I just wanted to share my viewpoints as to why many women--NOT ALL WOMEN, but many women--are unrealistic about their standards for men. I'm going to be very raw and very real; because I'm hoping that this eventually helps somebody.
The other night, I was at a bar and a girl asked me for my number and I said no. I've noticed I've begun doing this a lot. Before this at the same bar a woman sat beside me and offered to buy me a drink and I politely said, "No thanks," and left. It has recently dawned on me how much I hate dating. And the reason I hate dating is because I honestly just can't deal with women's expectations. In my experience (My experience, I'm not saying every woman is like this) it has been like dating perpetual renditions of Goldilocks. They want me to be, think, and behave "just right" so as to meet this image of an ideal man that they have. I’ve met women at bars, out while shopping, at the gym, at church, you name it; and this phenomenon is almost universal. And these women have been such a valuable lesson for me, because what I’ve learned from them was that many women don't just want a "good man." What they’re really wanting are these standards or ideas of what a man is supposed to be. But these standards ARE NOTHING LIKE WHAT MEN ARE! These standards are not realistic. They aren't reality. For who men are, how we think, what we value, this preconceived notion of how a man should be is quite foreign.
MEN ARE NOT WOMEN! Ladies, a guy isn't going to be a best friend like your girlfriends. So if you're expecting a prince charming that's so sensitive and so everything like your girlfriends then you're already set for failure. Honestly, we may hurt your feelings quite readily but it's not because we don't care, it's because we’re human and aren't perfect. I remember a girl showed me a picture that read, "....No Man Is Worth Crying Over, And The Perfect One Won't Make You Cry...", and while that's really poetic, it's unrealistic, because even your parents will make you cry, and they love you very much; it's their job to love you!
A lot of women seem to get their standard of a man from many of the boys they've dated. Many women seem to compare good men to the boys they experienced previously who were, in no way, ready to commit to anything. Ladies, there is a DISTINCT DIFFERENCE between men who are relationship material and these boys that you've messed around with for years in what I call "SITUATIONSHIPS." And consequently, now you’ve adopted this standard for a man based on these dudes who nothing more than just fun. And now when a man comes along, you may say
"...this guy's too corny...." ".....he likes me too much..." "....he texts me too much..."
And Sherlock Holmes is shouting, "Of course girl! The dudes you've been messing with didn't text you right back, because they have 8 more just like you!" And so when a man comes along and is actually crazy about you, you suddenly don’t know how to handle it! A guy who genuinely likes you, who's legitimately interested in you becomes the guy you've--and I hate to say it--friend-zoned! At one point I remember having 8 girlfriends at one time. Every one of them thought it was just me and her; but that wasn't the case at all. Even now, I still only remember two of their names. I was that dude! I was a boy! I didn't call them. I didn't really even care about them. But they thought I did. And now that I've grown up a little, it’s actually sad 1) that I was like that and 2) that they found my apathy sexy!
MEN DO NOT LOOK LIKE WOMEN!!!! We aren't supposed to look like women! I get the wrong kind of attention from women all the time. I get numbers, I get girls asking me to have sex (It’s supposed to be the other way around) . I get girls who want to feel my chest. I get girls that buy me drinks. LADIES, let me be clear. Girls' YOU ARE THE FAIRER SEX!!! If you're wanting a pretty boy who's got a 6-pack and stays in the mirror more than you; he may have other girls feeding his attention than just you! So women who have a standard based on visuals, rethink your standards. You're the fairer sex, you're the gorgeous one, you're the one men go to war over. You're the one we try to make all this money to impress! Quit telling me they’re pretty. Quit feeling up on their chests and abs in public. Quit looking to see if they have a man bun. Quit this, "Is he 6'3?... Does he look like Tom Brady? Does he look like David Beckham? Does he look good in some Slim-fit?..."
Listen baby girl, Tom Brady is married to a super model. The last time I checked, Beckham was taken too. These men are such a small percentage of the population. Do you understand that for a man to be over 6'2 is less than 3% of the population???? We're talking all men, around the world! Less than 3%. Less than 14% if we're just talking America. That includes all the men who are broke. All the men who are married. All the men who are in prison! Less than 14%. So you're sitting here like--
"Oh, he's gotta be 6', he has to have strong cheek bones, he has to have six pack, ..."
I remember trying to set my friend up on one date with a girl I knew. The girl had gone on and on about how she didn’t want to be single. She said she wasn’t looking for a guy to be perfect, just intelligent, kind, and down to earth. People, let me tell you, if any guy to bring home to mom, it was this kid. He didn’t swear, he didn’t call girls the B-word, he didn’t smoke, he was nice to his mom, he was in shape, he was smart. But when I ran it by her she said, “Eww, I would never date him. He’s scrawny.” I was like, “Girl! I just freaking went and found you a damn ½ Mr. Rogers, ½ Bill Gates clone! Are you serious! He’s too scrawny?? Then buy a damn dumbbell set!!!!”
It’s like today men have to be perfect, but the problem is SWEETHEART, YOU’RE NOT EVEN PERFECT!
Ladies. I’m all about self-worth and not settling. But don’t completely supplant self-esteem for common sense.
“I know what I deserve! I’m not going to settle!”
But in the meantime, baby girl, you’re not even half the things you have on your own list of standards!!!?????? What??? You yourself aren’t even half of what your own standards, and yet you require that in a man? Sweetheart, you better find yourself a build-a-bear or something, because your standards are standardizing you right out of the game!
You might have issues and even more unresolved issues. You might be bossy. You might have a temper. You might not have a great body. You might not look good in the morning before you put on your make up. You might have a small bust size. You might have a big waist. You might have fat in places a lot of men don’t like. You might go out with your girlfriends in a sexy dress completely submerged under make up, powdered and glossed to the peak, and it might make you feel like Beyoncé or Gisele; but you’re not her. And maybe a lot of guys don’t want to be around you long-term. You might run everybody away because of your attitude sometimes. You think you’re so much the IT that it’s almost like you’re vain and stuck up. AND MEN DON’T LIKE IT! And you wonder why you can’t keep a man?
Instead of going to build-a-bear, you need to find a man who meets your requirements in CHARACTER and VALUES. Look for things like Lifestyle, Goals, and Vision. In a relationship, you should have high expectations of the other person because you're considering spending your life with that someone. But if you’re going to demand something, then make it a reasonable demand. Don’t make your demands easy, but goodness, at the very least make them attainable.
(I realize many women may say, "Hey, men have problems too." And that's true, but this post isn't titled ...And The Problems Men Have Too... This one is about women, a topic about guys is going to require its own My Take to just break the surface of our issues)