Ever been in a relationship, but still feel empty like something's missing?

[Anonymous]

Maybe it's just me, and I find it hard enough as it is anyway to build relationships and form bonds. I'm not one for massive groups of friends either, I have like 3 best female friends and I'm happy with that. But the weirdest thing is with my boyfriend. He's been there for me for like 2 years straight now, but I just can't help but feel something's missing. I feel like I struggle to really connect with him as I'd like, or I feel that half the time I'm too stressed to feel relaxed around him. He's a great guy, but sometimes I feel even after this long, he struggles to read me or get me on an emotional level. Which is important and I just feel unfulfilled. Then I just feel I'm always going to feel this empty way. What is it with me? Why can't I just be happy... have any of you ever felt this way?

Yes I've felt this way

I've never felt this way

I continually feel this way

[AwesomeCookie]

I believe when people feel unfulfilled in a relationship whether it lacks physical, emotional or mental connections, they eventually get to a place where they realize as much as they love the person it's just not enough for their needs. People fall in and out of love all the time.
I know for myself, I am only happy with someone who can keep up with me at an intellectual level. Even if there are minor hang ups in the relationship, keeping up with me mentally is important. Whether its discussing life, the daily grind, or anything really. I really enjoy a connection a such.
Sounds like reevaluating your relationship with your boyfriend would be helpful. Couples counseling can be a good option. I wouldn't let it go for too much longer because it may become more difficult to get to the root cause.

[Anonymous]

Going through this right now. We're at the two year mark with a baby. He doesn't seem to care about anything. I try to talk to him and I just get ignored. Definitely makes me feel like something is missing. I think it just means we aren't meant to be together but he's stringing me along cause he thinks I'm gonna take his daughter away from him. Only reason I'd do that is if he continues to mess with my head wanting to fk on me but be single.. cause he would use my daughter as a means to make that the case. Very manipulative and narcissistic sociopath.

[asdfghjkl_821]

Leave 👏🏻 him 👏🏻 Seems like he’s already messing with your head too much. Let him go and see about shared custody for the daughter.

[ImSoSozzled]

Yes, in my opinion from how you are describing your situation, that feeling means you're not with the right person, which can be an extremely difficult thing to deal with, especially if they are a nice person otherwise. It takes more than just being a good person to have the real chemistry that will make you feel fulfilled.

Do you know your (and your boyfriend's) Myers Briggs personality type?

If you do not, I highly recommend taking the test and I can probably help you figure out exactly what's going on in your head.

www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test

[Asker]

Thanks. Your advice is really helpful :) I took my personality test and I'm a virtuouso which is apparently very rare for females. It basically described me to a fine t! And actually, helped me understand why I find relationships so tough. Never knew such a test existed!

[ImSoSozzled]

You're very welcome! I find the whole Myers Briggs system extremely useful, because it really helps me figure out my emotions and how my brain works, and you can learn a lot about other people if you find out their types :)

[ManOnFire]

This has never happened to ME although I do know it seems to be the case for many people but mostly women. And I think this is because a lot of women think a relationship will be their saving grace or fulfill them, especially if they are already unhappy or running from inner issues. They think having someone will solve it all or take it away.

[Asker]

Fair advice, but not this issue here. I'm pretty fulfilled with my life thus far.

[Variablemyriad]

So 2 years with someone is a long time but it's not enough to make that strong a connection all I can do is give some suggestions for you both. 1: set up times for each other no phone no TV no computer no anything distracting. In that time talk about what's been going on how your feeling what's stressing you out and don't get upset if you or he are on the list because that's how you progress think of it like a boss fight in a game you can't continue to a higher level until you beat this boss. 2: set times to be apart like not seeing others but seeing your selves. In a relationship it's easy to lose one's self in the unification of the whole (2 halves coming together for one) so take some time to aaddress what you areissing from your life not the relationship's life if that makes sense. Finally 3 : ask him what he thinks about this emptyness maybe he feels it and maybe you need to find a common ground to connect on again like a bridge between two islands that can close the gap your feeling. But this is all from someone who lostany relationships due to failing to understand this message because I couldn't figure it out in time so now I pass it to thoes who are in the same boat as me

[TomasC]

Yes, I have felt this way. And I have felt this way even without a relationship. If you feel like that there is something missing than it is.
But that thing that you feel like is missing maybe has nothing to do with your relationship. In my case it was not just the relationship with the other person.
I just came out of a relationship for two years and always felt there was something missing. There was a lot that was missing looking back at it now but that was not the main thing because even after the relationship ended I felt like I was missing something.
What I was (still am a bit) missing is myself. Being able to accept myself and therefor feel free and thus happy.
There is only one person in your life that is the best when comes to connecting, reading your body language and understanding your feelings. That person is always there for you because it is you. When you expect others to somehow read your thoughts, control your emotions and instantly click and connect with you then you will never be happy. Because they can't and they should not. It is not up to them, and if it is then that task is as difficult and futile as Sisyphos rolling a stone uphill. Besides, what if they are not in your life anymore then who will make you happy? If you don't have yourself then you have no one.
Others can only make you happy if you choose to allow yourself to 'own' and enjoy that happiness.
Happiness and being fulfilled is the result of choosing to be happy an fulfilled. Sadness and unfulfillement is the result of choosing to be sad and unfulfilled. You may not be aware that you choose or when or what or how you choose unhappiness. But you can become aware by sometimes backtracking your choices when you feel unhappy.
The book that helped me and made me feel a bit more whole is 'not tomorrow, but now' from Dr. Wayne Dyer.

[potatoisme]

This mean that there is either something wrong with the relationship and something really is missing, meaning it's not just a feeling. Either you don't love him, but you think you do, or the other way around, or the spark is gone and now your relationship is just a routine. Or it might be you who's not happy with herself. Because a relationship isn't there to make things perfect. The partner you have by your side is merely there to support and love you, and complete you, but if you're not happy with yourself there isn't really much anyone can do about it, as this depends on you.
So think about it and try to find out what's the real problem here. Talk it out with your boyfriend, don't hesitate to share each other's feelings and opinions, because if you plan to stay together for a long Time, you need to start understanding each other..

[Calixx]

Yes. With my ex i always felt a deep emotional component was missing. This wasn’t because of me, but because of him. I felt “close” to him, but, I realize now it was merely a superficial idea of closeness. I knew him, but, I didn’t REALLY know him. I found out recently he had been cheating on me, and I feel that explains a lot. He is a person who fears intimacy, and when the pressure for intimacy increases (as is expected in long term relationships) he runs away and self-sabotages. I really hope he grows up :/ I always felt an emotional hunger in the relationship, but, we live and we learn!

[Eevee2026]

This is great advice, and something I needed to hear. I'm going through a similar situation with my boyfriend and your advice helps. Thanks

[mth692]

I also struggle to read people or get them on an emotional level. For me, a lot of it is due to the fact I have high functioning autism. One of the key characteristics is low emotional intelligence, reading and understanding the behavioral cues someone is giving off and trouble understanding things from someone else's perspective. What if all these aspects were just due to how their brain chemistry is and they don't intend to hurt you? What would you want from your boyfriend or someone like me in that scenario? What if he is aware how you are feeling and it makes him feel bad or inadequate because he may have trouble with those aspects of a relationship? I know it would make me feel like there is something wrong with me and I'm a bad person cause I just can't always get the emotional aspects of a relationship like most people. What time of fulfillment are you looking for specifically when you say you feel unfulfilled?

[NiceOrHonest]

Maybe its best to take a break and look for what your missing if you 2 are meant ro be for real a break should not hurt sometimes its needed to find what exactly you missing.

But someone can be really nice and all but that what is not meant to be is not meant be. To me it sounds like you need a boyfriend that actually understand you and maybe you need someone who can sense what to do when you feel down and maybe understand you without you having to explain things because this ussually is a issue for sure when your work or anything stresses you.

[jakeforfun]

I've felt similarly, a lot, in certain relationships. Tell your guy something like you said here - "You've been there for me for like 2 years straight now, and I have allegiance to you. I care about you, and I want US to be better. I just can't help but feel something's missing. I feel like I struggle to really connect with you as I'd like, or I feel that half the time I'm too stressed to feel relaxed around you. You're a great guy, but sometimes I feel even after this long, you struggles to read me or get me on an emotional level. Which is important and I just feel unfulfilled. Then I just feel I'm always going to feel this empty way. What is it with me? Why can't I just be happy... you ever felt this way? Feel that way now?" Talk to your guy. Share your guts with him. Take the chance.

[Anonymous]

I'm surprised you have stayed with him for so long. I had felt lonely with him, I struggled for a few months, and split up... I don't recommend the way I did, I guess sometimes, when you want the closeness so much, you are afraid to admit you don't have it with your partner, and as a result, you both didn't get chance to talk out about how to work on that.
So I suggest you talk about it with him, maybe it's something about his work distracting him, or something else. It's better to find out early.
Better.

[loveslongnails]

No one person can fill all your needs, nor should they. But if you struggle to "connect" (I kinda hate that term, but I understand what you mean), or feel stressed around him, look deeper to see what that means. If you're gut is telling you something, don't feel obligated to remain just because you put 2 years into it. That's nothing compared to the rest of your life. I don't know you personally, but it sounds like you are searching for something basic - a foundation so to speak, that you're not finding in your time with him. It doesn't "sound" to me like you're one of those people who's just never satisfied. Message me if you want.

[DumbandDumbber]

I feel you, my girlfriend has build a wall around herself. One she doesn't want me to break because she says she doesn't want me to suffer with her..

Never connect to her like you said, it's like there's always a rainy cloud above us.

[Asker]

I feel you too man. It's tough. So glad I'm not the only one feeling this way. What are your next steps gonna be?

[DumbandDumbber]

It's personal to trow out into the open, I rather keep things close. But if you wanna talk, you can message me.

[asdfghjkl_821]

It happens, majority of the time when you aren’t with someone you properly connect with. It feels to me you’re with your boyfriend out of comfort and I don’t think it’s good for either of you. Try talking to him and seeing if you can open up and see what happens. If you guys can’t find a solution or something to work towards maybe it’s time to break up?

[Asker]

Thank you it's just hard to talk about it without him getting upset about it. I don't like upsetting him 😔

[asdfghjkl_821]

Hon, if he can’t be mature and realize you’re trying to work things out and communicate then he isn’t worth the stress. He’s not fueling your inner fire and he’s not even respecting you enough to talk it out with you to work it out.

[asdfghjkl_821]

I think you need to let him go. I know break ups are hard but it’ll be much better for you.

[Malita55]

Yeah I totally understand. Being a women, it’s important to have partner who will understand you on an emotional level, and sadly, a lot of guys can’t

[Asker]

Thanks so much for the reassurance, this is exactly what I'm struggling with 😔

[harleydude202]

Yes, your not the only one and doesn't sound like you should be with him as harsh as that sounds... when people feel this way and stay feeling this way something usually worae happens down the road. You just haven't met the right "guy for you" yet. You will never know til you do what you feel is right...

[Asker]

I know what you're saying, I just find it so hard. I do love the guy and the thought of being without him doesn't bear thinking about. I just don't know how to go about any of it. I mean, what if he secretly feels the same way? Like I'm not fulfilling his needs?

[harleydude202]

First of all, lets keep this about "you" and what "you" need. You cannot control or change how someone feels. I have been in this situation... I ended things and god dam it killed me. Except I waited to late and ended up having a 2nd child with her. You DO NOT want to look back when your 60 regretting not doing what fulfilled your needs and your happiness. Understand?

[beach_chick]

Yes, I feel the same way. I’m with my boyfriend for 9 months. I feel this but also know at this point that I’m settling. It’s a sad fact. So ask yourself if you are ok with settling. It’s a lonely place to be. So do some reflecting and talk to him if you can.

[djmzes]

Happiness and fulfilness are two different thing.

You will never gain fulfilness if you are commited to your relationship on any level and ready to make sacrifice.

Secondly like everyone who are thinking in selfish way, think commonly then you will see the result.

[Unit1]

Just exactly what you were telling me @JudgmentDay
The cold void and dark emptiness prevails. Always has and always will. It's the ultimate truth of life.

That's what it is. The curse we call life.
It's about how we spend our limited time in our lives here but the cold void and dark emptiness will always be prevailing.
Nothing in life is guaranteed. Not even relationships.

I'm aware what you mean, so i know how it feels, even if i never had a girlfriend.

[JudgmentDay]

Let me correct that for you: "Nothing in life GUARANTEES HAPPINESS, FULFILLMENT, "COMPLETENESS", etc. NOT ABSOLUTELY. Not even relationships. Not even sex, or porn or drugs, or booze, or video games, or movies, or any other forms or kinds of stuff we identify as merely "coping mechanisms" that we dwell on and use it to keep unhappiness, emptiness, despair at bay and a distance for as long as possible"

It's the equivalent of trying to patch up a crack or a hole within ourselves that perpetually and continuously gets bigger and bigger no matter what the fuck we do or tried to do, it's impossible to "completely" fix the problem because it's simply that, IT CAN NOT BE FIXED AND NEVER WILL BE FIXED. Just when we thought when we finally have that one thing we desire so much that we had been after, thinking that we had won, only to realize that the battle is still ongoing and is anything but over and won.

[JudgmentDay]

All we really can do is try to stop taking things too seriously any more, since life is short. Just enjoy it the best you could like every day might just be your last day, because, well, we won't know if it's going to be our last now would we? Just have a good laugh or two, realize that "emptiness void" within ourselves will always be around, and so just keep busy and stay busy to keep yourself distracted as much as you can from it so you don't focus on it much and feel those emptiness feelings constantly.

[Unit1]

@JudgmentDay yeah and my point was in life nothing is guaranteed except for the eventual death. That means even those things like relationships and sex and porn and drugs and stuff like that aren't promised to be in order to cope with the cold void and dark emptiness.

[Juxtapose]

You don't have to feel that way you know.. just lighten up and focus on pleasure.

[JudgmentDay]

@Juxtapose Some, if not, MANY people did do that already. I'm sure they all had focused on "pleasure" in some form, one way or another either way, perhaps focused TOO MUCH on them, and so eventually why they become addicted to drugs, alcohol, sex, etc. and uh, look where that got them? I'm pretty sure getting drunk, getting high, getting laid were all "pleasurable" things people focused so much on, if not too much on already. They all end up victims to their own addictions and obsessions. @Unit1 Agreed?

[Juxtapose]

@JudgmentDay You can manage perfectly fine as a hedonist without going overboard.

[Unit1]

I pretty much agree with @Juxtapose

If pleasure is your focus, then you're a hedonist and there's nothing wrong with that. People just pull it to the extreme and then get to deal with the consequences. In my opinion its all their fault and their responsibility if they became a victim of addictions and ruined their health and life. Nobody held a gun to their head and said "hey snow nigga, you have to inject this syringe into your arm and skip work and have sex with me". In fact They deserve it. They have chosen to be a degenerate.

[Lovvyyy]

No. I've always had good grades at school, lots of friends and I easily have found a part-time job too, so when every time I am in a relationship there is nothing that lacks of my life.
But that's just because I am desired enough to be picky, so when I choose a partner I know he is the one who I can stay with for (hopefully) a lifetime.

[Asker]

Good grades, check. LOYAL (not lots of) friends, check. Career, check. And... still desired enough to be picky (as conceited as that is to actually admit).

It's slightly more complex than that, and nothing to do with leading an 'unfulfilled' life, as you now may already have realised :)

[Lovvyyy]

Well, I think we are in different stages in life. I have no idea what being your age feels likes, bit when I have a boyfriend I feel complete.
And sure. I have 7 persons who are my loyalest friends, doesn't mean I will not befriend anyone else.

[Anonymous]

THIS has Been my relationship from the getgo.. unfortunately mine wasn’t arranged marriage and I am stuck with him for 11 yes unable to get out.. and till date feels like we never connect and he never gets me. And I have given up.. i just wish I could find a way to leave him. I’d say if u de feeling the way u mentioned , give it some time to see if it gets better- try to communicate and talk. If that does not work then end it.. better for u both..

[Juxtapose]

I don't feel that way. I can *easily* and logically pinpoint exactly what is missing from the relationship.

No offense but you women are generally too emotional and fickle. Figure out what you want, be *crystal clear* with your lover what you want and then go from there.

You should be happy alone before getting in a relationship by the way. Relationships will tax you, not rejuvenate and fill you.

[que746]

This has absolutely nothing to do with your relationship with your boyfriend. You and only you are responsible for your own happiness, boyfriend & girlfriend are there to make you happy, feel good, etc. They cannot bring you or give you happiness. I hope you understand my comment. GL 🤗