1 mo

The Imperfections that are Perfect For You

Ozanne

Many years ago, I was using an online dating site to find a guy, but I couldn't take any more than a few days investing in it. It seemed that both the men and women had a shopping list of what they required, and most of it was verging on superficial nonsense.

What I mean is, it's okay to prefer that your potential love be a certain age, or perhaps that they may or may not have children, or even if their religion or non-religion is a factor. I understand this. Lifestyles are involved with making these types of choices. That's not to say they aren't deal-breakers, but people can work around them.

However, both men (and the women from what I saw) had requests that were limiting. As a woman, I can only give you examples of the things I saw: needed to be attractive, needed to know how to cook, needed to be athletic, needed to be interested in traveling, needed to be active and have hobbies, needed to maintain an outward appeal of femininity, needed to have a job, needed to be intelligent, needed to be educated, and on it went...

I specifically remember one guy having seven key needs. I think I fulfilled about four or five of them. (I wasn't athletic, and wasn't physically fit, etc.) I can't exactly remember what the reason was for him to stop short of wanting to speak with me on the phone or meet me, but he was absolutely certain that a woman had to meet all of his criteria. Since I didn't, I was discarded. Good riddance, I thought. I said: "Let me know if you meet a woman like the one you're after. I might actually want to date her myself."

Later on in life, I realized that happiness will happen when once you expect things won't be perfect. We can handle the good stuff. Gimme the bad stuff. What am I in for? What can I actually handle?

Allow yourself and your mate to be different. Think of what you can or are willing to put up with in order to be happy with everything else.

For example, if the guy you're after is gorgeous, is that enough to put up with some faults? Or can you live with the fact that he's got a crooked nose, but he's willing to cook you pancakes every Saturday?

It's impossible to find someone who is exactly like you, or is the cut-out you're expecting as if you're ordering your partner from Etsy.

The Imperfections that are Perfect For You

My advice, ask your potential partner their faults right off the bat. (You're going to find them out sooner or later, right?) Make it a fun game between the two of you when you meet.

If you can handle his snoring, his inability to make a sandwich, or the fact he'll never clean out the sink after shaving, will it be worth all of the good things you will later discover? Because those will be easy to take. Believe me, it's the small things that end up grating on a person after many years, so ask yourself now if you're willing to put up with what they're going to be.

As for her: If she's got a needy mother who calls all the time, or she hates your movies, or she is addicted to creating TikTok videos, will that be something you can forgive her for? If there is so much more to offer you than a perfect body but instead can give you the sweetest laugh you'll ever hear, think long term. That laugh may be the sexiest thing you'll find you can't live without despite her flaws too.

The Imperfections that are Perfect For You
The Imperfections that are Perfect For You
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Am_and_Pm
    My take on this is, is their a way to get both genders to put themselves out there and still know that they are wanted?

    Like, when I used Tinder I definitely did not expect so many pretty females. So many cuties that I wanted to feel comfortable with them, online. So, I did what the movies taught me. I lied my face off. Did I get lucky, only a few times. Did I put myself out their. In a way? I took great pictures and said 'hauntingly beautiful' points and just did my thing. I went, I chatted, I wanted, I felt, I smelled, I did spat on a chair while getting it on, this one time,,😂😅😊😉🥰

    So, overall I learned that lying is good. But, didn't learn that being honest is a really great catch. I just did on and lied about so many things. Of course, now I'm learning. From my emotional state to my biological state. I learned that all I really wanted was to have everything I always wanted but was never giveen the opportunity to be a god damn good human being. I feel, kind of naughty. A bit slimy. And definitely feel hairy. But ultimately feel like my heart is growing.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Ozanne

      I actually put a few things in my bio before I left the online dating scene. I put my flaws! I think I said that I snore, I had a tendency to be lazy, etc.. stuff like that. You wouldn't believe the hits I got from the guys. They were telling me what a real woman I was, and also concluded that I must have a good sense of humour to use humility in a post like that. I told them I wasn't kidding, and they seemed fine with it. So if you do it right, then yes, it works. (And they couldn't come back to me later on in the relationship and tell them they weren't warned.) :)

    • How stupid does someone have to be to use entertainment to learn how to interact with people?

  • Syrian_survivor
    Honestly, I won't settle for less than I deserve, what I deserve is what I can bring to a relationship, so unless someone offers that or more, I'd rather stay alone forever, I have tried looking past imperfections but it only led to issues in the relationship, there's no point in ignoring a flaw in someone if you don't have that flaw yourself, that's how I see it
    Is this still revelant?
    • ✅ I look for the good man. ⚡⚡ I would be your⚡ Mis︆︆tress!!❤❤ Pun︆︆ish me! ➤➤=>> g︆︆︆︆g.︆︆︆︆gg/nd05z

    • zollo

      I think the main problem comes from having too many requirements, like having a couple basic ones is normal but having an actual list is a bit much.

    • Ozanne

      We all have flaws, and even if you don't think so, what you think is a good attribute someone else may not think so. An example is traveling. Someone might find the interest of travel great. It can be adventurous and bring new experiences, culturally. But someone else who is a homebody may find it distracting and unnecessary, and to find the benefits of staying home and connecting with what you have more important. Neither one is better or worse than the other - it entirely depends on the individual. So while there are flaw-flaws like having a bad temper or being dirty, other things that you think are not so important are going to be important to a potential mate.

      With that said the idea of "I won't settle for less than what I deserve" is subjective - especially if you think you deserve only good qualities and none of the bad qualities. If it means you require a girl who has every single point on and you won't look past some faults she has, then it's unrealistic, and yes, you probably will be alone for a long time. It's not fair since you, yourself have flaws - even if you don't think you do, you do. Some girl out there will find a flaw even in the things you think are good. I hope that makes sense. I guess this Take was about easing up on human beings because that perfect girl doesn't really exist. Sooner or later, you will find the cracks so you may as well learn to accept them just as she'll have to accept them in you. Therefore, pick which flaws you are willing to live with long term.

    • Show All

Most Helpful Girls

  • Simplismilez
    This is beautiful. This is exactly what I want in a relationship. Somwone different that challenges me to be better. And I want to be that for someone else. I think its ridiculous to expect a perfect human to just be ready but nobody ever looks into themselves and changes what they need to. But to be able to find someone willing to grow with you is a great thing. They say opposites attract and I believe its because they do. Someone the opposite of you is going to challenge you. Too many people want easy. Thats why they want someone like them. Love isn't easy. Love should make you want to be better.
    Is this still revelant?
  • baila
    Best if your partner isn't exactly like you. SAME SIDE OF A COIN relationship could prove difficult, regardless of the number of ticked boxes. AND LAY DOWN RULES... even with friends I lay rules cuz when they do something I don't like and they don't know about it would lead to deepdeep shit when I get angry and even deeper shit if I bottle it up now and explode on full scale when they repeat it again.
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • bulltaker
    I am going to give you my take from experience,
    I like most have made a list of everything I want in a partner, I have found a few that equal the list, not the first one made it past a few chats, no chemistry.
    When the chemistry is there, the list is gone, I will overlook a lot of things I thought that I absolutely had to have, don't get me wrong, there are some things that are non-negotiable, but for the most part yes.
    • Ozanne

      Great input. Especially this: "When the chemistry is there, the list is gone" - I think many people ought to consider this!

  • Berethor
    I don't think that any imperfections are perfect for me, I agree with society on what considered good or bad for the most part, but there is some imperfections that I can accept, things like girl's extra weight or body hair is not a big deal for me to accept, though in weight case it also depends on how much extra weight she have. If she hates my movies? I would not even count it as imperfection, over the years I become fully aware of the fact that men and women are different, so it make sense for a woman to not like masculine movies. Make me laugh? nice but it does not counts for much for me, even though I have sense of humor, now if she a good girl and not a slut, then it might be a reasonable trade-off for her not having a perfect body, I am not looking for a succubus, that said, there is difference between not perfect and ugly, as a man I see care quite a lot about the other side's looks.

    https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MenAreStrongWomenArePretty

    https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MadonnaWhoreComplex
  • WalterBlack
    I completely agree that a willingness to accept some flaws in a potential partner greatly increases the chances of finding a mate. However, the flip side is that you should also be honest with yourself about your deal breakers. If you are frugal and thrifty, don't try to kid yourself into thinking that being married to a shopaholic is going to go smoothly. Or if you are allergic to cats, a person who can't live without a feline pet is probably someone that you should swipe left on.
  • Prof_Don
    I’ve been saying this for years; to be efficient at dating, one has to be honest about what negative aspects in a partner are able to be tolerated.


    It’s very childish and overly idealistic to ONLY think about laundry list of wants or a laundry list of dealbreakers.
  • BazookaTrouper
    So a guy stopped short of choosing you isn't much of a reason to tell people to lower their standards. Now you're starting to sound like that one youtuber joseph8276: the ugly fatass who bitched and whined that women with an hourglass shape were screwing men who weren't him, yet said he won't date fat women.

    People set high standards for who they want to be with and they will either get their way by their ideal person coming along (eventually), or they just won't get anywhere. The way I see it, it's a self-correcting issue where the only people complaining are people who would benefit from some self improvement on their looks, or should just get used to being rejected sometimes. You are NOT entitled to other people.

    No smart person would date online when there's no way to know for sure that the projection of a person that a profile shows is really who or what that person is. Be it traps, decrepit people pretending to be younger, predators, gay men pretending to be women, single parents looking for someone to pay child support for them, etc.
  • zollo
    I agree for the most part but DANG how does somebody have an inability to make a sandwich? I'd say a person isn't necessarily required to know how to make a lot of food but I consider "not knowing how to cook" to mean you can't even make box mac and cheese or some eggs.
    • It may not be an inability, but rather an unwillingness.

  • Smoothing
    I agree. Dating is actually messy and online dating is even more messy.

    There are many ridiculous expectations and also there are many straight up idiots online.

    Accepting people's imperfections is definitely a good trait to have. Otherwise it becomes unrealistic.
  • Jamie05rhs
    Okay, but the only way this will work is if you keep things in perspective. Because if someone tells you all of their faults, then they're automatically going to look way worse than all of the other people. But that's only because you don't know THEIR faults. If you did, the first person might not look as bad. ... Also, know the difference between what is permanent and what is improvable.
    • Am_and_Pm

      That's was kindly put, what is permanent and what is improbable.

      I thank u.😄😋

    • Am_and_Pm

      *improvable (spellcheck, em I right)

    • Jamie05rhs

      Thanks, man.

    • Show All
  • humanearth
    If I was that picky when I was single and mingling. I would not be married for close to 30 years.

    I think computer dating caused the pickiness. People forgot what its like in the real world dating. We are humans and not robots full of computer programs
    • Even if I bothered with dating, I'd still keep my standards where they are.

  • 007kingifrit
    this is good advice, it reminds me of a saying I have in this situation "would prince charming settle for you?"

    the happiest people are those who don't expect perfect things or even good things. then all good things are gifts and all bad things are like "eh i knew that was coming"
  • FakeNIK
    Nobody is perfect... it only happens in movies and I'm not saying Lower your standards but try to find a common ground.. by the way your post is good..
  • Twalli
    My deal breaker used to be anyone on the spectrum. I didn't think we could work out. My mom convinced me to try it once. I did and 2 years 5+ months later and we're in what both her parents and my parents call a "perfect" relationship. Not what we might need at a given time, but who we need for the rest of our life.
  • markthespot
    REALLY PEOPLE, COME ON. You need to give yourself and your prospect a break. Hell, I'm looking for a pretty brunette that will put up with my twisted sense of humor and antics, I figure anybody willing to do at least that has my vote. Stop being so superficial about EVERYTHING. You'd be surprised what kind of standup, standout people will STEPUP out of nowhere and make you content and happy as hell
  • Vickymoore9
    What is perfect that is the question you should ask yourself are you?
  • imanf7
    People are picky online because they think everyone who match with them actually like them or will want them. The truth is far behind that
  • lokeshdh00
    Every body has their own likes and dislikes. We should give time to a relationship to grow and see if it's working out. Don't you think so?
  • Levin
    Today I spotted on Tinder, requirement for an Irish, Scottish or Welsh accent. Err, you're in Manchester love. You're excluding 99.9% of the population. I want a girl with an Aussie accent, but I won't be too shocked if I can't find her...

    Tinder is really awful and degrading. TBH, I probably just use it to kill a bit of boredom now and because there's really no options in this house arrest we're under. I don't actually expect to meet anyone. And it's all sex and superficiality anyway. Girls can make my dick hard, and nothing else. What I want is for my heart to be warmed.
    • hahahmm

      Many years ago I saw an ad online for a woman who looked like a model looking for a guy who spoke XYZ language and with such a such education and job industry. I spoke that language and had the other stuff so I contacted her. Never heard back. Then I concluded that she was a fake profile. Later on it came out that almost all of the female profiles on that site were fake and that the company paid hookers to go on dates with a few suckers just so men would think they had a chance. This was a major dating site back in the day. I never tried online dating again.

    • The person who wants to date Celtic people exclusively in Manchester will either die alone, or have to wait a long time to get who they want. If they're not going to listen to you, why bother trying to advise them? I'd say just let them self-destruct.

  • Ano_nymuso
    I think that no matter how imperfections the one we really love has. We'll always see them as perfections
  • glock33sig357
    You can come as a blank slate but willing to learn and try anything once but not completely brain dead, you must have an opinion but not opinionated or a horrible attitude.
  • luvstoned4him
    You are so right. I feel everyone is seeking perfection but forgetting no one is perfect.
  • KrakenAttackin
    Happiness or "love" is about full acceptance of the other person. You know all the strengths and weaknesses of the other person and accept them for who they are.
  • Phoenix98
    I think that's smart actually. You have to remember there is no universally perfect person , you just got to find the perfect man or woman for you and only you.

    And recognize that people are inherently flawed and will have flaws.

    Like me for instance I don't make the bed in the morning and on my days off I sleep in late and like to be a lazy couch potato. I always come home dirty from work and I like to sleep right in the middle of the bed, I also smoke cigars.

    Those are some of my flaws or things people might not like, some will find them no big deal and be able to deal with em and some won't. And by coming out and saying your flaws early like you said you avoid surprises later on.

    And one thing to remember is that flaws will only be flaws to some people. Unless it's something like you have anger issues ( something universal )
  • Thea99
    I find perfection kinda boring. I like a woman I can be silly with and a bit awkward.
  • Onionboi227
    Yucky their feet
  • Coolmanxl
    no imperfections are great
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