I have been dating a man (50’s) for about a year. I am 15 years younger. We have a great relationship, open communication and I see a future for us. At the outset, he explained he had many female friends. I said I was ok with that. In theory I am. I have since found out that most, if not all, of the women have either had feelings for him or are former crushes. One particularly close friend is his ex from his only previous long term relationship. The ex and a couple other women have been openly hostile to me. Some of the women are married, but the content of their conversations would rise to the level of emotional affairs. He was single when he began these, so it’s not my business what kind of attention he was seeking at that time. He maintains that he has been shocked by his friend’s reactions to me and has voluntarily curtailed some of the relationships.
I am struggling to move forward because of these two issues: 1. I feel incredibly guilty for his loss of these friendships. His social circle is enmeshed, so he has been avoiding many mutual friends he has with some of the women. I also know that I will likely never be accepted by his social circle. 2. I feel like he was using these women for a kind of female attention that isn’t appropriate in the context of a relationship. How can we move through this without him having to dump his whole social network, but at the same time protect our growing bond?
