People seemed to like my last myTake about autistic dating and I have something new I realized yesterday. I'm finishing my apprenticeship at this new place it's my second week. They work with a lot of autistic people so it's the perfect place for me. They have a lot of books about autism and one of them is this one. I started reading it a bit and the book along with the picture
Girls I'm attracted to always seem to pull away but girls I'm not interested in or I'm just not thinking about romance in that moment often are attracted to me. I thought that was just the typical people want what they can't have kind of thing. It was/ is frustrating but I didn't really see what I could do about it. But the book made me realise why this is happening.
You see the telescope is a symbol for how autistic people struggle to see the big picture. Since my brain gets flooded with information all the time I have to really focus when I want to get something done. The same thing goes for learning something it often feels like solving a puzzle one piece at a time. The problem is when I'm attracted to a girl she feels I'm only thinking about sex and she pulls away. But I might just be thinking about sex at that moment it doesn't mean I don't like anything else about her. And when I'm thinking about anything else suddenly a woman I was just golfing with is super into me and is telling me how her fiancé dumped her for some reason and I'm like completely oblivious. Then they're disappointed or confused or something.
I don't know what to do about this cause when I'm really attracted to a girl it's kinda hard to not want to make something happen ^^ I don't even have to do anything consciously for my behavior to change. I'm not good at hiding my true self and I think that's atually one of my greatest qualities that I'm very genuine even if people sometimes don't like it. Even when I try to spare other people's feelings when I don't like something or so they can tell pretty easily.
I don't want to have sex with girls I'm not into either.
Maybe I'll learn how to deal with this in time but honestly lately the more I learn about autism and try to contribute something to this world the more I feel I'm far away from having my life under control and being a "functional" person.
I don't know I just write some thoughts I have on here and hope it helps someone I got a lot of kind messages on my last post people telling me I should continue with this and that it helped them. Maybe I'll write a book one day. I'm thinking about it but in my current situation I can't do it yet.
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