I suggest to all my clients to GRAB coffee or DRINKS on a first date. Why? Because you are looking to see if you have chemistry. If you don't have chemistry why in the world would you want to be stuck with someone for possibly 2-3 hours at some restaurant?
Have a follow up plan if the chemistry is right! Set the date for a coffee shop and if you hit it off ask them to lunch next door. Or if you are having drinks and everything is going well... ask them if they want to grab a table to continue the great conversation.
NEVER assume just because you hit it off on text or the phone that you will in person. In the end it's a numbers game. Play the game right and you will win.
@Smoothing exactly
u For me, a first date is ALWAYS dinner at a relatively nice restaurant. It sends a message that says I treat women nicely and that I take dating seriously. It also reveals how comfortable a woman is with dining out, manners, etiquette, etc. I want a woman with class and the best way to determine that is to spend time at a nice restaurant with her. Of course, it gives her the same opportunity to make the same observations about me. Since wine and mixed drinks are also available, I get to see how/if she controls her use of alcohol. And we have several hours for extended conversation.
For me, a nice dinner is a perfect first date.
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
You also are expecting too much and probably expect sex if you pay
Classy ladies do coffee or drinks or so. ethung simple just as well !
How many of these women are with you now?
@Mybusiness22
"You also are expecting too much" No, actually my expectations were not high, because I've dated enough to not start out with any expectations. I DID start with the hope that she would be a nice lady, we would have some common interests, and some mutual chemistry/interest. . . enough that we would both want a second date. But I also had a number of first dates where I told the woman, at the end of the date, that I didn't feel we had enough common interests to spend more time together.
"and probably expect sex if you pay." Never, because I am a gentleman. Yes, I am a man, and I want sex. . . eventually, but when I pay for a first date, all that I expect is that a woman will be present and give me her attention, not spend time on her phone, and be an eager participant in our conversation. And I hope that maybe I'll get a good night kiss at the end of the date. It's been 20 years since I had sex on a first date, and that was something that she offered. . . un0expectedly; it was not solicited.
"Classy ladies do coffee or drinks or so." I'm sure they do. But they also do dinner. I know because I have dated doctors, lawyers, a judge, nurses, teachers, accountants, and other ladies who were classy women. And all if those experiences began with a dinner first date. One of my rules for asking for a date was to first ask myself, 'if this woman and I start dating, is there anything about her that would discourage me from introducing her to my family, friends, and professional colleagues?' Why do you think that I don't have standards?
"How many of these women are with you now?" Only one. She and I were married on April 27, 2024.
You seem to have assumed a great deal about me without knowing me at all, and you missed the mark quite horribly. Perhaps you need to rethink that approach.
Well I normally start all first dates with coffee dates to gauge if I'm wasting my time. I'm normally figuring out is he crazy? Does he have the values im looking for? Does he have goals or a passion? Is he boring? Etc etc. If i see any red flags then i can end the date easily and I've lost nothing but 20 minutes and 4 bucks
If he's great then we can graduate on to the actual date. a lot of guys don't make it to graduation, so i really appreciate a good coffee date. You don't feel trapped or to stuffy on them, so i get why guys do it.
If he keeps doing coffee then that's when i would communicate my standard of dates with a bit more effort in it.
Exactly! A lot of coffee dates do not make it past the meet up. No one will put the two together. Men view dating as a means to a goal. Women are still in fantasy land trying to find prince charming
It’s not about cheap or classy. If your idea of a good time is materialistic with finance then that’s not very good is it. It can be a walk in the park or random streets, so long as I’m in the company of someone I care about it doesn’t matter where we go.
Also something noteworthy is that men don’t think things as deep as we do, coffee shops are the simplest and the safest options for men to choose from, so let’s give them a chance.
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If a guy genuinely likes you - he won't suggest a cheap coffee date if he can afford to take you out. I know guys who offered to take me to super expensive restaurants when I would have been happy with a small coffee from Tim Hortons.
They offer it for many reasons.
Firstly drinks/coffee is just a low-pressure date. Dinner and lunch dates can often seem a little too formal to some, where they have to act all prim and proper. To many that's just no fun.
Secondly it probably has to do with cost, and being weary of women who take advantage of guys' kindness by using him for free food. Women like this:
Those women take advantage of this old traditional idea of the man paying for the woman. With the rise of feminism and the way most modern women complain about inequality, wanting to be treated as equals, men have become less accepting of that because it's kind of a double-standard.
You want to be equal but you also want men to pay for your shit? You want to be a feminist and to be treated as an equal everywhere else but when it comes to who pays for the date all of a sudden you're "traditional"? Nope, that's not how it works. The girl in the video says that she's traditional, but how traditional is she really? Is she a virgin saving herself for marriage? When she's married will she be staying home taking care of the house and children? Most likely not.
If she was then men wouldn't have a problem with it, but most women like her just aren't actually traditional. They want to have their cake and eat it too. Many of these women aren't these classy girls they want to convince men that they are.
With all that then, men think "why should I take girls for all of these expensive dinners and meals?"
There are many other women who'll get into relationships with men who didn't do all of that anyway. Many women will date a guy who just took them for a coffee, many women don't have such high expectations. In fact many women end up dating a guy from their social circle, or they hook up with some guy and go from casual dating to a relationship. Whether or not that's good or bad, that's how things tend to work. The dating game has changed.
One thing that women have to understand is that as much as women are weary of being used for sex, men are weary of being used for money. Women avoid guys who seem to care too much about sex because they assume that they're just players right? Men avoid women who seem to care too much about money and material things because they assume that those women are gold-diggers. Maybe it's not always true, but it's a good indicator that they might be.
Traditional in NYC? lol Yeah thats called best of both worlds, so unreal
My question is easy. Is the guy still going to want a woman to have sex with him? Women feel sorry for guys and want to help them get to the coochie quicker and cheaper. Smh
Because gold diggers exist, and we have to pay for everything. I had a friend girl who knew a lot of girls who would actively try to date rich guys just so they could take some instagram pics in fancy restaurants and others who were just out to get a free meal with no interest in the guy.
There are a lot more women than I thought who will do that, date a guy having no interest in him, just so she can get a good meal and some social media pics.
The coffee date is more like a pre-date than an actual date. It's the "Are you worth dating?" date. Not an actual date. To see how you behave and whether there's any chemistry, which there often isn't on a first date.
In short, you don't know each other. Your friends and you have a closer relationship than you and the guy do, so if that's something you require, then I suppose you should just reject coffee dates and go get coffee with your girlfriends. It'll be good for the guys to know that coffee dates aren't good enough for you, as well.
Anyone who uses the term gold digger is upset sex costs. If you used that term but did not date for sex or to have sex available to you then i would believe you. But in this normal day men equate I want sex so I need to take out a woman on a date to get it. Right? Coffee date men are just that. Men who are willing to put in less effort to get laid
It's easier to get to know someone over something simple, cheap, and as likeable as coffee. You don't have to worry about someone that doesn't eat meat, choosing a place to eat, or someone that is generally very picky. A coffee shop is both a relaxing place to be in, and a welcoming one. The smells are great, and there are people that are there to mingle, work, and just get a cup of coffee. It's the perfect idea for a first date as there are many different places to sit. Almost every coffee shop I've been to has had at least 4 different types of seating, from couches, chairs at tables, a bar and benches outside.
A lunch/dinner date is really only for the 3rd date onward in my opinion, once you've gotten to know what a person likes to eat, whether they are worth your time, whether you want to show that you care, etc. It isn't a first date idea.
You're right though, you can go get a drink or coffee with your friends, but you already know them, and it's easier for people to open up in a more relaxing environment, rather than them trying to impress you.
This is all subjective, but I genuinely feel as though a dinner date is a much... Later choice in a blossoming relationship.
Do you pay for it or are you a cheap skate?
Have you ever heard of that it's for those that already hitted of as a couple, even for huckups there the girl use that as a payment for sex (just like some prostitute) if she feels he deserves to get some.
Also dinner is something many do with close friends and family to chat.
You have the thing that someone that comes with what you come with is a warning sign of gold digger, some that are after someone to take care of them like a financial spouse when it comes to relationship wise (those have a tendency to come with all kind of exuses reasons theories to justify it) .
Then do you have a theory that has ben flying around for many years that it is the express lane to Just Friends.
I can go on with more thing's about dinner on the first date also why it's a bad thing to do with a lot of psychology research and personal observations backing it up.
If you now want to do it go ahead but don't come and wine on places like this that you get funny dates, why you can't be taken seriously for serious relationship or seen as girlfriend material even a mother material for their future children.
I honestly wouldn't be comfortable going on a first date to a classy dinner setting because I don't know if the guy and I will hit it off in a romantic setting for a first date and IF I dont want to further waste my time with him- I'd need to pay my half of the bill so I didn't feel like I owed him (and i'd hate to have to pay a lot at a classy dinner/lunch).
I see it as, we are trying to get to know each other to discern whether we are interested in investing more time/energy/money, etc. I appreciate men who suggest cheap and more creative dates, it shows a bit of their personality.
ALSO, hands down... Would drink coffee over eating real food 60%
Men and women go into dating differently. I believe you would be highly disappointed if you knew how men thought about coffee dates. How they view you. And no matter what they want some. So you have just entered “i am not worth something special” and will learn coffee date men are low effort men but want all of your body as a trade off
I would actually prefere going on a casual date, especially as a first date.
I want to get to know him and see if we have chemistry, I wouldn't be able to do that at a "classy date".
I remember, when I had a first date with one of my ex-boyfriends, we were looking for a place to eat and he showed a restaurant, but I ended up declining the place as it looked too fancy and expensive to my taste.
We ended up walking around the city for hours and eating at Sunset.
For me, that was a great date, as we learned a lot about each other and it was a great evening.
If you don't know anything about the person, I think it's great to go with the easier alternative.
I would rather go for the more classy and expensive dates, for an anniversary or something.
Well lets put it into your words. I want to see if we have chemistry. Which means if i want to sleep with him and or he wants to sleep with me. So now you did all that for the price of a cup of coffee. And guess what? He did. You played yourself
Because we are the ones that have to ask out a girl and pay for the date so we get to choose what we want to do. You can choose on date 2 when you're paying.
But aside from the fact that we don't want to splash out on a date when we don't know if there'll be a second one, a classy dinner date implies the girl will have to dress up nicely which takes time. That's extra effort she may not feel is worth it. If the girl is on the fence about going on the date, making it simple and easy to show up for (i. e. coffee date) will reduce the chance of her flaking out.
I think it's a waste of time and money to go for lunch OR dinner with someone you know nothing about in person. Nothing's wrong with going for drinks. You don't have to drink alcohol. Have coffee, water, a soft drink and talk. Coffee can last about an hour where you talk. Then have a museum date, a walk through the park date; a biking date. Low-priced initial dates make sense. The point is to spend TIME together. After three or four dates, then have a celebratory lunch or dinner. That signals you have chemistry worth exploring.
their must be a call for such behavior. i do not think women killed chivalry but perhaps the value of a man and the value of a woman has changed. We are not our mothers nor our fathers so the way we are treated and valued is different and in some cases less and in others more. Perhaps he doesn't yet know your value and is trying to figure it out and that will determine what you get out of him (dinner or otherwise). Im sure your determining his value as well and that determines what your willing to give and keep too. I dont think you should be too worried about this (if your even worried at all). The more valuable you become and the easier for him it is to see determines how well your treated and vice versa.
I rarely offer to take a girl for dinner on a first date and instead offer coffee because, a first date should be more of making friendship. I want to get to know you more. Most likely there will be bonding activities I will have planned. I think the problem nowadays is that people have reduced dates to how fancy the meal or restaurant is. First dates should be about bonding seeing whether you are socially compatible. How do you know we won't end up at a restaurant if I going to spend half my day with you?
It depends on where the relationship is at. As a guy I can say that some of the let's get a cup of coffee is to set expectations. And also to get to know you in a causual setting. I perfferd this when I dated. On special occasions I would take my date to a classy restaurant and we would dress up. The other part of this is for the guy they are possibling trying to save money for a ring or for other things. I always found going on a low key date coffee shop picnic in the park walk along the beach getting an icecream to be my favorite dates of all. Especially sitting by the fire at night. The reason because its casual comfortable and you can talk.
Well think about it this way. He doesn’t know you, or if you’ll even like him after 5, 10, 60 minutes after the date (if it’s the first date), or even if he’ll like you, so why would he blow $50 for lunch/dinner at a nice spot? He thought you were worth approaching, you said yes, so prove that you’re worth a few fancy dinners.
When a man is paying, the emotional and financial investment is on him. If things aren’t going to work out, he hasn’t lost much. Plus, a lot of women run from any sign of commitment, which a fancy date would qualify as, do a lot of guys feel it’s best to keep it casual.
"what happened to the gentlemen that offer classy dinner dates? "
They are still there.
But they have come to notice that women have grown to think that special treatment is a birth-given right rather than an earned privilege.
And I guess they simply just think you haven't earned it.
When I started dating I actually instigated the choices of meeting and it would always be a coffee shop because I was able to order in a take away cup and no one was left obligated to pay for anyone as I'd usually get there earlier and pay for my own hot drink.
I had an awful experience of a dinner date and it was that bad I was clock watching and just asked to leave because he was just so very rude. So I learnt from that :).
Because for a first date, it's less of a commitment of time (less pressure, for both of you). You can just feel each other out, get a sense if there's chemistry and if you're interested in seeing them more. How much he spends shouldn't matter in any way at all. It's not about money. It's about getting to know them. A lot of women like coffee for a first date and often suggest it (not just guys). There may not be a second date, so why "invest" a lot in the first date? See how a simply coffee date goes first, then on the second, go for dinner or more. Bottom line, less pressure. We as guys have a tremendous amount of that as it is with all the "expectations" a lot of women have of guys. Having said that, I'm not against a dinner date for a first date, but coffee is less pressure for sure and less of a time commitment if things aren't going well.
I prefer a coffee date over a dinner date because IF I feel like I'm not interested, it'll at least end quicker. If I am interested then maybe we can go a dinner date. I also enjoy coffee dates and meeting up for drinks because it feels more relaxed and less pressure, just 2 people getting to know each other.
On a first date coffee is better because there is less pressure and it is easy to leave early if either of you don't like eachother. It costs less so you don't have to spend a tone on first dates. If you are referring to a girl friend not a first date I'd say because it is cheaper and likely bec6the girl refuses to split the bill. Personally I don't like either because I'd rather fo something fun and active
Oh wow lol I always thought coffee dates is a cute date to have.
But my best friend husband is a gentleman even when they first met. I love my boyfriend but even I get jealous of her, but when they first went out they went to a cute little cafe that was also a mini bookshop and vintage thrift store. I always thought doing something like that is extremely cute. If a guy takes a girl to a coffee dates doesn't mean he can't be a gentleman.
Traditional men went the way of traditional women (Gone).
Coffee dates are easier, cheaper, and less pressure as you can always call it quits after 30 minutes, and with the number of dates you have to go on to find someone you even remotely like there's little incentive to spend over $10 on it.
Even drinks/ coffee gets expensive if you go on 4 of them a week; so, there is really little reason for a guy to take a girl out, at least in the first couple dates, on anything extravagant.
Because we're sick of being used by women for expensive dinners (free food for the women) when they had NO INTENTION of being interested or even trying, they're just there for the food and that's it.
How is that fair? I'd much prefer to stick to cheaper coffee/lunch dates and not risk getting used for food.
Gold diggers are everywhere.
Dinner is more classy but it’s also more of a commitment to see the date through. Something more casual like drinks or coffee makes it easier for either person to exit if things aren’t working. I can understand that.
cause they're expected to pay and at on a first date, they don't know if your ass is worth it so it's only logical to not take the most expensive shit right away just to feed a freeloading bitch xD i mean i'm not saying you are one of those but he doesn't know that.
Coffee is pretty low risk for both people, and I find that ladies around my age are much less flaky if the setting isn't as high stress. Plus freeloaders are real.
And a lot of date ideas, especially in the summer, are cheaper and a lot more fun than lunch or dinner. I only suggest a restaurant if I know she really likes me and my odds of another date are strong.
Maybe it's because they have no money or they don't want to spend so much yet
I know for me it's because I have like next to nothing right now. It's not that I'm not making money but, my parents take all my money because I'm helping them pay bills. We're in a really tight spot right now, financially, after he was laid off 3 times in the past 10 years, I wasn't working for a long time after I had lost my jobs and wound up in the hospital and my mom hardly has any work these days. We're all working now but, at a fraction of what we WERE making
It’s more casual, some people don’t like to jump headlong into things. It’s also a lot easier on the wallet, I don’t know about you but I can’t afford to go to a nice restaurant any more than once every couple of months. And also, why should I invest 50-100$ into a relationship on day 1? For all I know it’s going to be a horrible first date and I’m gonna have to live on ramen and rice cakes for the next month for no reason.
I'm guessing we are talking about a first date? Because men are paying or expecting to pay so they will do what they want. They don't know you yet but they know they like coffee and they hope you do to.
My opinion, if you want to go to a "classy" restaurant then ask him.. honestly I would probably tell you no. I don't think dinner dates are a good way to get to know someone. There is a lot of pressure and nothing really to break the silence
Less complicated, formal and better springboard onto something else, be it today or next time.
Ever been out with a new friend only to find the whole session is consumed with their complicated, picky ordering? Then in a rush to eat it if on a time limit. UGH
yeah, MEN, how dare we not offer to spend more on someone we don't know, how dare we not buy diner for someone we don't know we like or may not like us or we may never see again. Why we even being so cheap with dinner? be classy and buy her a holiday to Spain for a first date. After all, we're not equals are we? Damn males.
Because honestly a first date should be an hour maybe 2, just to test the waters to see if you like eachother. Baby steps. Eating with a stranger is kinda nerve racking for me especially when I like the guy. It's best to keep it short n sweet. If you hit it off 2nd date be dinner
Fucking goddamned women complain no matter WHAT men do, so why the fuck would we invest any emotion in caring what you think? Whatever you think, we're bad and everything is all our fault.
Okay, well fuck you too, sugar tits.
Formal lunch or dinner dates are stupid for a first date. The point of a first date is to converse and get to know someone, not impress them with your credit card. I would never ask someone to a fancy dinner as a first date - if I want to get sex by throwing money around, I'll just go to a whore.
The venue for a first date should be a public place with low enough noise levels to chat.
@zagor. People can meet partner anywhere these days. Before my current boyfriend was together. I was going out with someone else and met each other at McDonald's the first. Then I saw him again on Facebook and message him. Said hi. Are you going with one my friend. He said no. I broke up my ex boyfriend since he did cheated.
While I do have to make the most of a small budget, if I’m suggesting a coffee shop environment, then it’s really because of it’s no pressure nature. That and when a girl says she wants to hang out I tend to take that literally. The first date environment is a mutually comfortable location that’s quiet enough for to talk and decide if you like them enough for a second date. Second date is where you up your game and go classier.
I KNOW!!! Omg I am so glad I’m not the only one who gets this issue because I kinda thought I was.
I don’t even like coffee, so to me when they ask that I want to just laugh.
When you are on a date the activity you do shouldn't matter.
Lunch and dinner are fine if they’re at casual places where you can grab something quick and easy, making it an easy spontaneous option. Not interested in going to a restaurant or anything like that. Well, I’d be more inclined to go if a girl offered, but it’s not something I would suggest, because it’s not something that really interests me. Girls seem to care more about the pretentiousness of it, while guys seem more interested in the comfort aspect in my opinion.
Because in the possible event that she turns out to be a complete bitch they only spent $3 on her. If I ask a guy out I'm not buying his ass a full meal at a fancy restaurant. That's just risky and stupid.
Going for a casual date is better to get to know people and takes away a lot of pressures. I see no issue with that as a date. Someone just wants dinner paid for...
Maybe they don't want to waste time, effort, and money on someone they won't even like. Isn't the purpose of dating to get to know someone? Why does it matter where you are?
Did you find these men off Tinder, in a night club or hookup bar? If im not sure a girl is worth my time I will ask her to coffee always because most women are not ladies and ladies you take on dates, but you never ever take a woman who isn't a lady on a date. Ever. Its immoral. So you have to give a woman a chance to demonstrate if she is a lady. So coffee.
Because even tho you women are feminists you still want men to pay, it’s funny lately I have been hearing girls say it’s who ever asks should pay and we all know it’s usually the guys who ask because women won’t
What's wrong with coffee dates?
I like coffee and also some cake would be nice, preferably chocolate.
Because we are expected to pay. If females want equality how about YOU invite him to a nice dinner and YOU pay for it?
People like them because they are casual. Personally I think the first date should be as casual as possible. Dinner or a movie can easily be a second or third.
Maybe you just go on too many first dates.
Meets for coffee I wouldn’t really consider a date.
It’s convenient less pressure and gives the opportunity for some familiarization before you decide if you wanna take the step of a real date.
It's so we don't get burned in the long run while seeing if you're a good fit for us or not, AND to see if you're actually into us or not. It's a good way to see the good and bad options with dating.
I know for me ill suggest coffee so if its a tinder date and want to make sure they are attractive in person, if not its easy to take off quickly and be done with it and onto the next one
Some guys are just cheap. But honestly, many guys do that to weed out the "food whores." Those are women whose only real interest in them is free meals. Might sound harsh, but that is the truth.
You wanted emancipation. Now you get the response. On a SECOND date all may look different. But please understand: It's not about trying something cheap; it's self preservation.
It's easier to linger at a coffee shop or if you are getting drinks. There is a forced rhythm and duration when you go out to eat sometimes. I think it is more laid back as you can set your own pace.
Because if it goes south it's a quick bail out. Dinners can go for hours.
Not all men do. It could be just cause he doesn't know what u like? as long as I spend time with my partner, I'm fine. Plus it'll be easy on our wallets.
Because, even though it's 2019, most men are still EXPECTED to pay on the first date and not everybody wants or has the means to pay for expensive dates.
I see guys doing it as its the "trend" and can be easier to talk over. Personally, i would prefer going and sitting down and eating to chat but I would more likely have them over and make a meal (tho im not a great cook)
if your bothered about them being cheap why not u pay for an expensive dinner?
Why do WOMEN always suggest men pay for the first date
If the woman wants a good date she should pay her own way and not be so selfish and greedy.
For a first date it makes much more sense to just go for drinks.
Let´s have some herring in a fish joint! Ohhhh classy!
Its not about the meal it's about meeting the person and getting a feel if she a gold digger or not
Thats barely digging for gold... a nice dinner date. Why do men expect us to come all dressed and made up and wanna get by a date as cheap as possible? It doesn't work like that honey... meet the woman halfway at least... a gold digger would ask for lavish gifts, designer stuff, holidays etc but not for a simple dinner date... that should be the norm
Women love money.
We all don't have that much money.
+ gold diggers love to take advantage of our wallets.
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