15 Ways To Have A Successful First Date (Comedy!)

Stacyzee

1. Throw up massively.

(Comedy!) 15 Ways To Have A Successful First Date

....then say, now I have room to eat lets order!

2. Make sure you talk about yourself non-stop.

15 Ways To Have A Successful First Date (Comedy!)

You're such an awesome person! You deserve to be the constant topic of discussion.

3. Make sure you stuff your face while eating.

15 Ways To Have A Successful First Date (Comedy!)

Appetite has always been sexy....

If anyone says otherwise, clearly they do not understand.

4. Make sure you use your clothing as a napkin.

15 Ways To Have A Successful First Date (Comedy!)

What's wrong with going green?

You're doing a good deed!

You're saving the environment at minimial to no cost!

5. Make sure you pass gass.

15 Ways To Have A Successful First Date (Comedy!)

Do not say excuse me, instead laugh hysterically.

This person has no reason to call you gross,

you know exactly what they do behind closed doors when no one is looking!

  • Yeah, you heard those bombs!

6. Ask personal questions about this person.

15 Ways To Have A Successful First Date (Comedy!)

Make sure your facial expression never changes when they respond.

  • Wow...what they're saying is absolutely amazing!

7. Make sure your breath smells like hay.

15 Ways To Have A Successful First Date (Comedy!)

So what!

You like the farm it's no secret now!

8. Show off your dancing moves.

It doesn't matter if you're not at a club.

You have some awesome moves and you're willing to show them off!

I mean....what could possibly go wrong?

15 Ways To Have A Successful First Date (Comedy!)
9. Talk about the sex you have had before the date.

15 Ways To Have A Successful First Date (Comedy!)

You were tired before hand and needed sex to gear you up!

What could possibly be so hard to understand?

You are human and have needs.

10. Pick a fight with a bystander.

15 Ways To Have A Successful First Date (Comedy!)

You want to show that you're tough and not the one to be messed with.

Who likes a push over anyway?

11. Talk endlessly on your cell phone or text.

15 Ways To Have A Successful First Date (Comedy!)

It's perfectly fine!
You're on a date...not at a job interview, this should be understood!

12. Check out other people that walk by.

15 Ways To Have A Successful First Date (Comedy!)

Say the word, "Damn" while turning your head all the way around to see the back view of the person.

This can introduce the conversation of how much you've always been into physical art.

Interesting topic, indeed!

13. Stick out your tongue.

15 Ways To Have A Successful First Date (Comedy!)

Studies have proven that sticking your tongue out during a date, shows you have fantastic oral skills.

This person will be amazed!

14. Make it rain.

15 Ways To Have A Successful First Date (Comedy!)

...only in this case you'll be using monopoly money.

Yeah...it's true you only came on the date with $5 (enough to cover the cost of yourself)

but it's the thought that counts!

15. Share a depressing story and then begin to cry.

15 Ways To Have A Successful First Date (Comedy!)

This allows the person to see that you are sensitive.

You can connect with others on a deeper level.

Who doesn't want that in a relationship?

This person will see that you are sensitive, appreciative of art, social, talented,

sexually skilled, tough and uninhibited.

What's not to like?

15 Ways To Have A Successful First Date (Comedy!)
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Most Helpful Guy

  • Anonymous
    I've done all these before and frankly I have 10 wives so it really works.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Stacyzee

      You're living proof ! Awesome :D

Most Helpful Girl

  • Bea123
    haha nice comedy mytake cracked me up XD
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

28
  • johnbackerson
    I need to try these but I've never been on a date at all :(
    • Stacyzee

      Really? I find that hard to believe

    • It's true... I'm so different from the average person. I'm also too scared to ask a girl out, lol.

    • Stacyzee

      You got to get over that !
      You're not a bad looking dude either.
      What's the worse that can happen if you ask a girl out? Don't be so afraid of rejection it's a part of every aspect in life.

  • AnonStar
    HAHAHA! i should do this if i ever had a blind date with someone i don't like lol..
  • Skydas
    Reverse day already? Anyway , I'll try it right away :D
  • AlwaysBelieving
    What's wrong with #4?
    • Stacyzee

      Elaborate please!

    • Well, it's more of if it accidentally happens. You get to see how the person reacts to their "mistake."

      Kinda along the lines of "how does your date treat others (I. e. Waitstaff)."

    • Stacyzee

      Read what I wrote under it.
      I'm not speaking about accidents.
      I couldn't find a good pic to represent what I was speaking about , so I chose that one.

    • Show All
  • minnesota_matt
    Haha good Monday booster, cheers!
  • ConsultantIsBack
    hahahaha good list
  • Yeahno12
    Thanks, shall be using this!
  • This was funny, good job.
  • Anonymous
    wow keep ur dayjob
    • Stacyzee

      Did this not work for you? Better luck next time!

  • Anonymous
    I constantly complain about a bladder infection and interrupt her as much as possible. Pussy be rainin bitches.
    • Stacyzee

      Damn, where have u been all my life !

    • Anonymous

      Just sittin back waiting for you to be single again oh sexy momma.

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