“give us your take on picking up women” - @your_ego
And this plays into a MyTake I did recently
10 Things I Believe About Relationships
Some conversations are worth repeating and noting.
“Perfect relationships are definitely easy to hypothetically talk about, but not easy to have.” @monkeynutts
“indeed, truer words were never said” -Me
And from conversation with @your_ego, I said this and I stand by it lol.
“You know what with my Charlie Brown luck, I'd give you advice and it will probably work and i'm still stuck single. In fact, someone was helping me get registered on dating sites, and she said i'll just try it out "for fun" she got a boyfriend” -Me
The one through ten method seems to work for me, so I am going to continue that trend. But it is not a top ten just a random order.
And before I get started I feel like this quote is fitting.
“Everybody's working for the weekend, everybody wants a little romance”
1. Be confident
Confidence is key. It is a tough skill to master but very important. If you can land a job, you got this! Just sell yourself the way you would during a job interview. I'm not talking about stress either! Just get into job interview mode. Be the better version of yourself. Let them see why they should pay attention to you. What do you have to offer them? I'd say start off this way but you don't need to hold onto that mode the whole time. It relates to starting off with a good first impression. And don't be nervous, it might be worth practicing a bit but confidence makes all the difference in the world. If they can feel your confidence it helps them to feel more comfortable with you. It's an ice breaker that can make or break an attempt.
2. Clean and groomed is best
This is a no brainer but it also relates to asking how much should you be clean and groomed. I'd say you can almost not have enough. It's better to be safe than sorry. If you have a fresh scent, nails worked on, a clean haircut and fresh clothes that really gives you bonus points. It starts the moment they look at you. Again, first impressions... Choosing the right clothes is also important. Let the department store dress you if you have any doubts. See what they suggest. I understand some of you have been in this game a while but they might surprise you.
And girls, I am going to claim this. Use the make up to your advantage. It's not a disadvantage, honestly. And this has some interesting viewpoints depending on what girl you talk to.
Even if it's light, it's an extra tool in your tool box.
3. Be honest
Even though you are doing the job interview mode, be honest. Honesty at the start will help you know their true side and it will make it easier in the long run.
And according to @ToriGirl “I feel like honesty is huge!”
Being honest means letting go and let's you share things that are important to you. If you share something, like a common interest, then being honest can make all the difference. I would hold off on edgy stuff like politics, religion, and sports. Keep it light but have fun. And don't worry, those topics will still be there in future encounters. And also if it comes up, keep your opinions light. Nothing kills the mood like a heated debate, bite your lip. Honesty can also show the other person who you really are, the good parts. This can help to know if you both connect or if you both lack similar views or interests.
4. Don't overwhelm them
Don’t ask too many questions and don’t ask really personal ones like, “do you see yourself wanting to have babies or getting married one day?” That’s a clear no no for a first encounter. If you ask questions ask a few and keep it light. Remember they are there to spend time with you not for an interrogation. Also keep an eye on the time and an eye on them. As painful as it may seem, the Dating Project, a movie I watched recently, suggests to limit your time on a first encounter to under ninety minutes. And I will take a break to show you their breakdown which was very interesting!
But keep it under ninety and try to change contact information. If you are feeling like the time being spent together is still going strong, watch for non-verbal cues and even verbal ones, they can tell you when it might be a good time to stop. Because you don’t want to ruin a good relationship simply based on wanting to binge on it the first time. This is meant to give you a taste and should leave you wanting more when you both depart. And that’s the magic about a time limit, you want to have enough material about yourself to them other party interested for another encounter with you.
5. Listen to them and show that you are listening to them
Don’t just spend your time getting lost in their eyes. Wake Up and listen to them! Show them that their words really matter. I am learning this as training for being manager but it really applies here too! Show the other person that you are listening to them. Every once in a while, say their words back to them or give them some commentary on what they are saying. I can’t tell you how many times I have listened to somebody and briefly zoned out to hear something like “and that’s how they got married”. Pay attention! This is advice from someone that is trying to work on that himself. Plus you get bonus points if you say something back to them that you talked about in the past with them. But don’t be awkward about it. Make sure it makes sense when you use it.
6. Know when it's time to move on
This kind of goes back to be honest. If you are honest, you will see signs of this. You will see a lack of interest in things you are passionate about or you will lack an interest in things that they are passionate about. Not to say it is a relationship killer but they are signs. The biggest sign that it is time to move on, is a lack of interest in you personally. If they are not respecting you or giving you the proper amount of attention that every human being should have it is time to move on. Honestly, don’t waste your time on people that don’t respect you or care for you as a person, there are better people are there for you. Do yourself a favor and move on to people that will treat you the way you should be treated. Now, be aware of those that lack confidence because while i don’t recommend a lack of confidence, they could be a diamond in the rough.
7. Skip the cheesy pick up line and ask a simple relevant question
I did bring up keeping the questions to a minimum but do ask the right questions. It’s kind of like twenty questions. Ask the question that will get you to the part you want. Use questions that will bring you to connection points or to areas were you can learn more about them. But be smart about it. Because you do not want to overwhelm them with questions. Ask fewer questions but thought out more powerful ones.
8. Body language is important
Don’t let your body show that you are uninterested in them. Pay attention to how your body is behaving. Don’t slouch or look lazy. Be attentive and give them eye contact. Also be respective of their space. You should be displaying the same goals as a job interview but you can be relaxed. I would just make sure that you pay attention to how the other person is holding themselves and try to do likewise, with the exception that it is not a trait that should be copied aka slouching.
9. Don't be cheap when buying them a drink, but also don't buy yourself a cheap drink
This can seem like a small point and a no brainer. But your drink appearance can make a big difference. Make it a goal to order a more expensive drink than you normally would or at least make sure that your drink choice is towards the high end on the menu. This will show the other that they can be comfortable that you can support yourself and are able to treat them. In fact, ask what they want and up the ante. Show them that you are willing to invest into them. But also tell them that you are not expecting anything back for the drink just some brief conversation. A drink does not and should not give someone ownership over someone for the night. It is a nice gesture and should be considered and treated as such.
10. Location, Location, Location
So this is where the rubber meets the road! Well JJ, Where do find someone to date? That’s a good question and I always wondered that myself. Be on the lookout for event posters. If you drink, scope out fun looking bars that have a fun atmosphere but also aim to find ones that are safe or at least safer. And use social media in all irony. The one thing that at times can pull people apart can bring them closer together. Register at Meetup.com and see where people are gathering in your area.
It might be an idea to find a friend first and then consider going to another level with friend. I have been recommended that myself. Friends first and then dating later. But there are events that specifically involve singles and dating. The rule of thumb is to always be on the lookout for stuff in your area, places, events and posters.
I hope you agree with at least some of the points and hopefully this helped you a bit. I look forward to hearing your comments and please feel free to share your own tips about dating. God knows I could use some myself.