Is it okay for girls to chase guys?

[crazy_eyes]

Some say it's 2016 and you can do whatever you want while some disagree and say that it's unfeminine to chase after a guy.
What are your thoughts on this?
I personally think girls should chase after guys if they want to and it's unfair if they expect the guy to do all the work- be the first one to call, text, ask her out etc.

Yes

No

[brain5000]

Women can do this, but they have to do it the same ways they want men to do it:

1) Look for subtle signs of interest from the guy before initiating.

2) Say something nice to the guy - "I like your tie" or "those are nice shoes," but not something physical, like "I like you smile" or "you have nice hair" See if he is receptive or creeped out before going further.

3) Make it known that you appreciate his good qualities and you like spending time with him. "You're so funny" or "you're so sweet" etc. Respond to the things he does in honest ways but also ways that don't demand any response. If that works out well and doesn't freak him out...

4) Tell him you like him. Don't tell him you love him. Just let him know you appreciate him and that doesn't require any obligation on his part. If he's still smiling...

5) Find some common activity you both enjoy and ask him to do things.

Or, if you are more impatient. ...

1) Dress up in a way that shows off your boobs and/or ass/legs/shoulders (assuming you are lacking in the boobs department), buy him a drink and tell him you don't need an answer that day, but you would enjoy sucking his dick if he was ever so inclined. (This is the best approach if you're not looking for any long-term relationship)

[brain5000]

Thanks for the MHO! :)

[ak666]

I'd say "yes", balance society out.

The one thing I'd advise for women is let go of this notion of being "used" for sex. That's one of the most unhealthy views in the current nature of our society as I see it, and it's very dangerously incompatible with the idea of women becoming pursuers. This idea makes it so your chastity is something to be "given" away to a man.

Have sex when you want it, enjoy it, don't "give" it, and then you can never be "used". You "use" each other in the worst case scenario. If the relationship doesn't work out, you weren't "used" any worse than a man can be "used" in that case.

And it's worth noting that a thick skin is required to be the pursuer. Even successful guys in the dating scene are often used to a boatload of rejections. When you're the one choosing someone and pursuing someone, the odds are weighted against you that they feel the same way. As a result you have to learn to build that mutual interest, not take it for granted.

Anyway, I think this is a fantastic change for society that would really help balance things out. But I think there's some things women should understand if they start doing this aggressively to avoid getting burnt and traumatized by the experience.

[ak666]

As for the shy guys out there, this might not necessarily be *that* helpful. It might just propel more women towards the popular and confident guys. The cure for passivity without desired results is to become a pursuer, regardless of sex.

[mistixs]

"it's unfair if they expect the guy to do all the work- be the first one to call, text, ask her out etc."

BS.
It's perfectly natural for a woman to expect men to do these things.
Why? See "The Sexy Son" hypothesis. Women expect men to do these things, so that when/if they have sons, their sons will also be courageous enough to chase women, and thus be more likely to spread their (and consequently, their mother's) genes.
In contrast, their daughters could reproduce just fine even if they don't chase any men, because there would be men to approach her.

Regardless...

I do think it's totally okay for women to chase men, and I encourage them to do it. Studies show that women who approach men obtain their desired mates in greater numbers than women who expect men to approach them.

There have also been studies that show that women have greater regrets in the area of romance, particularly when it comes to not approaching men they may have been interested in. Thus, women shouldn't be afraid to approach men. They're more likely to get their desired men that way.

[Tephra]

I think its perfectly fine for a girl to chase a guy as in this day and age; gender roles are no longer becoming apart of new changes in society. I have personally chased guys before who I really liked and was interested in and from experience it can go either two ways: One, they will be flattered and keep in contact with you and get to know you and Two, they will keep in contact with you and use you for an ego boost or sex. Not saying ALL guys do that; I've met some amazing guys but there are those few who take advantage of women. There are those guys out there who think just because a girl makes the first move think they want sex or a "friends with benefits" or gives them a right to string them along. But as I said before its perfectly fine for a girl to chase a guy; just be cautious on who you let your heart out to.

[falafelany1]

I say yes it is not only okay, but it is great. We chase things we want. Whether it is a sale going on at a store or a guy... if we want it we will try to get it. It is intimidating to go after a guy because you might get rejected. I have been rejected twice for going after guys I want but I don't regret doing it. The good news is that when you get rejected you get stronger as a person. You also get to give the shy guys a chance because you are going to them when they might have been too nervous to go to you. Win win.

[falafelany1]

Thanks! Like a lot of people said, "chasing" is not really great to do, but going after something you want is good!

[Clairehunti]

It shouldn't matter. I hate when people go "if he's not chasing then he's not interested." No? Everyone is different. I'm pretty straight forward as a person so I usually end up chasing but of course I don't mind the guy chasing me too every now and then so I know he's interested. I don't care about these rules people set up when it comes to relationships and dating. If it's love it's love.

[aWes0MeNeSs]

I don't see anything wrong with it. I've approached guys several times, especially if I knew they were shy. I don't find it odd at all.

[ElissaDido]

I know I most probably wouldn't do it. But it's not wrong or weird if you do it.

[cth96190]

Women become more willing to take the initiative as they grow older, especially after the age of 30.
I attribute this to a combination of greater self-confidence due to life experience and a measurable decline in male interest in women, especially after the age of 35.
For women who are past 30 and especially past 35, if they do not take the initiative it is likely that they will spend their nights watching television with their cats.
It is not that men die or turn gay between 30 and 35, it is because as they gain life experience (being used by women, perhaps destroyed in a divorce court, seeing colleagues and relatives destroyed in divorce courts) they do a cost/risk/benefit assessment of interaction with women and decide that the juice is not worth the squeeze.
I once knew the owners of two old-fashioned introduction agencies. These were the type of agencies that had physical offices and required that clients of both genders go there for an interview.
Both of these owners told me this same thing, which I found interesting. They said that between the ages of 18 to 35 they had five males on their books to every female. That began to change after age 35 and by age 40 they had five females to every male.
The men had not died, they were simply no longer interested and had walked away.

[godfatherfan]

Right now I am not dating. partly because guys end up paying most of the cost and I simply can't afford it. The other part because I just am tired of being the one that has to chase them.
I am envious of women. You get to date for free and I would LOVE to have a woman come after me the way I am expected to go after them. I am just tired of women that want to date but won't be the first to send a message online, or send that first text, etc.
So I am out on POF. com and I am just waiting to see if anyone messages me. I do get messages, but they are either hideous, or too far away.
check me out. username is JeffGiuliani

[Omgjosh]

The way I look at it, you get the wrong guys asking you out if you don't chase. Shy guys like me that are fine around girls but get nervous around girls I like won't ask you out. While the pieces of shit that ask almost every single girl they see out will ask you out while you think they actually like you. No wonder why so many girls are dating garbage. I'm sure some good guys will have the confidence to ask you out, but most guys that have no problems asking girls out is most likely a player. I hear too much about girls complaining about not liking the guys that are asking them out. How about this, you ask the guys out that YOU WANT TO GO OUT WITH? If you'll be happy with them, who cares if it's not feminine. Its about you being happy, not others.

[adamski24]

cdn.playbuzz.com/.../...4974-b398-62b1e4a4f298.png

static.yourtango.com/.../woman-chasing-man.jpg
msnixinthemix.com/.../...des-chase-man-140211b.jpg

[theponderousone]

I wish this happened more. We're all human, why should we limit/expect certain actions based on kinds of people?

e. g. being tall shouldn't mean you're good at basketball, being a man shouldn't mean you can't be vulnerable, being tattooed shouldn't mean your job opportunities are fewer, being a person of color shouldn't mean you are any less of a person.

Being a woman shouldn't mean you can't chase guys.

But ONE thing I wish everyone actually do follow is, don't be a d*ck.

[Cmasterson]

Yes it's okay however you shouldn't be chasing anyone, if you like someone let them know, I have no problem telling someone how I feel if it seems to be reciprocated however i'm not going to playing games.

[Puppylove94]

Well said

[FatherJack]

Excellent answer !!

[LittleSally]

It's fine, but they WILL respect you less and like you less... And only use you for sex if they see you're a chaser. Why? because that's how the world still works... Still.

[ak666]

I actually agree with this to some extent but not because of the chasing. I think it might happen more because if a guy is being pursued by a woman, her interest in him is completely unambiguous. At that point, a male's ability to easily separate sexual desire from love might allow him to easily accept the girl's advances but settle only for a purely sexual fling even if the feeling isn't mutual.

[ak666]

Women can do this too. Might be rarer but I had a female friend in her late 30s who would get a new boyfriend almost every few weeks. The men pursued her but she just kind of had her fun sexual fling with them and then move onto the next guy. She eventually settled down with a husband (married a guy almost half her age) when she found a suitor she actually felt strongly about, but the previous men were all for fun and sex. She was like a preying mantis.

The person who gets pursued always has that power to just keep it casual and sexual if he/she isn't interested in anything more from the person. A lot of men might do this more easily than women, but it's not the act of pursuing that causes this. It's the fact that the person being pursued isn't interested in the same way (but can still be horny, e. g.).

[Giacomanzo]

I'm sorry, maybe is it because I'm quite shy myself, but I would have loved to be "chased" by a woman that I used to like and that I know liked me as well, so no, at the very best I've respected MYSELF less for not having take the first move, but surely I wouldn't have liked her less for doing the same.

[LittleSally]

@Giacomanzo Zeah, but that would only apply to shy, respecting guys... and how many of those do we know? Not many...

[LittleSally]

@ak666 That's true...

[Giacomanzo]

Mmmh... there are more shy persons (both men and women) than someone might think. Some of us (counting me as well) are just very good hiding it, because not shy in social skills. What I mean is when we are in a large group we have the control of the situation, it is not hard to speak with a lot of persons at the same time, while you are not serious about stuff. It is the couple situation that get us nervous, and trust me, a lot of my friends are just like me.

[LittleSally]

@Giacomanzo I get it... don't worry...

[Giacomanzo]

I'm not worried ^^

[SuitAndTie]

@Giacomanzo I think it depends on the guy in question whether he will respect you less and less. If I was being chased by a woman I wouldn't respect her less purely because of that.

[SuitAndTie]

Sorry, that comment was for @LittleSally , not @Giacomanzo

[Panay]

I hugely disagree. A girl chasing me eoukd show she's genuinely interested in me, which would make me more likely to be interested in her.

[Giacomanzo]

@SuitAndTie Not a problem, my friend ^^

[RandomBritishGuy94]

Only if you go after the ones who would be willing to "chase" you anyway. As in the ones looking to do this.

Men don't get asked out and instantly think "I can use her". Much like women we are either ass holes or not long before you show interest in us.

[Careless_Whisper]

What a load of bullshit. You must be a feminist.

[sedrftvgyhujik]

Why would you think that Sally?
Everyone wants to be wanted if the guy likes the girl he will feel fantastic knowing she likes him enough to chase after him long as it's not full on stalker level like she's taking pictures through his window at night or collecting bits of his hair or something crazy like that then its great.

[ak666]

@sedrftvgyhujik From a popular kind of guy's perspective and one without much of a conscience, let's say he's in between girlfriends. If a girl approaches him that he doesn't care so much about, but she's not bad-looking, he might sleep with her and then move on. It's like she offered up her twat on a silver platter in that context.

Of course if you're a guy with more noble intentions who would only accept a girl's interest if you're interested in her more than sexually, then having girls approach would be excellent.

But there are definitely guys out there who exist who would accept a girl's pursuit of him just to kind of easily get laid.

Where I think Sally is a bit wrong is that it's not the pursuit that diminishes her in any way. It's just that she's offering herself to a guy who didn't pick her first, and he might consider just keeping her around for a little bit for a sexual fling.

Of course women can do that too sometimes, but maybe guys would be more likely to do it.

[sedrftvgyhujik]

@ak666 Well that's happened to me with an older woman after she had had a breakup maybe women just aren't as vocal about it.
I was out well I was heading home actually at the end of the night I walked past her, she stopped me, was very forward, took me back to hers and told me exactly what she wanted she later called me back once more then a while after that she text me to say sorry but she got back together with her boyfriend who I up until then I didn't know anything about.

[ak666]

@sedrftvgyhujik Yeah, women can definitely do that. I've known a few myself, often older like your case, who just kind of have a new boy toy every few weeks, have sex with him, and then ditch him. It's somewhat rarer though perhaps than a guy who would accept a girl, have sex with her, and then reject her. More girls seem to just reject guys upfront without having sex with them first.

In any case I think the "pursuit" is a red herring. The risk for women pursuing men is just that they might set their sniper scope on a guy who might not have that much interest in her as a person but still be curious enough to have sex with her before he rejects her.

[ak666]

@sedrftvgyhujik Generally I'm totally pro when it comes to women pursuing men. But definitely there's some risk there for anyone of any gender when pursuing a person that you might just get strung along and used somehow.

[AriadneSky]

you seriously think ALL men are going to think of you as less of a person bc you have confidence. why even date men at all if thats how you feel?

if a person does not respect you being your own person and going after what you want then they won't ever respect yu.

so essentially you date guys thinking they dont respect you. so it should make no difference whether you ask them out or not. bc according to you men dont respect women.

obviously some men hold the view a woman place is to be passive, but then its not their decision. and no one _has_ to date them. thats a choice.

i dont think there's anything wrong if a person CHOOSES to be passive. thats entirely different than feeling forced to.

if a person is capable of respect and genuinely likes you they will not look own on yo for asking them out. anytime someone does you should ask what it means to genuinely 'like' you/. and what 'respect' is. of course maybe those things dont matter to you.

[AriadneSky]

That does not out you in a position to claim the wold is such that Women are not respected by Men. You can fill in the blanks with rationalization about specific situation- does not matter. You are saying billions of people yell never see or know or talk to or experience have contempt for billions of people. Thats quite a claim you can not prove.

Mean while plenty of people are capable of accepting their partner for who they are regardless of who asks who out. or are you saying that you know what someone is really thinking or feeling despite what they say.

I think you should do whatever makes you feel comfortable, but your claim about respect cancels itself out.

[sedrftvgyhujik]

@ak666
Well it's up to her how far she goes.
She could always just make out and get to know more about them for a few dates if she doesn't want to hook up right away encase she finds they aren't the relationship type explain she wants to check your serious first I think that would work on me at least.

[93stepsawayfromhome]

— "it's unfeminine to chase after a guy"
Of course women can't chase, because, you know, they have a vagina, and that prohibits them from chasing.

I honestly feel like smashing my head against the nearest wall for a few minutes straight. Will anyone pay me if I livestream it?

[NotTheFBI]

Do it... Just... DO It... Fulfil your dreams. :v

https://youtu.be/ZXsQAXx_ao0

[LaVilaine]

Nothing comes to you handed on a platter. At the very very least, you have to tell the object of your affections that you're into them.

[datgirl]

Only on here will you find guys who want women to chase men, but not in the real world where the real men are at... or what's left of em lmao.
Guys don't like when women chase them. Why? Cause I've seen it happen and they don't respect women who do. Men are the pursuers and always have been.
Soo, ya, I will never chase a man lol.

[hotstuffSRD]

This hottie got a strong point 💁

[SuitAndTie]

Pretty sure if a guy was being chased by a supermodel in the real world he'd have no problem with it. Regardless of what he wants from her. It depends on the guy in question I would've thought.

[datgirl]

@SuitAndTie lol ya I'm sure, but I sure he'd just want her for sex and put a ring on the woman's finger that didn't chase him.

[ak666]

@SuitAndTie Even a supermodel might be dull as hell outside the bedroom. I think the mistake here is that thinking the pursuit diminishes the woman to the man's eyes.

Men already know this upfront. If you pursue a girl, you give her the power. Whoever is bound to get "used" in a relationship is usually the one that has the stronger feelings first. That's usually the pursuer at least initially.

A woman can end up pursuing a man who is just interested enough in her sexually to have sex before rejecting her for another girl he's genuinely interested in. It's not the fact that she's pursuing him that causes that so much as the fact that he was never that into her in the first place.

Women can also do this. It's rarer but there are some nympho types out there who would accept a man's advances, have sex with him and then treat him like a boy toy. Then dump him in about a week or two and find another one. Women can "use" men for sex, it's just a little less common.

[ak666]

I think the difference is that say a man pursues a lot of women who don't share his interest in them. That's going to happen to even very popular guys who are successful with the ladies, they're going to be rejected a lot. But they'll probably end up not having any sex through the process, they'll just get a bunch of rejections.

Now say a girl pursues all types of guys who aren't that interested in her. In that case, she's probably not coming out of this as a virgin even if they all dumped her at some point.

That's the only difference in my opinion. I don't think a girl pursuing a guy diminishes her worth to him. But he might be more likely to be open to having sex with her for a while before he moves on to a girl he actually likes a lot more.

Girls who pursue men who don't return their interest aggressively are probably going to lose their virginity in the process. Guys who do it probably won't.

[hanabi]

I do not like the word 'chase'. I think ot is ok to show your interest, flirt, give hints in a funny way, guys love these. Just do not be over the top, like the girl who was following a guy when he came to ask me to dance with him...

[yourwinglady]

I wouldn't chase a guy b/c then you wouldn't know where he stands. if a guys likes you, you will know it. if he is crippled by shyness, you can help him out but still, guys go after what they want the vast majority of the time. now, if you are just looking for friends with benefits or something, then that's fine.

[Mesonfielde]

Lol "unfeminine" what a joke; they can't even define what that actually means.

[Heera]

My last experience was pretty bad. After I took the first step and we started dating he suddenly left me because a girl he was chasing finally gave him a chance... so i don't know what to say about this.
But it's nice to see so many guys don't mind for the girl to initiate something :) it gives me courage to talk to my crush haha

[ADFSDF1996]

Yes it's okay and in my opinion, it should happen more often. It makes dating easier for shy guys like myself.

[Words_and_Wisdom]

Approach me. Start a conversation with me. Tell me you want to fuck me. Christ... why is it so difficult to grasp the fact that guys are much more receptive to advances from women?

[AhGojira]

If you've got the guts to take initiative to getting something positive in your life then good for you. It's a good character trait.