(My ghost, "Casper" a/k/a Miss Linda. This is not a picture of Miss Linda but it is someone who looks very much like her.)
I previously posted a myTake about a lady who ghosted me two years ago. https://www.girlsaskguys.com/dating/a48176-my-experience-being-ghosted-epilogue I met her once and thought it was the best first date I ever had. She was intellectual, emotive, alluring, exciting, and extremely attractive! I thought that she was equally excited about meeting me. Before our first date ended, we scheduled our second date. I texted her the morning after our first date and she replied that she was getting ready for work and would call later.
I never heard from her again.
Two years later, as I contemplated writing the previous myTake about ghosting, I decided to do a bit of investigation and try to discover what had happened. I quickly determined that she had obtained a domestic violence injunction against a guy in the spring of 2015, shortly before I met her. About a month later, she had a DUI arrest (first offense) and subsequent conviction. I saw that the domestic violence injunction later was dissolved. In the spring of 2016, she married this same guy and, not surprisingly, it did not last because she divorced him in the spring of 2017.
I found her on Facebook and messaged her. She replied about a day later. We exchanged a few messages and then I asked her to meet me for dinner. She agreed and we set a date, time, and place. She postponed the date for 24 hours because she said she was not feeling well. The next day, she postponed the rescheduled date. I was not surprised at her behavior; it was actually what I had expected (though I had hoped for a better outcome this time.) I told her to contact me if and when she wanted to meet. That was about two weeks ago and I have not heard from her.
Before I located Miss “Casper,” I had started dating Miss Valerie. I met her on PlentyOfFish. We have rather different backgrounds (I have a law degree, she has a house cleaning service,) so she was initially a bit uncomfortable and leery. After a few dates, she began to appreciate that I am not class-conscious or condescending and she began to relax. I have been out with her on six dates but some of those dates were extended outings (a day at the beach and a day browsing, drinking, and dining in St. Augustine.) We have developed mutual chemistry/spark/the wow factor/whatever-you-wanna-call-it and we are both wanting to see what may develop between us in the long term, so yesterday, we agreed to date each other exclusively.
I don't have a crystal ball so I don't KNOW that this will develop into a long term relationship. We may have two more dates and see problems that make us call it quits, but maybe not; the only way to know it to spend time together and see what happens.
I had an important lesson reinforced by these experiences: A PATIENT MAN EATS RIPE FRUIT. When you grow fruit, if you are excited about seeing your labor develop into fruit, your eagerness may lead you to pick the fruit too soon. If you do that, the fruit will not be ripe. It will be too firm , not sweet, and certainly not desirable. However, if you are patient and give the fruit time to ripen on the tree, it will be sweet and delicious.
I wanted to make something happen with Miss Linda (the ghost) because I remembered the excitement I felt after our first date. I was hoping to recapture that feeling. Of course, if you had been advising me on how to proceed, you probably would have said, “Don’t give a second chance to anyone who treated you that way. Follow your head and not your heart!” You, of course, would have been right.
In retrospect, what Miss Linda did for me was good. Since she ghosted me after the first date, I didn’t waste much time on her, and in retrospect, my life was better without her sharing it. Instead, I was available and looking for someone when Miss Valerie was wanting to find a partner. With her, I at least have a reason to think that something good may lie ahead for us, and I will be patient to let that unfold at the right tempo and not try to rush things.
Maybe six months or a year from now, I will be posting another myTake telling you just how sweet that fruit has become! And if you don’t try to force things to develop in your life, but you allow them to develop at their own pace . . . maybe you’ll be writing: “Dear OlderAndWiser, I never thought I would be writing to you but you won’t believe what has happened in my life . . ..” :) :) :)