We all want to be liked by somebody of the opposite sex, and it feels good when it happens. Particularly if it’s someone we find attractive and would be into. This is normal. But someone liking you or showing you interest is not always a good thing.
I’ve answered a lot of questions lately from people wondering if this or that person likes them based on such and such. I answer honestly according to the details, and I don’t say what I say to be negative or to shoot down their hopes. I want them to think deeper about their situations first and really gauge them before going all in, which I will explain why in this Take. But folks on GaG are not the only ones who are in situations of wondering if someone is really into them. We all meet somebody we like and want them to like us back, and are puzzled by things they say or do that would be indicators of their interest.
Here is the kicker: someone liking you or showing you interest can sometimes be worse than a person rejecting you or not being interested at all. For multiple reasons. We live in times now where people have become increasingly dishonest and impure in their intentions, and using others is all too common.
Love bombing
Some people are showing you very intense interest because they are doing what psychologists call ‘love bombing.’ Typically this term is used to describe what narcissists will do when they really want to reel someone in romantically and control them, but it applies to any other person as well. Some people are showing you super strong interest right off the bat because they might be seriously infatuated with you, but keep in mind that this interest usually blows out like a flame just as quickly as it came.
Today they’re crazy about you, want to sit with you at lunch, are singing your name when they see you down the hall, want your number already and maybe they text you regularly, and then a month or two later they are totally bored and have slacked off with communication and fascination with you. You probably feel sad and hurt by it, which is perfectly okay and perfectly normal, but just know to recognize the situation for what it is. When someone really, really likes you, they don’t show it in sudden explosions of adoration, trying to hang around you all the time, or watching you non-stop.
They’re trying to get over their ex
When someone has just exited a relationship, and they're the person who was dumped and really got hurt by it, it’s very common for them to do things to try to get over their ex. Which includes hooking up (“the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else”) or trying to get into a rebound relationship. And the scummy part is that you may be their perfect target for that. They too can try to love bomb you, or they do take their interest in you slowly and want to see where it goes, because they “don’t want to be hurt again” but are going to hurt you anyway and deep down they probably know it. You feel like a million bucks about it and love that they’re texting you, sitting with you on break at work, and maybe you’re even hanging out together outside of work or school.
And then comes the crusher. They started talking to their ex again, because their ex reached out and is re-thinking the breakup. Their feelings are starting to rekindle because they never really got over them like they tried to. So now they start slacking off in texting you, they begin to act cold and distant, and deny it all when you confront them about it, but you know what’s going on, and then it gets even more painful when you find out they actually ended up sleeping with their ex just a while ago. Or it might end more brutally and abruptly than that, where they ghost you completely and/or block you everywhere with no explanation.
These are also some very painful situations to be in, and you feel hurt, used, and like your time and energy was wasted. People who are showing you interest after coming out of a breakup are not only the worst but the most volatile. 80% of the time, if their ex reaches back out to them, even if it’s 9 months later, the person “liking” you is going to go back to them, especially if the relationship they had before was not a short one and if they were married. That’s why when you meet these kinds of people and go on a date, it’s important that you try to find out some relationship history so you can dodge a major bullet early on.
They’re trying to make someone else jealous
Again, it could be their ex which it usually is, or someone you may know absolutely nothing about. It could’ve been someone who rejected them or made them feel like they’re not attractive and can never find someone else, so that person is now “liking” you and hanging around you just to make the other person jealous or see if it will affect them in any particular way.
Just like with rebound prospects, once the person they’re trying to make jealous decides they want to come back or give them a shot, the person liking you/showing interest will drop you like a hot cake and you become completely forgotten. And you may or may not ever figure out what it was about, but you usually do later on down the road.
They know that you like them
Some of the worst people are the ones who know you really like them, and maybe you’ve even made moves on them but they’re not interested. Yet, they will see if they can take advantage of you just to use you for what they want. In this particular case I’m not sure women really experience this, but it definitely happens to guys.
The chick knows you’re really into her, so she’ll start pretending to be into you to get your hopes really high and see how far you’ll go to get her. And in the beginning you can’t even see it, you’re just thrilled that she “likes” you and you guys are texting and whatnot. She’s never fully committing to anything serious but you’re believing that sex or a relationship is going to come out of it. Meanwhile she’s already using you for free food, free rides home or free rides to work, or to even help her and her kids out. Everybody sees what’s happening but you, and this chick is laughing because she knows she’s getting over on you. She’s found the perfect “gentleman” to use like a TV remote.
You have to gauge the situation
I have said this repeatedly on GaG. I am not trying to be negative nor do I actually want someone’s situation to be the worst, but it’s very important that we are wise and careful when a person seems to show us interest. Just because they may like you doesn’t always mean their intentions in it are good. That’s why when you finally do get the person to go on a date with you, it’s crucial to try to learn and get a little background about them, especially about their relationships and if they just came out of one. This is more important than just trying to find out if you guys really match so well. You don’t have to treat them like you’re interrogating them, and you can certainly keep the date lively and full of humor - which can help them to open up more, but also use the opportunity to see what they’re about and how it plays into them “liking” you.
Namaste, and good luck.
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