3 Reasons Why You Shouldn't Date/Marry Someone Who Has Kids

[Anonymous]

I know this is a sensitive subject, but I'm just trying to help people to decide whether or not they would want to date/marry someone who has kids (especially under 18) from a previous relationship.

You’ll come across the baby daddy/momma at some point

This might cause a lot of drama and conflict, especially if the baby daddy/momma is a nut case. The baby daddy/momma is going to come after the child and/or child support. The baby daddy/momma could use the child to cause conflict. For example, the baby daddy/momma could turn the child against you. There will be disputes over the child’s custody and you will get involved in those disputes. Do you want to hear about and see the ex of your partner? If your partner doesn’t have a child with his/her ex, then there is a big chance that you would never have to see their ex. But if they have a child together, you would have deal with the ex and their bullshit at some point.

You’re going to have to help raise their children too

This includes financially and physically. If your partner is a single parent, then there will be times when your partner will ask for her help and expect you to take care of their kids. Why would you want to raise up someone else’s kid when you could be raising your own instead? Raising up a child isn’t easy, especially when it’s someone else’s. I know it’s not easy because my uncle has eight kids and I sometimes helped raise them. Blended families do cause some problems for children. A new family structure is a big adjustment for a child. Children usually carry feelings of bitterness, hatred, and anger in these situations.

Unless you are a really good person, you’re not going to treat and love someone else's child as your own child. In the animal kingdom, there is no such thing as a step parent. Male lions kill all the cubs when they take over a new pride. I don’t think humans are that different from animals in the way they feel towards children. There are so many stories about evil step parents and it’s been proven through biology that we are more likely to be nicer to children that are related to us.

Half siblings are different from having full siblings

If you don’t want kids, then you shouldn’t be dating/marrying a single parent. But if you want your own kids in the future, your children will have half siblings. Full siblings are already competitive with each other. But because their DNA is closer, full siblings will more supportive of each other. Half siblings may live further apart and not see each other as often as full siblings do. Half siblings usually end up hating each other, especially when they don’t have the same mother. I know this from all the stories I’ve heard from other people who have half siblings and those stories have all ended badly. If the half siblings only have the same dad, there would most likely be a competition over the dad’s affection and resources, and there might be some other deep rooted issues between them. Research also shows that there are negative effects of having a half sibling who has the same mom as you. Fortunately, I haven't had any issues with my half brother and it's probably because he's eleven years older than me and we grew up in the same house together, but it's still different from having a full brother who I share more things in common with. In some ways, having a half sibling is more awkward than having a full sibling.

[Tdieseler]

I see all the females are getting on the defensive, pointing out what is wrong with the article rather than just saying the shit does happen. The article is NOT about reason FOR, its about reasons AGAINST. Im pretty sure everyone in here knows someone with step siblings and parents and they get along quite well.
So people, tuck your animosity away, if anything, add to the reasons AGAINST or shut the fuck up. Even better, write your own article on reasons FOR dating baby mommas and daddies, rather than slander what someone else wrote.
No one wants to be number two in the life of someone they want to be with, hell, women get mad if something.. THING... gets more attention.
But there is possibility that given a choice between game and the girl, there is chance of the girl being picked first. Imagine a situation where regardless of what the option is... you will NEVER be first... EVER. and thats the person you want to commit your life and time to.
Women break up with dudes over something less, with possibility.

lol, i can imagine dating someone who has a kid and i have 2 kids with em, and one day ALL THREE kids do something, but you only have rights to punish 2... thats a little fucked. Its just a scenario but it cracks me up. with the 2 kids asking, "why doesn't (name) get punished to?" hahahaha. explain that.

[Anonymous]

There is a lot of truth in this. Not sure why the girls got so offended.

[evelyn26]

It isn't for everyone that's for sure. Why isn't it for everyone? Because not everyone can handle it. If you really love someone you will accept them with their kids and whatever else they have. Sure, there might be custody battles and drama it's a possibility but that's why the parents need to work on an agreement for the child.

My father married my widowed mother. She had a young son with her first husband. He cared and raised him as his own. Later, my little brother and I came along. It is a good family to this day.

[redeyemindtricks]

^^ Yr father's a good man, give him an extra hug sometime for me.

__

Also... yeah, the take author is just plain out to lunch ahah.
Like this:
"In the animal kingdom, there is no such thing as a step parent."

^^ The fuck? Animals adopt all the time. Some animals even adopt babies from other SPECIES, for fox sake.
news.nationalgeographic.com/.../

[evelyn26]

@redeyemindtricks haha he is. There are not many left like him.

[Browneye57]

I'll give ya 3 more...

1. You will NEVER have final say on anything - you're 'just the step'.
2. You will always be number 4 or 5 rung on the ladder of importance. Even the dumb single-mom dating ads they'll say, "My kids are the most important thing in my life."
3. If the kid's bio-parent is around there will ALWAYS be drama and conflict.

And finally, you touched on it, but regardless of your effort and what you do for them neither kids nor parent will ever truly appreciate what you do.

Single parents of kids are a non-starter for a LOT of reasons. Not to mention that the kidlettes will always be in the way.

[Tdieseler]

These points are truer than the original post... and one of the reasons my friends with benefits and I never went into full dating... i mean, which guy (or girl) wants to always be "number 2" at the most. Thats bullshit. And a lot of women scorn, but its true on the male side. They can ask you for financial/physical assistance, but when shit goes down, its back to "My child".
I couldn't do it.
Now, I've heard of cases when even though they are step parents, the men are "allowed" equal rights, but ask these men How Long it took them to get to that level. I've never heard of any below 5 years. could have been having your own children during that time.

[Poppykate]

You have hit the nail on the head, of why a lot of the relationships of single parents, don't work out. ( including the first relationship that they had with their son's/daughter's parent). My child comes first. No one wants to feel like this, even if you come second to your own biological child. It's not natural or normal. It's also not natural or normal to expect someone to have physical and financial imput on a child that's not their own, and not allow then any imput into the child's life. This is called using a person for financial gains!

[Browneye57]

@Poppykate We (second wife) have 1 child together, I have 2 from the first - they are all grown and gone, youngest is 22. We have been together almost 30 years. Our kids were never more important than me, her, or our marriage - we came first. We took good care of our kids and raised 3 well adjusted highly successful adults, so no one can say we should have put the kids first. Sure, we sacrificed, we did stuff for them, everything we could, but they weren't put above us or our marriage.

So here's the thing - if you don't take proper care of your marriage - like sex - and it falls apart, the kids are the biggest losers. And that's why there are more important things than the kids.

[Poppykate]

... and that's why you are still together today, and your children are thankful for it!.

[MusicMayhem]

I'm dating a single parent and here's the issues I've encountered:

1. Being put in a situation where you sometimes end up paying for their kid (like a date where the kid is also there)
2. Their time being divided between the kid and you
3. Them being busy parenting so they don't call or text much
4. Not being able to have sex sometimes cause they need to look after the kid so they can't come over alone or you can't go over there when it's just them
5. The parent not wanting to get close and cuddle sometimes cause they have the kid jumping on them all the time so they want their space

So really, if you have other options why bother?

[vonasaurus]

i don't want kids and would never marry or date someone who had them for that reason. baby mama drama= a third person in your relationship until the end of time= more issues than a 5-year sub to cosmo.

nope. no way, jose. kthx.

to your last point: i have stepsiblings, not half-siblings, but i don't see why that should be an issue unless the parents make it an issue.

i have one bio sister and one sister from my mom's second marriage; we didn't grow up together, but have been in each others' lives for more than 20 years, and i love them both the same.

[I-am-a-nobody]

Dated a woman with a 5 year old.
She was very lax with discipline, which drove me nuts.
She had no control whatsoever and I can't lay a hand on the kid, so... it left me exasperated.

I know it's possible to make it work, but you must be honest with it and admit that it does add another layer of complication.

[Anonymous]

I've dated two single mothers before. The biggest conflict was the different stages in life we were at. I wanted to spend all my time with them and only them, and I would get frustrated when their kids would interfere with our time and prevent us from doing certain activities. I wasn't never mad at them, but I was frustrated. I know their children were more important than I was, which I expected. We were at different stages, I wanted to party and enjoy my early 20s, they needed to be mothers. No hard feelings, just needed to move on.

[JustinTheGreat]

Half siblings are not different from having real siblings. I dont have any real siblings, only half ones and our relationship is just as strong as any real siblings. My mom had kids with 3 different guys. My 3 sisters are from one dad, my two brothers are from another, and i'm from another. But we all get along just fine. I've never saw us as acting different or not as close as "real" siblings. And I know plenty of other people who have half siblings who feel the same way.

[LolaB28]

I just find it interesting that a lot of guys say they won't date single mothers, but they have three kids by two different women and are drowning in child support and expect a woman that doesn't have kids to take them seriously, better yet ask the woman for money to help pay child support.

[JohnDoe3000]

Damn... you need to start hanging with a better crowd...

[Lux28]

Amen!! You said out all

[Nyx_85]

I have two half sisters and have never had an issue with them and they are as much my sisters have my full blood sister. So I don't agree with that part.

I do find it annoying when my friends date a single parent and suddenly everything becomes about the kids. Asked my friend if she wanted to hang out one night and she said "Oh I can't we have the kids". We? No HE has the kids. HIS kids. Like they date for a little bit and suddenly she can't do anything.

[rjroy3]

Silly overall reasoning lol, but I do agree with the end point. Bad idea as a single person to date someone who already has children unless you're mentally/emotionally prepared to be the roll of a parent that is all understanding that the kids will always come first. If you're the type to want attention you have to suck it up, unless you're moving in and paying some bills while helping to raise the children.

[Nancy_321]

I know this isn't something most people adress, but temptation is also a factor, I am married to a man who has a son, and even if I didn't want to admit it, he seemed way more interesting and atractive to me than my husband, the the temptation and tension was killing me.

[Anonymous]

This is stupid, I have two half sister, five adopted and only two full siblings and we're all fine. My dad was happy to have two daughters when he first married my mom, they're no different than a full blood siblings. The only thing I have to complain about is there being a lot of us, so we're kinda poor plus my mom keeps funding orphanages in India and a random kids everywhere and then yelling at me when I ask for a new sweatshirt. Then since the four adopted kids are full, they sometimes gang up on me since I'm treated like the middle child although I'm my fathers first born, and make fun of me for being so pale because they're all Hispanic, then they favor each other. But then im called rasist if I try and retaliate by bragging about white privilege. when all I'm doing is saying it exists. But this has never effected my dad.

[Blonde401]

Or maybe some people should do what they want and others should mind their own busines? This take is garbage. These are reasons YOU wouldn't. That doesn't apply to everyone.

[independentman]

Would you date single dads?

[Blonde401]

@independentman I have done actually.

[independentman]

And did you like being a second mom or you didn't make it till there?

[Blonde401]

@independentman I wasn't the second mom. Those kids new who their mother was. They didn't need a second mother.

[Anonymous]

I'm a single mom, I've dated single dads and my ex husband isn't crazy. Any woman my ex has dated I've become friends with. They are around my daughter and she needs to see what a healthy relationship is. We all are good people. Those with baby momma daddy drama are immature. If they're behaving dramatically then their child isn't being considered top priority that's when you should run.

[ashley1996]

Thank you! You have the "you're not my mom I don't have to listen to you!" Problem.

[bloodmountain1990]

I've dated single mothers. One had 2 kids from different dads and just had her 3rd with a new dad and most of the time they are too busy to date. I don't need someone to be available all the time. I'm very busy myself but hearing I can't hang out, couldn't find a babysitter or the babysitter bailed/baby daddy gave me the kids talk gets tiring after while.

[JohnDoe3000]

4) They never have time

5) If they're very when they became single parents they're probably not the best at making rational decisions

6) You never know if they just want you for money/stability.

[JudgmentDay]

For someone that don't have kids and don't want kids will never really have to worry about dating or marrying someone with kids, as soon as they realize it they'll probably end the relationship shortly, if they haven't already ghosted it.

[JoyGirl]

I wouldn't mind helping a guy raise ONE child. If he has more than one, then he can count me out... LOL ( '-')

[Kayla45]

Yeah... ummm... no. I would never date a guy with a kid. I would never have kids myself unless I'm absolutely sure the man is going to be with me for the long hall.