Advice to Shy Teenagers

Advice to Shy Teenagers

There's a Difference Between Love and Worship

Shy people tend to be insecure about things that would cause people to look down on them or not want to be them. A classic part of high school humor is that made at the expense of someone for the comedic enjoyment of others. Yet, being mocked is the opposite of worship not the opposite of love and can often overlap with love itself. In other words, you can have a perfect body and everyone can be intimidated of you and think you're the best, but hate you or you can be a pudgy mess and everyone can love you. This reveals that there isn't a coorelation between having cars, looks, status and being loved. This means that if you're looking to actually have friends and be a bit more popular the key isn't to go to the gym buy a bunch of clothes or do everything perfectly. The key is to engage other people, learn how to navigate social cues and difficult personalities, and generally be "on" and never act like you don't feel like talking to someone. Yes, to a small extent looking like the people you're trying to get along with can help you bond with them but generally people care more about you liking them then themselves liking you so being friendly does a lot of the work.

Advice to Shy Teenagers

If you're shy it's probably because you understand social cues too well not too poorly

You used to watch tv shows where the guy would ask a girl who didn't even know his name but he had been thinking about being her boyfriend for years to go out for ice cream and she blows him off really harshly and you'd cringe so hard you couldn't even stand to look at the screen for the next five seconds. This is because you actually are SO TUNED into social cues that you truly see when someone is violating them and it causes physical discomfort. A lot of success with people comes from ignoring or being completely blind to social cues (see: the election of Donald Trump.) While delusional confidence can be annoying in large doses, it generally has the effect of not being restrained by what social cues allow. A social cue, for those who might not be sure what i'm talking about, is like you coming home and hugging your mother versus you passing your neighbor at the local grocery store and hugging them. The first shows an understanding of the social cue and the second shows a lack of understanding. This is an extreme example but on a more subtle level people observe and break social cues all the time everyday. Anyway, the key to understanding social cues better than most people is not to get shy and introverted but to get creative. For instance, you're at a formal party and are there to network. You know no one and, technically, there's very few social cues going on that allow you to meet anyone. What does exist? You could hang out by the bar and grab people for conversation as they wait for drinks. Or, you can approach someone of the same gender as you at the party and in a mixed group and pivot to the opposite gender people if you need to. The point is, you don't need to be overwhelmed by limiting social cues because there's always a way to talk to someone without being a creep.

Advice to Shy Teenagers

No one wants you to give away your power

On some level shy people may think popular kids want you to play into them. They may even try to get shy people to play into them as an instinct but they don't really enjoy another human being lowering themselves for their sake. Shy people tend to overestimate how great other people are especially if those people are extroverted. They tend to undervalue themselves in comparison. It's similar to how most guys feel when they first start talking to girls...this idea that the person you are talking to needs to be placated with self deprecating humility and "sweetness." The key is to again realize people want to see you stand tall, project, and take their attention like a captivating dancer (lol, ok not that much.)

Advice to Shy Teenagers

Some nervousness is a good thing

There's a threshold in a man's life where he gets so successful either in his work or his success with women where he becomes a complete douchebag. A lot of this is because he's become so fearless that there's no "challenge" to it. This is not to say they always get the girl but they have such a level of self assuredness that they don't feel any thrill anymore, it's just something they do that they've done forever. What a shy person has going for them or a little nervous person is that they are automatically humble, interested in the other person, and, for lack of a better term, on their best behavior. They put up their "A-game" because the person is important to them. So, enjoy that about yourself.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • for me i feel like half the time i just dont know what to say to people if they come up to talk to me so i try to stay anti social, but if i am just in a group of friends i sit and just watch them (not as weird as it sounds) but i can read people so to speak but if i try to have a conversation that just goes away i can't tell what they are thinking or anything then there is the part where i dont know what to say.
    This is what i dont know how to get over for me personally

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    • On some level your mind probably feels threatened so it's not giving you access to your personality

    • Show All
    • Yeah it's like your mind won't give you the words. It doesn't want you to act that way around people you find threatening or won't receive it well. That's why you can have so much to say and understand things so well until you get there and then it's like where are the words?

    • exactly :)

Most Helpful Guy

  • 10/10, you always manage to upkeep your reputation as best Take writer on GAG!

    I've only just turned 18 and I still can't figure out how to not be shy. Part of me just likes how easy it is I guess. But another part of me thinks I'm missing out on "social" stuff, like parties and friends and girls and all that. I don't know... It's probably not that black and white.

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What Girls Said 6

  • Memories back when I used to be shy
    Lie wtf I can't believe I was like that lol
    I like this take yeah

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  • I'm glad you wrote this take, a lot of teenagers are shy and insecure. Nice work!

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  • Even though I had life changing surgery, my boyfriend is there for me to help me not be so shy of others.

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  • Awesome take, I feel better about myself. I didn't realize that I had some of these strengths!

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  • Good job

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  • and most don't know that difference- for the first one

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What Guys Said 3

  • It's so nice to see others speaking about this.
    I, myself am really shy but due to my curiosity I found out it's all a matter of psychology. What most of us shy people feel is a sort of a social phobia which doesn't mean fear of people but difficulties when it comes to interacting with others. I found out that you're not born shy at first. Shyness comes from the development of the brain throughout childhood. Shy people's brain tend to look for what's wrong in other social interactions and to not do it again otherwise it would be embarrassing. This "fear" we have of embarrassing ourselves when speaking with other people leads to us sitting in silence listening to what they have to say and then answering in brief words to reduce the chances of failure.
    Knowing this, I've been pushing myself to have small bursts of conversations to convince myself and my brain that there's no danger in speaking with others. In 1 year I've gone from the silent guy who sits on the last row of chairs reading a book with his headphones on to the guy who sits only a few chairs away from everyone else reading a book but without headphones. 🙌

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    • very nice, man. you seem really easy on yourself and self loving even with your struggles with shyness which is, in my opinion, the exact thing you need to reach a comfortable level with it. any progress is great progress

      and fuck i can't live without my earphones lol

  • "There's a threshold in a man's life where he gets so successful either in his work or his success with women where he becomes a complete douchebag. A lot of this is because he's become so fearless that there's no "challenge" to it"

    Bullshit. Guys turn into douchebags because they don't give a shit, lack empathy, are selfish. Being a success doesn't turn a guy into a douchebag.

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    • It can. Nervousness comes out of feeling you couldn't handle the consequences well if you were to fail when guys no longer have that feeling it can feel like who cares

    • "It can". Hmm... well, there's a lot of happy horseshit here seems like you made up, so anything is possible, right? I'm just saying your generalizations are kind of bullshit.

      And everybody fails, has failures. If you never do then you're not doing or trying anything. The mettle of a man is what he does with it, what he learns from it, and they he keeps trying 'till he gets it.

      This all sounds so adolescent. Seriously, you make all this crap up yourself?

  • I was a shy teenager as well. Only thing i learned was that its just a weakness and insecurity issue.

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