He took our breakup so well...

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I of two years broke up a few days ago. We've been in a long distance relationship for a while now since he moved and eventually the distance was just too much; so I ended. That was obviously a very hard situation anyways. What surprisingly hurt the most was how cool he was about it. He was all "I just want you to be happy" and "I'm totally fine-don't worry" and "We're still friends" and "You know me, I never get upset."

Now I'm not one to be dramatic in the first place but the end of a relationship with a guy I still love after two years had me choked up and pretty upset (rightfully so!).

But he was all James Dean about it.

So of course I start James Dean-ing it because now I feel like a fool for being the only one hurting and so we're friends.

But today I went on his online page and it's just full of girls he's been talking too since we broke up...and it looks like some before.

I felt like I'd been kicked in the stomach.

I mean it happened DAYS ago. And not only was he totally fine but he's already chatting up other girls?

I have to stop myself from thinking about him 24/7!

Is this normal? He's always been a friendly guy who's attracted a lot of girl attention (he's good looking and very sweet) so him having female friends is nothing new but this is different...

It's not like I wanted him to hurt or expected him to just stop his life and pine for me...but still. I expected some sort of reaction.

Do all guys act like this after a breakup? Or does he really just not care?

[jeremy20]

I'll answer your questions by judging your ex based upon your description above.

Everybody takes breakups differently...some better than others, some worse. First, to answer your question, no, not all guys act like this. After my relationship ended with my girlfriend of 8 years (engaged for 3), I was depressed and cried every night before bed for months. My situation was a bit different than yours, since it involved cheating on her part causing me to be angry, but still...I took it bad. Unlike you guys, we're no longer friends. With that, there are plenty of guys who are crushed after break ups. Believe it or not, we can love too lol.

This is either one of two things: 1) He is choked up, and just not showing it (such as most guys do) OR 2) he has wanted this for some time.

My honest opinion is that he has wanted this for quite some time and the fact that it was long distance supports my theory. I don't mean to put thoughts in your head, but you have no idea who he's been with or what he's done. You said it yourself, it seems he's been talking to girls for quite some time. That's because he has. Even though he might have been physically faithful, he may have been getting attention from other girls, which I consider emotional cheating.

I think this guy's a jerk. If he truly cared for you, he wouldn't have been "we can still be friends" because when exes are friends, its because its a mutual breakup...meaning he wanted this too. I will re-iterate, this is just my theory...not saying this is true, but I do think this guy is shady.

I honestly believe that exes can't be friends, but that's a completely different topic. My suggestion is to stop looking at his Facebook friends...block him if you have to. If you don't wanna be friends, its okay...let your association with him go (unless you don't want to), but if you want to get past this, you need to move on from the jealousy you're facing with these other girls.

I've been there, and it sucks...you love them after years and all of a sudden it seems you mean nothing to them, but you'll see in weeks, maybe even months, that you're better off without him. I wish you the best of luck.

[Asker]

Thank you. I mean what you said kind of sucked and I'm crushed but I needed to hear it. And what you said last is pretty much exactly how I feel. He never seemed like the cheating type (very smart and into school, JROTC, very religious family; his father's a pastor) and though I don't believe he ever actually cheated physically, the fact that he's been talking to other girls like this makes me feel just as betrayed. Which I guess in a way is good...getting over it is easier if I have some anger.

[Asker]

I'm very sorry about what happened with you and your fiance by the way. Also, I didn't mean to imply that guys can't love...of course they can. Sorry if that came off a little ignorant. I was just wondering in general how guys take these situations and if my situation was the norm.

Thanks again. I voted you Best Answer.

[jeremy20]

Anger makes it easier, just don't let it consume you (sounds cliche I know lol). Go through the regular break up routines...do things you enjoy, hang with friends, blah blah blah. Keep your values and you'll be good. You have my utmost respect for breaking it off such as you did...its rare because today I think a lot of people (girls and guys) would just cheat if they werent happy. Good luck and hope you find someone you deserve. In the mean time, enjoy being single lol.

[Asker]

I wouldn't. I can't just hate someone I was with that long but remembering why I was unhappy and broke it off helps keep me sane when I get emotional. But yeah, I'll be fine. Just gotta get through the worst of it. And I couldn't have cheated on him...well I could but I'm not that kind of person. Lol anyway thanks and I will. Best of luck to you too!

[LilRedHead]

Some people just take breakup differently than others. I'm sure he does care, but now that he's single he's just taking advantage of it. It's no offense to you, but maybe he was feeling the diminishing affection towards you as well? A lot of times most guys don't like showing their emotions as well and they will often hide it. For now, just take it as it is and go through the breakup/recovery cycle. Besides, look at it this way: you can start dating men now too. Just don't jump into a rebound right away! :) Best of luck!

[Asker]

Thanks, I appreciate the advice. You're right. And no worries lol I'm not the rebound type.

[Anonymous]

Tbh it sounds like he doesn't care and was already used to it or already accepted that it was going to happen. That's why he was so, whatever about it.

But really, please don't think about that, the fact that it's over and it would seem clearer now that there's another good reason that it's over as it doesn't seem so true... sorry! But yeah, don't think about it! Turn to your logical side instead of your emotional side for now.

[Asker]

Yeah, you're probably right. I'm usually a really logical person about things like this but he was the first guy I ever fell in love with. It's harder than I thought :/ thanks though. I appreciate it.