Is it possible to be too nice?

Question

The other I was talking to a friend and they inquired how the dating scene was going for me. For me it never goes well, I have a hard time meeting people. My approach has always been simple, a greeting and some small talk to start. For the most part I am a rather nice person and pretty laid back, I've always considered myself to be easy to talk to. I'm an average looking person, I have house, truck and a good paying job that allows me to support myself and my two kids. Talking to my friend about my inability to meet women, she straight out told me that my problem is that I am too nice. Is that really possible? I never thought that being nice would push women away. And I dont think I can intentionally be less nice when dealing with people. Dont get me wrong, I do know how to be mean. I have to be occasionally with my job as a corrections officer. But that's a completely different scenario. So basically, ladies I want to know. Is being too nice really that much of a turn off?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Yeah it’s DEFINITELY a thing. But it’s not actually because you are too nice, per say. Women love kind men who treat them right, but there is a lot of women (not all) who like their man to be kind and also have traditional manly qualities like strength, decisiveness, sense of responsibility, spontaneity. So if you’re “too nice”, what I think she is trying to say is you don’t show those types of qualities.
It’s such an old school way of thinking about what a man is, but unfortunately it’s so ingrained in lots of women that they find themselves attracted to these things in a subconscious level.
I consider myself a very progressive woman but it still surprises me the types of traditional masculine qualities that I find extremely attractive. I went on a date with a guy that was “too nice”. He agreed with everything I said with no real opinion of his own, and couldn’t make a single decision about what to order, where to go and just deferred to mine. I found this people pleasing behavior really annoying and a total turn off. I am friends with easy going guys, but they also have well developed personalities, boundaries and boyish qualities. This guy was not one of them. I can imagine if I ever dated him, I would have to make all the decisions and it would be like having a relationship with myself. I imagine if I slept with him, it would always be the look-in-eye romantic “are you okay” crying type sex (which is great at the right times) but you definitely also want a big strong guy to just pick you up and throw you around because it’s hot.
So yes, being kind, having a good sense of self and personality and boundaries is a good thing. Being too nice is friend zone / delete number

Yanini · Accepted Answer

Nope. My boyfriend is “overly” nice too. Like he’s so sensitive to everyone’s emotions and would ALWAYS think other’s feelings even more than his. Sometimes it annoys me because people will sometimes use him for their own benefits like his friend who asked him to stay with him for just couple weeks while looking for a job but now he’s living with him for 2 freakin years!!

But that just made me fall in love with him more. Nice men are hard to find and they are the ones worth settling. You just need to wait for the right woman. 😉

Mi2mi2a · Accepted Answer

I think what she means that you come off as too nice that some girls will think of using you. Being a nice person is good, naive is another matter. Moreover you shoud give yourself value beforehand otherwise you won't be given that value. Maybe the term you could understand better would be too easy.

Dim1213 · Accepted Answer

Easy to talk to usually means she is talking to much. Women want a man controlling things including the conversation.
good for a freind but bad for a date.
You probably need to take control more and not be so laid back. Put your wants first, choose the place, time, what you want to eat.

Nice to women means push over. When they love not being in control and wanting a strong man to take control. Your not what most women are looking for.

I have the same problem most of the time. Usually after 2 dates I get the want to be just freinds talk. Be manly without being a jerk.

AskmeTwice · Accepted Answer

I may be wrong but according to what I've experienced and according to lot of articles I've read, (I'm not trying to offend anyone just try to understand what I mean) immature women whoom had it nice their whole life tend to look for "badboys" (and end up regretting it in a lot of cases) while women whoom know what they want and had a though life tend to look for a nice partner, so no it's not you whoom are wrong keep up on being nice man, the world is full of assholes becos it's "attractive" but you don't need to be attractive to get a nice partner you need to be yourself.

Logorithim · Answer

It's possible if you come across as a doormat, which I can't imagine you really are, given your profession. I think it's good that you can separate your work persona from your private one.

jennifer_bloom · Answer

Girls love nice guys. I think the issue is you have two kids and they want a guy with a clean slate with no children from previous relationships.

Yoder023 · Answer

Here's a life lesson.

I'm too nice. I've always helped others, I've always been there for someone else, I'm very dedicated to work (while at work).

Long story short:
I got hurt at work, they laid me off.
Those I helped expect I'll always help, when I needed help, no one cared.
When I needed anything, anyone, no one was there.

I'm helping my disabled mother, sounds great, but you can also look at it as I'm a 27 year old man that currently doesn't have a job, lives with Mom, and hasn't had a relationship in 2 1/2 because he no longer trusts people after always helping, but never getting any help.

I was too nice and always helped; but I ruined myself by helping everyone else.

Help you. You'll be better off. Sounds bitter, but it's also truth, girls see more with a guy that helps himself before he helps others (unless it's her).

cth96190 · Answer

Ignore what women say that they want. Instead, watch for whom they spread their legs.
Nice guys finish last, despite what most women say.
It is the sociopathic arseholes, the so-called bad boys, who give them the clitty tingles.
The good news for you is that about age 30 most of the carousel riders realise that the ‘exciting’ bad boys are not relationship material, so they begin to look for good men.
I experienced that, but after a decade and a half of being rejected by women I was too bitter and angry to be interested any longer.
I believe that your biggest barrier is your two children.
Women are brutal in their instinctive rejection of the offspring of other women.
That is why, for millenia, history and literature have contained the aterotype of the wicked stepmother.

Fitness-Fanatic · Answer

Yes, but only if you're not assertive , and you always say
" yes" to others even if it means your saying " no" to yourself.

Being " too nice" can draw manipulative people to you. They perceive you as vulnerable prey , someone who they can easily take advantage of.

It's ok bring nice, as long as you set boundaries with people , and you're assertive. Being nice can be turned to your own advantage if you set limits, and know how to adapt to peoples personalities

chameleon3081 · Answer

According to psychological journals I have read, the answer is yes. If a guy is too nice he can be perceived as being fake, or possibly not manly enough to defend a woman. He may also appear to be luring females into a sex trap. This all sounds weird, I realise, but if you think about it from a survival point of view it kind of makes sense. Truthfully I need to read more on the subject.

I think though, it's important that you are yourself. If you are going to fall in love with someone, you want it to be with a woman that loves you for you.

Smilestri · Answer

WELL I don’t know how that can be a problem.. all I get by being too nice isn’t being take no advantage of.. I hate that.. but I am always too nice and never had a problem.. u have to explain more or given an example of what’s ur friend meant by too nice..

HOAAH · Answer

if you are too nice it means you have no boundaries, and if that is the case just read the book "boundaries".
Otherwise, if you are too available and seem too interested it might make her feel like you have other motives other than just getting to know her.

VegetaSSB · Answer

Yes, sadly it really is. The thing is, when a woman take you for granted, unless she is a very conservative and has a very traditional view of relationships she will tend to exploit you and after she gets tired off it will probably dump you, if she even allows things to go that far, please don´t be needy and give them personal space or you are just screwed, and never ever let they take you for granted.

lomimore · Answer

Well yes i know its possible to be too nice, i mean there is to be a nice guy with moral values and all but ladies always like there guy to have a certain type of edge but you are not going to create that or force it into yourself if you are not like that, you just need to find the woman who will want ypu aas you are.

fjh80 · Answer

Yeah, I think you CAN be too nice.
Women want a man who they respect.
I don't think you need to be mean, but I think you need to know when to put you foot down.
Also, I think it helps to be a little selfish at times.

Do a YouTube search for. "coach Cory" I forget the last name but that should be ebough to find him.
He has a good u der standing and gives good advise.

Postive29 · Answer

I totally understand I'm too nice as well lol. But I think really depends what kind of girls you meet. It's not a turn off for me because I can relate. But I will say that you can get hurt really easily. I hope the best for you. I know were your coming from because I'm simailar to you. Don't ever change , having kindness is a beautiful thing but still watch out for being take advantage of. Have a lovely day.

findingdreamland-1 · Answer

Being nice is not something we run away. On the contarary i value nice people because they are not a lot. It is a great quality.

BUT if you act nice, just to be accepted and you do not raise your voice because of rejection it is another thing. I love when people have own opinions.

lollipop431 · Answer

Yes, it's an extremely bad thing about most women, including me. We friendzone the right, nice, kind guys that treat us like queens and fall for douchebags. However, I would say that it's not actually a turn off. Just balance it in a way you don't seem too perfect so it doesn't seem boring to us. Also, the right person will recognise the good that comes with it.

Shoenron · Answer

You should not ask women about this but men that do manage to have dates.
From experience, being nice is not sexy to the eyes of women. Being too nice is associated with being weak, and that is absolutely a turn off.
Actually when a woman say she likes nice men she means she likes men capable of giving romantic small attention. Nothing to do with being kind.

From experience, women do not get more addicted when I act like they are not important to me and when I deny them their sexual power.

AbdKilani · Answer

well i am like you , too nice and i always keep respect for others no matter what !
I am sure that they will all tell you , being nice is good and blah blah.. etc
But after an experience , i found it being nice might drive women away (Which happened with me )

mynameisLyn · Answer

Being too nice is a good thing for me. It's even an uncommon trait of a man. Just stay being yourself, you will meet the right woman, the one who can appreciate you for who you are

Mypage · Answer

Yes, to nice isn't the what to ponder. Boundaries who you are and not. Things in common things not. Everyone has a dark side.. Fun side.. its all about how to connect. How to be transparent with who you are and connect to the right girl with your good and bad..

BillyB4 · Answer

I think when a woman tells you you’re too nice, I think what she’s really saying is that she thinks you might be a pushover. Women like confident men who help them make decisions and get things moving, and if you’re considered a pushover then they’ll think you don’t have those qualities. I’m not saying you are a pushover, it’s just that your presentation might come across as that, but it’s something you can fix

Is it possible to be too nice?

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