I’m confused on keeping or not keeping, we aren’t even dating?

[Anonymous]

I don't know what to do he’s 25 Im 22 and I feel like we aren’t ready. And I’m still working on my career and he’s pretty settled And has a good job and his own place but we weren’t even dating yet which is why I really was confused by why he’d want to keep it. Also my parents would flip out and probably attempt to kick me out which I planned on moving out soon by choice anyways just... not with a kid. My parents would probably just be really disappointed and I hate disappointing them. We’re going to talk in person later tonight but idek what to say anymore.

[SteveSmith1985]

Ok... You need to understand that this is your decision. You should absolutely talk with your boyfriend, he should be included. But at the end of the day, if you are not wanting to have a baby right now, this is your choice. Don't let him pressure you into anything you're not comfortable with. That's the most important thing.

Second, personally I think you make some sound points. If you aren't even dating, and really don't know what your relationship will be like (or if you'll still have one) 5 years from now, 12 years from now, 20 years from now...

If that's not a big deal to you, then no problem, but it sounds like it is. The financial consideration is HUGE. the last thing you want is to feel like you can't provide all you would lie to provide to your child. That would be constant heartbreak, and lead to your child not being able to have the happy, stress-free childhood you'd want to give them.

Im inclined to think you're leaning towards not keeping it from all that you've said. If that's the case, just definitely don't let him pressure you. I don't know if you're the assertive type or the pushover type. But this is an issue on which you have to be assertive, once you figure out for sure what you want to do. If you're not sure, that's different.

[Asker]

Thanks! I don’t want to keep and that’s hard for me but it’s honestly for the best. Just got back it went horrible he cried he also told me he’d feel guilty forever. And he can provide for anything I want which I know that I know he has money but it’s not the same. He told me that with my decision he doesn’t know if he’d talk to me after and I told him he should be supportive either way. I don't know I left feeling even worse than I came

[Asker]

A part of me thinks he wanted to me to get pregnant the more he talks and it makes me sad

[SteveSmith1985]

Hi I'm sorry that went so hard. I am really really glad to hear that you made your decision and that you were firm in it.

This is a heartwrenching situation you're in. There's no two ways about it. It's something that is going to be made that much harder by the fact that he's not at all on board with your decision.

Now, as much as you've got going on emotionally right now--and I know that's a whole lot--it's important that you understand that he too, is going through something I would argue is actually equally difficult.

You have to try and keep in mind that as difficult as this decision was for you to make, you did still have a choice. It is a very difficult position he is in as well; feeling completely powerless to influence this decision--which has a HUGE impact on his life and his future.

The hope is that the two people will be on the same page. When they're not, it is, and should be the woman's choice. But, in these cases where the guy totally disagrees with that decision, you really do have to try to keep in mind what this all must be like for him as well.

So you're right, he SHOULD ideally support you no matter what your choice. So if you decide to keep it he does his part. If you decide not to keep it he does his part. I agree. And in many cases that's how it goes.

In many cases the guy is scared shitless and really can cope emotionally with whatever choice the girl makes.

This is different. As much as it sucks, you do need to make allowances for how legitimately deviststing this is for him. So if he's not able to support you in this at all, even if he isn't able to talk to you again, I hope, at least in time you can make an allowance for him.

Now when you say he might have wanted to get you pregnant... I thought you weren't a couple?

[SteveSmith1985]

Now do you have a good friend in your life who CAN support you through this?

[SteveSmith1985]

I'm heading to bed now. I hope you're either sleeping or having a good long chat with someone who loves you right now.

I know I can't quite imagine what you're going through. But I hope you've got some good people in your life who you can confide in. You need to reach out to one of those people now, if you haven't already.

If you would like to talk some more, you can either write it here, or PM me anytime If you'd like. I really do mean that. ☺️ Goodnight

[Asker]

No we aren’t dating... yet we’ve been on plenty of dates. And we have different cultures so we can pretend it’ll be perfect but bringing home a black girl who’s pregnant and he’s Italian I don't know if he thought that through it’s just so much. I genuinely like him but to give me the utilmatrum that you may not talk to me after if I don’t have it is hurtful and asking me out last night now that I’m pregnant I got upset. I’m pretty firm on my decision it’s not the right time and my parents my whole family would be so disappointed I’ve accomplished the most and to get pregnant just doesn’t help. It just sucks because he’s such a good guy and I’d know he’d be an awesome dad and support me but I don’t think I’d be happy so I guess I’m just selfish. My best friend and cousin are supporting me right now

[Asker]

Ultimatum*

[Asker]

When we met he talked about kids a lot I just ignored it and assumed like later when he’s married. I wasn’t expecting him to be happy about this or to want me to move in with him and stuff it’s just a lot