I started dating my girlfriend and I messed up and said something I didn't mean. How do I convince her that I really didn't mean it?

[Triedtrustedknight]

This what happened I think she is really beautiful and I regretted letting her see my ex

[Laura_Marx]

lmao oh god. this is the worst thing I've ever read. You didn't really mess up, I know what you meant. She does, too. It's obvious. She's just feeling bad about herself and looking for reasons to self-loathe. There was no reply to that message that would make her feel good about herself, you know?

A few things are important: you were right to try and take the conversation away from her comparing her looks to the other girls'. That's very destructive for her. Even if you say 'no, you are much better looking than her, blah blah' and she believes you (she wouldn't), it'd just reinforce the anxiety to look good (to look better than the other girl), blah blah.

She already knows you didn't mean to say that, so don't worry about convincing her. If it comes up in the future, try not to play the game of sorrows at all. Honestly, I really don't have a good solution to this problem. I've never been in a serious relationship and not had this situation come up. I think all girls have explosive episodes of self-loathing; it's a response to trauma (and all girls are traumatized). I have never found a good way of dealing with this.

Make sure to compliment her a lot when she's *not* feeling like this, I think. Because here's the thing: when she most needs the reassurance, reassurance won't help her. As with all things fate is cruel. But she won't believe a word you say when she feels like this. Better to take her by surprise - 'hey, uhm... you're really beautiful, you know?' - and make her feel good *when she's with you*, in general. At your best you can be a moment away from the pressure and anxiety of the world for her, where she doesn't need to worry about what people think. But it takes a very long time to get to that stage.

Anyway, that's my advice. It's not very good, sorry. Relationships are pretty rough! But you did good, champ, believe me! Good luck!

[lizziepooh03]

hahahaha. You committed the cardinal sin of being honest. lol!

Yeah, honesty and our feelings don't really go hand and hand even though we always say we want someone honest. lol!

This will be fine. All you need to do is show her you want her. You desire her. And you can't wait to have HER.

Whatever that means to you guys, do that - make it so she knows SHE is the only one.

Good luck. :)

[Triedtrustedknight]

I really didn't think my ex looked prettier honestly I get nervous every and it makes me mess up. Thanks I have been trying my best every day to show her that I am.

[lizziepooh03]

I saw your response to another poster that mentioned that you get anxiety speaking with your girlfriend.

This is not good and it is not normal. This I would try and overcome. A woman needs to trust her man and if her man can't trust himself when talking with her, he won't be a good mate and she will leave him because of it if she realizes it.

Why do you have so much anxiety? I am sure, at least by the little text messages I have seen, she wants you to like her. And that my friend, is pretty much the whole game, get a woman to want you to like her.

So you have it in the bag. So why the anxiety?

[Triedtrustedknight]

My exes would act interested in talking and they only dated me a short time and would talk to me texting and they made me feel like I didn't know how to just have regular small talk conversation and that i tried talking about fun stuff or funny stuff that wasn't offensive in anyway they would stop. One I wanted to marry we dated for 6months the. She cheated and went back to her ex.

[Triedtrustedknight]

That's why I have anxiety when talking. She has helped me overcome a good bit of it because she talks to me and makes me feel really loved and the only time I have anxiety is when she brings this back up. The first time when it happens I hadn't talked to her that long so I was already dealing with the well she is just going to stop talking and not give a shit about me.

[lizziepooh03]

It will only serve you well if you assume the woman that you are dating really likes you and wants to her what you say. Do not doubt that part.

If you step on her toes because you were honest, ask yourself and her, does she want someone honest or someone that lies to protect her feelings? What man is better?

Personally, I like the honest man. I like him so much that my feelings are hurt on a regular basis. lol!

[Cmasterson]

I don't really think you said anything wrong, and she's putting that all on you though, she has to realize that you are no longer with your ex no matter what reason. If she's constantly going to be comparing herself to the past then there's no future.

[Words_and_Wisdom]

You deserve better than that. She's playing your mind for attention with her negative self image. You deserve a woman who has confidence.

[Laura_Marx]

She's not *playing* him, silly. But she does need the attention. That doesn't mean what a lot of people think it does, though. Often we just need someone to witness our trauma, ugly as it is. That's the dirty work of intmacy, I'm afraid! You will never find a woman who has no insecurities; 'confidence' is a facade and in your relationships you should be looking for the truth!

[Triedtrustedknight]

@Laura_Marx can you message me so I can ask you more questions

[Laura_Marx]

@ asker, I actually can't I'm sorry! I'm not high enough of a level.

[Triedtrustedknight]

@Laura_Marx ok thanks, i really like your advice and that it seems really insitefull. I could show you the texts tonight that has been really rough and wanted to know your opinions of them and if I am still messing up and how I can better show her I love her and that she can feel confident

[Triedtrustedknight]

Is there a way to still send photos after I have posted a question?

[Laura_Marx]

hmmm... my email is lesbianhouse@gmx. com, why don't you e-mail me there? I'm going to bed soon, though.

[Triedtrustedknight]

@Laura_Marx that gmail

[Laura_Marx]

no! gmx. com, it's a different website. Copy it like I said, but without the space (GAG adds that automatically because you're not allowed to post links until yr level 2 - it's kind of hilarious that they automatically break their own rules for you, but yeah)

[Triedtrustedknight]

It bounced back for some reason

[Laura_Marx]

really? that's weird. What's your email? I'll try emailing you instead.

[Triedtrustedknight]

Won't let me it says my email app says it in valid wears lol

[Triedtrustedknight]

Weird

[Triedtrustedknight]

admphillips33@ gmail. com

[Beautifiedgirl123]

Oh god! That sounds like a convo teens would have. Do people still worry about shit like that?

[DearLife]

Please PLEASE don't tell me you guys are 30...

That conversation was cringe asf.

[Triedtrustedknight]

Yeah I am and she is close to it.

[mooky06]

You fucked up bad dude.

[Triedtrustedknight]

Well I haven't dated that much I really have no relationship skills in this area. Like if you were to meet me you would be like is he still a virgin. That's how much dating experience I have had. I have tried to explain that to her and that most of the girls I dated treated me like shit. They acted interested and then would just stop talking to me. I never even said anything to them like what I said to her. So I feel like my dating life is fucked up because of that. I get super nervous and feel anxiety when talking to a girlfriend because of the past ones treating me like crap. When I met the one I truly care about talks to me I fuck up it makes me feel like a freak even worse feeling than those exs could have made me feel.

[mooky06]

Just tell her she is an ex for a reason and that your current girlfriend is with you for a reason to. Girls like to feel like they matter and are cared about. So just be careful next time dude. You need to get through some bad eggs to find a good one

[Triedtrustedknight]

I told her that and that made it worse lol I tried that argument at the beginning lol this the two month ago argument rising back up again.. Makes me hate myself in way. I know she was hurt and I have been hurt to by people but I am willing to get over those trust issues and I was able to trust her. I just wish she would do the same for me.

[mooky06]

That's understandable. It works differently for girls man. She will get over it in time. Just be careful in what you say and how you word things

[Triedtrustedknight]

It's what she said at first, then last night she was like I will never forget that. I was like well fuck. So I feel screwed.

[mooky06]

It's like one of those "she'll forgive but never forget" type of situation.

[Triedtrustedknight]

I'm trying to be careful how I talk to her it's really hard now that screwed up

[mooky06]

Understandable. Do your best

[Fearless_banana]

Lmfao. Cringe