Is it possible to be too nice?

The other I was talking to a friend and they inquired how the dating scene was going for me. For me it never goes well, I have a hard time meeting people. My approach has always been simple, a greeting and some small talk to start. For the most part I am a rather nice person and pretty laid back, I've always considered myself to be easy to talk to. I'm an average looking person, I have house, truck and a good paying job that allows me to support myself and my two kids. Talking to my friend about my inability to meet women, she straight out told me that my problem is that I am too nice. Is that really possible? I never thought that being nice would push women away. And I dont think I can intentionally be less nice when dealing with people. Dont get me wrong, I do know how to be mean. I have to be occasionally with my job as a corrections officer. But that's a completely different scenario. So basically, ladies I want to know. Is being too nice really that much of a turn off?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Yeah it’s DEFINITELY a thing. But it’s not actually because you are too nice, per say. Women love kind men who treat them right, but there is a lot of women (not all) who like their man to be kind and also have traditional manly qualities like strength, decisiveness, sense of responsibility, spontaneity. So if you’re “too nice”, what I think she is trying to say is you don’t show those types of qualities.
    It’s such an old school way of thinking about what a man is, but unfortunately it’s so ingrained in lots of women that they find themselves attracted to these things in a subconscious level.
    I consider myself a very progressive woman but it still surprises me the types of traditional masculine qualities that I find extremely attractive. I went on a date with a guy that was “too nice”. He agreed with everything I said with no real opinion of his own, and couldn’t make a single decision about what to order, where to go and just deferred to mine. I found this people pleasing behavior really annoying and a total turn off. I am friends with easy going guys, but they also have well developed personalities, boundaries and boyish qualities. This guy was not one of them. I can imagine if I ever dated him, I would have to make all the decisions and it would be like having a relationship with myself. I imagine if I slept with him, it would always be the look-in-eye romantic “are you okay” crying type sex (which is great at the right times) but you definitely also want a big strong guy to just pick you up and throw you around because it’s hot.
    So yes, being kind, having a good sense of self and personality and boundaries is a good thing. Being too nice is friend zone / delete number

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Easy to talk to usually means she is talking to much. Women want a man controlling things including the conversation.
    good for a freind but bad for a date.
    You probably need to take control more and not be so laid back. Put your wants first, choose the place, time, what you want to eat.

    Nice to women means push over. When they love not being in control and wanting a strong man to take control. Your not what most women are looking for.

    I have the same problem most of the time. Usually after 2 dates I get the want to be just freinds talk. Be manly without being a jerk.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • It's possible if you come across as a doormat, which I can't imagine you really are, given your profession. I think it's good that you can separate your work persona from your private one.

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  • Girls love nice guys. I think the issue is you have two kids and they want a guy with a clean slate with no children from previous relationships.

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  • Yes, but only if you're not assertive , and you always say
    " yes" to others even if it means your saying " no" to yourself.

    Being " too nice" can draw manipulative people to you. They perceive you as vulnerable prey , someone who they can easily take advantage of.

    It's ok bring nice, as long as you set boundaries with people , and you're assertive. Being nice can be turned to your own advantage if you set limits, and know how to adapt to peoples personalities

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  • Being too nice is a good thing for me. It's even an uncommon trait of a man. Just stay being yourself, you will meet the right woman, the one who can appreciate you for who you are

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  • Yes, people walk over you. I was always a super nice friendly girl. Ever since I found out that people used me, talked behind my back and told people my secrets I’ve been cold.

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    • I may be nice, but I have never allowed anyone to walk over me. I'm nice because I see no reason to be mean or rude to people unless the deserve it. I'm the type of person who doesn't give second chances to people. Screw me over once and I cut you from my life.

  • WELL I don’t know how that can be a problem.. all I get by being too nice isn’t being take no advantage of.. I hate that.. but I am always too nice and never had a problem.. u have to explain more or given an example of what’s ur friend meant by too nice..

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  • if you are too nice it means you have no boundaries, and if that is the case just read the book "boundaries".
    Otherwise, if you are too available and seem too interested it might make her feel like you have other motives other than just getting to know her.

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  • Yes, sadly it really is. The thing is, when a woman take you for granted, unless she is a very conservative and has a very traditional view of relationships she will tend to exploit you and after she gets tired off it will probably dump you, if she even allows things to go that far, please don´t be needy and give them personal space or you are just screwed, and never ever let they take you for granted.

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  • Yeah, I think you CAN be too nice.
    Women want a man who they respect.
    I don't think you need to be mean, but I think you need to know when to put you foot down.
    Also, I think it helps to be a little selfish at times.

    Do a YouTube search for. "coach Cory" I forget the last name but that should be ebough to find him.
    He has a good u der standing and gives good advise.

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  • it is, however dont become a dick. what you need to do is learn to not be trampled upon, which you seem to fit into the "typical nice guy" category for

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  • No no no... be be be nice!! Be yourself!! Don't change for no one!! I would date you! But never change for who you are... you are beautiful no matter what other girls or woman says to you. You just haven't found your match sweets.

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  • I think what she means that you come off as too nice that some girls will think of using you. Being a nice person is good, naive is another matter. Moreover you shoud give yourself value beforehand otherwise you won't be given that value. Maybe the term you could understand better would be too easy.

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  • Being to nice is wrong for the wrong women who like unapproachable commitment phobics. So yes, with some women you lose if you are too nice. The best combination is kindness and confidence. Build up more confidence and then you can deal better with women who reject you because you are too "nice"

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  • well i am like you , too nice and i always keep respect for others no matter what !
    I am sure that they will all tell you , being nice is good and blah blah.. etc
    But after an experience , i found it being nice might drive women away (Which happened with me )

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  • Being nice is not something we run away. On the contarary i value nice people because they are not a lot. It is a great quality.

    BUT if you act nice, just to be accepted and you do not raise your voice because of rejection it is another thing. I love when people have own opinions.

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  • Definitely is true. My life on the dating scene is shite. But I have met many girl's who liked my nice approach lol.
    Don't be a push over though, especially with people. I help my family only really.
    Be kind etc but if people are twats screw them lol. Move on and try to find better company.
    Also expand your interests and discover new activities, hopefully meeting new girl's.

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  • Yes, it's an extremely bad thing about most women, including me. We friendzone the right, nice, kind guys that treat us like queens and fall for douchebags. However, I would say that it's not actually a turn off. Just balance it in a way you don't seem too perfect so it doesn't seem boring to us. Also, the right person will recognise the good that comes with it.

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  • Well yes i know its possible to be too nice, i mean there is to be a nice guy with moral values and all but ladies always like there guy to have a certain type of edge but you are not going to create that or force it into yourself if you are not like that, you just need to find the woman who will want ypu aas you are.

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  • Yes, to nice isn't the what to ponder. Boundaries who you are and not. Things in common things not. Everyone has a dark side.. Fun side.. its all about how to connect. How to be transparent with who you are and connect to the right girl with your good and bad..

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  • I think when a woman tells you you’re too nice, I think what she’s really saying is that she thinks you might be a pushover. Women like confident men who help them make decisions and get things moving, and if you’re considered a pushover then they’ll think you don’t have those qualities. I’m not saying you are a pushover, it’s just that your presentation might come across as that, but it’s something you can fix

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  • It is possible to be too nice, but that's not the reason why you fail in flirting. Being too nice might mean being too naive or something, and i thing your problem towards the women is not being extroverted enough or just not knowing how to pick girls who might actually suit you as a couple

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  • Yes buddy it is possible. Being nice is good. Every gentleman is nice. It shows that you have manners and know how to behave. It's always a sign to be a good person. That's a good thing, but being too nice makes you look depressed. Other start thinking then that they can use you as much as they want and that's bad. The line between a gentleman and a naiv person who gets used by others is thin. Try to stay on the bright side of life. Too much of anything can't be good.

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  • You should not ask women about this but men that do manage to have dates.
    From experience, being nice is not sexy to the eyes of women. Being too nice is associated with being weak, and that is absolutely a turn off.
    Actually when a woman say she likes nice men she means she likes men capable of giving romantic small attention. Nothing to do with being kind.

    From experience, women do not get more addicted when I act like they are not important to me and when I deny them their sexual power.

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    • I dont know if I really consider myself to be too nice, I just dont see reason to be rude or mean unless the situation calls for it. I am by no means a pushover or doormat. But playing the @sshole just to get a girl to notice me isn't in me. I tend to be polite to people until they give me reason not to be.

  • It is possible to be too overly nice. I actually really like guys who are super nice. U just have to be very careful with that tho because people will try and take advantage of you and use you because they know they can get away with it.

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  • Woman love that and are looking for a good man when it comes to longterm. If they aren't ready to settle down they will look for something exiting.

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    • What makes being not nice exciting? Can a nice person be exciting?

    • Show All
    • @BlackMaleYou Actually I’m in a part of Ca where punk-rock repels tons of women because hop-hop rules the day out here. The thing, though, is that I wouldn’t, and don’t, like those women anyway. My dating pool is much smaller than average because of this, but I tried in high school to learn to like hip-hop but it never happened. It’s just not who I am/not relatable.

      I’m slowly realizing it’s this more than anything else that explains why women don’t make themselves available to me and go for other guys instead over me — it’s because those other guys are more normal. They can relate to the current popular trend, and that’s what matters most.

    • U would have way more fun in Berlin tho. Hip hop is not that big here.

  • If you come across another woman who understands what it means to be nice, then she wouldn't consider you "too nice".

    Some people are skeptical of nice people because they don't relate, they may see the world from a glass half-empty type of way.

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  • yes, it might look like you're faking it, like I've met people like that and it makes me wonder if they're faking it

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    • Either way, doesn’t matter. I recently had a girl tell me I was a ‘knob’ when she found out the stats class we met in wasn’t required for my major or graduation, I was just in there because I enjoyed learning about statistics. She stopped talking to me after that.

      So, I think there’s a certain disdain for people who are naturally positive in situations where most people feel negative.

  • There's a difference between being nice and a pushover. When people say, "Nice guys finish last" it really means guys who sacrifice their integrity/dignity to please people. Who can have amazing manners and be extremely polite but if someone wants you to do something you don't want to do or feel comfortable doing then stand firm. There's nothing wrong in doing that.

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  • I totally understand I'm too nice as well lol. But I think really depends what kind of girls you meet. It's not a turn off for me because I can relate. But I will say that you can get hurt really easily. I hope the best for you. I know were your coming from because I'm simailar to you. Don't ever change , having kindness is a beautiful thing but still watch out for being take advantage of. Have a lovely day.

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  • I didn't read the details just the title of your question. Yes it is possible to be too nice and let me tell you this, being too nice gives people the chance to hurt you more which sucks. 😊

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  • If you are too nice, people will bully you , insult you and they will try to take advantage of you.
    I know this because I was a nice people years ago. But I took my lesson. Never be nice because people isn't nice.

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  • You gotta have a certain firm attitude about you to pull off being nice cause there's two real levels there's being gentle and there's coming off as timid no women iv ever met likes a timid man but that's just been my experience

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  • Too nice, depends on the women, if she wants someone to challenge her than yeah she'll be turn of and eventually in up with a criminal but if she can appreciate your niceness then she's probably Asian lol

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    • True. Only women I know that really apreciated kindness were Asian women.

  • Learn from the good ol' Tupac Shakur:

    https://youtu.be/HA_8-8wGMjo

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  • I may be wrong but according to what I've experienced and according to lot of articles I've read, (I'm not trying to offend anyone just try to understand what I mean) immature women whoom had it nice their whole life tend to look for "badboys" (and end up regretting it in a lot of cases) while women whoom know what they want and had a though life tend to look for a nice partner, so no it's not you whoom are wrong keep up on being nice man, the world is full of assholes becos it's "attractive" but you don't need to be attractive to get a nice partner you need to be yourself.

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  • I am trying setting people always from me if people take me for granted. I was very nice before. Now I am nice or if you break my trust not going be nice again.

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  • I'm by default a nice person since childhood. Life has taught me the hard way don't push your kindness too far. People in general are takers and ungrateful.

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  • don't change yourself for anyone. if they don't like it, who cares? being naturally kind is a gift you should never give up.

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  • Yeah I'd say being so nice that you accidentally destroy your own life would count. Or being so nice that other people with a different attitude can't stand it, but that's not the nice guys fault

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  • Yeah it is, I’d never be able to date a guy that’s too nice, I’d get annoyed. But maybe that’s just me.

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    • You're only 18 and probably still have a young vision of the world, but belive me when you'll get to 27 and + having a nice partner gonna be one of your dreams

    • I want a nice partner though? But overly nice is annoying and I honestly don’t think my opinion on that will change.

    • It's your opinion and I respect it but as I told you once you'll get older and meet more people you'll understand that being over nice in this century is one of the most rare qualities that you'll find in a man. I wish you to find happiness and the partner you deserve

  • no i love nice people. people who usually say that are toxic.

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  • Yes. Women in general think guys that are too nice are soft, not aggressive enough, easy to take advantage on, and a push over. What works for most guys is 70% asshole 30% nice guy.

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  • I don’t think it’s “being too nice”, i think it’s being too pushy, caring too much and trying too hard.

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    • That makes no sense. He guy just chats nonchalantly; he’s got no ulterior motives and no desire to ‘dominate.’ The dude’s just a regular guy who says hello and that’s it.

    • @RaijuRainBird i dont understand your comment.

    • The point is that’s not being pushy, it’s lrobably being too laid back. Hence too nice, or maybe, he lacks aggression deep down. You know, maybe his true self is just meek.

  • Nope. My boyfriend is “overly” nice too. Like he’s so sensitive to everyone’s emotions and would ALWAYS think other’s feelings even more than his. Sometimes it annoys me because people will sometimes use him for their own benefits like his friend who asked him to stay with him for just couple weeks while looking for a job but now he’s living with him for 2 freakin years!!

    But that just made me fall in love with him more. Nice men are hard to find and they are the ones worth settling. You just need to wait for the right woman. 😉

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  • Dont be nice dude, girls usually use us and dump away like crap. I hate being nice to girls nowdays...

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  • Here's a life lesson.

    I'm too nice. I've always helped others, I've always been there for someone else, I'm very dedicated to work (while at work).

    Long story short:
    I got hurt at work, they laid me off.
    Those I helped expect I'll always help, when I needed help, no one cared.
    When I needed anything, anyone, no one was there.

    I'm helping my disabled mother, sounds great, but you can also look at it as I'm a 27 year old man that currently doesn't have a job, lives with Mom, and hasn't had a relationship in 2 1/2 because he no longer trusts people after always helping, but never getting any help.

    I was too nice and always helped; but I ruined myself by helping everyone else.

    Help you. You'll be better off. Sounds bitter, but it's also truth, girls see more with a guy that helps himself before he helps others (unless it's her).

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  • Ignore what women say that they want. Instead, watch for whom they spread their legs.
    Nice guys finish last, despite what most women say.
    It is the sociopathic arseholes, the so-called bad boys, who give them the clitty tingles.
    The good news for you is that about age 30 most of the carousel riders realise that the ‘exciting’ bad boys are not relationship material, so they begin to look for good men.
    I experienced that, but after a decade and a half of being rejected by women I was too bitter and angry to be interested any longer.
    I believe that your biggest barrier is your two children.
    Women are brutal in their instinctive rejection of the offspring of other women.
    That is why, for millenia, history and literature have contained the aterotype of the wicked stepmother.

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    • Continued...
      The constructive suggestion that I can make is to use an on-fashioned introduction service as a way to meet women.
      By that I mean one that has an office, staff and wants you to go there for an interview.
      Such a service will introduce you to women who are serious about wanting a partner and who, on paper, should be much more compatible with you than a random in a bar.
      The women will also have said that they did not mind if a man had children.
      One warning: if the service asks you for more than a few hundred dollars per year, walk away. It will be a scam.

  • Being kind is what women want

    Being overly nice is not

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