Many years ago, I was using an online dating site to find a guy, but I couldn't take any more than a few days investing in it. It seemed that both the men and women had a shopping list of what they required, and most of it was verging on superficial nonsense.
What I mean is, it's okay to prefer that your potential love be a certain age, or perhaps that they may or may not have children, or even if their religion or non-religion is a factor. I understand this. Lifestyles are involved with making these types of choices. That's not to say they aren't deal-breakers, but people can work around them.
However, both men (and the women from what I saw) had requests that were limiting. As a woman, I can only give you examples of the things I saw: needed to be attractive, needed to know how to cook, needed to be athletic, needed to be interested in traveling, needed to be active and have hobbies, needed to maintain an outward appeal of femininity, needed to have a job, needed to be intelligent, needed to be educated, and on it went...
I specifically remember one guy having seven key needs. I think I fulfilled about four or five of them. (I wasn't athletic, and wasn't physically fit, etc.) I can't exactly remember what the reason was for him to stop short of wanting to speak with me on the phone or meet me, but he was absolutely certain that a woman had to meet all of his criteria. Since I didn't, I was discarded. Good riddance, I thought. I said: "Let me know if you meet a woman like the one you're after. I might actually want to date her myself."
Later on in life, I realized that happiness will happen when once you expect things won't be perfect. We can handle the good stuff. Gimme the bad stuff. What am I in for? What can I actually handle?
Allow yourself and your mate to be different. Think of what you can or are willing to put up with in order to be happy with everything else.
For example, if the guy you're after is gorgeous, is that enough to put up with some faults? Or can you live with the fact that he's got a crooked nose, but he's willing to cook you pancakes every Saturday?
It's impossible to find someone who is exactly like you, or is the cut-out you're expecting as if you're ordering your partner from Etsy.
My advice, ask your potential partner their faults right off the bat. (You're going to find them out sooner or later, right?) Make it a fun game between the two of you when you meet.
If you can handle his snoring, his inability to make a sandwich, or the fact he'll never clean out the sink after shaving, will it be worth all of the good things you will later discover? Because those will be easy to take. Believe me, it's the small things that end up grating on a person after many years, so ask yourself now if you're willing to put up with what they're going to be.
As for her: If she's got a needy mother who calls all the time, or she hates your movies, or she is addicted to creating TikTok videos, will that be something you can forgive her for? If there is so much more to offer you than a perfect body but instead can give you the sweetest laugh you'll ever hear, think long term. That laugh may be the sexiest thing you'll find you can't live without despite her flaws too.
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