Why don't girls message first on Tinder?

I just don't understand. Sometimes they even say in their bio that they won't message you first. Yeah, they get 10x as many likes and messages as guys do, but that to me seems like more of a reason to message the ones you're interested in. Part of me just feels like it's a vain attempt at feeling good about themselves. It's really insulting for us to match and then not message/ignore mine.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I used to message first when I used Tinder. Some girls feel as though they need to be impressed, as if relationships aren't a two-way street.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Tinder is a cesspool for the most part, I'd do Bumble instead. The women there HAVE to send the first message, and I think especially on a dating app, there's something to making the woman have to make the first move because then she's talking to you because she wants to, not because you cajoled get into it. I'm a big supporter of women stepping up and making moves especially in a day and age where it seems like even the most basic and self absorbed females get loads of attention they probably don't deserve.

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • Because we don't have to.

    Don't hate the player. Hate the game.

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    • Women like you are what's wrong with our gender.

    • @Amethyst5 The long version of my comment might read "I have found men in the age groups I date to be put-off by women who make the first move a lot of times. And women who are assertive in that manner are often called sluts or whores. So why would I keep doing that? It doesn't do me any good."

What Guys Said 21

  • Taking initiative has always been the man's characteristic and that won't change just because of politically correct equal rights. Because women can't have equal rights without equal responsibilities, and most people only want rights.
    Women hint, men act.

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  • They do sometimes, but it's about being a man and stepping up to the plate and sending a message first. If you can't do that from the start it'll probably never work out because women want men who step up and take control.

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    • Who says a man has to be the one to step up? Who says I want a man to "take control"?
      Your viewpoint is exactly why there's so much toxic masculinity in the world.

    • @Amethyst5 No reason to get upset. I'm not on here to argue, only offer advice. Everyone is different and if you're more attracted to guys who don't step up then that's what you're attracted to and no one can control attraction so there's really no right or wrong.

  • If I ever read "I won't message first" I'll be like cool and simply move on to the next person. I like people who would stand up and get what they want and not wait for it to present itself on a golden plate.

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  • Because they have way more selection than we do and don't have to message first.

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  • Statistically, it's more like 18x as many matches. Sorry, I just like accurate math.

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  • Because they think they should be attractive enough to not have to.

    Girls think they are very interesting

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  • Establezca su yesca en Mexico, y les gustara. Que son hermosas

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  • That's what tinder is for... Girls (as a generalization) don't like making the first move. So they want someone else to do so

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  • Girls are more popular than men. Therefore popular people expect to be written first

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  • I agree though. Though resisting becoming cynical of digital dating scene.

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  • i hear you. be careful many guys and girls want to only use you jot love you.

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  • Because girls want men to give them some, and don't want to give of themselves. Narcissism...

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  • You nailed it. But it's more economics... Supply & demand text book.

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  • It's populated by typical girls

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  • What's your bio like?

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  • cause girls aren't expected to make the first move

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  • They don't need to.

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  • They do if you're Alpha male like @Tony_1692

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  • Because they don't have to

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  • Because they aren't hoes.

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