Unpopular opinion: looks matters more than personality does

[Anonymous]

Really, I think many people try to downplay how important looks are to avoid looking shallow. Even though being an absolute dickhead can set you up for failure; being physically unattractive will get you nowhere. Everyone's heard of the expression "looks get you through the door but personality makes you stay". There's a serious flaw with that quote. How do you get through the door in the first place if you're not good looking? How can you get anything? People don't even want to be friends with someone of the gender they're attracted to because they're physically unattractive but all of sudden that same person can still get a date if they wanted to? I don't think so. On the other hand you take someone who's good looking but has the personality of a dunce; what does it matter? They can get a date, they can still get hugs and kisses, they can get into relationships, they can even get a lot of sex. I'm sure nothing long term is really going to happen but just by being good looking you accomplished way more than someone who has a personality of a "heart of gold".

The ideal person has a combination of both looks and personality but that's not what this myTake is about. If you were to take the extremes of both from one end to the other and compare them both separately would you still tell me personality matters that much more than looks? Ask yourself this question would you rather spend time with someone both romantically and sexually who's only a 2/10? Or would you rather do it with an 8/10? Ask yourself that and tell me if you really think looks don't matter that much.

[tatianamay]

If a guy looks insanely hot but is a dick to me, it'd be a huge turn off. I would lose interest in him and nothing would matter anymore. Obviously, when you first see a person you do not know anything about them. You just notice their appearance. At the initial stages of dating, looks do matter, you can't really be with a person you're not attracted to.

For me, the guy has to be at least average looking, and I'd have to be attracted to him, be it short term or long term. If I'm just looking for a fling or a hookup (when i grow up, of course), then personality doesn't matter, but if I'm looking for a relationship, then yes, BOTH looks and personality matters. Nobody is going to get into a relationship thinking that they're gonna break up, so you should choose your partner carefully, even if it is short-term. People may surprise you, you never know what life will throw at you next. Also, you don't want to end up with someone abusive or toxic. If the relationship gets toxic, I will get out of it ASAP.

The guy need not look like Zac Efron or Henry Cavill, but he can be an average looking guy with a good personality. My type of guy is someone who is smart, funny, caring and treats everyone right. Someone who can love me for who I am. Tbh, I don't really have high standards for appearance, I tend to like a guy I can vibe with. Someone who "gets" me

[myTake Owner]

Right that's why looks matter so much. If you can't get past the initial stage then you're personality doesn't mean anything. In order for personality to matter you have to be at least somewhat attractive. So if you're unattractive then I think you should be focusing on improving your looks rather than hoping that someone will settle for you just because your personality is good.

[tatianamay]

Exactly

[Jamie05rhs]

"If I'm just looking for a fling or a hookup (when i grow up, of course), then personality doesn't matter, but if I'm looking for a relationship, then yes, BOTH looks and personality matters."
By having this attitude, you will be enabling the players. Because these guys know that they can get sex even while treating a woman like shit. Because the women don't care, since it's just sex and not a relationship. Do you see what I'm saying? You are just encouraging their bad behavior. You make things worse for all women (and also for good man in the process.)

But I don't blame you, since you're young and you didn't know.
But now you know.

The LEAST you could do, if you DO want to have hookups -- which I don't recommend, but people will do what they want to do -- is to hold those men to the same standard as the men that you would want to date.

[Jamie05rhs]

But I agree with the other things you said, and I also agree the MyTake owner.

[tatianamay]

@Jamie05rhs Oh yeah, thank you, i will keep that in mind :)

[Jamie05rhs]

Okay; cool. :)
You're welcome!

[MissGeorgia]

If you’re a “dickhead” I don’t care what you look like

Every guy I have ever dated has been I guy I got to Know first. If someone makes you feel good when you are with them, everything about them is attractive, no matter how they look by conventional standards

[myTake Owner]

Yes if you're looking for a long term relationship then personality has to matter more. If you separate personality and looks by themself then looks is gonna matter more. Everybody always tells me that personality matters more than everything else but look at all the unattractive people out there with great personalities and they struggle to get dates because of their looks. Meanwhile some of the nastiest and cold hearted people I've seen were easily able to attract people if they were really good looking. Usually the relationship will fail at some point if they don't change the way they act but the point I'm making is that they can still attract people. Attracting people with you're personality only works if you have the looks to go with it.

[MissGeorgia]

Everyone is different, I guess... it’s never been about looks for me, no matter how attractive someone may be aesthetically.
Every guy I have been involved with has either been a neighbour I’ve spent time with, or a friend of a friend whom I got to know & became attracted to.
You can look at someone and lust for them, and if it’s about a one night thing then it’s about looks a lot of time, because you don’t need more than that In the moment

[myTake Owner]

It seems like when I meet someone over the internet they say looks doesn't matter that much but out in the real world it seems like it's the most important thing that matters. If a hot girl dates an unattractive guy everyone will laugh at her and wonder what's wrong with her. Same with hot guy and unattractive girl. Everywhere I go it's all about looks.

[MissGeorgia]

That’s your experience, but not across the board

[myTake Owner]

I agree. Everything that I'm saying is subjective and I know its all opinionated. But a lot of people also agree with what I said. Not just on this site but all over the internet and even in real life I know people who agree with me. But at the end of the day, maybe we're all a bunch of bitter rejects who over exaggerate things to our comfort level so, there's that.

[MissGeorgia]

Not everyone is bitter, but everyone gets rejected by someone at some point in their life... even these people you think are so attractive

[MissGeorgia]

The most attractive thing about someone is how they make you feel when you’re with them... that’s probably the biggest factor in anything when it comes to meeting someone.

If you’re putting everything on looks and have decided that they’re the be-all and end-all... then nothing anyone else says will make a difference.

[myTake Owner]

Despite everything I've mentioned I don't believe that looks is the only thing that matters but truthfully I think a lot of people just underestimate how important it is. Looks is what gives you the opportunity to show yourself once you attracted someone. For someone like myself, I don't have looks. I have to try and attract women with my personality. Clearly I'm not the most charming guy to be around but when I'm not on gag venting my frustrations out I think I'm a cool guy to be around. But, that's just from my point of view.

[MissGeorgia]

The paradox when it comes to dating is that if you find that it’s the people you aren’t attracted to that like you, whilst the people you like barely notice you, it’s because you’re just yourself around the people you aren’t interested in... we act out around the people we like & it can be off putting, because we’re putting on a show and it’s obvious. It’s not necessarily that you aren’t attractive, it’s that it’s hard to relax around someone who is trying to impress you.
People just want to see who you are really...& if you think you’re a good guy to be around then just let that take shape.
When I met my partner, I knew him for a while before I asked him out, but when I did, I knew it wouldn’t matter if he said no... if it had, I probably wouldn’t have asked him, or been able to ask him in a casual way... but the fact that it was so chilled made the situation so easy.
Back when I met my son’s dad, When we hung out for a while and it was fine, & then he seemed to like me out of nowhere, I don’t know why, he just did, and it changed things. He started being overly nice to me & it made me avoid him for a while. Not because he was being “nice” He was just trying too hard and it was uncomfortable. I didn’t see him for a while, and then when I did, things seemed to be back to normal and it was so nice. I liked his company like that. The thing with him was that he became really protective of me, and that’s what attracted me to him eventually. I liked that safe feeling when I was around him , which is why I said earlier that it’s how you make people feel that kind of seals that deal... some people can make you laugh, some people can bring you to life, some people can excite you, or bring out the best in you.
When I was getting to know my partner, I realised that everything was better when he was around. It didn’t matter how shit my day had been.
Looks play a very small part. If you know what you’ve got going for you, play to that.

[myTake Owner]

Yes a lot of people can admit to that. I've always wondered why this always happens. I guess we do this subconsciously where we try too hard to make that person like us back and they start picking up weird signals from you that drives them away. But the reason why we do this is because if we don't make a move someone else will and then we start doing unnatural things to get that person's attention and sometimes it comes off as fake or too overwhelming.

See the thing with you and your partner is that did you find him physically unattractive at first? I'm not trying to ruin the moment or anything but you didn't state how he looked at first. Because if he did then you would be saying that he mostly attracted you just because of his personality and the way he made you feel about him. Not only that but do you think that most people will start becoming attracted to someone even if they're below average looking if they have a good personality and make them feel good? It sounds like you believe in that.

[MissGeorgia]

He is very good looking , and he knows it... but he actually isn’t my usual type. If you had asked me what I thought of him three years ago, I would have said he was too much of a pretty boy. This whole thing with he and I kind of blindsided me..
It wasn’t that I didn’t think he was attractive, I just wasn’t attracted to him, if you know what I mean.
When first “met” him, he worked at my supermarket, so I saw him all the time and I didn’t give him second thought for a year.
I knew he was good looking, he just didn’t do anything for me in that sense, and I’m sure it was the same vice versa.
I saw him out one night, and because we were so familiar by then, we just got chatting at a bar & that’s how it started.
We would chat everytime we saw each other after that, just in a friendly way, and I started to think “He’s sweet”
... I was in the supermarket one day and when he came around the corner, my stomach flipped over, and that’s when I knew I was in trouble.
It seemed to come out of nowhere.

I can’t speak for everyone about what I said, but I do believe it, because that’s how it has always been for me.

[myTake Owner]

What is your type? I mean I understand what you're saying though. There has been some girls that I never thought about and then once I interacted with them all of sudden they started appearing "interesting" but none of them were really unattractive just not someone I would see myself into. So in terms of that then yes I know what you're talking about when you say that a persons character can enhance their attractiveness but how much can it really though? Do you think it's common for people to date someone who isn't necessarily their type? I don't know. I hear about it once in a while but that's it.

[MissGeorgia]

Guys I’ve gone for in the past have always been dark and rugged with tattoos. That’s what I used to find sexy.
I liked guys who got dirty for a living... Builders, Mechanics , Tree surgeons...

My partner is none of those things and yet this is the best relationship I’ve ever been in.
It’s been cool, because I like him completely for him, and not because he fits a certain criteria. I‘ve never known anyone like him before , so it’s all been new.

I think it happens more than people realise. Meeting someone who isn’t your type is a breath of fresh air, really.
Kind of everything you didn’t know you were looking for.

[myTake Owner]

Hm, so you like the dominant masculine type. Well that's how most women are. I'm glad you changed and decided to give him a chance because it seems it payed off instead of waiting for the perfect guy to show up when they usually don't.

Yeah I guess it's like that. If you're looking for an actual relationship with someone you can build and grow with it is most important that their personality and the way they treat you is compatible with what you want.

[MCheetah]

I respect your opinion but disagree. I think looks only matter more, moreso to the people who shouldn't matter. Most conventionally attractive women I've met turned out to be bitches, in fact. When someone is good looking, the world treats them better, yeah. But they also become less nicer people because of it.

Looks are subjective, anyway. My type of woman, very tall, thick/plus-sized, ginger, pale, is a type of women some men definitely wouldn't go for. But that's the ideal woman for me. I won't go as far as to say "there's someone for everyone" (me being ugly, I SURE AS HELL am not any woman out there's "type"), but that personality still matters MORE than looks, even if looks are still important. Maybe a 60/40 split in favor of personality.

And yes, I'd rather have an ugly chick who worshiped me and was willing to do anything to please me, than a hot bitch who I hated being around (and once dated, in the past; Emma knows what's up). The good looks are only satisfying, for like, a week maybe? Trying living with a bitch as opposed to an ugly girl who you genuinely enjoyed the company of. Not to mention you missed one important detail: looks are easier to change. Sometimes expensive if we're talking plastic surgery. But still easier.

[myTake Owner]

If you're looking for a long term relationship then personality has to matter more otherwise it'll fail. But other than that looks definitely matters more man. You might be in the minority of someone who would date somebody who has a great personality but is physically unattractive vs someone who has a bad personality but is really good looking. I get the point you're trying to make but I don't agree with it. From what I've seen if you're good looking you will have an easier time attracting people than just having a good personality. I think its shallow and you probably do too but good looking people can always get their foot in the door while unattractive people have to struggle relentlessly and beg for a chance to show how great they can be.

Some of the most horrid and ruthless people I know both men and women have zero problems getting offers for hangouts, dates, sex etc. But so many below average looking people who are actually legitimately good people are left laying in the dirt. I mean, I can't see how personality matters more than looks if you separate both by themself. Personality matters more if you need both. But if you had to choose between one or the other looks will usually beat out personality. But this is all just from what I've seen.

[MCheetah]

Good looking people can attract more to them. But good personality people can KEEP the ones they attract. I'd definitely rather date a 4 out of 10 who I loved being around than Amber f*ckin' Heard. Good personality people win out in the long run. And this is coming from a single, unattractive dude, here.

[myTake Owner]

People with good personalities will win out if they find someone who is looking for a long term relationship like they are. The problem is that many unattractive people simply cannot find somebody and if they do manage to reel somebody in they have to try hard to keep them before someone more attractive pops up. So I'm not entirely disagreeing with you but I honestly think that if you have the opportunity to improve your looks then that should be a considerable option and you don't need plastic surgery to do it.

[OlderAndWiser]

When we meet someone new, we don't know much about their personality but their personal appearance is usually open for all to see. Since physical attraction is a sine qua non for a romantic relationship, if we are not attracted physically, we will reject the person. This means that most initial rejections are based on appearance.

Beauty is enough to attract a potential mate but not enough to hold them in a relationship. Once you get over the physical attraction barrier, you must have a personality that hold the attention of your partner and which draws them closer. And even if the physical appearance was a 10/10, if the personality is not there, the relationship will not last. ("For every good looking girl walking down the street, there's a guy somewhere who got tired of fucking her.")

So, the initial rejections are based on appearance and that may lead you to think that appearance is the most important thing in dating, but it really isn't. When I look bac on all the partners I have known over the past 50 years, the ones with whom I was most satisfied were not the ones who were the most attractive.

[myTake Owner]

Well, truthfully I do think looks matter more than personality even when it comes to dating but only the intial phase so I agree with you there but the only time I think personality matters more is if you're looking for something long term because a relationship can't last if you don't like someone's personality. So if your end game is a long term relationship then eventually personality will matter more. Other than that looks seems to matter more in everything else. Unfortunately many people are not gifted aesthetically. Many of them still have charming personalities but they can't get a date. Meanwhile all the scummy people who are good looking can find a relationship faster than their counterparts can. Usually the relationship will fail but just for the fact they can find one so much easier just seems really shady to me.

[Guy13]

Yes, if we are not attracted physically then we are not speaking unless spoken too.

[Neurodiversebear]

I would like to share my experience of how this is not true.

I was very obese all of my life, I got up to over 400 lbs in my 20's and didn't start to lose the weight until I was 28. I am 35 now, I have very defined 6 pack abs, and I work out every day. I am well groomed, tall, and financially well off.

I think it was cosmo magazine that released the 6, 6's that all women want in a man, it read something like this: 6 feet tall or taller (check), 6 inches or more in the pants (that one's odd cause the average is like 5.5 inches, but again check), 6 months or more out of a relationship (I've never had a serious relationship, so check), 6 figure income or more (check), 6 pack abs (check), and a 600 horsepower car (This is the only criteria I don't meet, because there's very few of them and they're more expensive than houses lol.).

Yet, my tinder profile even with professional photos and a very well reviewed bio generates almost zero interest. It took me at least 3 months just to get a girl to agree to a date, and I only hooked up with two girls in 4 years of using apps.

Meanwhile, my brother who has always been a natural charmer... while I have no interest to know exactly how many criteria he meets I assure you he meets almost none of them, and yet he can pull womens attention like you wouldn't believe.

Quick wit, humor and the ability to read people will take you further with women than appearance by far. The only exception to this would be high level male models who are like 1% of the population, thankfully, there aren't nearly enough of them to take up all the available options. But, I can tell you from years of going out to bars, if you can make tables laugh and you are witty? You will have no issues getting laid or getting a relationship and keeping her.

I don't know how old you are, but being young also plays a major factor, women are naturally more attracted to older men because they are much more likely to be able to financially provide for her and their potential children.

So, in summary, if you're young and poor, not funny or witty, and scrawny... Yes, you are not going to be very desirable to women. But, you will aquire wealth and admiration through hard work as you age, you will also aquire muscle with hard work and age, and if you aren't mentally disabled then you can also learn to improve your conversation skills that will increase your odds also. Basically, give it time and work hard, you'll see results.

[far2gud4u]

So the good looking guys who have no substance may get some attention in the beginning but they are not the ones a woman will settle with.

I feel there is something beautiful in everyone, be it their eyes, a smile or something else and the inner person is all that matters

[myTake Owner]

People will settle with other people who have looks and personality. Looks alone can get you anything but a long term relationship. Personality alone doesn't get you anything. Maybe friendship but nothing more than that.

[far2gud4u]

I have dated plenty guys who have good personality and that are not considered good looking... I have had some relationships too...

[myTake Owner]

I hear a handful of people say that from time to time but only on the internet. Out in the real world I just haven't seen many examples. if you're good looking you'll get anything you want except a long term relationship if your personality is really bad. If you're unattractive then no matter how good your personality is nobody will still date you. Maybe I just live in a really shallow environment who knows but either way this is what I often see.

[far2gud4u]

Looks only last so long…

[myTake Owner]

Well personality doesn't last at all unless you have looks. I know some unattractive people who simply cannot get a date. Nothing else is wrong with them. They're not terrible people. They just can't find anyone who finds them attractive enough. If they were good looking they wouldn't have this problem.

[iseekpinetrees]

Honestly I go for personality more than looks. If you had kind eyes and nice smile that got people in with me. I look back now at some people I was around n think wtf did I see in them lol so I know I definitely didn't care much about looks. If I liked someone their looks grew on me. And I found other qualities about then I liked If it wasn't particularly their face. Also I dated twiggy skinny to super fat guys so I saw through the fatty body.

[NMMan]

In terms of initial attraction... yes, it's predominantly appearance-driven because you don't know the other person yet... beyond what you see on the outside.

In terms of getting someone to stick around, ultimately personality is more important.

[ceciliamrs222]

for u fall in love u have to first feel attracted to their looks and then meet them (personality)
so kinda yes but for example a good looking guy will get a lot of attention but if he has a bad personality nobody will find him cool and interesting but if a “ugly guy” has a good personality people probably gonna fall in love for him.
so for me when a person is a cool i automatically think they are beautiful.

[exitseven]

I knew a girl in college who was just so so in the looks department. We used to hang out sometimes but she had a boyfriend. She was quirky and different and even though she was not really hot I found myself being attracted to her. When she broke up with the boyfriend we got together and dated for over three years.

[A_Bell]

It depends. Much of looks are personality. An attractive person who treats people like crap will begin to look ugly after their act wears thin.

[Anonymous]

Well I was in an over 5 years relationship with this guy who I wasn’t physically attracted to. He was a great good and that’s why I fell in love with him.

[Chthou95]

I can agree. A dude or girl can act like a shithead and still get dates or hookups.

[0112358]

This is a popular opinion.

[myTake Owner]

Really? Because most people I meet tell me it's all about personality unless they're lying to me.

[ciaralovescats]

idgaf ab looks tbh