Do guys expect girls to message first on Tinder?

[Bianca914]

Just wondering because I've had a lot of matches but not a lot of guys message me to set up a date. I was wondering if guys prefer to be messaged first? 🤔

Yes, guys prefer to be messaged first

No, guys who don't message first aren't really interested

[ChurchOfIron]

That's how I do it. I don't waste time messaging a 50 different chicks just to get a boring, stupid, likely self-absorbed response from 2-3. I set up my profile, do some swiping when I'm bored, then let the women make the first move. I view dating apps as more of a backup than anything. I think focusing on real life should be the primary method of finding a partner. Hmm. Maybe I should try bumble. But I've had success doing what I'm doing. Maybe other guys do it, too? I dunno.

In any case, if you're not getting messages, then you may as well send some, if you wanna date. Works out better anyway, since women typically complain about having too many messages. If she is the one doing the active picking, it saves a lot of time and frustration for everyone involved.

[XMan0025]

I'm not crazy right. There has to be a match FIRST before anyone can message right?

[Bianca914]

Yes that is correct

[Bianca914]

I just feel like if a guy actually wants to take me out he will ask me out🤔

[XMan0025]

In person? Or in the app?

[Bianca914]

Both!

[ChurchOfIron]

@XMan0025 Yeah, on Tinder, you both have to swipe right on each other before being able to send a message. So, it's not really ideal for my style. But I'll still swipe from time to time, when I'm bored. I prefer POF or OkCupid for sort of "build it and leave it" technique, because you can send anyone a message without having to "like" them. Then just wait for messages to roll in.

If I'm not getting many messages, I'll tweak my profile until something works. This has the added benefit of avoiding fake female bots and also prostitutes and sex workers who just want to sell nudes or whatever else. I prefer to let them come to me.

[Levin]

Just cause a guy swipes right, it doesn't mean he likes you enough to date you (I know this sounds silly). Usually a match is a chance to have a closer look and to see if one 'feels' something.

And no, I don't expect women to message first. I'd rather message first. The only time I'd expect her to message first if there is nothing on her profile to work with. No profile and no showcase of her personality in pictures. It shows a lack of interest in the site, or that she's window shopping, so she can put some effort in.

[princessfromjupiter]

I have the same but most guys on tinder literally swipe right on every single girl which leads us to assume that the ones that match but don't text simply aren't actually interested and the match was just a kind of "collateral damage" resulting from their careless swiping.

[Wowgirl10q]

@Jjpayne that's what's up.
Didn't I message you first? Dang

[Jjpayne]

oh don't worry, when I am tinder you will be the first to know!!!

[Wowgirl10q]

@Jjpayne lmao

[Wowgirl10q]

@Jjpayne I'm not so yes tell me

[passinby]

Well I made it a rule never to comment on profile pictures but given yours, most probably don’t think they have a chance. And if you message them they will probably think too good to be true or real. So damned if you do and damned if you don’t. by the way I never used that site so that is just my 2cents.

[FlyingHorses]

That's a good point actually coz if I match with a guy I think is REALLY good looking I think to myself 'if he messages me first then he's deffo a catfish' but I wouldn't ever message him first because I'd think he wouldn't be interested haha

[mattdzz]

I’d say a little of both. When I match with someone I typically message first, but that’s only if I’m interested. If I accidentally match and she’s not attractive, or not unattractive enough to quickly unmatch I won’t message but will respond if she messages

[jimyee]

Generally when I don't message first it's because I'm really not interested. I swiped right because that person met the bare bones of the criteria needed for the right swipe.
That said, from your profile pic, you seem to be a pretty attractive girl so I'm not sure why guys wouldn't message you first.

[Wolframium]

What's up with all that messaging anyway? You cannot message anyone, unless you get like. Which…you don't get. Or at least I did not. So…how about girls giving more likes?
But no, fuck this, this is tinder we're talking about. Everyone should delete their account there. And twiter as well, while at it.

[jimyee]

What the fuck are you talking about?

[Wolframium]

@jimyee You don't understand, yet you give thumbs down. :-D
Some people, man. It never stop amaze me.

[jimyee]

I gave you a thumbs down because you made absolutely zero sense. Thats the point of the thumbs down, to show your dislike.

[Wolframium]

@jimyee Well, I'm not obligated to make sense for someone who just cannot follow.
Thanks for the thumbs down, I'll add it to my collection. This one will be very special, it has an explanation attached. :-) Damn, that is rare, I think I don't have one of those.

[AbdKilani]

For me, I am mostly not going to message first, why?
Well most girls are there just for fun so if she doesn't message first it means that she is there for fun and not really interested because I am sure she has more than one guy to chat with.
Unless she shows me that she is really interested (by messageing me first) I am likely won't do anything.

[englisc]

A lot of guys just give up on messaging first when it comes to online dating. Usually guys message a lot of girls at first but then often girls don't reply, and they also figure that she's probably getting a lot of messages from other guys, so they stop bothering. It's always easier when the girl messages first.

[Anonymous]

I had a rare opportunity where a girl messaged me first, convo went alright to start with, then she stopped messaging. I had to initiate it again, managed to get her number, tried setting up a date but apparently she's "busy" the next 2 weeks. Balls in her court, but I'm not reaching out any more, I value my time.

[Snakeyes7]

In the case of Tinder, when a man gets the first message then that usually means that he just caught a bot. While we appreciate it because it shows genuine interest from the girl we are trying to win over, we tend to approach those who message first with caution.

[Benedek38]

Want? Yes. I'd enjoy that very much.
Expect? Do I want to be single for the rest of my life? No? Then I don't expect anything from girls in terms of dating.

[AllThatSweetJazz]

They *prefer* to be messaged first. That's not the same as *expecting* girls to message first. Girls are near to useless in that respect, it's not practical to count on a girl to do that. So while they don't expect you to, they would definitely like it if you did.

Keep in mind your poll results will be a little distorted since you didn't make the distinction.

[Hectorrr]

Well if im really interested in the girl ill message first but most girls just dont answer anyway so it works better if they answer because i always at least respond. So yes id like for girls to message first it wastes less of my time

[Northern_star]

i think yes. graph attached why

[princessfromjupiter]

First of all that's not a graph, second of all if anything this would at best explain why women would expect guys to message first, not vice versa.

[Northern_star]

not graph, ok.
i was tryin to say - with my humour however shitty it seems to work these fckn days- that guys maybe (cant know, never been on any internet dating sites) that maybe many those gentlemen gave up tryin because of refusement, since they are not in the top 20%. but hey, just guessing

[princessfromjupiter]

1. If they truly gave up trying they wouldn't appear on my tinder (which actually only shows you active users)
2. If they experienced "refusement" (by which I suppose you meant refusal?) it really would make much more sense for them to actually try and reach out to girls they clearly have a chance with as they matched with them.

[Northern_star]

i told im not on tinder to know 😅 be easy on me.

[princessfromjupiter]

Ahh, well then I don't know if you're qualified to answer the question 😅

[armleg]

@princessfromjupiter THATS NOT HOW IT WORKS!!! You dont have a chance with women you match with, they just want to laugh at you behind your back! Tinder is a lie!! Life is a lie! The only men who get sex are AT LEAST 9/10.

[princessfromjupiter]

@armleg ah yes, that explains why there are still so many ugly people in the world..

[armleg]

@princessfromjupiter yeah nevermind im a zero so my scale is well off, even guys that are 2s and 3s seem like 10s compared to me.

[Blightly]

@princessfromjupiter " (which actually only shows you active users) " I have good reason to believe it does not only show you to active users, or the definition of active user is dependent on updates to one's profile and not swipes. JS, they use a really dumbed down algorithm that works against you

[Blightly]

Note that this may only apply to guys, I have no experience being a girl on tinder. from what I understand, for an average girl every swipe is a match. therefore it'd be hard to test this method on a girl's profile until she bled out her match queue

[princessfromjupiter]

@Blightly haha sure, if telling yourself helps you cope with the fact that you can’t get any matches, do go ahead 😉

[Blightly]

@princessfromjupiter Such an edgy girl. Who said I can't get matches. fail troll is fail

[Guanfei]

On dating app, many guys are waiting for you to message them, because girls there often match but then don't answer. So you never really know if they're interested or not.

[62893]

On dating apps, many girls are waiting for you to message them, because guys there often match but then don't answer. So you never really know if they're interested or not.

^that has been my experience. it goes both ways.

[Guanfei]

@62893 Can't tell about the guys, they're not the ones I want ^^
But I'm not surprised.

[Burgerboy21]

There is no definite answer as opinions on this vary.
Me? I personally rather girls to message first.

[cavmanier]

I can see some of them being busy with life and other girls.

[Jjpayne]

I've never used it before but would girls want guys to message first?

[Wowgirl10q]

I would

[massb]

Would you reply back if they did message you first and most women on dating sites just use it for a ego boost and don’t even message back. I could have 100 matches and I’ll be lucky if 5 reply back

[bulletbob555]

For the life of me can't figure it out. You match and they don't answer. Have a short conversation 1-3 messages and then nothing. So if you messaged first who knows.

[constantine15]

I don’t message first. Why would I? The girl will likely have over 50 matches and messages, mine will just get lost in the pack.

But I no longer use tinder or dating apps.

[LegateLanius]

Online dating sucks. You get matched then they don't even bother talking to you. If you're not going to talk, don't match me.