Age Differences In Relationships DO NOT MATTER, People

This shouldn't take too long.

This Take was inspired by a question asked today by a girl which asked if an age gap of 51 (male) to 19 (female) was too much and was "creepy." And some people nodded in the affirmative and others said no, it wasn't creepy.

Age Differences In Relationships DO NOT MATTER, People

Problem 1:

Don't label other peoples' relationships creepy. In fact, don't label anyone "creepy" who isn't legitimately being a jackass and a physical stalker. Derp "They liked some of my old Facebook photos ewwww!" uh don't fucking have old Facebook pics then if you don't want people to actually look at them.

Don't just throw that label around because you think it's funny or it makes you feel empowered somehow to insult someone else-- "creepy" is a label that is often erroneously applied to males by females, and it's mean and shitty. It is likewise just as mean and shitty for males to call girls bitches or cunts who... aren't acting like bitches or cunts. Throwing negative labels around in situations where you shouldn't just makes YOU the asshole, not them. So stop.

Problem 2:

Some people seem to believe that only people of "the same age," whatever the hell that even means, should be engaged romantically/sexually/physically with each other. But as I just said... what does that actually mean? Attention anyone who feels that way, male or female-- you do realize, I hope, that what you're saying technically means you feel that people (including yourself) should only be able to date/fuck/be romantic with people who were born the same year, right? Or even the same day? Because "the same age" is pretty clear: "Same" means "equal." Synonymous. Congruent to. 15=15. 25=25. 25 does not equal 24 does it? So anyone who thinks that people should only be physically attracted to people of "the same age" means you can't be attracted to or interested in anyone who isn't your age, like you said-- you're eighteen, let's imagine? Or thirty, or something? Cool, if you're attracted to anyone who is even a day over or under eighteen or thirty, respectively, then you're a hypocrite. And once you're a hypocrite, your opinion is worthless and stupid. You lose.

Age Differences In Relationships DO NOT MATTER, People

"Oh, well I didn't mean like literally the same age when I said people of the same age should only be allowed to date. I mean like, generally the same age."

Ohhhhhhh.... I see, how interesting. So what you mean is, "same age" is subjective? As is attraction?

Maybe you should have said that. Since it's, you know, the truth.

Look, this is very, very simple. The parties involved in the attraction or sexual relationship or whatever: Do they like each other? Are they good to each other?

Are they attracted to each other? Do they like having sex with each other? Yes? Okay then. So why do you care? Is it your business? If you for some weird reason want to pigeonhole yourself into set parameters and say "I won't date anyone who is more than five years older than me!" even though let's say the next day you meet a person who you're really attracted to and is cool, and then it turns out they're five years and ONE DAY older than you, then hey, you do what you want in your life and turn them down. But most people aren't like that, SO basically... chill.

To answer the girl's question who asked it, no sis, it's not creepy or weird. As long as the legal age of consent is met, which varies place to place sometimes, then it's your body and your decision what to do with it and who to have sex with or cuddle with or whatever, as long as you're not hurting someone else. It's not weird for an older guy to be attracted to a younger girl-- it's actually incredibly normal and has been happening since the dawn of civilization probably. It's also normal for younger guys to sometimes be attracted to older chicks. There's nothing wrong with it, and thinking something is wrong with it is not only often hypocritical, but illogical and irrational.

Sometimes people claim that the older party is trying to "take advantage" of the younger party.... uh 1) Where is your proof of that, and 2) Why are you assuming that everyone's physical age automatically correlates with having the exact same emotional security that they "should have" (whatever that means) at that time? What if the older party is just young at heart? Or the younger party a bit older at heart? That shit happens all the time, people. And those of you who aren't cool with it can hopefully rethink your position, since it doesn't actually make any sense.

Age Differences In Relationships DO NOT MATTER, People

Thanks for reading.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Nice MyTake, couldn't agree more. I'm 21 and my boyfriend is 34. We've been together almost a year now and never even argue. A lot of people doubted us going out and judged the age gap, but just because we have a big age gap doesn't mean we're not on the same page or want the same things or at the same maturity level. I feel like we fit incredibly well together, so why should i turn that away to date someone who is 'my age' who could actually be the one taking advantage of me? Age is literally how long you've lived on this earth, as long as its consent age, its doesn't even matter.

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    • "We've been together almost a year now and never even argue": That is not healthy

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    • @BrittBratt2416 it is not about not having arguments, it is about how you are going to handle those. FYI, some pro manipulators avoid arguments.

    • @AL3XXG When i say we don't argue, I mean we don't have fights. We've had a few disagreements, but haven't fought about it, but settled it or apologized. I'm sorry I didn't make that clearer but didn't feel the need. The odd disagreement is fine if handled carefully, but regular fights are NOT healthy.

Most Helpful Guys

  • Age is meaningless even if you're both of the same age to the exact second because my 22 could be way different from her 22 in terms of life experience and accomplishments

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  • Well there are some potential issues in relationships with a large age gap
    These are issues for the couple to resolve and is not anyone else's problem so you are right about the whole labelling it creepy and such
    People should be less judgmental
    But that is not to say there are no real issues there are and so they do matter
    But they matter only to those who it directly concerns

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What Girls Said 20

  • Ummm... yes they do...
    The only ones who say this and truly mean it are the older guys who try to get the younger girls to sleep with them... or are socially inept so they prey on younger girls who don't know any better...
    And the younger girls who were brainwashed by the pedophile when they were a kind online... that't who.

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    • Ah I thought you'd be here. So, hi!

      You're wrong.

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    • "The only ones who say this and truly mean it are the older guys who try to get the younger girls to sleep with them"... BS, LS. There are a lot of younger girls who go for older guys. AND there are younger guys who go for older women - see President Macron.

    • @zagor Technically she's got a point. Younger guys don't want the competition so don't want older guys trying to get older girls. Older girls don't like guys going after younger girls so they don't agree, so that leaves two groups that think it's OK. Older guys that do it and younger girls that like older guys.

  • Hmm lets look at some research:

    docs.lib.purdue.edu/.../viewcontent.cgi

    - In Western societies, adult men generally prefer female partners who are
    somewhat younger than themselves, while adult women generally prefer male partners who are somewhat older than themselves (e. g., Buss, 1989; Kenrick, Gabrielidis, Keefe, & Cornelius, 1996; Kenrick & Keefe, 1992).

    - women’s maximum acceptable age for a male partner is approximately 10 years above their own age, with this number remaining relatively constant as women age (Kenrick & Keefe, 1992)

    - age-gap relationships are not doomed to fail simply because of the age discrepancy that exists between the partners... Instead, the social network in which such relationships are embedded appears to have extremely important consequences for the future success of such relationships (see Etcheverry & Agnew, 2004).

    www.psychologytoday.com/.../is-big-age-difference-problematic-relationship

    - A widely-circulated 2014 Emory University study of 3,000 recently married and divorced people showed that age gap was correlated with breaking up; couples with ages falling within five years of each other were significantly less likely to divorce than couples who had age gaps of, say, 10 or 20 years.

    - However, that’s just one study; others, like a 2008 analysis of data from England and Wales, show there is not a significant association between age gap and marriage dissolution.

    - Research from 2017 shows that both men and women who marry younger than themselves are often initially happier, but see a sharper decline in satisfaction over time.

    - Those who marry spouses of similar ages, by comparison, are more stable in terms of happiness and fulfillment, and perhaps more resilient as a result

    link.springer.com/article/10.1353/dem.0.0106
    - Controlling for confounding factors such as education and wealth, results suggest that having a younger spouse is beneficial for men but detrimental for women, while having an older spouse is detrimental for both sexes.

    TLDR: Age gaps are generally perceived negatively by society. The idea of the older individual being manipulative is generally unsupported by evidence. Rather, the success of their relationship is strongly correlated to the support they have. Overall, evidence suggest there's no right or wrong to this, and it's better for partners to decide for themselves.

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    • Definitely.

    • The age difference leading to divorce study is always interesting.
      One thing that isn't mentioned is that a lot of those older guys are on their second marriage.

      Someone who has divorced has a higher chance of divorcing again. So, that can be a hidden factor that isn't mentioned.

    • @Vyxzuw interesting

  • Actually, they do matter. To an extent, and depending on what type of relationship we're talking about. Sexual? Eh, someone younger and more inexperienced is more likely to be easily manipulated by someone who's older and more experienced. Romantic? It's just a simple fact that there are different life stages people go through. A person who's in their thirties and ready to settle down is simply not in the same mental state as someone in their late teens, who's still trying to figure themselves out. It would not be fair for the person who's ready to settle down to have to wait around for the younger one who still wants to party and behave impulsively. It also wouldn't be fair to force the younger one to settle down when they don't even know what they want yet, or who they really are.
    Sure, there are exceptions. Some older people can still be really immature and have no clue what they're doing with their life, whereas some younger people knew exactly what they wanted to do at the age of 4. But these don't represent the general population. The general population matures at a steady, but limited, pace. The human brain isn't even fully developed until around year 25. There are some pretty big biological differences between young people and old people, not just societal. Hence, age does matter to some degree, and to say that it doesn't matter is just as extreme as saying it 100% matters.
    Some people have no trouble being with someone who's significantly younger or older than them, whereas other people break up and are completely incompatible SINGLEHANDEDLY because of that reason.

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    • Okay... well you seem concerned with "settling down," but I think it's a false dichotomy you've created if you are going to correlate settling down = maturity. What does "settling down" even actually mean? It doesn't really mean anything. Get married? Is that what it means? So someone can only settle if they marry? What if they don't want to marry? Does that mean they're immature? Or it does mean they're mature? Or something? What about the 18-20 crowd who gets married? Are they more mature, or something, than people ten years older than they are who don't really want that yet? Buying a house? So... people who only want to rent aren't mature? Or something?

      I personally believe that many terms and conditions we all set on ourselves in this life don't really stand up to logical scrutiny when we think of them clearly. Including the term "settle down."

      When is someone no longer "young" and when is someone now "old?" We're talking about ages here, right? So where are the lines drawn?

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    • You're still here?

    • I definitely agree with this take. @anon-ymous1 if you still want to argue about it I would like to try and explain why I agree with her, if you want. I'm basically just putting "I agree with her" as my opinion, because she said it exactly and I don't want to try and word it myself cause I'm lazy. But I'll defend the stance there if you are interested.

      (Also I agree completely @lumos great reply)

  • Having been older by quite a lot and younger by quite a lot in relationships, and also dating people in my same general age group, I can tell you that it sometimes makes a difference and it sometimes doesn't. The bigger the age gap the more difference it is likely to make.

    That isn't to say that these relationships should be avoided, but they aren't "no big deal" either. They are best approached with reservation I think.

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    • Perhaps. I don't agree with "reservation" but maybe "approach with care" would be more apt.

      Then again, the same could be said for all relations.

    • " I can tell you that it sometimes makes a difference and it sometimes doesn't. The bigger the age gap the more difference it is likely to make."

      Make difference in what way can you elaborate, and how much of a problem does it become in the relationship?

    • @Oram52 For me, the biggest issues were being at a very different stage in life that the other could not relate to, and dating a much younger person became an exhausting amount of work.

  • Saying it age difference does not matter is the same generalization like saying it does matter.
    It's some relationships does, in some doesn't, it's just a matter of individuals.

    The whole 'Problem 2' paragraph - you're taking things to absurd. It's really unnecessary.

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    • No, I'm not, and it is necessary.

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    • I have no idea what you just said. But... okay. Anyway.

    • You're a smart man. I'm sure you could figure it out. But okay.

  • Link the question. Is it one where she mentions he has been grooming her since she was 17? Since she was underage? If so... yeah, you missed that part and THAT'S what makes it creepy.

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    • No, that's not it. And... just no.

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    • No I just don't feel like arguing with you. You've already made up your mind. So what's the point of talking to you? I could even start agreeing with you and your initial reaction would be to disagree with whatever I said. I'm not interested. Think what you want, sis.

    • If you can't admit the predatory behavior that goes on in those type of relationships at times, especially one of 30+ years where the guy has been grooming her since she was underage, that isn't my problem... but it makes you come off as a creep, bro.

  • Older men that get with girls young enough to be their daughter is disturbing. And it's a bit hypocritical because a lot of older men avoid women their age because they don't look young or they don't have the youthful body type. But the older men themselves aren't hot shit either!!!
    I can understand when women want an older guys because young ones are immature but be be physically involved with someone who could be your granddad is disgusting.
    For both genders, id say no more & no less than 10 years max. 11+ years older/younger is just nasty.
    Also... nothing illegal! No underage crap with a 15 tear old and someone like...45. That's rape.

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    • As I pointed out logically in the Take, those can be your personal barriers on yourself if you want, for some reason, but they're technically completely arbitrary. As long as you don't judge others for not conforming to your personal thing, then hey, do whatever you want.

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    • @zagor I don't think people should be okay with huge age gaps. It's foul, in my personal opinion. But i'm not gonna try to stop someone from living their lives. Good for that couple, hope they're happy.

    • An 18 year old with a 15 year old is rape.

  • I don't care if it's legal or not, if my mate tried to shack up with someone over 22ish, i'd be like, nah that's a bit odd. Just a personal thing.

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    • When life kills my positivity

    • I'm not quite sure what that means, but, that's interesting. So it has nothing to do with your physical age? Huh. Weird.

  • While it is true that one has to be careful about being in an age-gap relationship, being with someone of same age doesn't guarantee a healthy relationship either. So in the end it's really up to the couple. ._.

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  • It sounds like you are saying that others are not allowed to find a big age gap creepy. Well nothing you can do about it. In some cases it is creepy, my view, and it is up to me. I have known age gap relationships work very well and others split up - but that does not mean that the age gap caused it. If the younger one is mature and experienced for their age it could work well. But when a young girl is in awe of an older man, like a father figure, and expects him to take care of her and pay for everything, it usually ends in tears for one or both.

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    • You're right-- "that does not mean the age gap caused it." It sounds like you're actually on my side.

  • Having dated guys way out of my age range, especially younger, has absolutely shown me there is a difference. Sometimes that's positive, but a lot of times, we just don't have anything in common because we are at such different stages and levels of knowledge/experience in life.

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  • Nice rant and right on lol. I have different view than in my youth. I have dated had relations with older men 7 to 10 year gap. The only thing I can say is no I don't think age matters but there are several factors to consider when you date someone with a huge age difference. Like for example being on the same wavelength for one and then putting up with all that entails in that kind of relationship such as maturity level for one, goals, interests and expectations of the other. Sometimes those things don't dawn on you til later esp when one is in the moment but I think its all a matter of what you wanna put up with. Age and the stigmas it comes with when dating/being with older/younger persons shouldn't hinder someone from pursing if there is like and especially love involved.

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  • "Derp "They liked some of my old Facebook photos ewwww!""
    I could have been with you but like that is creepy and stalker-like. You literally said once sentence earlier, unless they're being a stalker, then you try to say that doing something that is stalker-like is not creepy. Lmao.
    And Problem 2 is just a stupid argument. "What do you mean the same age. Same age means exactly born on the same date!" No it doesn't, everyone knows that is not meant so literally. It means around the same age. You know this, we know this, why'd you even argue what same age technically means, it doesn't work here.
    Otherwise, agree. You do you is a better way to sum this up.

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    • ... I have no idea how to comment about most of that.

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    • 'If you've been paying attention, he's been saying this is not a problem and digital stalking is not stalking.'

      Which is dumb. If I buy a drone and spy on someone, I'm not 'physically' stalking them, my drone is.
      To take it further, if I use software to spy on someone, I'm not 'physically' stalking them, the software is.
      Except, it IS stalking.

      '"to pursue obsessively and to the point of harassment"'
      Pursuit online is pursuit, and can be to the point of harassment.

      It's the threat of harm that constitutes assault, not the actuality of it, which is battery.
      So if someone is online stalking you, they are assaulting you with the possibility that it will become physical at some point.

      But, that's not what we were talking about.
      Also, note the: 'and to the point of harassment"
      to the point of harassment means repetition.

      Legal harassment requires someone to REPEATEDLY do something when they know it is unwanted.

      Touching a person is assault, it's beyond harassment.

    • 'At the very least, thank you for being not an idiot in your second response. The first response was so mindblowingly ignorant I was borderline blocking you because you're not worth the energy. '

      I'm trying to not respond to your insults and talk to you with respect. I wish you'd give other people the same effort I am.

  • Well it depends on the age gap, that it can matter. some men might not want to do what 20 years old do, like going to bars, drinking , etc. They been there , done that and they just want to stay home, be comfortable and watch some tv. But if a girl there dating is like in her early 20's and he's 45/50, she's gonna want to go out and have fun and do a whole bunch of things that his body might can't keep up with. Also their interest might be completely different cause their at two different stages in life. But for the most part, yeah it don't matter.. as long as its not a 13 year old girl with a 30 year old man. That's when it does matter.

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  • They matter to me

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    • yes,

      finally someone who agrees

      I'm tired of seeing 45 yr old men with a woman in her 20s
      like seriously if they're 45 then they should go for someone who's 43 or 47,

      stay away from us Young people am I right

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    • Sigh. So why is that your range? And isn't that "older?" It is.

      Maybe you could read the Take and see what you think.

    • @meadow-beauty Still waitin'.

  • Nice take

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  • I disagree.

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  • Great take

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  • Unless she's 4 years old, then it matters.

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  • Totally agree

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What Guys Said 36

  • I agree with the points you've made in this Take.

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  • I can say absolutely positively that age DOES matter, and it matters a LOT. That doesn't mean that large ages differences can never work. It means that there are some very very real differences, and those differences are serious and should be considered.

    There are some other problems, but one of the biggest is the fact that the two people are in different places in their lives. This affects a lot of different things. I'll give a real example to illustrate just one of them.

    Around the time I was 50 (obviously I'm older than my profile says), I *accidentally* fell for someone who was around 24-25 at that time. This was online. It happened very fast, and completely unexpected.

    I had thought about the age difference from a lot of different angles. One time it was a Friday night around 10:00PM. I went to the store to buy groceries. It was a nice summer night, with lots of people out. On the way to the store I saw several groups of young people. They were partying, getting loud, and generally having fun, with the typical high energy of youth.

    This got me thinking. If I was with this girl I fell for, and we had a real relationship, lived together, or even got married, would she look at all those people having fun and wish she was with them, having fun herself? Would there be a part of her thinking she'd like to be out there having fun with all these "kids" her age, instead of a boring Friday night grocery shopping with some old man?

    I know when I was her age, I'd want to be out having fun. I'd be doing more high energy activities, being spontaneous and crazy.

    Not that I never do any socializing at all. But it's a very different thing than when I was young. I would not want to hang out with a bunch of kids her age. It would be weird, and I just wouldn't fit it. And how would she feel if her social life consisted of hanging out with a bunch of old farts?

    Of course she could always hang out with people her age, and I hang out with people closer to my age. But wouldn't that seriously take something away from the relationship? I think it would. I think it would be two people who are in very different places in their lives, and reminded of it on a regular basis.

    I've barely even touched on all the things involved. I'm not saying it absolutely can't work. I'm saying that age most definitely makes a difference, and needs to be seriously considered.

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    • Fair enough. I appreciate your input; it's valuable. I don't totally agree but what you're saying makes sense.

    • " young people. They were partying, getting loud, and generally having fun"
      When I was 18 to 21 and saw those scenes, I always thought how I could not relate to them.

      Not every young person parties. Some of us would have rather gone to the dentist.

  • No, it does matter. A 25 and a 20 year old? Sure. A 20 year old and a 30 year old? Mkay. A 15 year old and a 25 year old? Yeh, no. That's creepy, find someone your own age ya creep or stick to ya loli hentai.

    And yes, a 51 year old dating a 19 year old is fucking creepy. She has daddy issues and he's a fuckin pedo.

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    • Just read through some of your replies, jees I can't even. I'm not going to bother taking the time to argue with you and convince you why an adult dating and possibly having sexual relations with a frickin child is fucking creepy, I'll just hope that one day you get arrested for pedophillia.

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    • @hasrett Shhh... he can't read.

    • And possibly has an IQ lower than room temperature.

  • Pull my teeth out and stick it in my ear if that girl isn't a gold digger and the guy isn't a perv.

    What 19 year old will have anything in common with a dude in his 50s?

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    • Perhaps you'd have to get to know them to find out. It may be very little, or it may be a lot. Since people are different, obviously.

    • My female friend hooked up with a 60-something guy when she was 21. Yeah, it didn't last, but how many hookups with other 21 year olds last? And he didn't have $ and she didn't care about $. Sorry about your teeth...

  • Pretty much agree. Judging other people's private lives is so sad, and can be super limiting. You only live once! However, having known an older dude who married a young woman (he was in his fifties - she in her twenties), he had some guilt after they divorced. He felt like it hadn't been healthy for her.

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    • Fair enough. I think that's a pretty common feeling in any divorce though, regardless of the ages of the parties.

    • Sure, but she had issues, and he kinda felt like their unusual relationship had further alienated her from people her own age. Whether you put that down to their closed-mindedness, or to the relationship is up to you.

  • It isn't anyone's business who one sleeps with except the two (or more) people involved as long as they are both over 18. This is true for race, age, orientation, and religion.

    "the older party is trying to "take advantage" of the younger party"
    It is more the other way around. An older guy can take the younger girl on trips, expensive events, buy her nice things, cover her rent if she is short for the month; he can give her career advice allowing her to leapfrog her peers. She is taking advantage of him, but he is aware of it and is ok with it, as he has the ability to do so.

    I have noticed that there are four kinds of people who object to May-December romances.

    1. Young boys who are jealous of the older man because they do not compete well due to being poor and inexperienced.
    2. Young women who are jealous of the other girl because her own boyfriend of about the same age is inferior to the older boyfriend of the other girl and is not capable of providing the same standard of living.
    3. Older women who are jealous of the younger woman for taking the kind of man she would like for herself.
    4. Fathers who don't like the idea that their little girl is having sex. (it may not matter the age of the guy)

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  • Of course it can matter, anything can. Though, it really depends on the intentions of each party and the prospects of the relationship.

    If they're together just because it's a kinky age gap... it won't work!

    Though, most people just disapprove because they get jealous.

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  • Look.. age is not the problem in relationships. I am 26 years older than the amazing woman with who I just celebrated our 3rd year together... we live together, and truly love each other. We met by total coincidence as neither were out looking so to speak.
    By the way.. she is a teacher, and I am. An hvacr tech, so it has nothing to do with money or anything else but true love!

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  • Age of couples shouldn't really shouldn't matter, but in the minds of many it does. They haven't noticed Celine Dion (husband died last year at 73, she is now 50) or Emmanuel Macron (he 40, she 65).
    They're still sleeping...

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    • But as you said, it shouldn't really matter.

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    • And now you're resorting to insults. Bravo.

    • @kikiki45 Yawn. Bravo indeed.

  • Yes it does. A normal, young person doesn't want to date an old fart unless that old fart is rich

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  • Pedophiles are still trying to justify themselves... Sad

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  • Ja, i agree. Age is actually nothing but a number.

    Who cares about age. Being happily together is what matters, not the numbers gap.

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  • You aren't going to start a family with a woman 20 years added to your age.

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    • ... Uh, so? Who says everyone needs to want that?

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    • @zagor Yes.

      And even if I didn't, that would not invalidate it as a relationship at all.

    • @sp33d It's not semantics. Labels matter to people, for some reason, for better or worse. Especially to girls, it seems. So you're annoyed about "semantics," when I would argue that, well... yeah. It is semantics. Because occasionally, what's the substantive difference between "friends with benefits" and "boyfriend/girlfriend?" You're already having sex with each other; you already get food together sometimes; you already maybe have met some of each others' friends... what's the difference, in many cases? But there IS a difference, apparently, because words matter.

  • As long as they are happy together and it's legal who gives a fuck.

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  • Yeah, this is quite true... To travel to some of the most amazing travel getaways with your partners call us at the toll-free number +1 (800) 986-9456...

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  • Sure, you say they don't matter until that but 51 to 19? That's a vast gap right now. I could see maybe a max of 10 years, but over 20? That's some weird shit.

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  • I agree with @lumos 100% here. Age does matter to an extent.

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  • Age differences don't matter whatsoever. If it's not your fort'e , move on. Articulate your own preferences , not mine or anyone else's. My buisness like others, is invitational only. Societal extremities , judicial paradymes and desphoribic opinions have NO such place in a person's heart or the love they themselfs experience with another. The better question arises , why do you feel the need to wedge yourself in the middle of someone's personal endeavors that never included you to began with ?

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  • It’s a matter of preference but I still wouldn’t date anyone from the range of 18-24 despite being the legal age

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    • But... 25 and on is okay.

    • I don't know, my youngest brother is 22 and it feels weird dating someone his age. But yeah I usually date no one more than 3+ years older/younger than me.

    • So if you were into a chick and thought she was cool and attractive, and then she told you her birthday and you realized that she was 24 and 11 months old, you'd say "no thanks you're too young for me."

  • "Age Differences In Relationships DO NOT MATTER, People"

    Social Justice Warriors at their best.
    get a grip pedophile.

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