Where do the white guys hang out?

[Anonymous]

I am an African American woman very interested in dating a white man. The problem is I need some ideas as to where to start. Where do I go and how do I break the ice without being intimidating?

[SoundingBoard]

Without knowing more about how you spend your day and evenings, in general terms I would recommend considering how it is that there aren't available white men in your day to day life right now. That you frame your desired partner's main quality based on race is a very loaded decision. Beyond all of the really deep "how-comes" and "can-it-works" of dating out, you're already aware of the intimidation for a white man approaching and courting you. While some of that might come from concern over what his family and peers might say, more of it would probably come from the unknown of how your family and peers would react (real or perceived hostility) and from your own expectations of his "white" qualities. Before starting down this road, do a serious "gut-check" to make sure you and the important people already in your life are really ready for this. Having dated women from almost every ethnic origin, I can attest that the taboo weight of dating a black woman in our country was far more challenging than every other interracial experience, but was also wonderfully fulfilling.

First off, if you spend most of your time in and around the black community, white guys are probably not going to come find you, right or wrong. Deliberately meeting and dating across boundaries will challenge the comfortable games you may know. Going to the kind of clubs and bars where you're likely to meet "white guys" may work if you're persistent, but more likely its going to be a uncomfortable and frequently disappointing ordeal, even if you're able to easily reel men in from across a bar. Unless you're just looking for a hot hook-up, neither men or women really like to start any kind of serious relationship simply being objectified across social or racial boundaries.

Like C-R said, find a common ground where you are likely to immediately share an interest. Instead of rolling up everything you believe you like about white men into "getting a white guy," think about those things more specifically (besides the obvious outside qualities of being white). If faith or politics are important to you, try a different congregation or get involved in a campaign that's bigger than your own community's interests. Consider Toast Masters or Rotary. If you like being active, join a running, hiking, or biking club. Venture away from your own comfort zone and community to delve into the arts; book/poetry clubs, art classes, performance associations, etc. Really get involved and put yourself on the line. Its a fair bet that most professional white people do these things to satisfy personal interests, network professionally (opportunity knocks), and yes... mingle with the opposite sex.

Once you have built within yourself the confidence and comfort to get out and fit in, the opportunities to meet and date quality guys (who may happen to be white) will probably grow beyond your ability to choose. Thats a good problem. You'll grow in the process and so will your options. Good Luck!

[archer86]

Only once have I ever seen this question in mylife. In the army, the drill sergeant asked if any black cadets never met a white person. Two hands went up, both were from Louisiana. I was SHOCKED! FLABBERGASTED! My outburst was something along the lines of"...white people are EVERYWHERE!..." Apparently not.

Just go to any city and you will find plenty. In all my years, white people will be more intimidated of YOU instead. Just be friendly. But take my experienced advice: don't be surprised if you meet negative vibes. Unfortunately, racism is still around. Sad.

[amber10-79]

Chances are, you won't find a lot of white guys where the music is predominatly rap, hip hop, etc. (though that doesn't apply for everyone; just my own experience). Find a bar, club, diner, whatever that has a more rock 'n' roll feel.

As for breaking the ice, and not being intimidating; seriously, just think of it like a job interview without the pressure. Be open and friendly, but don't go overboard. Smile, and if the comfort level seems right, touch his arm or somehting lightly to guage his reactions.

Good luck.

[Cool-Relax]

There's no specific place where white guys hang out. You could go just about anywhere to meet one. I would say find something you're interested in (e. G. If you like reading, go to a bookstore) so you don't end up pursuing a guy you have nothing in common with.

As for approaching them, make small talk first, then ask if they want to grab a coffee or something to continue the conversation.

[NotSoBad]

break the ice? lol makes me think the ice rink... usually most of those guys are white. you would probably just have to find a neighborhood that has a higher population of white men. Find a diverse neighborhood it should be just as easy as meeting any other guy.

[fkinmick]

Book store. lol

[Anonymous]

would you ever date a younger guy?