My Experience Being Ghosted: Epilogue Part 2

My Experience Being Ghosted: Epilogue Part 2

(My ghost, "Casper" a/k/a Miss Linda. This is not a picture of Miss Linda but it is someone who looks very much like her.)

I previously posted a myTake about a lady who ghosted me two years ago. https://www.girlsaskguys.com/dating/a48176-my-experience-being-ghosted-epilogue I met her once and thought it was the best first date I ever had. She was intellectual, emotive, alluring, exciting, and extremely attractive! I thought that she was equally excited about meeting me. Before our first date ended, we scheduled our second date. I texted her the morning after our first date and she replied that she was getting ready for work and would call later.

I never heard from her again.

My Experience Being Ghosted: Epilogue Part 2

Two years later, as I contemplated writing the previous myTake about ghosting, I decided to do a bit of investigation and try to discover what had happened. I quickly determined that she had obtained a domestic violence injunction against a guy in the spring of 2015, shortly before I met her. About a month later, she had a DUI arrest (first offense) and subsequent conviction. I saw that the domestic violence injunction later was dissolved. In the spring of 2016, she married this same guy and, not surprisingly, it did not last because she divorced him in the spring of 2017.

My Experience Being Ghosted: Epilogue Part 2

I found her on Facebook and messaged her. She replied about a day later. We exchanged a few messages and then I asked her to meet me for dinner. She agreed and we set a date, time, and place. She postponed the date for 24 hours because she said she was not feeling well. The next day, she postponed the rescheduled date. I was not surprised at her behavior; it was actually what I had expected (though I had hoped for a better outcome this time.) I told her to contact me if and when she wanted to meet. That was about two weeks ago and I have not heard from her.

Before I located Miss “Casper,” I had started dating Miss Valerie. I met her on PlentyOfFish. We have rather different backgrounds (I have a law degree, she has a house cleaning service,) so she was initially a bit uncomfortable and leery. After a few dates, she began to appreciate that I am not class-conscious or condescending and she began to relax. I have been out with her on six dates but some of those dates were extended outings (a day at the beach and a day browsing, drinking, and dining in St. Augustine.) We have developed mutual chemistry/spark/the wow factor/whatever-you-wanna-call-it and we are both wanting to see what may develop between us in the long term, so yesterday, we agreed to date each other exclusively.

I don't have a crystal ball so I don't KNOW that this will develop into a long term relationship. We may have two more dates and see problems that make us call it quits, but maybe not; the only way to know it to spend time together and see what happens.

My Experience Being Ghosted: Epilogue Part 2

I had an important lesson reinforced by these experiences: A PATIENT MAN EATS RIPE FRUIT. When you grow fruit, if you are excited about seeing your labor develop into fruit, your eagerness may lead you to pick the fruit too soon. If you do that, the fruit will not be ripe. It will be too firm , not sweet, and certainly not desirable. However, if you are patient and give the fruit time to ripen on the tree, it will be sweet and delicious.

I wanted to make something happen with Miss Linda (the ghost) because I remembered the excitement I felt after our first date. I was hoping to recapture that feeling. Of course, if you had been advising me on how to proceed, you probably would have said, “Don’t give a second chance to anyone who treated you that way. Follow your head and not your heart!” You, of course, would have been right.

In retrospect, what Miss Linda did for me was good. Since she ghosted me after the first date, I didn’t waste much time on her, and in retrospect, my life was better without her sharing it. Instead, I was available and looking for someone when Miss Valerie was wanting to find a partner. With her, I at least have a reason to think that something good may lie ahead for us, and I will be patient to let that unfold at the right tempo and not try to rush things.

Maybe six months or a year from now, I will be posting another myTake telling you just how sweet that fruit has become! And if you don’t try to force things to develop in your life, but you allow them to develop at their own pace . . . maybe you’ll be writing: “Dear OlderAndWiser, I never thought I would be writing to you but you won’t believe what has happened in my life . . ..” :) :) :)


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Awww, I quite enjoyed reading this and I had wondered if you had met up again with Miss Linda so I was excited to read this. lol!

    I am glad you have found Miss Valerie and I wish you the best of luck in life and love, OaW. :)

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You handled it well,, Things happen that can't always be explained.

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What Girls Said 10

  • I've never been ghosted and I wouldn't do it to anyone. I prefer to be upfront and honest. I find this new ghosting tactic very selfish and just a sign of these selfish times.

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    • Precisely!

    • It is a newer tactic. I'm in my 30s but I can remember than girls only 10-15 years ago didn't pull this bullshit, at least not as often.

      I'll admit guys do it too, but it's usually only after hook ups. Women tend to ghost out of relationships which is far worse. My last ex who I dated for 9 months completely ghosted me (blocked me on facebook, blocked my number, etc) after a minor argument. Since she was much younger (21) I wasn't that surprised, but I was still very pissed.

    • Thank you someone bloody understands! Although I have been recently by a guy literally I thought he was inconsiderate and selfish so I wiped my hands off on him and I moved on because am not wasting my time on people like that!

  • I read the entire take, and forgive me if I'm speaking out of turn here. But.. I just can't shake this deep feeling of sorrow over Ms. Ghost. Like she's your "one that got away". I'm sorry, you've been hurt in this way.

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    • When I met her, I had a feeling that we could be a good match for each other. Maybe she is "one" that got away" but the is not "THE one" that got away. While I often refer to The One, it is just a convenient title that most people understand. I don't truly think that there is just one person with whom we can be happy. There are others. After Ms. Ghost disappeared, I met a lady who I dated for two years. Although I ultimately broke up with her, I was fairly happy with her for most of those two years. I have now been dating a lady for the past 6 weeks - Miss Valerie - with whom I feel very happy, very comfortable, and I feel excited just being near her. So. . . maybe Ms. Ghost and I could have been good together, but I haven't lost my only opportunity for happiness, I have moved forward, and I have discovered more of the good things in life. :) I appreciate your concern.

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    • Yes, of course there is novelty adding to the excitement. But I am feeling a fire inside of me that I have not felt in many years, so I am very encouraged by what we have developed so far.

    • Then I wish you all the best😊

  • That was a good read! Thank you for the update!

    To this day, I still don't get what is so hard about being open and honest. I was just talking to a good friend a week ago about ghosting and he, like me, have and would never do that too. He said, "I always appreciate honesty and openness. If I wanna end things, I'd just say so. There's no need for me to run and hide." Truer words were never spoken! He also made me promise him that if there ever comes a day that I wanna sever ties and not wanna have anything to do with him anymore, to tell him straight up and not just suddenly disappear. I promised him that, and he did the same.

    But of course, not everyone feels/thinks this way. I'm still very shocked that people at around your age (or mine, too, for the matter) still resort to ghosting. It is what it is, I guess...

    Anyway, I wish you all the best with Miss Valerie :)

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    • Before I started seeing Miss Valerie, I had started dating Miss Nancy. She is a nice lady and she is physically attractive but I do not feel a spark with her. On Monday, I went to her apartment and told her - in person - that I was calling it quits with her because I wanted to date someone else exclusively. It was not a very pleasant experience but I made myself do it because if you have dated someone even just 3-4 times, I think they deserve an explanation and an opportunity to discuss it in person.

      Doing the right thing is not always easy. If it was. . . everyone would do the right thing and no one on G@G would need any guidance! :)

  • I am sorry this happen to you. It sound like you handle in mature way :)

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  • I have been ghosted before. It just lets me know that they are not interested.

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  • I like ghosting.

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    • and why? Since you are being so honest you should elaborate (and I didn't downvote you btw).

      Surprised to see a 39 year old woman acting this way.

  • Nice take! I like how you're so patient and nice instead of flaring up.

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    • Actually being "nice" might be part of his problem. But this guy is much older so I'm not sure I can judge the dynamic he is in. Women from his generation had more respect for nice, chivalrous guys.

    • @somewheresomeway And women my age still appreciate and respect this. They like it that I open doors for them, pull their chair out for them, help them with their sweater or jacket, etc. But being chivalrous and nice doesn't mean that you allow women to take advantage of you.

  • gosting is a childish behaviour

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  • Interesting Take

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  • It's the worst

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What Guys Said 14

  • if you set a date you should turn up then or at least tell the other person you can't make it.

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  • It's 2017: getting ghosted on is the default outcome if you didn't know her beforehand.

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  • you got ghosted mate?

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  • Thanks

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  • I'm glad that things worked out for you!

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  • Nice take

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  • Interesting take, thank you

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  • good

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  • Thank you

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  • If people ghost, they're immature, and so you've been saved from having a pathetic and immature partner.

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  • Ghosting is really a chicken shit behavior...

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  • You are pissed that you got ghosted after one date (and cyberstalked afterwards)? My last girlfriend of 9 months COMPLETELY ghosted me with no warning or reason.

    Ghosting is going to happen all the time in early dating cycle. People get scared, hot/cold, get caught up in the moment etc. I've had it happen countless times and it will likely happen again (grown callus after what happened with my gf).

    However I wonder why you cyberstalked her after just one date. I admit I'm very guilty of cyberstalking, but it was only with girls who I've been in relationships with. I never cyberstalked a stranger... especially after a year.

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    • What is your definition of cyberstalking?

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    • Well "cyberstalking" is strong term. It's looking up information about someone (usually a girl you dated, or an ex, etc) via websites, social media, etc. I admit I'm guilty of checking up on one of my exes on twitter, instagram and FB occasionally. Not proud of it, but it's not like I'm pounding on her front door. I realize it's hurting me than her to engage that behavior. Although I wouldn't be surprised if she might checked up on me a few times.

      As for pissed, well this girl who ghosted you definitely has you preoccupied. I will tell you that you screwed up texting her the next morning after the date though. I'm no expert, but I know that early in the dating game you are supposed to remain mysterious with women and not too available. Not to call the kettle black, I was guilty of that earlier in my life. However when after reading up doc lov/corey wayne I learned to keep some distance early in the dating cycle. It did bring me much more success in the initial stages.

    • Actually you can disregard my ENTIRE post. Didn't realize you are 62. I'm used to lecturing guys in their 20s about this lol. You are in a completely different ball game.

  • ha ha interesting

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  • I've ghosted before. Hey, if I'm always the one having to start the conversation for us to even talk, don't be surprised that one day, I stop talking for good.

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    • If your standards for your conduct depend on the person with whom you are interacting, then you have no standards.

    • I never claimed to have any.

    • I appreciate people who are honest with themselves.

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