5 Reasons You Should Date Women Who Are Dead

SketchForger

If you don't want to ready this myTake you can always listen to it. Just click the link.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1YYpnBYl-g0X1H4F1C7T6gVua1jwj1cWx/view?usp=drivesdk

(sorry about my voice, FYI, I just got back from a Foo Fighters concert. All the screaming tore up my voice.)

Ded
Ded

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Women have to adapt all of these beauty standards that society has placed on them.

Are you lonely and searching for a type of woman that will suddenly be your type by the magic of reading a random article?

Well women are about to be SUPER empowered with this powerful take on....

Top 5 reasons you should date a woman's corpse!

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1.) She'll be a great listener

5 Reasons You Should Date Women Who Are Dead

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Ever had a bad day at work and want to tell someone? Like your girlfriend for instance?

This is where a corpse is at its best. They'll listen to your whole day without getting bored, without interrupting you, or telling you your day wasn't actually that hard compared to theirs.

Nothing is more blissful than having someone listen to your day, especially if they're not telling you their boring day as well!

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2.) She'll have low standards, especially in clothing!

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Ded
Ded

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Lets be honest, you're not nearly as beautiful as a corpse.

But your dead girlfriend can't see that. She sees the beauty on the inside and doesn't care about what you look like. She won't care what you wear as long as it's you wearing it!

You can eve dress her in whatever you like and she won't argue one bit. Ever wanted her to wear that school girl outfit because you're a sick pedophile? She won't argue one bit! Role play time!

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3.) She'll be great at caring for animals.

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Nom nom
Nom nom

Corpses are great with animals, they just seem like a magnet to so many cute animals such as flies, rats, piranhas, dogs, wolves, crows, buzzards, fox's, raccoons, and all sorts of adorable animals.

Your dog or cat will love the smell and taste of her to the point of possibly forgetting YOU exist too.

Especially after they start growling and hissing when you try to take her arm away from them.

What a pro with animals right?

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4.) She won't need to bathe.

5 Reasons You Should Date Women Who Are Dead

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Tired of high maintenance women? Corpse women are already in a constant state of smelling like rotten flesh. So why would she need to bath?

You won't need to buy her hygiene product, perfume, or even make up if you're a bold one. She'll never have to "live" up to normal standards of hygiene! Lucky girl!

5.) She'll never leave your side.

5 Reasons You Should Date Women Who Are Dead

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Let's be honest, the best reason you should date a dead woman is because of the very reason she can't leave you! She can't say "no" , she can't say "I want to leave", she can't say "stop taking pictures of our neighbors daughter you sick fuck"... Her loyalty is not only silent, it is also unconditional and absolute.

She's your damsel is digest, your beauty to the beast and despite wedding vows "till death do us part" doesn't apply at all!

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Wrap up.

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Look if you haven't figured out that this is satire yet then I'm a little disappointed, but not surprised.

So I'll cut out the part where I talk about the satire itself. And I'll just to the chase.

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This is satire of those myTakes that say "reasons why you should date 'x' type of women." and how it basically degrades women into a begging or choosing game.

Stop categorizing women as if they're a perfect match for you just because of their physical appearance, status, race, or even personality type.

What this does is make the OP not only pathetic and choosy, but it also makes women who aren't involved feel the need to fit in a certain category.

5 Reasons You Should Date Women Who Are Dead

This applies to those who write about types of men to date as well, especially when it's based on body type.

It's not even ironically empowering to women of this category, much less is it dignified.

5 Reasons You Should Date Women Who Are Dead

Most of you reading this aren't prizes yourselves, so just don't bother trying to justify your shallow attitude by reading a few G@G posts about types of men/ women that are the perfect match for you.

This is all I have to say at this point because I've become annoyed with having to explain satire.

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Hope you had a good read, and have a nice day. :)

5 Reasons You Should Date Women Who Are Dead
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Most Helpful Guys

  • errorgoodnameunfound
    This. This is one of the single greatest mytakes I have read. You gave me a goddam BRO CRUSH! That satire! Fuckin loved this! You should submit this to the Onion!!! Great work dude! I actually am now starting to consider this... I'm pretty sure I can find a grave site nearby... hmmm... nah, I have a better idea. Are you single? ;)
    Is this still revelant?
    • Thank you, I write other forms of satire as well if you'd like to fish through my other MyTakes.

    • I most definitely will. I sometimes do satirical trolling from time to time so when you see something like "For sure the hottest one on GAG is you Jonathen :* " or " "Stone, smite, and bite every human because they all fuckin suck and I should have invested more resources in dogs instead. And don't forget the Catews. Damn cats and their tunalist agenda!" Bones 19:34" " When you see that sort of comment, you know I'm likely around. :) If you ever need a partner to write that sort of stuff, I am here. Alive. For now.

    • Most of my opinions are serious but I can't resist the occasional trolling in here.

      Also I don't know how viewing other people's myTakes work so if you want me to provide links I'll be happy to.

    • Show All
  • Unit1
    Well, I rather date these women:

    lh5.googleusercontent.com/.../...me-giapponese.jpg

    cdn.images.express.co.uk/.../...x-robot-797823.jpg

    They're not dead but they're not alive either 😀
    Is this still revelant?
    • Sorry, already called dibs on the AI one looong ago m8. You're stuck with the pillow :P

    • Unit1

      @errorgoodnameunfound No idea what you're talking about. I'm saving up 5K bucks for this one and I already signed up for their newsletter here.

      https://realbotix.com/

    • 0.0 Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu ok FINE. You win. I guess you'll get the robot. I'm too poor to afford that shit... unless we can do a three way somehow? Maybe taking turns or rental?

    • Show All

Most Helpful Girls

  • CherryRoseChampange
    Does being dead inside count? I can do all this (Minus the not bathing and low standard clothes), but be warm enough to snuggle with.
    Is this still revelant?
  • Anonymous
    K cool! How about dead men? Can I date Albert Einstein’? Is he single? Available?
    Is this still revelant?
    • He's probably a skeleton by now.

    • Anonymous

      But he’s available? 😃

    • einy is too whiny

    • Show All

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

1120
  • OMG, I'M DEAD 😂😂😂😂😂😁
    5 Reasons You Should Date Women Who Are Dead
  • NearlyNapping
    Ya know, it's late at night and I have to go to bed. But with that title I have to read this. So bookmark for later.
  • ADFSDF1996
    This is the best satire take I’ve read so far. Wouldn’t Sex bots be better though since they don’t decompose?
    • Nothing beats the original!

      *vomits in a corner*

  • JimRSmith
    Be interesting to see who doesn't get this, lmao 😂 - well done!
    • G@G definitely surprises me sometimes. I wish my voice wasn't torn right now. XD

  • Goodwifie
    OK this is gold.
    Great take, I really wasn't sure what to think at first 😕😕😕😕😆😆😜😂.
    • Most people don't care enough to get tangled with ACTUAL necrophiliacs.

  • Dchrls78104
    This is a Take for the judgmental, not for me.
    To the judgmental (including female man-bashes) I say:

    Date a kid! Date a sexbot! Get a dildo! You'll have no trouble with these at all... Oh, wait, you could go to jail for the kid, and then live free off the rest of us for life without having to spend a minute doing honest work! Sumptuous, isn't it? No trouble there.
  • curiousnorway
    Nice MyTake! Loves your sense of humor and satire. Maybe they wouldn't decompose if you mummified them?
    i.pinimg.com/.../...1b80fc3e640695a034a658c45f.jpg
  • LegateLanius
    Dude, that was really good, haha. please write more satire
  • Demised
    Ok. I'm in..
    where can I date one?
    Or get one? Should I contact you or the morgue?
    • Doesn't matter as long as they're dead

    • GetACorpse. com, The dark net, and Walmart (just sneak into the backroom, find any attic, go inside and LOTS of fun will be had)

  • AngelicSin
    6. She'll never be angry at you for absolutely anything. She'll forgive everything.
  • JellyDonutguy96
    this post
  • Curmudgeon
    An old punk rock song comes to mind:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=krlck8qVMFk
  • DatGuy2018
    Well that's a pretty interesting theory you got there lmao.

    +1 from me
  • totallygeneric
    Haha! This had me DYING!
    • This comment had me DYING!

    • @GuyWannaHelp @totallygeneric ;) Hello sir and mam. You have been trolled. Have a nice day. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2aJUnltwsqs

    • @totallygeneric @GuyWannaHelp could ya say I... trolled the living shit outta both of you? ;)

    • Show All
  • You have a really relaxing voice
  • LongShlongSilvr
    Gag? Maybe. Sick, morbid, and not funny, definitely.
  • andreasderjuengere
    Awesome. The concert was great, I reckon?
  • Kayla45
    God tier mytake right here
    • God? How dare you rank his mytake so low. Everyone knows Batman is obviously the top of the top, jeez. So if you are to rank him appropriately, I guess he's Batman. I wonder Bruce Wayne is?

  • ShesAmerican
    So necrophilia
    • You read the whole take right?

    • oh, not going to lie I just read a few things and now I read the last part. Never mind lol

    • Lol I don't blame you

  • Salmon4056
    Too funny lol. Good mytake
  • Blunique
    Yes, please date only dead women.
  • kespethdude
    I'm half-dead myself, so maybe this could work LOL
  • CT_CD
    Great myTake
  • TheBigSoftie
    Boi gtfo with this morbid-ass shiznit
  • NYCQuestions1976
    Funny stuff.
  • Anonymous
    Please dating just a woman
  • Anonymous
    Yeah, but if you think the LIVE ones stink...
  • Anonymous
    This shouldn’t even be published on gag. Oh wait your editor. Hope GAG takes it down
    • You want to read the whole take?

    • You shouldn't be anonymous and have the balls to see that to his face. Oh wait you're a woman And alive. Probably jelly of the much sexier dead women mentioned. Hope you gag on something ;)

    • Anonymous

      @errorgoodnameunfound Hahaha, yeah NO TY. In all seriousness, I actually meant what I said anonymous or NOT. Most people in their right mind would find this take offensive

    • Show All
  • Anonymous
    OMFG!!! Hahahahahahahaha!!!
  • Anonymous
    Wow.
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