Boyfriend Said he feels Suffocated what does this mean?

[TaylorCSmith]

So My boyfriend and I have been together a little over 6 months. He recently has been lashing out at me and been very edgy. Eventually he told me he felt like he was being suffoacted and needed space. I don't exactly know what to take from that. We live together, I moved in with him after only dating 2 months because of a stalker at my dorms. I don't know if that may be the issue that we moved in to early. When I asked if he wanted to be with me he has told me yes and no. He states he doesn't know who he is anymore and he wants to be able to have days off where he doesn't have to worry about spending time together. He says he does love me. I just am confused. What should I do as far as giving him space. We already work oppisite schedules (I work 7pm-7am night shift and he works 7am-7pm) Is this a sign he doesn't want us to be together and doesn't know how to cut it off or is it just a phase. Please help.

[btbc92]

First of all, you should have NOT moved in together. Second of all, he's lying. A guy saying he feels suffocated means that he is not happy in the relationship. He likes the benefits of you being with him but hates the fact that he can't be to himself. That's a very bad sign. As an introvert who loves her space, I suggest you ask him what is REALLY going on because that is not what he was saying to you before. And if it was such an issue with space, why didn't he tell you this BEFORE he asked you to move in?

It means he's conflicted. He wants you but doesn't at the same time. He feels trapped. He just wants the benefits, but he never taught about what commitment actually meant giving up part of his free time. This is an Introvert thing. But the problem is he's being very selfish.

[TaylorCSmith]

He has claimed he is an introvert, I keep trying to talk to him and ask what he needs from me and he keeps pushing it off saying we will talk about it later. Should I just back off give him space?

[btbc92]

It means to break up. He isn't going to prioritize you because his space means more to him than you. Sorry to say. It's not you, it's him. Because he doesn't want to fit you in his 'world'.

[OjosOscuros2]

Moving in together after only 2 months of knowing each other, and at your age, is very serious so I'm sure he's freaking out because of this. Did y'all talk about this before or did you sort of push yourself into his living space? Some of this sounds like he feels you may be too controlling.

[TaylorCSmith]

He urged me to move in with him, he stated he felt more comfortable with us living together and not having to worry about everything.

[OjosOscuros2]

Okay. In that case, it sounds like he's going through something mentally. Not saying he's crazy or anything, but you should talk to him about it. Ask him if he's feeling depressed or anxious. The "I don't know who I am anymore" is a sign he's going through some mentally taxing things and it's not something you're doing.

[TaylorCSmith]

He has stated he thinks he has PTSD. from working in an ICU and having patients pass away on him. I have been trying to help him but I don't know what to do.

[OjosOscuros2]

That sounds tough. Maybe he also thought that by you moving in it would "fix" things and because they're not fixing, he's trying to push you away. Tell him that you want to help him because you really care about him. If it means him seeing a counselor then support him on this. Not being able to see you hurts y'all's communication and it can kill the romance. He's definitely confused and I can tell you if he thinks he's got PTSD, it's the illness talking and not him.

[TaylorCSmith]

Thank you I appreciate the help. I defiantly will try and talk to him. I have already about being seen and he said that it is for the weak I told him not getting seen is what makes someone weak and he refuses.

[OjosOscuros2]

Listen to him for now. And y'all can talk about bettering your work and life balance in the meantime. If he's too stressed from work and the only free time he has he feels he needs to spend with you, since y'all barely see each other, then it means he doesn't have an outlet for all that stress. Some people work out or have their own hobbies that they like to do. If there's something you both like, then do it together and use that as your quality time plus stress outlet. It all depends on how committed he wants to be to the relationship though. Same for you.

[roy_ricky09]

I'm sorry about that.
He needs space in terms of what he wants to do without anyone's permission or continuous monitoring.
Working in such shifts is also a problem.
Overdoing burdened and stress at work.
I sense there is a lack of understanding between you guys.
You should relax and talk about it.

[TaylorCSmith]

That is what he has also said he doesn't want to have to answer to someone. So what should I do back off? Stop making an effort?

[roy_ricky09]

No, just let him do what he wants the way he wants as long as it doesn't affect your relationship.
I can relate to him. He needs a partner to enjoy with him in what he does and he'd do the same back.
The most important thing is he's not okay with responsibilities like for one you. But he will come around, it comes with age

[roy_ricky09]

Is he kinda lazy and does things close to deadline?

[TaylorCSmith]

Sometimes. It really depends what it is. He doesn't like going on and here recently he has stated he hasn't had interest in anything but playing video games.

[roy_ricky09]

That's laziness only and signs of anxiety. What he needs is a support and someone who can push him to do things but never let him feel like being pushed.
I know it's a difficult situation but not impossible one.

[roy_ricky09]

I agree with @btbc92 on some points but I think this guy takes things for granted and he feels people use him.

[btbc92]

The problem is this is not anybody's responsibility. He has to be the one to push himself to keep the relationship or don't be in one. Because he doesn't see or care to know that he is neglecting her. Eventually, she will say enough is enough. And you don't want it to go that route. This is now a flaw in women. We wait till things get out of hand for us to actually say something. His actions are showing that he doesn't really care. The issue is, he is not being honest with her nor himself.

[btbc92]

It is very clear that he is unable to provide her the emotional needs he can't even provide himself. And that is why I had said the relationship needs to end. Another reason why I'm by myself and never dated either, because I cannot be emotionally available for somebody, and I cannot find myself surrendering my space to another like that by visiting him or whatever. Especially when it's not of my own free will.

[roy_ricky09]

I agree with you.

[reptocarl]

"Space" is what a pussy says for breakup. It makes you think he'll want you again at some point in the future which never happens. This is over permanently and completely and you will not remain friends even if he suggests or agrees to it nor will you ride off into the sunset together and live happily ever after.

[TaylorCSmith]

He stated he doesn't want me to move out though.

[reptocarl]

Of course not. You're free pussy.

[Reddwolf]

he doesn't know how to end it