Age Differences In Relationships DO NOT MATTER, People

[Anon-ymous1]

This shouldn't take too long.

This Take was inspired by a question asked today by a girl which asked if an age gap of 51 (male) to 19 (female) was too much and was "creepy." And some people nodded in the affirmative and others said no, it wasn't creepy.

Problem 1:

Don't label other peoples' relationships creepy. In fact, don't label anyone "creepy" who isn't legitimately being a jackass and a physical stalker. Derp "They liked some of my old Facebook photos ewwww!" uh don't fucking have old Facebook pics then if you don't want people to actually look at them.

Don't just throw that label around because you think it's funny or it makes you feel empowered somehow to insult someone else-- "creepy" is a label that is often erroneously applied to males by females, and it's mean and shitty. It is likewise just as mean and shitty for males to call girls bitches or cunts who... aren't acting like bitches or cunts. Throwing negative labels around in situations where you shouldn't just makes YOU the asshole, not them. So stop.

Problem 2:

Some people seem to believe that only people of "the same age," whatever the hell that even means, should be engaged romantically/sexually/physically with each other. But as I just said... what does that actually mean? Attention anyone who feels that way, male or female-- you do realize, I hope, that what you're saying technically means you feel that people (including yourself) should only be able to date/fuck/be romantic with people who were born the same year, right? Or even the same day? Because "the same age" is pretty clear: "Same" means "equal." Synonymous. Congruent to. 15=15. 25=25. 25 does not equal 24 does it? So anyone who thinks that people should only be physically attracted to people of "the same age" means you can't be attracted to or interested in anyone who isn't your age, like you said-- you're eighteen, let's imagine? Or thirty, or something? Cool, if you're attracted to anyone who is even a day over or under eighteen or thirty, respectively, then you're a hypocrite. And once you're a hypocrite, your opinion is worthless and stupid. You lose.

"Oh, well I didn't mean like literally the same age when I said people of the same age should only be allowed to date. I mean like, generally the same age."

Ohhhhhhh.... I see, how interesting. So what you mean is, "same age" is subjective? As is attraction?

Maybe you should have said that. Since it's, you know, the truth.

Look, this is very, very simple. The parties involved in the attraction or sexual relationship or whatever: Do they like each other? Are they good to each other?

Are they attracted to each other? Do they like having sex with each other? Yes? Okay then. So why do you care? Is it your business? If you for some weird reason want to pigeonhole yourself into set parameters and say "I won't date anyone who is more than five years older than me!" even though let's say the next day you meet a person who you're really attracted to and is cool, and then it turns out they're five years and ONE DAY older than you, then hey, you do what you want in your life and turn them down. But most people aren't like that, SO basically... chill.

To answer the girl's question who asked it, no sis, it's not creepy or weird. As long as the legal age of consent is met, which varies place to place sometimes, then it's your body and your decision what to do with it and who to have sex with or cuddle with or whatever, as long as you're not hurting someone else. It's not weird for an older guy to be attracted to a younger girl-- it's actually incredibly normal and has been happening since the dawn of civilization probably. It's also normal for younger guys to sometimes be attracted to older chicks. There's nothing wrong with it, and thinking something is wrong with it is not only often hypocritical, but illogical and irrational.

Sometimes people claim that the older party is trying to "take advantage" of the younger party.... uh 1) Where is your proof of that, and 2) Why are you assuming that everyone's physical age automatically correlates with having the exact same emotional security that they "should have" (whatever that means) at that time? What if the older party is just young at heart? Or the younger party a bit older at heart? That shit happens all the time, people. And those of you who aren't cool with it can hopefully rethink your position, since it doesn't actually make any sense.

Thanks for reading.

[Sbgirl]

Nice MyTake, couldn't agree more. I'm 21 and my boyfriend is 34. We've been together almost a year now and never even argue. A lot of people doubted us going out and judged the age gap, but just because we have a big age gap doesn't mean we're not on the same page or want the same things or at the same maturity level. I feel like we fit incredibly well together, so why should i turn that away to date someone who is 'my age' who could actually be the one taking advantage of me? Age is literally how long you've lived on this earth, as long as its consent age, its doesn't even matter.

[AL3XXG]

"We've been together almost a year now and never even argue": That is not healthy

[BrittBratt2416]

@AL3XXG and arguing everyday would be?

[AL3XXG]

@BrittBratt2416 it is not about not having arguments, it is about how you are going to handle those. FYI, some pro manipulators avoid arguments.

[Sbgirl]

@AL3XXG When i say we don't argue, I mean we don't have fights. We've had a few disagreements, but haven't fought about it, but settled it or apologized. I'm sorry I didn't make that clearer but didn't feel the need. The odd disagreement is fine if handled carefully, but regular fights are NOT healthy.

[Aynsof]

Well there are some potential issues in relationships with a large age gap
These are issues for the couple to resolve and is not anyone else's problem so you are right about the whole labelling it creepy and such
People should be less judgmental
But that is not to say there are no real issues there are and so they do matter
But they matter only to those who it directly concerns

[Anon-ymous1]

Fair enough.

[AdmiralBailey]

Age is meaningless even if you're both of the same age to the exact second because my 22 could be way different from her 22 in terms of life experience and accomplishments

[Anon-ymous1]

I'm amazed at how many people don't understand this ^ incredibly basic truth.

[AdmiralBailey]

Heaux won't get it

[AdmiralBailey]

Thanks for MHO buddy

[Logorithim]

I agree with the points you've made in this Take.

[Anon-ymous1]

Why thank you.

[Logorithim]

Good job in particular of addressing the nonsense about "creepiness", which isn't age-dependent.

[Anon-ymous1]

It's not at all.

[ManaX]

Hmm lets look at some research:

docs.lib.purdue.edu/.../viewcontent.cgi

- In Western societies, adult men generally prefer female partners who are
somewhat younger than themselves, while adult women generally prefer male partners who are somewhat older than themselves (e. g., Buss, 1989; Kenrick, Gabrielidis, Keefe, & Cornelius, 1996; Kenrick & Keefe, 1992).

- women’s maximum acceptable age for a male partner is approximately 10 years above their own age, with this number remaining relatively constant as women age (Kenrick & Keefe, 1992)

- age-gap relationships are not doomed to fail simply because of the age discrepancy that exists between the partners... Instead, the social network in which such relationships are embedded appears to have extremely important consequences for the future success of such relationships (see Etcheverry & Agnew, 2004).

www.psychologytoday.com/.../is-big-age-difference-problematic-relationship

- A widely-circulated 2014 Emory University study of 3,000 recently married and divorced people showed that age gap was correlated with breaking up; couples with ages falling within five years of each other were significantly less likely to divorce than couples who had age gaps of, say, 10 or 20 years.

- However, that’s just one study; others, like a 2008 analysis of data from England and Wales, show there is not a significant association between age gap and marriage dissolution.

- Research from 2017 shows that both men and women who marry younger than themselves are often initially happier, but see a sharper decline in satisfaction over time.

- Those who marry spouses of similar ages, by comparison, are more stable in terms of happiness and fulfillment, and perhaps more resilient as a result

link.springer.com/article/10.1353/dem.0.0106
- Controlling for confounding factors such as education and wealth, results suggest that having a younger spouse is beneficial for men but detrimental for women, while having an older spouse is detrimental for both sexes.

TLDR: Age gaps are generally perceived negatively by society. The idea of the older individual being manipulative is generally unsupported by evidence. Rather, the success of their relationship is strongly correlated to the support they have. Overall, evidence suggest there's no right or wrong to this, and it's better for partners to decide for themselves.

[Anon-ymous1]

Definitely.

[Vyxzuw]

The age difference leading to divorce study is always interesting.
One thing that isn't mentioned is that a lot of those older guys are on their second marriage.

Someone who has divorced has a higher chance of divorcing again. So, that can be a hidden factor that isn't mentioned.

[ManaX]

@Vyxzuw interesting

[NearlyNapping]

I can say absolutely positively that age DOES matter, and it matters a LOT. That doesn't mean that large ages differences can never work. It means that there are some very very real differences, and those differences are serious and should be considered.

There are some other problems, but one of the biggest is the fact that the two people are in different places in their lives. This affects a lot of different things. I'll give a real example to illustrate just one of them.

Around the time I was 50 (obviously I'm older than my profile says), I *accidentally* fell for someone who was around 24-25 at that time. This was online. It happened very fast, and completely unexpected.

I had thought about the age difference from a lot of different angles. One time it was a Friday night around 10:00PM. I went to the store to buy groceries. It was a nice summer night, with lots of people out. On the way to the store I saw several groups of young people. They were partying, getting loud, and generally having fun, with the typical high energy of youth.

This got me thinking. If I was with this girl I fell for, and we had a real relationship, lived together, or even got married, would she look at all those people having fun and wish she was with them, having fun herself? Would there be a part of her thinking she'd like to be out there having fun with all these "kids" her age, instead of a boring Friday night grocery shopping with some old man?

I know when I was her age, I'd want to be out having fun. I'd be doing more high energy activities, being spontaneous and crazy.

Not that I never do any socializing at all. But it's a very different thing than when I was young. I would not want to hang out with a bunch of kids her age. It would be weird, and I just wouldn't fit it. And how would she feel if her social life consisted of hanging out with a bunch of old farts?

Of course she could always hang out with people her age, and I hang out with people closer to my age. But wouldn't that seriously take something away from the relationship? I think it would. I think it would be two people who are in very different places in their lives, and reminded of it on a regular basis.

I've barely even touched on all the things involved. I'm not saying it absolutely can't work. I'm saying that age most definitely makes a difference, and needs to be seriously considered.

[Anon-ymous1]

Fair enough. I appreciate your input; it's valuable. I don't totally agree but what you're saying makes sense.

[WalterRadio]

" young people. They were partying, getting loud, and generally having fun"
When I was 18 to 21 and saw those scenes, I always thought how I could not relate to them.

Not every young person parties. Some of us would have rather gone to the dentist.

[lumos]

Actually, they do matter. To an extent, and depending on what type of relationship we're talking about. Sexual? Eh, someone younger and more inexperienced is more likely to be easily manipulated by someone who's older and more experienced. Romantic? It's just a simple fact that there are different life stages people go through. A person who's in their thirties and ready to settle down is simply not in the same mental state as someone in their late teens, who's still trying to figure themselves out. It would not be fair for the person who's ready to settle down to have to wait around for the younger one who still wants to party and behave impulsively. It also wouldn't be fair to force the younger one to settle down when they don't even know what they want yet, or who they really are.
Sure, there are exceptions. Some older people can still be really immature and have no clue what they're doing with their life, whereas some younger people knew exactly what they wanted to do at the age of 4. But these don't represent the general population. The general population matures at a steady, but limited, pace. The human brain isn't even fully developed until around year 25. There are some pretty big biological differences between young people and old people, not just societal. Hence, age does matter to some degree, and to say that it doesn't matter is just as extreme as saying it 100% matters.
Some people have no trouble being with someone who's significantly younger or older than them, whereas other people break up and are completely incompatible SINGLEHANDEDLY because of that reason.

[Anon-ymous1]

Okay... well you seem concerned with "settling down," but I think it's a false dichotomy you've created if you are going to correlate settling down = maturity. What does "settling down" even actually mean? It doesn't really mean anything. Get married? Is that what it means? So someone can only settle if they marry? What if they don't want to marry? Does that mean they're immature? Or it does mean they're mature? Or something? What about the 18-20 crowd who gets married? Are they more mature, or something, than people ten years older than they are who don't really want that yet? Buying a house? So... people who only want to rent aren't mature? Or something?

I personally believe that many terms and conditions we all set on ourselves in this life don't really stand up to logical scrutiny when we think of them clearly. Including the term "settle down."

When is someone no longer "young" and when is someone now "old?" We're talking about ages here, right? So where are the lines drawn?

[lumos]

I'd define settling down as making some sort of decision to stay with your partner for the rest of your life/for as long as possible, to move in together, to plan a future together (regardless of whether that involves puppies or babies or neither). One of the definitions of settling down is "To begin living a stable and orderly life: He settled down as a farmer with a family." (The free dictionary). You can settle down even if you don't want to marry. The 18-20 crowd who gets married is in the minority. Like I already pointed out in my original post, I'm talking about the general population, and not about the exceptions. Hence why I wanted to highlight how age does matter (and at the same time, doesn't matter) to an *extent*. You are creating strawmen out of what I said by overanalyzing and purposefully misinterpreting my words. Let's stick to the topic instead of talking nonsense about renting vs buying houses.

[lumos]

Summary:
- To some, age doesn't matter. To others, it does. I. e. to the general population it matters/doesn't matter *to an extent*.
- There are exceptions, for example old people who behave immaturely and young people who behave maturely.
- I'm not talking about the exceptions.
- The human brain isn't developed until age 25-ish. There are clear biological differences between different ages, even between someone in their early twenties and someone in their early forties.
- Societal difference between different ages are: different levels of life experience (work, social, schooling, romantic, sexual, economic, status etc). Some of these are simply not attainable to those who are younger due to how society is set up; for example a 16 year old is not very likely to have a phD.
- These differences CAN create a divide between those who have a significant difference in age. They might not, but they can.

[Anon-ymous1]

Ah, the brain-development. Right. As though such nonsense matters.
Well, logically, if it does matter, and since you're not in control of yourself yet-- since you're not yet twenty-five, if your profile age is to be believed-- how do you have any idea what you're talking about? How would anyone below the magical age of twenty-five have any idea what they were talking about? Maybe they don't. Right?

Your definition of settling down is okay; I don't know what you're saying with "straw man" thus and such. A "straw man" would be telling you, lumos, that your opinion doesn't matter and isn't relevant because, after all, you're clearly an American. And everyone knows that Americans know nothing about romance or attraction. Or you're clearly 5'6", or something, and people who are 5'6" have skewed views about age and attraction.

*Those* are straw man discussions-- saying your opinion is baseless because of something completely and utterly unrelated to it. You know that, right?

[lumos]

Some of your straw men: "So someone can only settle if they marry?" "So... people who only want to rent aren't mature?" "How would anyone below the magical age of twenty-five have any idea what they were talking about?"

"A straw man is a common form of argument and is an informal fallacy based on giving the impression of refuting an opponent's argument, while actually refuting an argument that was not presented by that opponent. (...) The typical straw man argument creates the illusion of having completely refuted or defeated an opponent's proposition through the covert replacement of it with a different proposition (i. e., "stand up a straw man") and the subsequent refutation of that false argument ("knock down a straw man") instead of the opponent's proposition."

You're taking what I'm saying to the very twisted extreme, when none of the "questions" (read: "rebuttals") you were asking me was about anything that I even remotely implied. You're overinterpreting what I'm saying

[lumos]

to the point where you're attacking something you've made up, not something that I've actually said or even implied.
I'm not going to continue having this debate with you for as long as you go out of your way to talk about nonsense that makes no sense in this discussions. I stand by my opinion, which simply boils down to; to some people age matters, to others it doesn't. Some people get along fine with someone of a significantly different age, others don't. Hence why age neither matters nor doesn't matter, it all depends on the person and who they're with.

[AdmiralBailey]

This is one of those "women don't enjoy sex with older men even if he looks like Brad Pitt" type of chicks. And when it comes to manipulation; way more young girls use old men than the other way around. Women will always move the goal posts, dude. Stop paying western women any mind. Get a passport and explore your options.

[AdmiralBailey]

Why not suggest that you shouldn't date someone because of their IQ score if brain development is so important. Or you should leave your partner if they develop Alzheimers? Let's segregate ourselves from everyone of a different brain chemistry then

[lumos]

@AdmiralBailey jesus, it’s like nobody is even properly reading what I’m writing and creating arguments out of things I never even said. Go away.

[Anon-ymous1]

@lumos... So, I'm not misinterpreting anything you said. I'm merely extrapolating things you did indeed imply. Apparently what we disagree on are those implications. You don't think you implied what you obviously did-- okay. You did, but whatever. And I didn't attack you at all.

I think an issue here isn't your stance; I already made it clear that I know that age matters to some people-- everyone knows that. The entire point of the section under "Problem 2" is that people don't actually tend to think about the restrictions they impose on themselves in anything resembling a logical light. The lines they draw don't make any sense. Is five years your restriction? Okay, so what if someone's five years and a week? They're off the table? And if that's okay, why not five years and two weeks? or five years and three weeks? and so on. People want to do that? Fine. As long as they don't judge others who realize that's dumb, then they're welcome to do what they want. It's a free country.

[lumos]

I’m bored. Have fun with your strawmen and extremely flawed debating skils. ✌️

[Anon-ymous1]

Thumbs up indeed. Guess that means you lost. Bye.

[lumos]

Don't misinterpret me not wanting to put up with your poor debating skills as you "winning".

[Anon-ymous1]

You're still here?

[Jon_25]

I definitely agree with this take. @anon-ymous1 if you still want to argue about it I would like to try and explain why I agree with her, if you want. I'm basically just putting "I agree with her" as my opinion, because she said it exactly and I don't want to try and word it myself cause I'm lazy. But I'll defend the stance there if you are interested.

(Also I agree completely @lumos great reply)

[WalterRadio]

It isn't anyone's business who one sleeps with except the two (or more) people involved as long as they are both over 18. This is true for race, age, orientation, and religion.

"the older party is trying to "take advantage" of the younger party"
It is more the other way around. An older guy can take the younger girl on trips, expensive events, buy her nice things, cover her rent if she is short for the month; he can give her career advice allowing her to leapfrog her peers. She is taking advantage of him, but he is aware of it and is ok with it, as he has the ability to do so.

I have noticed that there are four kinds of people who object to May-December romances.

1. Young boys who are jealous of the older man because they do not compete well due to being poor and inexperienced.
2. Young women who are jealous of the other girl because her own boyfriend of about the same age is inferior to the older boyfriend of the other girl and is not capable of providing the same standard of living.
3. Older women who are jealous of the younger woman for taking the kind of man she would like for herself.
4. Fathers who don't like the idea that their little girl is having sex. (it may not matter the age of the guy)

[Anon-ymous1]

There's definitely some truth to that.

[Figen]

Nice rant and right on lol. I have different view than in my youth. I have dated had relations with older men 7 to 10 year gap. The only thing I can say is no I don't think age matters but there are several factors to consider when you date someone with a huge age difference. Like for example being on the same wavelength for one and then putting up with all that entails in that kind of relationship such as maturity level for one, goals, interests and expectations of the other. Sometimes those things don't dawn on you til later esp when one is in the moment but I think its all a matter of what you wanna put up with. Age and the stigmas it comes with when dating/being with older/younger persons shouldn't hinder someone from pursing if there is like and especially love involved.

[bethshepherd]

It sounds like you are saying that others are not allowed to find a big age gap creepy. Well nothing you can do about it. In some cases it is creepy, my view, and it is up to me. I have known age gap relationships work very well and others split up - but that does not mean that the age gap caused it. If the younger one is mature and experienced for their age it could work well. But when a young girl is in awe of an older man, like a father figure, and expects him to take care of her and pay for everything, it usually ends in tears for one or both.

[Anon-ymous1]

You're right-- "that does not mean the age gap caused it." It sounds like you're actually on my side.

[DevikaButts95]

"Derp "They liked some of my old Facebook photos ewwww!""
I could have been with you but like that is creepy and stalker-like. You literally said once sentence earlier, unless they're being a stalker, then you try to say that doing something that is stalker-like is not creepy. Lmao.
And Problem 2 is just a stupid argument. "What do you mean the same age. Same age means exactly born on the same date!" No it doesn't, everyone knows that is not meant so literally. It means around the same age. You know this, we know this, why'd you even argue what same age technically means, it doesn't work here.
Otherwise, agree. You do you is a better way to sum this up.

[Anon-ymous1]

... I have no idea how to comment about most of that.

[Anon-ymous1]

You missed the part where I said "physical" stalking. And if you don't want your Facebook pics looked at, why do they exist? Take them offline then.

[DevikaButts95]

Stalking is creepy bro, doesn't matter whether it's digital or physical.
Well there's a few basic reasons one might leave them up.
1. Most important, people don't want to spend time wasting time deleting photos so random people don't go looking through them. That's a ridiculous expectation and you're absolutely insane for expecting it.
2. Maybe I want to look through the old photos at some point.
3. Maybe my friends want to look through the old photos at some point.
4. Didn't say one didn't have the right to look at them, feel free to, but guess what, if you're a random dude looking through all my old photos and you're liking them to notify me, you're gunna be labeled as creepy and attention-seeking. Lmao. Common sense dude, I'm guessing you must have gotten labeled a creep this way, justifiably so to defend it so hard.

[Anon-ymous1]

Digital stalking isn't stalking. That's my point. Only people who have never actually been stalked-- physically-- think looking through old Facebook pics constitutes stalking and don't know what they're talking about. It's not stalking. At all.

[Anon-ymous1]

No I've never been labeled one as far as I know, and it doesn't matter. I've never been labeled a murderer or some shit either but that doesn't mean I wouldn't stop defending someone who was innocent of murder that people just wanted to call a murderer. That's an extreme example perhaps but either a label fits or it doesn't. I don't understand the point of excusing shitty behavior by saying "bro it's funny that you even care." I care because that's part of being a decent person. I don't understand your point.

[DevikaButts95]

"Digital STALKING isn't STALKING."
Auto refutes you really but anyhow: www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/stalking
Definition 3 of the transitive verb, there you go. Wasn't debating what stalking means or doesn't mean. It is stalking.

[Anon-ymous1]

No. It's not. But anyway.

[Vyxzuw]

3. Maybe my friends want to look through the old photos at some point.

So, if a younger guy goes through your old photos, that's okay, but older isn't?

Either it's creepy behavior, or it isn't.

Also, someone finding your profile for the first time will go through and look at stuff.
The stalking part comes from if they KEEP doing it.

Plus, someone can like a photo and then go: oh crap, I didn't want to click that.

[Anon-ymous1]

@Vyxzuw Well said.

[DevikaButts95]

"No. It's not. But anyways"
Lmao thanks for admitting I'm right, you didn't even refute me. Life doesn't work with the "no, you're wrong" you actually gotta say something. Lmao.
Anyways, that was a fact as evidenced, so there;s no point in arguing with it saying it's not correct anyways.

[DevikaButts95]

@Vyxzuw
"Maybe my FRIENDS want to look through the old photos at some point."
Where the hell does it say younger guys, I want to know. Lmao. I believe that says "friends". Friends is the word you're looking for.
"Either it's creepy behavior, or it isn't." Incorrect. Like literally everything ever, everything is situational. For example, giving your mother a gift for mother's day? Very nice of you. Giving a random woman you don't know a gift for mother's day? That's fucking weird.
"Also, someone finding your profile for the first time will go through and look at stuff"
It's still stalkery, and creepily, and comes off as such. However the beautiful thing about doing that is no one has to know.
"Plus, someone can like a photo and then go: oh crap, I didn't want to click that."
But it still comes off creepy and stalkery anyways. They don't know why you liked it, that's not going to be their assumption.

[Vyxzuw]

"Where the hell does it say younger guys, I want to know. Lmao. I believe that says "friends". Friends is the word you're looking for."
"Derp "They liked some of my old Facebook photos ewwww!" uh don't fucking have old Facebook pics then if you don't want people to actually look at them."

Where does it say the person doing it isn't a friend?

[Anon-ymous1]

*Yawns* Wow. Once you have been legitimately, PHYSICALLY stalked at some point in your life, you'll realize that you had no idea what the hellfuck you're talking about. I don't wish that on you, and hopefully it never happens to you, but the result in lieu of that is that your head will continue to reside up your ass, potentially for the rest of your life. Think what you want, sis. No amount of reason works with stupid; pssst! that's you.

[DevikaButts95]

@Vyxzuw
Yea that argument doesn't work in reverse. Lmao. It (it here being the original mytake and response I assume.) doesn't specify whether the person is or isn't a friend. It can be either as far as anyone is concerned. But you can infer from what I said that it's creepy if a non-friend does it. Wow, amazing right. Reading comprehension, not hard at all.
Not to mention I asked where I said younger guys, I could have clarified it more I suppose, but I would have thought it would have been obvious given I quoted myself. Lmao.

[DevikaButts95]

I'm not arguing which is worse, just explaining to you that both are stalking (it's literally why it's called digital stalking for christ sakes.) and both are creepy. One being way worse than the other doesn't invalidate the other. Lmao.
What are you on buddy? Also ad hominem doesn't work by the way, so unfortunately with me having FACTS and you having an opinion (well, you might describe it as an opinion but you're factually wrong here so it's not even an opinion really. It's not something up to belief.) there's only one person ignoring reason and being stupid here. I don't know what to tell you. Lmao.

[Anon-ymous1]

"Lmao" indeed. And an ad hominem would apply if I said you were wrong because you're female, or an American, or a GaG user, or a softball fan, or something completely unrelated. Being wrong because you're being a total idiot... is not an ad hominem.

I guaran-damn-tee that you are about to look up "ad hominem" on like dictionary. com or whatever and post the definition here in a sad attempt to try to prove me wrong, though perhaps you'll change your mind now that I've already called you out as likely to do it.

[DevikaButts95]

Ad hominem: making arguments about the person to try and make your side right.
I. E. the bread and butter of your argument being: "you're an idiot" doesn't fly here. That doesn't refute anything or serve any purpose, and doesn't succeed. You just look stupid.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ad_hominem
There you go, and yes I did do it. See, me sourcing facts is what makes me not an idiot and objectively right. Lmao.

[Vyxzuw]

It does work in reverse.

The MyTake is about age difference. So you can assume that when he gave an example of the Facebook photos, it means you would see a situation where you would be okay with a young person doing it and being creeped out when an older person does it.

Thus, if an older friend likes a photo, you go 'EW!' but a younger person you are okay with.

If it's creepy regardless than why mention it in a MyTake about age difference?

It has to do with context. You assumed what they meant, rather than tried to understand what they were talking about. And you Lmao comes off as aggressive, by the way.

However, based on his follow-up comments, I'd say he deserves it. And may have meant the behavior in general, anyways.

Like some guy looking at older posts, and then liking a photo of someone in a swimsuit.
Even if they are an instragram model, that's weird. (Plus, he said Facebook.)

[Anon-ymous1]

No... you're still an idiot. "Lmao" indeed; very creative. You must be highly educated.

[DevikaButts95]

@Vyxzuw
"The MyTake is about age difference. So you can assume that when he gave an example of the Facebook photos, it means you would see a situation where you would be okay with a young person doing it and being creeped out when an older person does it."
No, you can't assume anything about me from what he said.
"If it's creepy regardless than why mention it in a MyTake about age difference?"
Because he argued it's not creepy for anyone to do it. " In fact, don't label anyone "creepy" who isn't legitimately being a jackass and a physical stalker. Derp "They liked some of my old Facebook photos ewwww!"" READING COMPREHENSION. Basic English here. You keep talking about context here but you fail to understand what is said within context. There is not a single point where I said specifically said it's creepy if older guys like old facebook photos, I implied it's creepy if non-friends do it. I can not literally spell it out any clearer for you buddy, what do you want?

[DevikaButts95]

"No... you're still an idiot. "Lmao" indeed; very creative. You must be highly educated."
Lmao remember what I said about how ad hominem doesn't work sweetie? Once again, you didn't refute a single thing I said so thanks for agreeing with me. :)

[Vyxzuw]

'No, you can't assume anything about me from what he said.'

And yet you want to assume that he meant a random stranger.
You are responding to him. Thus I don't care what you consider creepy. It's what you think about his statement that is the issue.

He's talking about age difference and giving an example. Which means he's talking about an example where someone would be creeped out if an older person did it, and not a younger person.

'Because he argued it's not creepy for anyone to do it.'
No he didn't.
Just like you have examples where it would be okay, it's reasonable to assume that he would say some examples where it's not okay. Like a crazy ex who keeps liking your photos.
You know, actual stalking.

He's saying that if you put up photos on Facebook, it's the same as putting them on the outside of a locker. People will look at them. If you want them private, then set them to private.

[Vyxzuw]

He also talks about the word stalking. Since it has a meaning that the person means you harm.

The term stalking and creepy gets thrown around too easily.

Yes, that behavior is odd, but it's not stalking.
If they KEEP doing it, then it is.

Think of it like this. If someone hits on you at work, it can be inapproriate, but it's not harrassment.
If they KEEP doing it, then it's harrassment.

Someone going through your photos and liking one, is not stalking.
Someone doing it continuously over weeks, is.

[DevikaButts95]

@Vyxzuw
"And yet you want to assume that he meant a random stranger."
No, I clearly stated last time he said nothing about the fact about who it was, then specified that I only think it's creepy when a stranger does it. You're just an idiot. Literally, that's the only explanation I can come up with for this. READING COMPREHENSION.
"You are responding to him. Thus I don't care what you consider creepy. It's what you think about his statement that is the issue."
You don't get to decide what this is about. I'm responding to a speciifc part of his mytake. Even if it wasn't in his mytake, doesn't matter. We could be talking about puppies. It's what I said in this comment that started the chain of conversation. That's how it works. Deal with it. Likewise, if you could understand reading comprehension on any level, you'd see that I said "Otherwise, agree. You do you is a better way to sum this up." about the issue, but you're so stupid you don't know how to read.

[DevikaButts95]

@Vyxzuw
"He's talking about age difference and giving an example. Which means he's talking about an example where someone would be creeped out if an older person did it, and not a younger person."
And I was giving reasons why I keep my old facebook photos up you idiot. READ. Understand what you're fucking arguing.
"'Because he argued it's not creepy for anyone to do it.'
No he didn't."
I literally quoted him saying it. Here it is again: "In fact, don't label anyone "creepy" who isn't legitimately being a jackass and a physical stalker. Derp "They liked some of my old Facebook photos ewwww!" uh don't fucking have old Facebook pics then if you don't want people to actually look at them."
"Like a crazy ex who keeps liking your photos.
You know, actual stalking." If you've been paying attention, he's been saying this is not a problem and digital stalking is not stalking. But you can't fucking read.

[DevikaButts95]

@Vyxzuw
"He's saying that if you put up photos on Facebook, it's the same as putting them on the outside of a locker. People will look at them. If you want them private, then set them to private."
And if some random dude hangs outside your locker gawking at your photos, that's creepy. And that is stalking. I understand what he's saying, you don't understand what it comes off to be creepy.
"The term stalking and creepy gets thrown around too easily."
I agree on the creepy thing at least. Maybe stalking. This isn't one of those situations though, these are genuinely creepy things for most people.
"Yes, that behavior is odd, but it's not stalking."
From merriam webster: "to pursue obsessively and to the point of harassment" You actually don't have to repeatedly keep doing it. You can just do it once. Repetition is not part of the definition.

[DevikaButts95]

@Vyxzuw
"Think of it like this. If someone hits on you at work, it can be inapproriate, but it's not harrassment."
If someone touches my boob at work, it is harassment. They don't get a free touch before it can be considered harassment mate. Repetition is not a needed part of the definition.
"Someone going through your photos and liking one, is not stalking.
Someone doing it continuously over weeks, is."
If someone is following you around, that's stalking. It doesn't matter if they do it once, or if they do it multiple times. If someone literally follows you around all day, they just stalked you. That's how the word works. It's 100% more of a problem if someone is continously following you, but you can call someone who doesn't do it more than once a stalker, factually.
At the very least, thank you for being not an idiot in your second response. The first response was so mindblowingly ignorant I was borderline blocking you because you're not worth the energy.

[Vyxzuw]

'I'm responding to a speciifc part of his mytake.'
And then choosing to interpret it by only looking at that one part and not what he means.

There are girls who will complain about an older friend posting a like to one of their old photos, saying 'EW, what a creep.'
It could even be just them posting a like about them going to a restaurant and saying they liked that place also.

But since it's an older person, they call them a creep.

That's why he gave the example. A poor example, since that behavior is still considered socially weird, but it's not stalking.

'You don't get to decide what this is about.'
No, the facts do. It's a comment about the MyTake, hence he deals with the MyTake and you don't get to pretend it doesn't.

He tried to give an example of something where people will say it's creepy when it isn't.
There are cases where it isn't creepy, and to follow the rest of the MyTake one would assume he meant one of those.

[Vyxzuw]

'If you've been paying attention, he's been saying this is not a problem and digital stalking is not stalking.'

Which is dumb. If I buy a drone and spy on someone, I'm not 'physically' stalking them, my drone is.
To take it further, if I use software to spy on someone, I'm not 'physically' stalking them, the software is.
Except, it IS stalking.

'"to pursue obsessively and to the point of harassment"'
Pursuit online is pursuit, and can be to the point of harassment.

It's the threat of harm that constitutes assault, not the actuality of it, which is battery.
So if someone is online stalking you, they are assaulting you with the possibility that it will become physical at some point.

But, that's not what we were talking about.
Also, note the: 'and to the point of harassment"
to the point of harassment means repetition.

Legal harassment requires someone to REPEATEDLY do something when they know it is unwanted.

Touching a person is assault, it's beyond harassment.

[Vyxzuw]

'At the very least, thank you for being not an idiot in your second response. The first response was so mindblowingly ignorant I was borderline blocking you because you're not worth the energy. '

I'm trying to not respond to your insults and talk to you with respect. I wish you'd give other people the same effort I am.

[majorG]

Pretty much agree. Judging other people's private lives is so sad, and can be super limiting. You only live once! However, having known an older dude who married a young woman (he was in his fifties - she in her twenties), he had some guilt after they divorced. He felt like it hadn't been healthy for her.

[Anon-ymous1]

Fair enough. I think that's a pretty common feeling in any divorce though, regardless of the ages of the parties.

[majorG]

Sure, but she had issues, and he kinda felt like their unusual relationship had further alienated her from people her own age. Whether you put that down to their closed-mindedness, or to the relationship is up to you.

[Djaay]

Age differences don't matter whatsoever. If it's not your fort'e , move on. Articulate your own preferences , not mine or anyone else's. My buisness like others, is invitational only. Societal extremities , judicial paradymes and desphoribic opinions have NO such place in a person's heart or the love they themselfs experience with another. The better question arises , why do you feel the need to wedge yourself in the middle of someone's personal endeavors that never included you to began with ?

[BrittBratt2416]

Well it depends on the age gap, that it can matter. some men might not want to do what 20 years old do, like going to bars, drinking , etc. They been there , done that and they just want to stay home, be comfortable and watch some tv. But if a girl there dating is like in her early 20's and he's 45/50, she's gonna want to go out and have fun and do a whole bunch of things that his body might can't keep up with. Also their interest might be completely different cause their at two different stages in life. But for the most part, yeah it don't matter.. as long as its not a 13 year old girl with a 30 year old man. That's when it does matter.

[BrittBratt2416]

sorry but i do find 51 and 19 way to far apart... that's basically dad and daughter.

[Djaay]

How old was Mary when she conceived Jesus?

[BrittBratt2416]

@Djaay what does mary have to with two different ages dating?

[Djaay]

Figured you would find a geievience with the question. Everything accually...

[Ellie-V]

Older men that get with girls young enough to be their daughter is disturbing. And it's a bit hypocritical because a lot of older men avoid women their age because they don't look young or they don't have the youthful body type. But the older men themselves aren't hot shit either!!!
I can understand when women want an older guys because young ones are immature but be be physically involved with someone who could be your granddad is disgusting.
For both genders, id say no more & no less than 10 years max. 11+ years older/younger is just nasty.
Also... nothing illegal! No underage crap with a 15 tear old and someone like...45. That's rape.

[Anon-ymous1]

As I pointed out logically in the Take, those can be your personal barriers on yourself if you want, for some reason, but they're technically completely arbitrary. As long as you don't judge others for not conforming to your personal thing, then hey, do whatever you want.

[zagor]

Define your own limits, Ellie, not those of others. I worked with a woman married to a guy 20 years younger. The President of France is much younger than his wife. I like girls a lot younger. Your disgust is your own.

[Ellie-V]

@zagor I don't think people should be okay with huge age gaps. It's foul, in my personal opinion. But i'm not gonna try to stop someone from living their lives. Good for that couple, hope they're happy.

[lavarule]

An 18 year old with a 15 year old is rape.

[Ellie-V]

@lavarule yes it is

[zagor]

@lavarule How about a 15 year old with a 12 year old?

[Ellie-V]

@zagor still weird in my opinion

[lavarule]

Legally not rape, but 15 year olds and 12 year olds shouldn't be doing that.

[LittleSally]

Ummm... yes they do...
The only ones who say this and truly mean it are the older guys who try to get the younger girls to sleep with them... or are socially inept so they prey on younger girls who don't know any better...
And the younger girls who were brainwashed by the pedophile when they were a kind online... that't who.

[Anon-ymous1]

Ah I thought you'd be here. So, hi!

You're wrong.

[DevikaButts95]

I mean older guys who prey on younger girls do say this, but it's 1. not all older guys preying on younger girls and 2. if both parties are happy it truly ain't your business LittleSally and it really doesn't matter.

[Vyxzuw]

Um, younger guys prey on girls their same age also. Does them being the same age mean it's okay?

No, of course not.
The issue is whether someone is being taken advantage of, not the age difference involved.

Consider a teen (18-19) mother who is dating an older man who has never had a relationship.
Is she being taken advantage of? Is she taking advantage of him?

Again, it's the details of the relationship that matter, not a bias based on the difference of their ages.

[Max_winner1]

I see someone touched you when you were young little ginger.

[kikiki45]

@Max_winner1 the fuck?

[Jon_25]

@Max_winner1 Fuck off, you've been touched in the head since you were little.

[Max_winner1]

@Jon_25 and who the fuck are you? Don't matter you are nothing important just a boy with a pussy.

[Jon_25]

@Max_winner1 I am that guy that's just as relevant to this conversation as you are. And I don't have a pussy.
If you can make assumptions like that, then I can assume about you. I don't know about you, but I'm in America, and I can tell you to fuck off from someone else's conversation if you are butting in as well. Especially when you're acting like that.

What the fuck makes you think that is the case-- and if it were the case-- that you should joke about it like that? You're ignorant, you're arrogant, and you're out of place. I'm just joining you. So fuck off or deal with it.

[zagor]

"The only ones who say this and truly mean it are the older guys who try to get the younger girls to sleep with them"... BS, LS. There are a lot of younger girls who go for older guys. AND there are younger guys who go for older women - see President Macron.

[lavarule]

@zagor Technically she's got a point. Younger guys don't want the competition so don't want older guys trying to get older girls. Older girls don't like guys going after younger girls so they don't agree, so that leaves two groups that think it's OK. Older guys that do it and younger girls that like older guys.

[Age_dsnt_matter]

Look.. age is not the problem in relationships. I am 26 years older than the amazing woman with who I just celebrated our 3rd year together... we live together, and truly love each other. We met by total coincidence as neither were out looking so to speak.
By the way.. she is a teacher, and I am. An hvacr tech, so it has nothing to do with money or anything else but true love!

[Age_dsnt_matter]

by the way.. I have a daughter who is 21 and a son who is 24.. they think she is great, and treat her with respect.

[Anon-ymous1]

Cool man.

[hasrett]

Saying it age difference does not matter is the same generalization like saying it does matter.
It's some relationships does, in some doesn't, it's just a matter of individuals.

The whole 'Problem 2' paragraph - you're taking things to absurd. It's really unnecessary.

[Anon-ymous1]

No, I'm not, and it is necessary.

[hasrett]

Why is it necessary?

[Anon-ymous1]

Because it gets to the heart of the irrationality behind peoples' supposition that the "same age" matters.

[hasrett]

No, you're just making the statement into something that it obviously isn't.

[Anon-ymous1]

Uh. I don't know what you mean.

[hasrett]

''you do realize, I hope, that what you're saying technically means you feel that people (including yourself) should only be able to date/fuck/be romantic with people who were born the same year, right? Or even the same day?''
That's what I mean.

[Anon-ymous1]

Yes... that's what "same" means. Equal to. Congruent. So if someone thinks that only people of the same age should have sex or be attracted to each other, then they have to think that the parties involved have to be in it the same year. That's what "same" means. So if they justifiably think that's stupid because they themselves are attracted to people outside that range, then that makes them a hypocrite. And if they're a hypocrite, their opinion no longer matters.

[Anon-ymous1]

All of which I said in the post.

[hasrett]

Yes, I have read that part as well.
I see you like to bring semantics into your posts. Which is okay sometimes, but not in this case. Most people have at least so much common sense to know it does not mean exactly the same hour, minute or second.

[Anon-ymous1]

No, most people are idiots.

[hasrett]

Yeah but not so much.

[Anon-ymous1]

It's not semantics, anyway-- it's logic. Period. It's simply pointing out that peoples' ranges they give themselves or try to impose on others don't actually make any sense if you really think about it a bit. So you can impose them on yourself if you want, even though they don't make sense, but don't hold other people to that standard.

[hasrett]

That sentence doesn't make sense when you interpret it in the way that does not make sense and that is wrong. It has no logic because you're saying it means something it doesn't.
Anyway, that's purely my comment on that paragraph, not the whole take.

[Anon-ymous1]

I have no idea what you just said. But... okay. Anyway.

[hasrett]

You're a smart man. I'm sure you could figure it out. But okay.

[keenybmr]

Pull my teeth out and stick it in my ear if that girl isn't a gold digger and the guy isn't a perv.

What 19 year old will have anything in common with a dude in his 50s?

[Anon-ymous1]

Perhaps you'd have to get to know them to find out. It may be very little, or it may be a lot. Since people are different, obviously.

[zagor]

My female friend hooked up with a 60-something guy when she was 21. Yeah, it didn't last, but how many hookups with other 21 year olds last? And he didn't have $ and she didn't care about $. Sorry about your teeth...

[MlleCake]

Having been older by quite a lot and younger by quite a lot in relationships, and also dating people in my same general age group, I can tell you that it sometimes makes a difference and it sometimes doesn't. The bigger the age gap the more difference it is likely to make.

That isn't to say that these relationships should be avoided, but they aren't "no big deal" either. They are best approached with reservation I think.

[Anon-ymous1]

Perhaps. I don't agree with "reservation" but maybe "approach with care" would be more apt.

Then again, the same could be said for all relations.

[Oram52]

" I can tell you that it sometimes makes a difference and it sometimes doesn't. The bigger the age gap the more difference it is likely to make."

Make difference in what way can you elaborate, and how much of a problem does it become in the relationship?

[MlleCake]

@Oram52 For me, the biggest issues were being at a very different stage in life that the other could not relate to, and dating a much younger person became an exhausting amount of work.

[Celtero]

Of course it can matter, anything can. Though, it really depends on the intentions of each party and the prospects of the relationship.

If they're together just because it's a kinky age gap... it won't work!

Though, most people just disapprove because they get jealous.

[Anon-ymous1]

I think jealousy is definitely a determining factor.

[CubsterShura]

While it is true that one has to be careful about being in an age-gap relationship, being with someone of same age doesn't guarantee a healthy relationship either. So in the end it's really up to the couple. ._.

[cherryphi82]

Having dated guys way out of my age range, especially younger, has absolutely shown me there is a difference. Sometimes that's positive, but a lot of times, we just don't have anything in common because we are at such different stages and levels of knowledge/experience in life.