Why am I sad over my ex boyfriend graduating?

[Anonymous]

I am sad because my ex boyfriend is graduating college? advice?

Please do not judge me or be mean. I am not the only one who cares and possibly love their ex.I graduated from college two years ago. We are not together and we do not speak, but I think I am sad because I can not be with him as his girlfriend. He broke up with me before he went to college and said how he wanted to be with me in the future. I am just sad...and do not know why? advice please?

Updates

+1 y

The circumstances was going away to college (long distance relationship). He said he wanted focused on himself.

[journeyman1126]

Try just getting in touch and having lunch, to catch up.

There's no problem with a girl getting in touch with her ex like this. Feel things out and see if he's available or not, and then be happy with the friend zone if he's taken.

If he's free, see if there's still a spark. Feel your self out to see if this is one of those situations where you think about that first reunion kiss, and in your imagination it goes flat.

What matters most is how you feel. Sounds selfish but it's a lot nicer to get back together with an old girlfriend when she's excited to see me, and enthusiastic about being with me.

Here's some good advice for getting in touch (or not) with old flames: aim for realistic expectations. Keep the flame alive but controllable. What may be a fond memory for you may have slipped his mind entirely. Or vice versa.

So try for some small communication or contact. And don't expect too much. If something happens, great. If not, no big deal. Consider it nice to let him know you're proud of him for finishing college. Wish him luck. There's no risk in that.

Don't go planning a romantic getaway, just plan a nice get-together.

Good luck.

[Asker]

I saw him recently and he smiled at me.

[martyfellow]

Part of our ow life was invested in him, and you are also passing a milestone as he graduates. It's only natural to want to see him at such a time, and to remember your times together.

Why not contact him and see if you can have an informal get-together, as friends?

[Asker]

naw...that is not going to happen. I wish he will contact me though...i wish him the best though...i just have to move on because he actually ended the relationship. I am just praying god sends me the right person who going to be with for good.

[martyfellow]

UPDATE; Why give up so easily when there wasn't a bitter fighting break-up, just (temporary) long distance?

[Deft_maiden]

Because the future is now here and he still isn't with you. Your hopes of reuniting with him is diminishing. That is why you are sad. You still have feelings for him

[MrOracle]

It's because you've been living the past this whole time, with false hope that you'd eventually get back together, and now, finally, you're starting to face the reality of the situation.

Relationships are about RIGHT NOW, not about the past or even the future. If RIGHT NOW isn't working, then there is no real point in the relationship. Most people seem to have to learn this lesson the hard way, as you did, but what's important is that you DO learn the lesson, because some people never do, and waste many, many good years of their life waiting for something that's never going to happen, and along the way, pass up on many other good opportunities.

For your sake, don't repeat this mistake. When a relationship is over, it's OVER, and there's no going back.

[why-makoto-kun]

Damn straight! +100

[Confucius16]

Your are sad because you still have feelings for him, and you remember the good times you used to have. You feel left out that you can't be with him. That's perfectly normal. But it doesn't make sense that he would break up with you because he wanted to be with you in the future. That sounds like something someone would say to get around the topic of breaking up.

[Asker]

You may be right but sometimes people are not ready to be with someone (bad timing). This is something he had always told me...before the break up

[Confucius16]

I agree. Sometimes people don't feel that it is the right time. I understand that happens sometimes. I wrote my last two sentences because I wasn't sure which one it was, so you can ignore my last two sentences.

But it makes sense that you would miss him. It shows that you're a caring person who doesn't forget about people that easily.

[Asker]

aww thanks...i wished he would recognize that but some guys dont.

[Confucius16]

Still, I would never break up with someone over bad timing or whatever. I know this happened to you, but when he broke up with you like that, that is not going to make you feel better. It's kind of hurtful. People often promise that it's not the right time, but at some future date, they feel they can break their promises. The problem is that there should be a better reason than "it's not the right time". Can you explain the circumstances and submit it in your description above?

[Confucius16]

I see. He could have maintained the relationship over long distance though. That would have prevented you from being sad. Still, what are the chances that you will be able to get back together with him?

[Asker]

its not looking good (

[why-makoto-kun]

I agree, Confucius. I think he wanted to explore other options.

[Confucius16]

I know relationships are about right now, but that doesn't mean it's easy to forget about pain from previous relationships. Perhaps it's better to find someone that is unflinching in his resolve to be with you.

[Asker]

Could you restate this? I do not understand? Perhaps it's better to find someone that is unflinching in his resolve to be with you.

[Confucius16]

If you ever get over this guy (unless you have a good chance to get back with him), try to find someone that will stay with you no matter what, through good times and bad times. Someone that is loyal and devoted (not in a bad way).

[onlyaguy]

It sounds like you miss him, and maybe are sad because you perceive his graduation as meaning he is moving on in a more significant way.

Have you contacted him to congratulate him? That would be nice, and would be an opportunity to see if he might still have some interest. Good luck to you.

[Asker]

somewhat true

[born2bwild]

did he move on I mean does he have a girlfriend now? and how about u? are you seeing someone or have seen someone in between? are you still in contact? why don't you try to sort it out? text him and congratulate him for his success. and try to meet him and talk about it.

[awakensoul92]

You feel sad because everyone's situations have changed. You associate your ex with familiar memories of the past and how things used to be. But after a big life change, you can no longer re-live those times. The best thing for you to do is to move on and stop dwelling on the past.

[Anonymous]

I just found ouy my ex-gf graduated yesterday and it broke my heart again...
I feel like crying a river again, but the tears won't come out :/
It's been a year since she broke up with me, but six months since we stopped talking with me.
I am just sad I couldn't be there with here, and my chest feels empty again...
Of course I think about her everyday, I didn't stop loving her, she did.
And I have tried to move on, do different things, learn stuff, try new things, but I have been doing this while feeling empty inside all the time. I just do it (living, trying new things) because I can do it...

I am not sure if there is a way out of this, and probably I'm not asking for an answer... I just feel so terribly bad, so fucking empty and in so much pain, that I wanted to write this...

Still, words are powerful and never a word of advice is a leftover :/

Thank you if you read this...

[BCRanger10]

What you said makes sense. You want to share in that happiness and success with him. I won't say that you don't want to see him happy, but you don't want him to be happy WITHOUT YOU. Does that make sense?

[Asker]

kinda

[Everclear]

You're sad because of the memories. I have lots of great memories with my ex and I still care for her. When I see her somewhere with her boyfriend, I keep wishing it was me and also regretting the fact that I didn't have the opportunity to do things different. We cling to old memories because unlike people, memories never change.

[beastman88]

to me it seems like you don't like the fact that he's blossoming. or just doing so with out you. anyway you slice you should be proud that he doesn't have to work some crap min wage job anymore. my advice, be happy for him and get over it

[blackkid2]

It probably just brings up the subconscious which heard "In the future" and you realize that isn't occurring. It's just a prolonged loss. Normal.

[blackkid2]

Oh, a two word answers "Broken Promise".

[blackkid2]

I win.

[Asker]

how?

[blackkid2]

Let's just say that humans follow specific patterns.

[RealDeal]

Let go and try to move on.

link

[istill316]

That's OK. Be sad. You don't have to know why. :o)

And then when you are done being sad, be happy! You've got a life to live all to your own, to share with whomever you please.

[Prof_Don]

Sometimes emotions are almost impossible to describe in words...just let the emotion os sadness / regret pass. With relationships, they always do with time or until you find someone else.

[Anonymous]

It seems that you miss the times that you've shared together, and the fact that you might not see him again.

[Anonymous]

its been 2 years get over him.

[Asker]

Its been two years? are you sure? well thank you for being so rude. I am only human. Thank you you have a nice day.