Should older women give up on dating?

[Anonymous]

So a lot of men here think older women hit a wall, at which point finding romantic love is not going to happen because men ages 30+ dont want women ages 30+.

So should older women stop trying to date? I'll be 30 soon. What do you think a 30 something woman like myself should do?

Since it seems like a lot of men my age want younger women, I've questioned whether or not it really is worth it to date. I can just continue to build my financial success and wealth, continue enjoying my life with friends and family and traveling, and then eventually have a baby on my own (with support of friends and family, ofc.). I really do love my life. I'd like to get married and have a baby in a few years but if getting men to commit to an older woman is such a big deal, it may not be worth the trouble. A lot of younger men like me, so I could explore that I suppose. But they're not exactly at the maturity level I'm looking for, generally speaking.

What do you all think is the best path for older women?

[truthbeknown]

Due to higher schooling debt and career options, a lot of people really aren't getting their shit together until well into their 30's. I think this is what you are seeing. No doubt, you are in a tough spot. The guys who want a family and have a good life are taken. It's just the party bruhs that are available. This doesn't mean you should stop or can't find a good guy. Never stop! I can understand how having a baby is a major life goal of a lot of women. There is a friend of ours who is about 10 years olders, but in the same boat. No boyfriend and wants a baby on her own. She has the same attitude that she thinks her friends and family will help her. She has made this hint to us too. I am sorry, but I am not raising someone elses kid. I highly doubt most friends will step up and help you raise a child by yourself. People have their lives to live too. People can baby sit here and there, but you will need help every day once you are back to work. Just think about that. Also, that baby deserves to grow up and be raised by two parents, not a single mom. No offence.

[Asker]

I wouldn't ask friends to raise my kids necessarily, but my very close friends dont mind being around my future kid and being a kind of remote figure, god mother, etc.

Family helped my parents a lot growing up, so I'm just used to that. I would prefer a good quality daycare program but for times I need help or a babysitter, vacation time, etc. family helps a lot. When I was young, I would go to my granny's house instead of daycare. I guess not everyone has a strong family network growing up and so can't relate but I was more emphasizing family. My close friends are also pretty close though, and not everyone can relate to that either.

I dont believe there's anything wrong with being a single mother. A lot of couples do a terrible job raising children, so that definitely doesn't seem like a primary factor. I think environment and financial stability matter a lot more, and relationships with family.

[Logorithim]

Even when I was 20, if I had heard someone say that a 30-something woman was "old" or "older", I would have laughed at that, and I definitely do now.
I'd suggest being open to guys who are older than you as well as ones your age. Even with a lot of support from friends and family, it is not easy being a single parent, nor is it easy for a the child (ren).

[Asker]

I dont think any parenting is easy really. I think a lot of the issues I had growing up with my parents came from their relationship problems actually. I'd say the main disadvantage tends to be financial, as many women dont have the means to be single mothers without falling into a lower income bracket.

[Asker]

And you laugh but a lot of men think 30 is old. A lot of men that age want women significantly younger so eh.

[Logorithim]

I don't doubt it (I was of course once 30, too, and my SO at that time was 27), but a 30 year old woman often brings some advantages that a younger woman doesn't (more ready to settle down and have kids, better idea of what she wants in life, further along in her career, student loans paid off or closer to being paid off, etc.).

Again, you have lots of options. A guy in his late 30s or early 40s will definitely not find you too old.

[Asker]

True, he may already have kids though and not want another. That's the rub for women my age

[Logorithim]

OK, that's true, although I have three and would like to have some more with my girlfriend. Find one that really likes kids.

[DianaWest]

the men over 30 who won't date "older" women aren't good quality men either way. you wouldn't want them. there are still men out there who do. those are the good quality ones you want.

[DianaWest]

to add on: i'm sure that out of a few million or so men around your age, you should be able to find one.

[MlleCake]

There are plenty of men over 30 who want to date women their age.

[Asker]

Well, not according to the internet ;)

[MlleCake]

They may be "less common" but I am not looking for the common, average man anyway.

[ecfresh]

Having recently hit the big 4-0 I don't see 30 as a breakpoint for men or women. Especially in our current society more and more people have focused on their education and careers and are just now starting to settle down and/or mature enough to find someone for a long-term relationship and hopefully marriage. I will say if you have goals to have kids or get married you will start to feel a bit of pressure the closer you get to 35 as that is the tipping point medically for more risky pregnancies and complications in women. Thankfully women into their 40s and some 50s are still birthing healthy kids but the odds say the early the better to avoid many complications. So that is one reason to not give up now and see if you can meet someone.

Another reason again is guys coming out of their 20s and even some approaching 40 are now mature and stable enough to want a long-term relationship and can be a good partner in one. I know for myself it took a while to mature and work on myself to get rid of some bad habits when I was younger and learn what I require from someone else in a relationship as well as learn about who I am as a person and how to better act in relationships. I would say there are lots of guys in their 30s looking for a younger woman who is just turning 30 and seeking to find a love connection. So don't close off that possibility.

Like you said, yes focus on your career and yourself and enjoying life. Just don't close the door on meeting new people and making new connections. Not only would that open doors socially and romantically but as we grow in life the connections we make and our ability to network is very important in most aspects of our lives. Your best path is to keep moving forward and be the best person you can be.

[Purpleronnie]

It seems like from what your saying your chasing younger men “ getting men to commit to an older woman “ but then go on to say that they are not exactly at the maturity level your looking for... I can’t be the only one that thinks this is a bit confused.. your chasing a 24 yr old that has the maturity of a 34 yr old? .. perhaps this what needs to change. You consider your too old for your the age group of men your choosing... the best path for you hun is to accept that your not in the age group these guys are looking for and start looking at your age group and above :)

[Asker]

I think you're definitely confused. I said many men my age dont want to date women our age. I then said younger men tend to like me, so I should consider being open to them. I'm not chasing anyone.

[Browneye57]

Your whole line of thinking is a giant fail. For a lot of reasons. No wonder you can't find a suitable mate.
And trying to raise a child alone is cheating you both. You'll see.

Having a mate and a family, raising a child, isn't about being 'worth it' - it's not about GETTING, it's about being a place in your life where you have so much that you're ready to GIVE. You have everything backwards, and still haven't matured from your own self-serving interests. This is typical, it's called solipsism and narcissism. Neither one is exactly something to be proud of. You're just starting to introspect, but ya got a LONG ways to go. Start by considering that the place you're in now in your life is what it is because of YOUR choices and action. This is all on YOU.

[Asker]

I'm at a wonderful place in my life in every other way. The reality is I chose personal growth, career, and life experiences over jumping into marriage and parenthood at a young age. Doing this means you won't be married or a parent. It's quite simple. Lol

I disagree that raising a child alone is a bad idea. Thats too simple an idea to make sense. There are a variety of factors that go into whether or not one should consider single parenthood. With a very strong family and friend support system, a certain degree of financial stability and wealth, and the right level of maturity and awareness of psychological development, I think it's fine decision. Much better than many couples who have none of those things and still choose to have children regardless. Many factors.

In any case, do you have any actual advice or not really?

[Browneye57]

Sure... the FI keeps telling you that. So you raise that boy to be a girlie-man that is forever disadvantaged. Yeah I know, yours would be different.

I get the career thing, that's fine too. And yes your window of opportunity to find a suitable mate is closing, but not so much for the reasons you think. You'll be in your prime well into your late forties, datable into your fifties. Especially if you've managed to tackle attraction traits and social skills.
The biggest problem is that you are now competing with women ten years your junior. And let's face it, you're on the downhill slope as far as youth and beauty, whereas men climb to their peak to near forty. And really, any guy that age that has maintained their physique, is reasonably good looking and has some $$, can snag women from 25 to 55 - pretty much the entire age range of available women. But really, why would a guy like that take a 50 if he can get a thirty? And unless you bring high value and are of the mindset to truly love your man, you'll never be able to snag one of this caliber. If you do, and you can, and that's what you want, you're of prime age. There are plenty of these guys around looking for a high value woman to start a family with. Afterall, they've done the same as you, pursue their careers and become successful.

On the flip side the majority of available men of your target demographic have all been snapped up and married, leaving the undesirables, the nerds geeks jerks and divorcees with kids in tow. That's not what you want to hitch to, I'm guessing. So your window of opportunity continues to narrow to a slit. Worse, the older people get, the more entrenched they become in their career, their home, and most have a family already, so uprooting that or joining it is WAY WAY more difficult that creating your own.

Anyway, I wish you luck. Please, don't raise children without a dad. I know they tell women these days they can be both, -->con

[Browneye57]

... but mothers really make for crappy dads, and the kids suffer for it, both genders.

And yes, I have a ton of advice. BTDT got the t-shirt. I've done couples counseling, been married for more than forty years to two women, have 3 grown successful children from two wives, and literally thousands of sexual encounters. I know that doesn't mean much to people here, but I guarantee you there's some level of experience and knowledge gained that is for all practical purposes inconceivable to people your age. Perhaps your maturity exceeds your years and you really did come here to learn something. And just perhaps some can be spared more grief and despair and relationship failure.

[Anonymous]

There's a fair bit of data on this and basically there's no 'wall' it's a long downward slope for all of us in terms of looks but there's not really a sudden wall.

To the extent there is some …. unusualness around women dating right at age 30 that -can- happen. But the reason isn't because men think 30+ women are magically undateable. What it is is that men who are 30-35 who do NOT want to settle down have a tendency to actively -avoid- women their age, who they recognize as often wanting to settle down for very legitimate reasons.

By contrast, men who are late 30s and ready to settle down are often looking for a woman who is late 20's to early 30s.

[MrKinktastic]

I think it'll be harder to find a partner once you hit the 30-45 bracket, then you start getting more single divorcees etc who are over the rebound phase and are getting ready to settle back down.

Alternatively you could just join the crowd and become a cougar if guys your age aren't working out for the time being.

[Asker]

But I am in that bracket lol So my question is what do the people here think women in this situation should do.

But yes, dating younger men is one option.

[MrKinktastic]

Oh I just meant it'll take longer, you're searching within a smaller group of eligible men so it'll take longer to find one that you mesh with. I assume there are still some out there that prefer women their own age (given that I see middle aged men dating again and lots of them do date women their age). So it'll be more a case of finding them.

Cougaring is good for the interim though if you get lonesome :P

I would say that around 30 it shouldn't be too too bad, but as you get closer to 40 it'll probably get more noticeable.

[Asker]

I think dating younger men could make sense for similar reasons that men make for dating younger women. With the more recent research that confirms the decay/damage to mens sperm with age, it could be a fertility boost to have a baby with a younger guy lol

It's just the maturity and readiness. However, a friend of mine is my age and dating a very successful 26 year old who is all about settling down. Maybe I should get over my attitude about younger guys after all and take them as a case by case. It'll still be a minority of men compatible, as the maturity issues and desire for absolute freedom is very real among young men, but could be a worthwhile experiment. Some of them seem to love older women. I had a few call me ageist for not wanting to date younger lol But who knows. Could work.

[MrKinktastic]

My 2 cents would be to try to take everyone on a case by case basis, you never know who you might meet. I've dated girls from 18 to 47 :P

[Anon833]

It’s not older men being attracted to younger women. It can become the other way around. And really, 30 is not old. I’m 30, and my wife is 38 years my senior. We’ve been married for eleven years. Yes, I was a lot younger than your age, but I had more maturity than others my age. We are very happy together.

[MittenstheGlove]

I wouldn’t give up, I’m actually hoping to date someone a bit older than me because my age and younger has not panned out in my favor.

There really is no age in which love can not reach someone. Most guys aren’t inherently looking to settle with younger women in my experience as younger are indefinitely immature.

They typically just want sex to be honest. Just don’t have kids and a lot of younger guys like me would be happy to oblige you.

[jimyee]

Just sayin, I'm 31 and dating a 41 year old woman. I'd much rather take a 10 year up swing than a 10 year down swing. I'd rather poke a grizzly bear in the asshole with a stick than date a 21 year old girl.

[1828avaava1828]

pipe down kid

[1828avaava1828]

sorry!! i thought you were saying something else haha

[jimyee]

Lol, at first i was like wtf?

[atheistaredumb]

men ages higher then mid 20s and 30s
WILL NOT DATE FOR LOVE ANYMORE

so basically you women become a sex object and that;s it
the older we get the less we like you women

if you want to form a real relationship
DO IT WHILE YOUNG
it;s the only time we love
the older we get the less we care about any of that

[Cougardating1]

Sometimes younger men are not worse than older men, younger does not mean immature, on the contrary, I personally think younger men can give you more surprises and romantic things.
Why not have a try?

[Liam_Hayden]

The best path is to not listen to children and porn addicts about what qualifies a lady as a woman who is worth dating.

[Bandit74]

You may have less options than you did in your 20s, but you still probably have more options than most men your age do.

[Asker]

you dont think older men have more options than older women?

[Bandit74]

Maybe if they are rich, but otherwise no.

[Anon-ymous1]

It's going to be harder for you, but "the best path" is simply whatever feels normal and good for you. No different than it ever has been.

[fueledbythc]

i want an older woman. i hate the bullshit youngee women do. older women know what they want.

[Anonymous]

You can always quit, quit, quit. It's never to late to call it quits.

[1828avaava1828]

of course not!! love rocks

[Riddler1412]

No. Never give up.

[Asker]

Never is a long time lol