My boyfriend messaged another girl.

Me and my boyfriend have been together 8 months and the majority of our time together has been great, although back in October we had a really rough patch where he failed to turn up on dates, didn't bother answering his phone or replying to texts and just in general was a douche. So in the end he said he wasn't sure if he wanted to be with me anymore coming up with excuses like, we're too different and I deserve better than him etc. (this lasted about 10 days.) In the meantime I noticed him talking to a girl during the whole month we were having this rough patch.

We are still together and are a lot better and happier now but I've always felt curious as to what he said to this girl and if he still bothered with her, so today he said to me to go on his laptop for a bit as something to do while he was cleaning his room. He left Facebook on and I clicked on the girls name so the conversation popped up, I read about half of their conversations and the majority were OK except certain messages where he called her hot, sent loads of kisses, wished that she was there, she mentioned to him 'if I ever did go round to your house it's not like we could do anything could we...?' and he said we could have a cheeky spoon, then she said he shouldn't talk to her the way he does and he said he can. They haven't talked properly since this happened, she tried messaging him when we were back to normal at the beginning of November but he didn't reply.

I know it's wrong to snoop but at the same time she's always been a question mark that I wanted to know the answer to and now that I have found out I feel so let down that I tried so hard during that time and it still wasn't enough and to think that he had obviously talked about her going round to his house made me feel sick. We have been fine recently, no arguments and just getting on with life and neither of us have looked at other people. I just don't know whether this is something to keep to the back of my mind or bring up? :(

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Most Helpful Guy

  • It's not wrong to snoop, the government does it all the time and it's ok!

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What Guys Said 1

  • Meh. Nothing actually happened between him and her, whereas something actually *has* happened between you and him, yes?

    This is not the hill you want your relationship to die on.

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What Girls Said 1

  • See, this is why isn't not a good idea to snoop because now you're feeling insecure. This can cause problems again in your relationship. The facts are: Yes, he messaged her and part of the convo was inappropriate. However, you need to consider his actions: He has been in contact with her since the rough patch, even when she contacted him. In addition, he had to have been working on the relationship since you said it has improved.

    My advice is this, he seems to be better and so were you. Don't mix the pot again and reek havoc when there's no point. Forget what you saw, what you read. Focus on maintaining the relationship. Unless his actions show you otherwise don't question your bf.

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