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Online Dating: Why You Should/Shouldn’t Do It

PinkGiraffee

Disclaimer: These are my thoughts and there is no scientifically proof or evidence to support my reasoning.
Written: 10-10-2020

Online Dating: Why You Should/Shouldn’t Do It


We live in a digital universe. Online dating has become the new norm, especially now with limited in-person contact due to COVID-19. I will give you some insight to my experience with online-dating and I will share some of my thoughts about online-dating and why you should and shouldn’t do it.


My Experience in a Nutshell:

I have tried nearly 5 dating apps, talked with numerous men, went on a few dates. I would consider myself to be fairly attractive and intellectually-driven. I decided to test the waters of online dating because I was genuinely curious to meet men and go on dates. Little did I know that jumping into online dating could have more output than I would have imagined.


My Standards Before Online Dating:

A few weeks ago I deleted all of my dating apps and profiles (Hinge, Bumble, Plenty of Fish, Cupid, Coffee Meets Bagel). I was on each of these for nearly 3 months at once. Before entering the dating world I knew that I was looking for a serious relationship, and I still am. I had an internal list of standards for meeting guys: educated (preferably a student like me), near me, enjoyed some of my hobbies (biking, hiking, etc..), and had a compassionate character. The first guy I ever went on a date with was great, we went on several following dates. We split after a few weeks. I continued to explore my options with other men. The dates failed, and I felt like I was losing sync with my standards. I met men I typically wouldn’t even consider dating and got disappointed nearly every time when they didn’t contact me or I didn’t feel a spark after the dates. That is when I knew I needed a reflection time. I decided to get off all online dating apps. Now here I am!


Brief Reflection:

I felt like I was going into online dating underprepared. I wasn’t looking for “the one” and I also wasn’t setting expectations for myself. Overall, my experience was alright. It was an interesting experience. Would I go back to on online dating? No. Here is why:


Why I think online dating doesn’t “work”:

Online Dating: Why You Should/Shouldn’t Do It
  • Lack of Chemistry: It is harder to seek pure chemistry online. Biologically, humans need to physically meet someone to experience attraction. Pheromones can not travel through our screens. I feel like this is one of the main reasons for why people would not choose to online date.
Online Dating: Why You Should/Shouldn’t Do It
  • Impersonal: You are swiping through faces and it gets impersonal and de-valuing because you are judging someone’s physical appearance (mostly). We judge outside in the public as well; however, when these apps narrow down attraction to the flick of a finger (left/right swiping) it can almost feel like you are “shopping” for a date.
Online Dating: Why You Should/Shouldn’t Do It
  • False perception: People can fake a persona (aka catfish). If a person isn’t willing to give you their actual number, call you, or give you images of themselves that aren’t on their profile, they are probably either really insecure or they are hiding something from you (e.g. appearance). When you meet someone in-person you know 100% if that person is the person you are visualizing because you are merely seeing them IRL. Online, that person could touch-up their photos with filters, photoshop, makeup, when really, they look like a completely different in-person. You will be disappointed to meet a person that you met online if you are expecting them to look like their profile pics. I’ve been there, lol. I had one guy I went on a date with lie about his height. I am a fairly tall gal (5’8”) and this guy said that he was (5’10”) and, in person, he seemed to be probably 5’6”. That proves this point.
Online Dating: Why You Should/Shouldn’t Do It
  • Awkward: It can be awkward. It is hard to start off as friends on dating apps because it is called a “dating” app for a reason. One of my preferences for seeking a relationship was to first start off as friends and see where it goes. This just won’t simply work at first. Maybe if you date and there is no click, friendship could be a possibility but typically if you are strictly looking for friends first, you should not be on a dating app.

Here are some reasons for I would prefer online dating:

Online Dating: Why You Should/Shouldn’t Do It
  • Anxiety-reducing: Meeting someone online (at first) could be anxiety-reducing for people that maybe lack experience and have nerves. Some of my very introverted friends struggle with social-pressured situations so online dating, in their case, would be the best option for comfortably getting to know someone better. If you are shy and want to get to know someone at a pace comfortable for you, start with online dating.
Online Dating: Why You Should/Shouldn’t Do It
  • Exploration: Online dating gives someone the opportunity to explore their options and build standards. Although swiping left/right, getting flooded with matches, not receiving any matches, could be de-valuing, in a way, you can still explore other types of people. I think that dating apps give people a baseline for entering the dating world. You go on there, build your profile, get an ego-boost, maybe go on a few dates, and you gain experience. After meeting and speaking with several of different types of people your standards may change, grow, or narrow.
Online Dating: Why You Should/Shouldn’t Do It
  • Self-confidence: Online dating promoted self-confidence. In my experience, I would say that online dating has improved my confidence. I received compliments, affection, attention which is a very enticing feeling. Of course, not every one will have this experience. Online dating could give you an ego-boost.
Online Dating: Why You Should/Shouldn’t Do It
  • Grows experience: You grow experience. Whether it’s online dating or meeting people in public, you are putting yourself out there and you are growing experience which is valuable for finding your identity.

Advice for people that are contemplating trying dating apps:

Online Dating: Why You Should/Shouldn’t Do It
  • Make a list: Make a list of what you are looking for and what you aren’t looking for. Sounds silly but I wish that I would have done this because I was naive.
Online Dating: Why You Should/Shouldn’t Do It
  • Don’t overthink: Don’t overthink your dating profile. Little thought should go into this because it means that you are being honest with yourself and how you want other people to perceive you. Also it may be useful to ask some family and friends for tips on making a good profile if you can’t think of any appealing content, but seriously don’t overthink it.
Online Dating: Why You Should/Shouldn’t Do It
  • Make your intentions clear: If you are serious about dating, make your intentions clear from the very beginning. Being clear about what you are looking for is always the best thing you can do. It eliminates any early-assumptions and gives you a better idea of the person you are talking to.
Online Dating: Why You Should/Shouldn’t Do It
  • Be yourself: The utterly cliche line. So many times, I wanted to project another image on my profile that didn’t align with who I really am. Don’t be me. Remember that the people you are talking to will eventually want to meet you if they are interested. They want to meet you, not another person. Don’t feed them false-hope. Be honest.


Conclusion:

I just shared with you some of my thoughts about online dating. I also shared some of my experiences. Online dating is an option for dating that I have tried and I hope that you got something out of my words. For some, online dating is a great method of meeting people and entering the dating world. For others, not so much. If you have the options for dating, explore them. You never know what you will find, or what will find you. If you have any thoughts about online dating, or want to comment on my words, the stage is yours! Take care ;)

Feel free to ask question if you have them.

Online Dating: Why You Should/Shouldn’t Do It
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Most Helpful Girls

  • tallandsweet
    Hey new user,
    Thank you for writing this and for the mods seeing this take's potential and featuring it.

    I wrote a fairly similar take a couple of weeks ago and also had a pretty similar experience.
    Like you, I used online dating apps for 3-4 months.
    Unlike you, I did end up meeting someone, but I agree with you on the chemistry part, that's something you have to work on yourself (or so it seems).

    I particularly agree with you on the point you made that you can check out your options. However, I was a little shocked by what you apparently deem to be your "standard" - preferably going for students is something I do not think is the best option. Think about it: In the states, people usually leave university with a lot of debt. To me, that's the only thing I look for: someone who's either employed or finishing his education and, most importantly, DEBT FREE.

    I understand that this is a Central European way of thinking (university's basically free here), but you came off as pretty entitled in your post. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and say that you're a beautiful, intelligent girl with plenty of options, but please don't limit yourself to the men you deem to be on your level. Again, I don't want to offend you, it just sounds like you had too many expectations which the men you found on these apps couldn't fulfill.

    Clearly, the guys you'll be able to meet online usually aren't in the top 1%, but that's okay.
    I liked your point of making a list of what you're looking for, I did that too, after registering though, to make sure I wouldn't get in a serious, committed relationship with someone who showed me too many red flags. To go on dates with me, it's neither required to look better than average nor to be overwhelmingly funny, smart or the like. All I looked for was someone I'd be comfortable enough around to go on a city tour with and that worked out fairly well. Dates are exhausting, but I had a lot of energy to spare and figured I might as well meet people now that I'm still attractive and have the time to do that.

    I will link the takes I've written for the case that you want to read them [not trying to self promote here, I'm happy with the amount of feedback I got]:
    Two months on Badoo, Tinder and Lovoo - What I've taken away for myself [online dating]
    Two months on Badoo, Tinder and Lovoo - The men I met
    How not to meet someone you met online in real life (first meet-up/date advice) [Three months of online dating series]
    Giving someone a second chance often yields good results :) [Three months of online dating series]
    Is this still revelant?
  • Anonymous
    Nice one here. I used to do the date and relationship thing before I began social media. Had tones of it. But when I joined Fb years ago, I began the online thing. Actually went overseas and got married too. I am now again in a ldr from having met someone online. We are getting married when I am able to travel over after Covid calms down. Bottom line, it is not for everyone. I have dated several online that were in my own area at one time. Now with Covid, maybe it is best to go that way and meet up someday.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Anonymous

      Thanks.

Most Helpful Guys

  • Old_Golden
    Online dating apps aren't a whole lot different from in person dating. You don't approach people you aren't attracted to. Online they actually get a chance to say something about themselves before you move on. There's definitely a disparity in the number of people who misrepresent themselves online vs in person, but people will always lie. Apps significantly expand your pool and your chances of success though. Oh and for the record I'm advocating for apps bc my little sister and little brother both met their spouses on apps. Personally I'm apparently incapable of initiating a conversation with anyone who I haven't been locked in a room with (school) or gone through a shitty experience with, so apps haven't really panned out for me and with the pandemic things are really looking good! /s
    Is this still revelant?
  • Lionman95
    Hey I think it´s a good mytake and I had similar experiences although I never went on a date. Something could be worth adding is that people shall read resumes about certain apps because some apps are telling you they dating apps but they are existing just for people talking with others never reaching a point of a real date. There are many fake apps around that only want your money.
    I lost a big amount of money because I´ve been tricked in spending money there.
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

27
  • scarlett774
    Interesting... but I don’t think I’ll ever online date to be honest. It just doesn’t seem natural to me and I find it a bit sketch. My life has been technology and social media since I was born and the thought of online dating Isn’t quite appealing. Considering most of the guys either live far away or just want a hookup.
  • errorgoodnameunfound
    I 100% think people should be open minded to date online. People usually have issues because finding a way to do so takes time. That's why I use https://amazondating.co/ With Amazon dating, most dates arrive quick and within the hour for prime subscribers. Unlike stuff like Tinder, you also can get a full refund if needed. There's even deals like "Jake starting at 6.99 which is muuuuch cheaper than any dating app subscription. I also recommend any bundle with "Cookie" and "The letter C" Any questions, simply go here: https://amazondating.co/faq Hope everyone can now actually enjoy online dating. :)
  • ovixs90
    Honestly tried online dating for many years. I think its really different online dating perspective from a male side and female For girls they have a lot of options to choose from where guys mostly online just take whatever they find someone shows some interest. Even than it means nothing maybe it depends on a country but where i live its even difficult to invite to meet someone on a date cuz when the time of meeting comes they just change there mind.
  • captain_voidwalker
    Online dating is a scam to separate lonely men from thier money. If you male and not a multi millionaire, 6ft tall, and chisled like a Greek God don't waste your time. If your a woman you can get sex out of it but the top tier men you all chase after are not going to commit because they don't have to. They can dump you and be fucking the next girl in less than an hour.
  • Heiniken
    Make an account as a male (Catfish) and try to get females to respond to you. Your results will be significantly different.
  • havingfun101
    Why bother?Online Dating: Why You Should/Shouldn’t Do It
  • pizzalovershouse
    The reason you shouldn't do online dating fakes trolls also the rapest to racist an poeple who look to people who do hate crimes
  • Shananonononon
    If you're a guy and you aren't 6' tall, In amazing shape, and wealthy, dont bother
  • Anonymous
    Lol!
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