The thing is. Trying to become friends with a girl to get to know her doesn’t work. Your intentions might be pure, but the whole scenario barely works out the way you hope it would. Once you’re our friend, we don’t assume you want to be more than friends. So unless we are attracted to you, we do what we assume you want, and befriend you. Only befriend you. We have you in our friend radar. Nothing more nothing less. We can usually tell tho depending on the guy and how flirtatious he is, if you’re only our friend to get in our pants. And me personally, I hate that. Either be straight forward from the beginning and tell me you’re interested, that way we don’t waste time if I feel the same or don’t feel the same. The truth is. I don’t like being forward if a guy doesn’t ask me out directly. Why would I be forward when he wasn’t even being forward with me. The same guy I talked about in my take was obviously into me. BUT he decided to be my friend first I guess.
I didn’t realize he was into me the first few days but honestly, I was hoping he was - he was attractive. Things changed my mind very quickly though. He like you I am assuming, thought befriending first me was the way to go. And welp, I got to know him and I realized he was almost too clingy for me. He basically begged to hang out with me and stuff. I wouldn’t say no I would just say soon, or maybe next week, or I would come up with excuses (luckily I don’t reallh hang out with guys so it was believable). But I just wasn’t compatible with him. He was sweet and nice. But he had nothing in commmkn with me. And he was shy. So I had to force out all the conversation. And I wasn’t being myself. So I don't know I think maybe some women were just too shy to assume you liked them and then randomly cut things off with you. If you’re direct in he beginning you’ll have more success and you won’t waste time.
Women are taught at early age how to date, men aren’t. Young boys are also getting brainwashed into thinking being “nice” will get them laid. Our progressive feminist culture is only making things more and more confusing for us.
From my mid 20s on I decided to be much more forward with women. I got laid a lot more but also got some very rude rejections. But one thing I won’t tolerate no more is a girl shoving me into the friendzone. If she’s honest in the beginning I’ll respect that, thank her and walk (I’ve had to do this to girls too). If she’s playing games I’ll just ghost her and if she reaches out I’ll call her out on it and won’t be nice about it.
But either way the friendzone benefits WOMEN a lot MORE than it benefits men. Guys don’t need women as “just friends” to survive in life period. The vast majority of females just don’t get that and/or see no problem selfishly exploiting guys via that route.
by the way I agree about fake “nice guys” being a turn off. That’s not genuine. But there are men out there who are nice to all women, people in general unless they have a reason not to be. Unfortunately those guys do get rejected too.
Those guys get rejected because its just nature. I dont understand the taboo on rejection. Like birds get rejected all the time - a male bird sings, dances, or offers gifts to the female, and often times they get rejected. Its the same. Even very attractive and genuine people dont have perfect romances. Rejection is just a part of life.
Yeah but I have seen GAG posts about how women find controlling men sexy (they are actually very dangerous). How taken guys are more attractive. I’ve seen countless posts about women ranting how they are upset their bfs don’t give them enough attention (why don’t you just leave him!)
Also the metoo culture turning would be good men into passive and pleasing betas. It’s making guys paranoid and less bold to make a romantic move (go in for a kiss).
Guys have their role on how to approach women. But their feminine quirks that women just don’t want to own up to. THAT is what I have problem with.
I’ve actually gotten plenty of girly action not because I’m an asshole, stand up comedian, etc. however it was because I was tall and athletic. But most of the time I've always been some girls dirty secret.
I would like to take it slow with a girl for once. But with the threat of a friendzone lurking I feel like I can’t. Those incidents can have long term detrimental impacts to a mans self esteem, confidence and attitudes towards women. It’s one thing if she spoke up early and he kept trying to get out of the friendzone (I was guilty of doing this in my early 20s). Quite another when SHE PLAYS DUMB just to exploit him. The latter is what I have an issue with.
OOf I see where you're coming from. Yes, I get it. there's A LOT of shitty women out there. But there are lots of shitty guys too. Exploiting people is just a sign of your own weakness. But you're right, no woman wants a passive guy, but I've hear the "controling" fantasy once before from my group of female friends. The rest of the girls I've talked to just want a nice balanced relationship. Im sorry to hear you had to go through all that. But I'm glad you can recognize the red flags now though.
Well nobody is teaching young boys on how to avoid that bullshit. The nice ones have to find out the hard way. If wasn’t blessed with my looks I think my romance life would have been a complete shit show.
The modern western society is doing absolutely nothing to help young boys build meaningful relationships with women.
Also the “friend zone” is never funny for the guy who is getting shoved into it. He basically got punished/rejected for doing what other women told him is right.
I’ve heard women mock guys for it. It’s a disgusting form of bullying. Don’t ever put a guy down for that. It hurts more than you think. You are literally telling him he’s less than a man.
My general take on it is that if the guy calls himself a "nice guy," he most likely isn't.
2
0 Reply
Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
"... most women DON'T want to be dating a d*ck"
Of course they don't. But they ARE attracted to the personality traits that make a guy a dick. They just don't SEE him as a dick when he is making their panties wet.
Bottom line... women ARE attracted to dicks, whether or not they are honest enough to see it.
I will just say this... since I stopped being nice and treating women the way they say they want to be treated, I have had significantly greater success, romantically and sexually. And I am not talking about sluts or or "easy" women here. I'm talking about average, "girl next door" types. You can argue with me all you want, but the facts are all that matter to me.
The truth is that women like nice guys, not jerks. But they are sexually attracted to jerks, not nice guys. It is easy to see this in the real world just by paying attention to female behavior.
I wouldn't call huff post science BUT I dont disagree with you because I think what happens is women give a certain guy with manly features a lot of attention. The same guy who was struck with (not necessarily handsome) but rugged/masculine features grows egotistical from soaking in all this attention. Thats what explains it for me I guess. The same thing happens to a pretty woman. Of course not all handsome guys and beautiful women are assholes.
I think there may be some of that going on here, but this really about the personality traits, not physical appearance. It is the so called "dark triad" of personality traits that women are so sexually attracted to, according to the study.
And by the way, huff post is just the messenger here. It is the study that matters.
Yes yes, I just couldn't link to the actual study and most "studies" are not really scientific evidence. But it is an interesting theory - I still dont agree, at least for myself personally. I dont know how I would test psychopathy lol but for sure I hate narcissists and manipulators.
The easiest solution is put yourself before the girl half of the time. If she does not like what you like it won't work anyways. It is not about her happiness but about both of your happiness.
2
0 Reply
Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
Yup. There's a reason as for why truly great guys, well-mannered and kind are mostly taken. Either that or it was their wives who contributed to turning them into great guys, haha.
im kinda nice , and still could attract a lot of girls back in high school , some nice guys are turnoff because they are easily predictible by girls and are not confident at all , enough intelligence and confidence together will do the trick
1
0 Reply
Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
Good points. If girls select the wrong guy, it is up to them. Nice guys still have a lot of choices if they are not looking for a perfect girl. There is no such thing.
Bullshit at some level Some points are nice (maybe I am not sure ) A guy who has same interest , is a nice person , can stand up for himself and is confident but not good looking , will you consider , don't be fake
Yes. Honestly. Is he hard to look at? Maybe not. But there aren't many people that I look at and immediately think wow - unattractive. Who does that anyway? He can be average or just regular looking, but he doesn't need to be a super model. Heck, maybe he's not my "type" exactly, but with girls there's this odd thing: You ever seen a pretty girl with a guy who you would think is out of her league on appearance alone? I have. Its because if there's one quality we REALLY like about you - we sorta make you look better in our head. Suddenly you become super hot and appealing to us. Guys dont really do that from my perspective.
I like your analogy, but I dont completely agree. I feel as though meeting a girl (who you already like) and are trying to do the whole "friendship first", doesn't really work. Especially because your intentions are for it to lead elsewhere - which often comes as a shock to the girl and might even backfire.
No, but sometimes it works better to flirt in the beginning so she knows your'e interested. If she's responsive to that - you could start a friendship. Maybe it doesn't work for you, thats okay.
@Nobleone I believe - its because some girls want to feel special. But like over the top extra special. For me, (my current situation) a guy who is indifferent about everyone, especially other women, and yet nice and caring to me, I feel really special. I would make sure to make him feel special too. But I don't necessarily want a guy who is just horrible to other people - being mean to people for no reason is stupid and unnecessary. But some girls dig it I guess for the same reason, to feel special.
@rozequarts While I do comprehend everything you said I truly believe there are healthier ways to feel special than that. I don't know, I mean, I get the idea but at the same time it seems kind of trashy to me.
@Nobleone I don't know thats just what made sense to me as a possibility for other girls. I don't know girls are weird sometimes so I can't speak for all of us. My guy isn't mean to girls, he's just indifferent. If he was mean to everyone else that would feel trashy - I feel like a girl would have to be really insecure to want that type of guy. But you're right there are def better ways at feeling special but I dont need to mention them thats straying too far from the question.
@Nobleone I think Ms. Pink2000 is absolutely correct -- a guy who's nice to everyone is a turn off. When she said she wants him to be nice to her and an asshole to everyone else, she hit the nail on the head, in my opinion.
Good looking people of both genders have it way easier in the dating game. But looks aren't everything. So it doesn't mean average people or below average are doomed.
Never said that but nice guys do finish last most the time mostly because of their looks if a guy is nice but good looking he will be very desirable by many women
This take just confirmed why I think it’s a waste of time trying to date anytime you basically need a textbook to understand what a women wants and desires in a guy there’s a problem either you’re not nice enough or mean enough. I used to be bitter about being single but truthfully I can’t even talk it seriously anymore cause it’s laughable
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
50Opinion
Some seek out vulnerable men to exploit (friendzone). The key is watching out for it. Has a few hard past lessons (yes I’m a “nice guy”).
I just more women would speak up earlier that they are not interested.
The thing is. Trying to become friends with a girl to get to know her doesn’t work. Your intentions might be pure, but the whole scenario barely works out the way you hope it would. Once you’re our friend, we don’t assume you want to be more than friends. So unless we are attracted to you, we do what we assume you want, and befriend you. Only befriend you. We have you in our friend radar. Nothing more nothing less. We can usually tell tho depending on the guy and how flirtatious he is, if you’re only our friend to get in our pants. And me personally, I hate that. Either be straight forward from the beginning and tell me you’re interested, that way we don’t waste time if I feel the same or don’t feel the same.
The truth is. I don’t like being forward if a guy doesn’t ask me out directly. Why would I be forward when he wasn’t even being forward with me.
The same guy I talked about in my take was obviously into me. BUT he decided to be my friend first I guess.
I didn’t realize he was into me the first few days but honestly, I was hoping he was - he was attractive. Things changed my mind very quickly though. He like you I am assuming, thought befriending first me was the way to go. And welp, I got to know him and I realized he was almost too clingy for me. He basically begged to hang out with me and stuff. I wouldn’t say no I would just say soon, or maybe next week, or I would come up with excuses (luckily I don’t reallh hang out with guys so it was believable). But I just wasn’t compatible with him. He was sweet and nice. But he had nothing in commmkn with me. And he was shy. So I had to force out all the conversation. And I wasn’t being myself.
So I don't know I think maybe some women were just too shy to assume you liked them and then randomly cut things off with you. If you’re direct in he beginning you’ll have more success and you won’t waste time.
Women are taught at early age how to date, men aren’t. Young boys are also getting brainwashed into thinking being “nice” will get them laid. Our progressive feminist culture is only making things more and more confusing for us.
From my mid 20s on I decided to be much more forward with women. I got laid a lot more but also got some very rude rejections. But one thing I won’t tolerate no more is a girl shoving me into the friendzone. If she’s honest in the beginning I’ll respect that, thank her and walk (I’ve had to do this to girls too). If she’s playing games I’ll just ghost her and if she reaches out I’ll call her out on it and won’t be nice about it.
But either way the friendzone benefits WOMEN a lot MORE than it benefits men. Guys don’t need women as “just friends” to survive in life period. The vast majority of females just don’t get that and/or see no problem selfishly exploiting guys via that route.
by the way I agree about fake “nice guys” being a turn off. That’s not genuine. But there are men out there who are nice to all women, people in general unless they have a reason not to be. Unfortunately those guys do get rejected too.
Those guys get rejected because its just nature. I dont understand the taboo on rejection. Like birds get rejected all the time - a male bird sings, dances, or offers gifts to the female, and often times they get rejected. Its the same. Even very attractive and genuine people dont have perfect romances. Rejection is just a part of life.
Yeah but I have seen GAG posts about how women find controlling men sexy (they are actually very dangerous). How taken guys are more attractive. I’ve seen countless posts about women ranting how they are upset their bfs don’t give them enough attention (why don’t you just leave him!)
Also the metoo culture turning would be good men into passive and pleasing betas. It’s making guys paranoid and less bold to make a romantic move (go in for a kiss).
Guys have their role on how to approach women. But their feminine quirks that women just don’t want to own up to. THAT is what I have problem with.
I’ve actually gotten plenty of girly action not because I’m an asshole, stand up comedian, etc. however it was because I was tall and athletic. But most of the time I've always been some girls dirty secret.
I would like to take it slow with a girl for once. But with the threat of a friendzone lurking I feel like I can’t. Those incidents can have long term detrimental impacts to a mans self esteem, confidence and attitudes towards women. It’s one thing if she spoke up early and he kept trying to get out of the friendzone (I was guilty of doing this in my early 20s). Quite another when SHE PLAYS DUMB just to exploit him. The latter is what I have an issue with.
OOf I see where you're coming from. Yes, I get it. there's A LOT of shitty women out there. But there are lots of shitty guys too. Exploiting people is just a sign of your own weakness. But you're right, no woman wants a passive guy, but I've hear the "controling" fantasy once before from my group of female friends. The rest of the girls I've talked to just want a nice balanced relationship.
Im sorry to hear you had to go through all that. But I'm glad you can recognize the red flags now though.
Well nobody is teaching young boys on how to avoid that bullshit. The nice ones have to find out the hard way. If wasn’t blessed with my looks I think my romance life would have been a complete shit show.
The modern western society is doing absolutely nothing to help young boys build meaningful relationships with women.
Also the “friend zone” is never funny for the guy who is getting shoved into it. He basically got punished/rejected for doing what other women told him is right.
I’ve heard women mock guys for it. It’s a disgusting form of bullying. Don’t ever put a guy down for that. It hurts more than you think. You are literally telling him he’s less than a man.
My general take on it is that if the guy calls himself a "nice guy," he most likely isn't.
"... most women DON'T want to be dating a d*ck"
Of course they don't. But they ARE attracted to the personality traits that make a guy a dick. They just don't SEE him as a dick when he is making their panties wet.
Bottom line... women ARE attracted to dicks, whether or not they are honest enough to see it.
I disagree. As I stated why. I think thats an excuse guys use when they haven't had much luck.
Anyone with half a brain who bothers to pay any attention at all to female behavior knows you are wrong.
And yet everyone in the comments below you agrees with me.
Hmmm... are we reading the same comments?
I will just say this... since I stopped being nice and treating women the way they say they want to be treated, I have had significantly greater success, romantically and sexually. And I am not talking about sluts or or "easy" women here. I'm talking about average, "girl next door" types. You can argue with me all you want, but the facts are all that matter to me.
Im glad you found something that works for you.
The truth is that women like nice guys, not jerks. But they are sexually attracted to jerks, not nice guys. It is easy to see this in the real world just by paying attention to female behavior.
Science is on my side here.
www.huffingtonpost.ca/.../...ic-men_n_9365428.html
I wouldn't call huff post science BUT I dont disagree with you because I think what happens is women give a certain guy with manly features a lot of attention. The same guy who was struck with (not necessarily handsome) but rugged/masculine features grows egotistical from soaking in all this attention. Thats what explains it for me I guess. The same thing happens to a pretty woman. Of course not all handsome guys and beautiful women are assholes.
I think there may be some of that going on here, but this really about the personality traits, not physical appearance. It is the so called "dark triad" of personality traits that women are so sexually attracted to, according to the study.
And by the way, huff post is just the messenger here. It is the study that matters.
Yes yes, I just couldn't link to the actual study and most "studies" are not really scientific evidence. But it is an interesting theory - I still dont agree, at least for myself personally. I dont know how I would test psychopathy lol but for sure I hate narcissists and manipulators.
"nice guys" think that all they have to be is nice. Nice guys don't exist, it usually comes from beeing needy and scared.
The list of behaviors that keep a guy single is much longer than the other way around
Could you elaborate?
Well that's what it looks like
The easiest solution is put yourself before the girl half of the time. If she does not like what you like it won't work anyways. It is not about her happiness but about both of your happiness.
Yup. There's a reason as for why truly great guys, well-mannered and kind are mostly taken.
Either that or it was their wives who contributed to turning them into great guys, haha.
im kinda nice , and still could attract a lot of girls back in high school , some nice guys are turnoff because they are easily predictible by girls and are not confident at all , enough intelligence and confidence together will do the trick
Good points. If girls select the wrong guy, it is up to them. Nice guys still have a lot of choices if they are not looking for a perfect girl. There is no such thing.
Women don't like weak men and the ones that do tend to walk all over them. Nice guys are often also weak.
Bullshit at some level
Some points are nice (maybe I am not sure )
A guy who has same interest , is a nice person , can stand up for himself and is confident but not good looking , will you consider , don't be fake
Ask yourself without being fake
Yes. Honestly.
Is he hard to look at? Maybe not. But there aren't many people that I look at and immediately think wow - unattractive. Who does that anyway? He can be average or just regular looking, but he doesn't need to be a super model.
Heck, maybe he's not my "type" exactly, but with girls there's this odd thing:
You ever seen a pretty girl with a guy who you would think is out of her league on appearance alone? I have. Its because if there's one quality we REALLY like about you - we sorta make you look better in our head. Suddenly you become super hot and appealing to us. Guys dont really do that from my perspective.
Ohh okay maybe
Currently I like a girl who is not so much attractive physically but is the sweetest
Thats awesome! I hope it works out for you.
Thanks ,🤗
Nice guys finish last, but only around the first lap! ↗ :)
I like your analogy, but I dont completely agree. I feel as though meeting a girl (who you already like) and are trying to do the whole "friendship first", doesn't really work. Especially because your intentions are for it to lead elsewhere - which often comes as a shock to the girl and might even backfire.
Friendship is part of love. What am I supposed to do? Walk up to a girl and say “You’re hot. I want to know about your personality”?
No, but sometimes it works better to flirt in the beginning so she knows your'e interested. If she's responsive to that - you could start a friendship. Maybe it doesn't work for you, thats okay.
Well, I’d make occasional suggestions throughout the friendship. I wouldn’t dump it all on her at once.
Beta
@LeoElias Huh?
There is no correct way to be a man today. If you're nice, girls show no interest; If you're an a**hole, you're a rapist. There is no way out.
Chin up, there is sanity to be found among the much louder insanity.
That guy in the first picture would never finish last.
I like a combination of both. As long as you’re nice to me and an asshole to everyone else.
I don't understand why so many women find this appealing. Why do you want him intentionally being a dickhead to people?
@Nobleone what does he need to be nice for?
Why? Because people rather be around someone who's nice rather than rude. What's the point of being an asshole if you have no legitimate reason to?
@Nobleone then they don’t need to be around him if they can’t handle his personality.
Ok, that's fair enough. You still didn't explain to me why you find it appealing. And no that's still not an excuse to be a major dick but whatever.
@Nobleone cause I just like it. I don’t want a friendly ass boyfriend.
Amusing way of putting it. Well, if that's what you like then cool. No big deal. I'll leave you and your not so friendly boyfriends alone now.
@Nobleone okay
@Nobleone I believe - its because some girls want to feel special. But like over the top extra special. For me, (my current situation) a guy who is indifferent about everyone, especially other women, and yet nice and caring to me, I feel really special. I would make sure to make him feel special too. But I don't necessarily want a guy who is just horrible to other people - being mean to people for no reason is stupid and unnecessary. But some girls dig it I guess for the same reason, to feel special.
It’s not about feeling special for me.
@rozequarts While I do comprehend everything you said I truly believe there are healthier ways to feel special than that. I don't know, I mean, I get the idea but at the same time it seems kind of trashy to me.
@Nobleone I don't know thats just what made sense to me as a possibility for other girls. I don't know girls are weird sometimes so I can't speak for all of us. My guy isn't mean to girls, he's just indifferent. If he was mean to everyone else that would feel trashy - I feel like a girl would have to be really insecure to want that type of guy. But you're right there are def better ways at feeling special but I dont need to mention them thats straying too far from the question.
That is stupid. I won't treat them bad cuz that what u want. Good luck to find guys
@Tiger288 I’ve been in a relationship for 3 years. This post was over a year ago. Have you even found a girlfriend yet?
@Nobleone I think Ms. Pink2000 is absolutely correct -- a guy who's nice to everyone is a turn off. When she said she wants him to be nice to her and an asshole to everyone else, she hit the nail on the head, in my opinion.
I have some girls interested in me but I'm not ready to be in a relationship. I'm more interested in foreign women
Physical looks mostly. Most girls want a good guy but an attractive good guy.
I have a friend who is extremely nice and he's really tall and good looking never seen him have trouble with girls
Good looking people of both genders have it way easier in the dating game. But looks aren't everything. So it doesn't mean average people or below average are doomed.
Never said that but nice guys do finish last most the time mostly because of their looks if a guy is nice but good looking he will be very desirable by many women
This take just confirmed why I think it’s a waste of time trying to date anytime you basically need a textbook to understand what a women wants and desires in a guy there’s a problem either you’re not nice enough or mean enough. I used to be bitter about being single but truthfully I can’t even talk it seriously anymore cause it’s laughable
I'll give a normal reply later, right now, Imma take those XPs!
Men mistake being confident for being an asshole and women mistake being an asshole for being confident.