A few years back (2016) I had this irrational fear of beautiful women. I knew my type and what I wanted. Medium to tall girls who were in shape with long brown hair. I like them edgy, smart or charming, some sort of uncommon personality trait. The problem I had was every time I saw a girl who fit my description, I made the assumption that something if not everything about me disqualified me from being her type.
One thing I had going for me at the time was stubbornness. I’ve never been a quitter. Even though I had that insecurity, part of me fought it. I refused to settle for less. I refused to date online. I got tired of being the guy who wished he had the guts to talk to that girl. I wanted to be the guy who was admired for being able to talk to the girl. I had the insecurity, but I never truly accepted it. Eventually I was fed up with standing in my own way and decided to face myself.
Fear Vs. Reality
My decision was to approach 5 attractive girls every day for a year. Only the attractive ones that intimidated me. Before I challenged myself, I had the attitude that these girls were unattainable or hard to get. They only dated rich and super-model type guys. I had to change the way I saw and reacted to women in general. They were just normal people. My attitude was to face my fear and date the girls I truly wanted.
The reality was that none of my irrational fears ever came true. No public humiliation or public embarrassment. They weren’t just beautiful but also extremely pleasant. I found that if you’re a decent guy with some sense, most girls will at least talk to you and if they don’t, they usually turn you down kindly. Every now and then I did come across the one rude girl out of the 35 I had met that week, but I never even remember they’re names or faces. Rejection isn’t as scary as our minds make it out to be.
Individuality
My biggest discovery while conquering my fear is looks don’t really mean much beyond sexual attraction. They don’t reveal a person’s character, beliefs, taste, desires, experiences, etc. In the beginning I was very shocked when girls I never imagined looking at me would welcome my advances and have long conversations with me and then go out with me the following week.
“Hey, sorry to bother you but you’re really beautiful. My name is this and I wanted to meet you. Do you have a few minutes?”
Pickup lines make me feel insincere. I don’t bother with them. I wanted to date these girls by being myself. Sometime I come up with lines specific to certain girls I see but for the most part, I say what’s on my mind. It’s usually a compliment and an invitation to conversation. It works 90 percent of the time. The other 10 percent she either politely says no, she’s busy or has a boyfriend. I believe it’s my delivery and how I say things. My approach is seen as bold/confident and not a lot of girl are used to guys who are both confident and respectful. I guess it can be charming.
I’ve been wrong about so many girls. I’ve ended up in relationships with girls who I initially thought would be rude. But I always made sure I spoke to 5 girls a day and let me tell you, it is extremely hard to find girls who are very attractive to me. I don’t just approach any girl I see. I’m picky. I took every opportunity that presented itself and that got me a lot of dates, flings and relationships. Every encounter made me more confident for the next one.
Originality
There’s something unique about each of us. Not better or worse but it’s just a set of qualities both physical and abstract that separate us from each other. And we don’t decide who will be turned on or turned off by those qualities. But we do decide who gets to see them and who gets a chance to either love or hate us.
Behind my fear I was hiding what made me the guy I am and by default every girl I wanted to talk to didn’t even know I existed. If they did, I wasn’t giving myself enough credit to notice. But once I stopped being afraid, I unknowingly embraced who I was and discovered my own unique qualities.
I’m intelligent and respectful whether my guard is up or not. But when I let myself be vulnerable, I’m also very funny, inspiring and uplifting. I don’t let people beat themselves up and I always say what needs to be said. When I’m open and shamelessly myself I’m fun to be around.
If you’re afraid like I was, face that fear each day for as long as it takes. You’ll change your life. I was dating a different girl every other week within a month until about my fourth month. That’s when I met a girl that I clicked with and we ended up being exclusive for a few months. I never have a problem getting a date unless I stand in my own. I might get rejected a handful of times but I I always find the girls I really want to date who can see my worth.
The only leagues that exist are the ones we make up in our minds. We can be chasers or the settlers. But it’s a choice. Yes, sometimes it’s harder for some and easier for others but I gladly accept harder over definite or impossible. Be all that you can be and always go against the grain.
Disclaimer: I date a lot of girls, but I also go through a lot of rejection, so that’s my result. I don’t stop until I’m dating the type of girl I’m looking for. If one rejects me that just means she’s not for me. But someone who looks like her or even better will. I keep moving and I always find her. It’ll be different for everyone but for most people, rejection is inevitable. This is especially true for people who have specific type. It’s ok if it knocks you down but always get back up. You can crawl, walk, run or fly but always press forward.
Most Helpful Opinions