Should we keep dating?

[Anonymous]

So I met this guy about a month ago, and as soon as we met on a party he asked me out. He is 24 and I am 27, so at first I said no because I felt weird about the age difference. We kept talking and sering each other because we have the same friend group, and eventually he asked me out again. He is a really nice guy so I said yes to give it a try. I enjoy spending time with him but I dont know if its ok to keep dating him. We have been dating for almost a month and I dont feel excited when we meet and hang out, it fells like “meh”. There are a couple of things I dont like about him like he is very unhealthy, doesn't eat fruits, vegetables, he always orders food and has terrible eating habits, he drinks like 4 days of the week with his friends (he is still in college), he doesn't work out a lot. I enjoy going out and drinking and smoking too, but I do it maybe once a week. Apart from that he is actually a really nice guy and he actually works (he has his own business and its going very well). He is very caring and I have fun with him, i just dont feel excited when we g out or anything. I feel a little selfish going out with him because he always tells me he really likes me, and i still have my doubts. Should I continue dating him and see where it goes? Or is it better to just stop dating him at all? I kind of want to see if I develop feelings fir him but I dont want to be selfish and hurt him since it seems he is more into me than i am into him.

[quaranta]

I think you are not excited right because you perfectly know he is more into you than viceversa. He is granted to you, you didn't have to "earn" anything from him, you didn't have to chase or to impress him. You didn't pay any effort or vulnerability here, any mental energy behind (which you would for example during a crush, spending a lot of time overthinking etc), but that's precisely the amount of what we pay that makes people look valuable to us. Cheap price, cheap person. Or at least this is what we tend to associate.
And beside that, when we perceive another person has expectations on us we didn't exactly set by ourselves (but they did by running with their fantasy and hopes), we may tend to turn off because it can easily feel like an unwanted duty, in the fantasy of someone who isn't running in parallel with us and that is building the thing autonomously. A thing that is not "ours" anymore, in a way.
This means the short term situation might not work because the short term is based on passion, chasing each other, excitement. But that doesn't mean the mid/long term won't work: long term is not based on chasing each other at all but rather, to settle and manage the routine and plans together. So depending on what you want and what you see him as eligible for, you could give it a chance or not.
I think rather than breaking up you should first open the issue to him (so that you test also his skills in communication during discussions) and telling him so far you aren't feeling very involved and that he is running too fast, without letting you have the chance to chase him or to develop feelings alongside with knowing each other, even if you recognize some of his qualities already.
By experience, I saw a guy being really able to adjust himself genuinely when warned he was running too fast, so it is possible, but it takes some maturity.

[BarryLiverstone]

Nope. It’s been a month and you haven’t developed any feelings yet. Best to honestly let him know you appreciate the time spent but you don’t like him romantically. Being honest will allow him to find closure so he can find someone else.

[Wise4myage]

Yes, give him a bit longer and then see how you feel.