Why Self-Proclaimed "Nice Guys/Girls" Are Still Single

[Anonymous]

So you’re a nice person and you're still single. What gives? You’d do anything to make someone happy, unlike all the asshole/bitchy guys and girls who seem to so easily get dates. Why are you having no luck?

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Being Nice Isn’t Good Enough

While being nice is certainly a positive trait, it doesn’t automatically guarantee you to a perfect love life, nor should it; it’s important to offer more things to the table.

Are you boring? Too agreeable? Do you not have a lot of interesting things to say? Are you socially awkward? Very reserved? Are you a pushover?

Look deep inside yourself (figuratively), and try to figure out what’s holding you back so that you can tackle it head on. This is going to take a lot of self-awareness.

Are you unemployed or don’t have a lot going on in your life? Do you spend all day on the computer?

How is your sense of style? Are you in shape?

Are your standards too high? If they are, it's important to adjust your expectations to more a realistic level in order to have dating success.

Strive to be the best version of you that you can be, and dating will be easier.

[ThisDudeHere]

I'm not a self-proclaimed nice guy but objectively speaking I would consider myself to be 'nice' per se. But the reason I'm single is because of no social interaction, not because I have these stereotypical 'nice-guy' attributes.

But yeah I agree, most nice-guys think that being nice is enough when they are forgetting that they lack multiple other qualities. But what I find kind of archaic is that women typically don't have the qualities they themselves demand from men - confidence, charisma and etc.

[myTake Owner]

Thanks for your comment. I agree that girls with archaic mindsets like you described are absolutely ridiculous. No one should just mindlessly expect what they can't even dish out, ya know? Sensible women with realistic expectations do exist, though.

[circlebill]

It's very true what you're saying! A fairly decent looking woman can have the personality of a zombie ans still be widely accepted by the opposite sex!

[Anonymous]

I consider myself to be nice and I'm single but that doesn't mean that all single and nice person sits on their ass all day and wonder "why me?"

[FreeYourSoul]

True that!

[evenlift]

Don't worry. She's not really targeting 'nice girls'. She's targeting 'nice guys'. She just doesn't want to be accused of sexism.

[ThisIsAUserNameFact]

@evenlift lol

[bloodmountain1990]

I think the whole nice but is irrelevant, in my case at least. My issue is I'd have dates with girls that I'd see as relationship material and we'd hit it off on a date or two then I'd never hear back from them after. It's like I don't know if I did too much or too little and it's hard to find what the problem is when you don't see one. Being nice doesn't have anything to do with it.

[clampfan101]

Are you boring?
Too agreeable?
Do you not have a lot of interesting things to say?
Are you socially awkward?
Very reserved?
Are you a pushover?
Are you unemployed or don’t have a lot going on in your life?
Do you spend all day on the computer?
How is your sense of style?
Are you in shape?
Are your standards too high? If they are, it's important to adjust your expectations to more a realistic level in order to have dating success.

I shall answer these questions;
Am I...
• Boring?
Not that I'm aware of.
• Too agreeable?
I don't know how a person can be TOO agreeable, but ya. I suppose I would be considered so if someone can be.
• Lacking interesting things to say?
Well, that's the opinion of the people I'm talking to. Though like I said, I never seem to bore people.
• Socially awkward?
I suppose I am easily paranoid about interrupting people when I want to talk to someone already talking to someone else.
• Very reserved?
Yes and no. I'm shy and bad at starting conversations, but when I am talking to someone I'll let them know just about anything they ask about me.
• A pushover?
I know I'm no "mr. tough guy", but it's been forever since I felt any "pushy" sort of feel. I've lived a very very casual life these days.
• Unemployed?
Yes. I have epilepsy, which can cause seizures unexpectedly and is hurting my memory's capabilities... This is why it's just been impossible, and why I'm getting plans for a brain surgery atm.
• Lacking much going on in my life?
As I said, my life has been very casual. Like I said, no job. No friends, to be honest. (shy and bad with names and faces) And no school. (graduated from high school, and no chance for college yet)
• On the computer all day?
If you include watching TV and playing video games, than ya. Pretty much.
• How is my sense of style?
No real clue. I've never been complimented for it, nor have I been insulted. (except for the typical grade-school insults I had for my glasses. lol)
• In shape?
I feel I look average. What about you?
• Too highly standard?
Not in the least.

[MargaritaPeach]

Agree with most of this. I also think we put unrealistic expectations on relationships. No one is ever going to hand us a gift-wrapped box containing an incredibly attractive specimen of the opposite sex who is drawn to us, great in bed, intelligent, wealthy, and compliments our personality. Doesn't work that way. How about if we just go OUT into the world, make our way through life doing things that we love that hopefully also make this world a better place to be, and be content with the relationships we form as we go along? Expecting one person to transform us, complete us, and satisfy us on every level is a pretty tall order.

[nileve]

I am having no luck because I do things backwards

1-sex
2-lovers
3-friends

besides that i talk about sex a lot which gives off the impression that all i want is sex even though I don't have a high sex drive its lower than normal except when it comes to masturbating I enjoy having sex with myself..

i have a boyfriend we are going to be together for two years this oct we don't have sex often rare when we do when together we are apart we don't cuddle nor compliment each other so i am single in a relationship

over all i am a complicated person and that is why i have a non existing love life

[Sara413]

Good, concise take.

Should also add, though, that if your "niceness" is a tool that you use to try to get what you want, then you're not really "nice" at all. What I mean is, if you're only nice to people because you want something from them (a date, a relationship, sex, money, etc), then you don't get to consider yourself a nice person...

[Sara413]

And, more specifically, if you get upset at people for not giving you what you think you "deserve" because you're so "nice", then you're a fucking ass hole.

[myTake Owner]

Good point, I agree.

[Anonymous]

What about if you don't whine about that stuff, don't go around proclaiming how nice you are and get told you're the nicest guy and still struggle finding a relationship?

I agree that being nice alone doesn't mean that you're entitled to a relationship but I've had a lot of times where I'd find a girl I can see myself dating then after the first date or two, I'd get the you're a great guy but... talk and it's irritating. It feels like being told you're a nice guy is the worst thing you can be told.

Also as far as the women date douchebags thing. It's not entirely true but it is annoying when you date a girl that you did nothing wrong to only to have them leave you for a guy who abuses them, cheats, lies, etc only to have them complain about how they can't find someone decent.

[Opinion Owner]

For the whole too agreeable bit, what if you guys just happen to have a lot in common?

[myTake Owner]

Unfortunately, it can be super hard to find that special someone who you really click with. :/ I'm sure plenty of 20-somethings (of both sexes) can relate. It's best not to lose hope, though. Good luck with everything -- you sound like a good guy!

[Opinion Owner]

I'm not giving up hope but yeah it is frustrating doubt. I mean I keep my options open and not out my eggs in one basket while playing it by ear and not having strict expectations. I used to worry that it'd be a deal breaker that I've never had a serious relationship, not to say that I haven't dated or had sex but still I'd rather have something more than that.

[Opinion Owner]

And thanks for the pep talk. It's just usually the ones I'm into aren't into me and vice versa. And with the ones that like me but I don't like back, I'm not just gonna settle for someone I don't have feelings for or have no attraction to because that would just be desperate.

[SIGguy]

I'm only polite. Can't expect someone to give you a freebie. I'll be nice to family and friends because I care about them. But some random girl who thinks saying hi means I owe her something, she must be hallucinating. Just because you're nice (saying hello is polite, not nice) to me, doesn't mean I'll be your friend. Guys pass me by and greet me, and we're not friends. Being friendly to me and getting angry when I tell you to go away is akin to saying,"You're a retard and a twat and I'm the only girl that'll ever associate with you." I'm either having a bad day, overstimulated, or just want some silence, is that too much to ask? You'd get upset if I asked you to be my girlfriend and got pissed if you said no. All I ask is the same courtesy. Give me distance, and I'll give you a shot at friendship.

[Anonymous]

It's a little ridiculous to pretend that nice men and women are in equivalent positions! If an average looking man is just nice, it's not good enough for women. But if an average looking woman is just nice, that's plenty good enough for a wide range of men! There's no equivalence in this!

Any decent looking nice woman gets a certain amount of unearned, automatic free pass of acceptance by the opposite sex just for existing! Decent looking nice men DON'T get a free pass of acceptance by the opposite sex. So this take fails!

[Anonymous]

"You’d do anything to make someone happy"

This is something that doesn't work in reality. It only works with ladies but most women don't want to be treated like a lady.

"Are you boring? Too agreeable? Do you not have a lot of interesting things to say? Are you socially awkward? Very reserved? Are you a pushover?"

Boring is subjective, perhaps what constitutes boring might be having interests in non trivial things. Intellectual topics

I agree with too agreeable and pushover. Girls prefer dominant than submissive men.

On the topic of interesting things to say. Most women have jo interest in this. Rather pointless emotional comments are the preferred means of conversation

[kambo_trick3y]

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https://i.ytimg.com/vi/oe9uK9QGCUI/hqdefault.jpg

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[CottonMuffin]

3.bp.blogspot.com/.../tipping-intensifies.gif

Tipping fedora intensifies

[DarkHumorRUs]

It's probably because most people are nice enough, so it's not really an outstanding trait. It should be expected in the first place.

[myTake Owner]

Well put.

[MeltedCheese89]

Hahahaha! That comic really tickled me!

Yeah, I totally agree. Just being "nice" is not enough. You don't just "be nice" and suddenly get a girlfriend/boyfriend to fall out of the sky into your lap, giving you lots of warm hugs... life doesn't work like that. Being nice is good... but it does NOT entitle someone to a relationship.

[Minxxie]

The difference is self proclaimed "nice guys" or "nice girls" are nice with an expectation that you OWE them something (sex, a relationship etc.). Someone who is truly kind is nice just because that is their personality and they expect nothing n return except general respect. It's a very immature and selfish mindset people like that have.

[annie_annie]

What if I'm working on my future and career? And by the way, I do really like being single, since being around people for too long makes me feel nervous - not in the nervous-nervous way, but more of a "I need some fresh air and alone time"-kinda way.

I guess, serious relationships are simply nothing for me.😄

[neofuture]

Boom boom Boom, flawless post the way I see it "nice" is a cop out for not actully having anything. I was one of those "push over" nice guys hell I stil am to an extent but now that I have some wit/ spunk pepole (girls also) are noticing me more. And overall its so mich better to have a perosnloty not just sitting in the corner pating yourself on the back.

[myTake Owner]

Thank you, I appreciate your comment! I completely agree.

[Anonymous]

Of course being nice isn't good enough. In fact it is exactly what the vast majority of women hate. They want someone who treats everyone including them like shit, because "he has confidence". Then women wonder why so many men are jerks. Because if God forbid we do treat them nice we get cheated on and dumped. So we give the ladies what they want. Uncaring assholes!

[Roostah]

How the hell is this no MHO?

[circlebill]

This guy has nailed a very inconvenient truth!

[CasaNorba]

this is really true. we must not forget that most guys who claim they are mr nice guys, God's gift to women, etc. are usually the real creeps. this works both ways of course

it took me quite a while to figured that out though i admit its been under my nose all along and i'm not gonna lie when i say that visualizing a few of the behaviors of some members (males in paticular) in this site pretty much confirmed this. not gonna say no name either

[TheGuyFromMiddleEast]

Don't agree. Being nice is not a plus, it's what has to be in people's minds.
You don't remember or acknowledge it when someone is nice to you, but you instantly notice if someone's being a jerk. It's human nature. Avoiding bad is more pressing than going for good.

[genericname85]

lol that´s litterally the problem with some of those... chubby, unemployed but only likes big boobs perfectly in shape model-girls... so ridiculous.

but the "girls getting with douches" is a problem too. say the guy i mentioned above and another dude exactly like him except, he´s lying about everything, bragging about himself... guess who gets the girl.

[prettylittleblossom]

I think it's just that when you're busy with your life your not really looking to hook up or find a boyfriend. Things come in their own time, and if they don't that's okay too.

[Anonymous]

I'm single because I've just not clicked with someone that way yet. I strive to be kind to people and look out for them but I don't csll myself a nice girl apart from in jest.