure immaturity and it something small happens that makes her upset she just hits. Then says your strong you can take it. Im just a little girl mind you she's 5'6 300 pounds

[Bitter_Sweet94]

That’s not “being a little girl,” that’s crossing a line.

Size doesn’t matter, hitting your partner isn’t cute, playful, or justified.

That’s not immaturity anymore, that’s unhealthy behavior.

You don’t have to villainize her, but you also don’t have to pretend that’s normal.

[Anonymous]

"We literally broke up for no reason"

"that's the reason we broke up smh"

You're smert.

[Nikki1989]

“We literally broke up for no reason.”

There is always a reason. Men never like to take any responsibility for anything they do, and we have another example.

[Asker]

So it's okay if a woman hits a man and I don't know why you respond to posts but never reply

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

“We literally broke up for no reason.”
“She literally attacked me.”
Yeah, there’s a lot of context we’re missing here.

[Asker]

She has bpd. Literally nothing happened we were chilling and she started kicking at me and I told her to stop several times then tries to get on top of me and suffocate me. Then I push her off and she gets upset and says she didn't do anything so I left

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Bipolar or borderline personality?

[Asker]

Both

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Okay, and has this been a common thing with all of your girlfriends?

[Asker]

No just her but she's on medication

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

So it’s just this one girl you have a problem with?

[Asker]

Yes just her. I've only ever been in one other relationship that lasted 13 years. I've been with her for 6 going on 7

[Asker]

She's also getting spilt personalities

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

And you’ve broken up, so I don’t see a problem

[Anonymous]

Nice woman you picked out there. LOL