Dating Outside of your League

Let’s say someone’s dating a NOT-CRAZY girl who just so happens to be a full-time lingerie model. Sounds very out of your league right?

WRONG.

Being with someone who would to most classify as ‘out of your league’ is very much balancing towards the fake-it-till-you-make-it feeling of a "league" instead of considering that yes there are certain people who are just astoundingly beautiful.

People have "social spheres", which have a lot more to do with personality and who you know, influence, and interact with rather than straight up appearance. Physical appearance obviously plays a role in what your social sphere is like and size, but there is a lot of variability to how much affect it really has (some very little, some have social spheres almost entirely built on artifice). In real world dating, familiarity and proximity tend to really be the best predictors of romantic success.

Dating Outside of your League

Of course bringing online dating into the mix changes the dynamic, so if "leagues" really do exist it's only in the context of metric-based meat market style scenarios suck as dating sites. Sure it may happen in that context, but you can't apply it to all approaches of finding a partner.

Remember, no pedestal bullshit.

If you put someone on a pedestal, they're forced to look down on you.

She's only human, just like you or I. If you're too scared to make a move, imagine her taking a smelly dump. Then ask.


Girls are humans, no matter their profession or appearance.

The "average guy" just needs to get out of his head and ask that gorgeous woman out. The difference between average and above is much more about initiative than any other quality. By not approaching someone because you deem them to be too far ‘out of your league’, you’re digging your own grave.

Average is the the norm. There are few that stray from the norm.


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kaylaS91 is a GirlsAskGuys Editor
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Most Helpful Guy

  • The pedestal thing, totally right. Men gotta stop putting women on a pedestal, they're devaluing themselves, and making those women more conceited and bitchy, of course she's not gonna choose you. A queen never marries a peasant.

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Most Helpful Girl

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What Guys Said 46

  • There's no such thing as a woman out of my league. Well, unless she's a famous celebrity.

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    • And that's the attitude you've gotta have.

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    • @Transigence totally true. Like Instagram models

    • I've dated them too.

  • Its funny because I have a few female friends who go out of their way to try and attract average looking guys, but they are too shy or won't bother because of how attractive these girls are... they like the average looking guys because the ones who have the confidence to actually approach them, tend to be gym rates, jerks or players- all attractive, but just the type of guy who thinks he is in the same league as these girls, so hence he deserves them.

    So basically, ever since I found this out I have no problem asking girls out 'out of my league' and it is successful for me even though I am a very average, dad-bod type of guy. I just treat them better, not like a nice guy/push over- but as an equal, and not some trophy.

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    • @ElvenMr What does it take for a gorgeous girl to attract an 'average' looking guy? Just as much as it takes to attract a really attractive guy. It's not like they're any different inside, we all bleed the same. If anyone requites any special approach to get their interest, they've obviously got huge issues with superiority and you're better off without 'em anyway. :P

    • ""not like a nice guy/push over- but as an equal, and not some trophy.""

      Ah, that is the truth - that many people don't understand

  • ''The "average guy" just needs to get out of his head and ask that gorgeous woman out''

    Why? To give the ''gorgeous woman'' a quick ego boost followed by prompt rejection? Hahaha, Im getting sick of all this lefty ''were all special fuckers'' bullshit on this site haha.

    No ''Gorgeous woman'' will ever date a ''average guy''. Just as no uber handsome guy will ever date a ''average girl'', This is real life, Not some shitty disney fairy tail, Leagues exist and if your not hot your about as much use in life as a wet towel, Lets just fuckin accept it as a society already, God damn...

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    • not true. Maybe true at your age, but as you get older, you'll see more and more dimes with average joes, and major adonis' with plain janes.
      If you're not hot and choose to believe in these leagues working against you, you're digging your own grave.

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    • oh my, get over yourself.

    • Haha, Wtf do you mean get overmyself ?

      I've just sat here and wasted time calling you hot shit and at the same time insulting myself,

      God damn lady.

  • I was never into the whole league thing either. I'm just really shy :(

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  • The problem with your analysis is that it equates leagues with physical attractiveness levels. In other words, you seem to erroneously imply that the only trait of any importance in determining what "league" your in is how hot you are. That's not the case.

    The proposition that is most likely is that leagues do exist, but that there are a number of factors that determine what league your in. For women, these could be facial attractiveness, fitness, waist-to-hip ratio, how nice and caring one is, charm, etc. For men, these could be musculature, facial structure, charm, sense of humor, confidence, presence, social status, wealth, etc.

    Thus, even though it may appear that a gorgeous woman is dating "lower" or outside her league when her boyfriend is an average or even homely man, what's more likely to be the case is that he's put himself in her league through factors not relating to physical attractiveness.

    In short, leagues exist, but they have to do with more factors than just looks.

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    • Perfect. Except you mention social status last, and you left out height and color.

    • yes perhaps. However, I've never heard anyone say a girl or guy is out of their league for reasons other than physical appearance. That, as well as popularity, though that often goes hand in hand with attractiveness.

  • I have struggled with feeling like ladies are out of my league. It has to do with looks, mine versus theirs. I know I am not the catch of the day and probably a lot of ladies don't want their picture taken with me.
    I also think it has to do with me being so desperate to have a girlfriend that I eventually put them on a pedestal and make it even harder for me to see myself on their level. She doesn't even have to be supermodel beautiful and I will still get nervous and too shy to talk to her.

    Aside from my venting, I thought you did (yet again) a fabulous myTake. I can't wait to see your next one.

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  • Personally I think it's healthy for guys to think about girls taking a poop, 'cause it means you accept them as just regular human beings. (As opposed to the irregular kind. lol)

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    • yeah of course. Any guy who thinks girls don't poop or anything of that sort is not quite ready to be in a relationship in the first place. :P

  • This out of my league is such crap. Has anyone seen a ugly looking dude with a really hot women. I sure have. Women love confidence, that simple. When you can go up to a women in the mall, the store, anywhere really and tell her whats on your mind, one she will have a lot of respect for you if you said to she looks absolutely incredible. Second you might get her on a date simply cause you grabbed your balls and told her how you really felt. Women want a MAN not a boy.

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    • Nah, it's more about money than anything dude.

      I agree it has nothing to do with looks though (for men that is).

  • Lol this is so true this needs to be spread out to the many self loathing guys

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  • You're totally right, great take! I used to limit myself on the girls I'd ask out because I thought so many of them were out of my league. I did this until I realized that girls evaluate guys so much differently than we evaluate them. I'm not the most attractive guy facially, but I have a lot going for me (size, sense of humor) that is attractive to lots of girls, including some absolute hotties. Now I consistently date girls that other guys consider to be out of my league. It's just that I have the balls to approach and ask out, and they don't, so they never give themselves the chance for a girl to like them. Hot girls are just people, but the put them on a pedestal, which makes it impossible for the girl to ever respect the guy.

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  • The reason most average and below average looking males and females do the''out of my league'' thing because it is realistic. Most attractive males and females only date other attractive males and females. I said most not all. Yes there are attractive males and attractive females that are ok with dating average or below average looking people, but they are not in the majority. So because of this average and below average looking people tend to go after other people they have a higher chance with.

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    • The problem with your theory, your definition of "attractive" is subjective. I've seen plenty of guys who look ugly and date good looking girls, in MY opinion.

      Guys are judged more on how much money they make.

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    • @KaylaS91 how would you feel if I thought that, even though I don't?

    • I wouldn't feel anything because I don't know you. I'd take it for what it is.

  • Leagues are very real, but relate more to social status than physical attractiveness. A full time lingerie model is no doubt not just attractive, but has social connections, money for clothes styling advice, is well-spoken, confident..

    All that relates mostly to the social level she comes from, though, of course, not always, not 100%

    And a girl from a higher social status is rarely interested in anyone from a lower status... male or female.

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  • Do "leagues" even exist? or is that just a way for conceited narcissists to boost their ego?

    The world will never know.

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    • I think it's the latter.

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    • Go to YouTube and type in Jimmy Fallon and Nicole Kidman. That tells you a lot about leagues.

    • leagues do... don't be put off cos you're not in the top leagues?

  • Great take, you beat me to it lol. Personally I hate the phrase, she's out of my league. It's a very defeatist statement and you put yourself down when you say that.

    I mean of course appearance matters somewhat, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder. One person may find you attractive while another may not. What I think it comes down to in the end is if you two are a match. For example, I'm more likely to a cute girl that has similar interests as opposed to a cute girl who has nothing in common. And I've dated some very cute girls with obscure interests like me so you never know.

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    • more likely to approach*

    • I don't even say that I'm out of a girl's league for one who likes me that I don't find physically attractive. I just don't find them physically attractive and that's that. No need to be cocky about it.

  • This very true, love can happen anytime, anywhere, and it could be anyone.

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  • But the proverbial leagues are just representational of how certain people are more attractive. It's just categorization.

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    • true but some people believe in this categorization so strongly, they make it out to sound like the really hot girls are like a whole nother species. Essentially unapproachable because of huge behavioural/social/physical differences. May be true in some movies, but it's amazing how many take it as factual in real life.

    • Yeah. I try to think of it as "well no matter who I end up with im gonna think they're way more attractive than me by default so they'll probably be 'out of my league' anyway".

  • Thank you ! It is so heartwarming for the average guys like me :)

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  • I pulled @MissNowhere into my fabulous league

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  • 2nd mytake from you I agree with. That's rare. But yeah I definetly am on the same page. Except for tinder though. There is such thing as "out of your league on there". Cause it's a superficial app and you're only as good as your worst picture.

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  • Great take, it confirmed a theory I had.

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What Girls Said 8

  • I find hetero dating out of one's league only/mainly exists for males. For males leagues only seem to exist when rating gals but when it comes to pursuing gals there is no such thing as out of his league or she is shallow/stuck up/etc.

    While for gals it seems they are rated in leagues and tend to only/mainly have the option to date guys less attractive than themselves. In my observations the more attractive guy/less attractive gal coupling tends to be a result of the gal being more or equally attractive than losing her looks.

    LMFAO @ the notion of males putting gals on pedestals. In my observations males put youth, beauty, and sex on a pedestal their seems to be a male general dislike of gals not pedestalizing ie gals are shallow, stuck up, too stupid for not f*cking/dating him, etc.

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    • yeah there is a recent dislike in men of how shallow girls have seemingly become but.. they still continue to enable that beahviour by putting sex on a pedestal and all. The more girls know guys want some pussy, the higher on the pedestal they feel. Kinda ironic!

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    • That's a nice discussion!!

  • I agree with your entire mytake especially the part about "social spheres" and I really like this sentence, "Girls are humans, no matter their profession or appearance" because it is true.

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  • Even when I felt unattractive I never thought anyone was out of my league. It's not arrogance, I just didn't. Well, once. But he ended up pursuing me so I got over that idea.

    I just don't think in terms of leagues.

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  • I thought you were going to talk about both genders

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    • I've only heard it in reverse, about a guy being out of a girls league, a handful of times. It would be a bit much to have to add he/she, him/her, boyfriend/girlfriend, etc.. The general idea applies pretty much the same to both.

  • I think that we as human beings cannot define the word "normal". Being "out of someone's league" is merely a saying. We can't help who we like sometimes and it shouldn't matter if one person is more attractive than the other

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  • I automatically assume every guy who talks to me is out of my league of he's drunk high or bored because I have a low opinion of myself and it sucks I'm highly aware of it but don't really attempt to fix it cause its like a defense mechanism

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  • I assume every guy is out of my league at least the ones I like.

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  • the guy i love is out of my league because he is VERY popular in my town, he's successful, has money, and his own company,... while me, i have no job i'm broke and i'm just plain basic he can get better looking females any time... the only good thing about me is that im a virgin with high self respect and im not a female who's been passed around like most of the females he sleeps with

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    • he's out of your league because you put him there. Also, bring a virgin is not necessarily a 'good thing'. I'm not a virgin, doesn't mean I lack self-respect.

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    • ok I suppose that's your prerogative to feel like that about your sexuality but did you ever think about how you'll feel when you've finally lost your virginity? Pretty shitty, I'd imagine. After having put so much of your value and self-worth in something that has not such a glorious and 'pure' past in society.

    • i wouldn't feel dirty cause im waiting till marriage so i wouldn't have sex either way till im married

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