I know we always see in the movies how it happens. It is purely body language and they just go in, but is this always realistic? Is getting actual consent better?
Unless you can find some fun, funny, confident way to ask in which she enjoys. Do not ask to kiss a girl. It will turn her off end of story. If you're unsure, just go with the 90/10 principle. You move in 90% of the way and hold there. If she is ready to kiss you she will come in that last 10%. If she's not ready to kiss you, then she won't. Simple as that. You want to do things in a way where you can get feedback and respond to it.
- If you come in 90%, she looks deep in your eyes. Maybe looks down at your lips and smiles as she looks back into your eyes again. You can be damn certain a kiss is happening in milliseconds. - If she's just looking into your eyes deeply, getting red in the face with a slight voice change and not moving. She's attracted to you, but most likely nervous. - If she backs away from you, then you did her a good service in two ways: 1. Being a man and making your intention clear while at the same time 2. Giving her that space to decide for herself if she wants to do that. So if she wants to eject she can in a comfortable way.
It has been months but returning to this question. I did ask and she didn't find it weird, but I only ever had to ask that first time. Ever since then when we kiss we just go for it.
I asked my second girlfriend ever in life if I could kiss her through text 😂😂. I was 18 and we were right by each other. I was too nervous to say it out loud but I really liked her.
She said yes. I think most girls appreciate it when a guy cares enough to âknowâ if sheâs ok with being kissed instead of just taking it. Mind you, this was the first time I kissed her. We didnât know each other well and I think that makes the difference too. If youâve been dating for a while and itâs clear you like eachother, sheâs probably waiting or wondering why you havenât kissed her.
I think itâs âsocially acceptableâ for a guy to just âgo for itâ but not every girl will appreciate it. Some will feel that you crossed a line or have this conflict with whether they were ok with it or not. Others will like it.
Kissing without asking should only been done if youâre good at reading body language OR youâre in a relationship with her. I started doing the 50/50 thing where I lean in half way and stop. It gives her the option to kiss me or reject me.
1
0 Reply
Anonymous
(18-24)
+1 y
If I would catch you stealing something that is not yours in the first place, you would never hear the end of the story.
Basically, to just go for it and just imposing yourself on someone that does not agree to any physical contact is regarded as a sexual offense.
Getting physical intimacy without consent from the other party may not be as innocent as you may think. It is an infringement of the private sphere and I would certainly consider it par with an attempted assault on my sexual integrity.
Therefore, I would recommend that you refrain from being labeled as an offender and get a prior consent before becoming sexual. It is just in your interest!
This is absolute garbage. No wonder you guys out there are shaking in your boots lately. Ignore this. It's feeding the divide. If this person believes in this so strongly, why are they hiding...
@AmandaYVR So, Amanda from Vancouver, you believe that being sexually offended against your will is fine but that is just promoting sexual harassment and the sexualization of the woman if she is not allowed to defend herself from prying guys and perverts that just take any opportunity. Next thing they will touch your genitals and you will just open your legs and that will be fine for you, right?
My first kiss was a stolen one by my 2nd boyfriend in high school. I was shocked but I kissed him back after... Be careful though before you steal or go for the kiss. Make sure the feelings are mutual or you're going to be slapped or charged
@-Asca- no dont ask. you'll come off like a guy who doesn't know what he wants and will probably be put into the friends zone. look if you take the girl out and she never ask you for relationship advice. if she's excited and nervous. you can always tell when women are excited and nervous at the same time because they laugh at anything. If she plays with her hair a lot while your looking at her. these are all signs that you need to at least give her a kiss on her check. 8 out of 10 times when you go for the kiss on the check they turn there head and kiss you
@BamaPorter You are not doing anyone a favor by infringing on someone's private sphere without being authorized. That is just not the way it works.
You don't plant your tent on your neighbor's lawn without asking him first if he agrees with it. Why should stealing a kiss from someone that does not agree be different from any other infringement on either a property or sexual integrity?
This consent thing has gotten way out of hand, thanks to rabid feminists who hate men. When you go on a date, there is an expectation that it might end with a kiss. If a girl doesn't want to be kissed, she needs to explain that in advance. Most girls want a guy who is assertive and who is simply going to make the move and go for a kiss without asking. So, women, don't put men in an impossible position. Declare in advance that you are off limits for a kiss or expect to get kissed.
1. Before the date, you tell him that you don't kiss a guy on the first date so, when that doesn't happen, he shouldn't take it as a sign that you aren't interested. Your interest in such things generally cranks up around the third date (or whenever that happens for you.)
2. During the date, you can find a time to explain that you like to take the first few dates real slow and not do anything more intimate than holding hands. And you add an explanation that you aren't shy about being affectionate but have had a few bad experiences of dealing with guys with the wrong expectations; you just want to know him a bit more before you join the saliva exchange program.
3. Alternatively, at the end of the date, you take the initiative and give him a hug, and then you pull away and offer your cheek if he feels the need to kiss you.
"Saliva exchange program" If nothing else, I'm taking that phrase with me into the future. Lol
Joking aside, this is a pretty good run down of a way to approach kissing as a boundary with a new date. It sets up the boundary clearly not doesn't force the guy to guess. I would have appreciated an approach like this a few times with women that did not appreciate a surprise kiss.
I'm the type to read into the mood and go for it, but have been mistaken a few times.
Let me tell you something. In my youth, I sucked with women. I was TERRIBLE. Now that I am 28 and more seasoned... I can speak out on this.
NEVER ask a woman if you can kiss her. If you do that, she will think that you are some kind of wimp. I'm all for being polite and being gentlemen, but this is usually a deal breaker for a lot of women. And if you ask them, they will most likely and immediately say no.
When I was in my early 20s, I used to ask women if I can kiss them. After they turned down the offer, things got awkward and they would ghost me after the first date.
As I got older and learned my way around women, that's when I became more confident. When I started going on dates with women, instead of asking for a kiss, I would just go for it. The worst they can do is say no or turn their head away from you as you go in for the kiss. And if they do reject you that way, don't force the kiss (obviously).
However... when I would just go in for the kiss, all the women would return the kiss and then we would start making out. Sometimes, I would even escalate things by slowly rubbing their neck and then working my way down to their breasts and sucking their nipples. Never met any resistance with this approach.
I even had one girl tell me that it was hot that I just went for it and that I seemed confident enough to caress her neck, touch her breasts etc during the date. She said a lot of guys seem hesitant and nervous when trying to get physical and it's such a turn off. She likes when a man goes after what she wants
Anywho... Just go in for the kiss. If you are met with resistance, don't push further.
If we're taking about a first kiss, you can always do the 90,5,5 approach... Lean in 90% and hesitate... If she leans in 5% or shows positive body language, you have permission to close off the last 5%... This is fun too because it aides in the anticipation. And if you're lucky she'll just go the full 10% and kiss you!
If there's no positive body language or she retracts, that's a sign for you to back off.
I feel like actually asking verbally takes away the spontaneity of it... If it's someone you've been with for a while, just smooch them!
I have to say personally I like to be surprised when a guy kisses me specially if he grabs me from behind pulls me in and kisses my neck but have to say my boyfriend kept asking me the first 6-9 times we had sex if I was sure and I told him if I wasnât we wouldnât be here right now naked or hadnât done it yesterday but in many ways I absolutely love that he will ask me if Iâm alright or if heâs hurting me sometimes it gets annoying because a bit of pain feels really good but doesnât understand that.
I think it depends on the circumstances. If you know the person and if the cues are there i. e. your eyes are locked and you are very close to each other, but neither side attempts to move away or turn their eyes away from each other, then you can try kissing.
However, I think if such situation arises, you would like know it is "the right moment". Otherwise I would ask for consent to kiss because it did happen a few times to me that I misread the signs and tried to kiss just for the girl to ask me what I was doing or telling me that I misunderstood her. As a guy, I would actually like it if women also took the initiative and kissed us if they feel attracted to us. Otherwise it is always very one-sided.
Unless either has Dyssemia or Autism a man should know better than to directly ask a woman for anything--it's artless and unimpressive.
A man should test her by using body language that becomes more and more suggestive of the desire to kiss.
The moment she notices the nder-current of the situation she'll either respond positively or demonstrate discomfort.
The moment a man senses discomfort he should back off and redirect to something both find pleasant. So long as he was being subtle and tactful it will be easily glossed over and brushed aside.
If she was unsure of her feelings and later decided she enjoyed it, she will return the attention.
Spontaneous kisses of mutual affection are a rare and beautiful thing, but they're too risky.
Nice choice of words "artless and unimpressve". Correct, just read the body language. She's likely already out on a date with you, right... It's not that complicated, people. Listen to dextrosis.
Hmmm... I hate to say it, but the "tolerance levels" are different in different communities, and even within different subgroups.
For instance (I'm going to pick on Portland's gay community), in Portland, "flamers" would answer that "hell yes!" while the softies would ask you'd ask them first.
In the heterosexual communities, however, despite girls getting upset when they *don't* get an expected kiss, they don't make it easy, and they say they want permission (but secretly share with their girlfriends they wish he'd just dive right in)
So, I'm going with the flow on this one... Just time it just right, & *whammo!* PLANT ONE ON 'EM!!! 😁
Sure you should go for it... If your willing to be seen as a sex offender or receive a slap to the face in public
These females think that we can read their minds , they think that we just magically know what they want and get mad at us for not understanding what they want
Many women don't know what they want and when they do know what they want , they don't know how to ask for it
They don't know They just need to open their damn mouths and make it clear what they want and guys will immediately respond to it
Honestly man women are a waste of time , go for other activities such as sports or movie watching.
I once heard in a movie where a boy was saying âhey do you wanna recreate our first kiss again?â to which she replied âyou donât ask a girl if you can kiss her you just do itâ
Now, that being SAID, this doesnât mean you can kiss any girl you want. I donât think that a guy should ask tho, it kinda ruins the moment. Itâs simple, you just read her body language. If you feel she responds to things and likes you, maybe you should lean in for a kiss. If you feel she doesnât, donât. Youâll probably get slapped. ALTHOUGH, if itâs her FIRST kiss, and if sheâs anything like me, sheâs going to want it to be special. In this case, the girl should be somewhat cautious because he could be her first.
Iâve had guys ask me over text if iâve has my first kiss. To which I answer no, and make a mental note of. Because I know they will try, and I donât want them to be my first. What iâm explaining is very confusing😂 Bottom line, you need to read non verbal signs and just know how comfortable she is.
If a girl is giving you all the signs that sheâs into you then go for it without asking... the worst that could happen is you read into it wrong... but If youâre kinda getting mixed signals and you donât know... itâs always good to ask so youâre not embarrassed if she pulls away
5
0 Reply
Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
I think consent is important but I also think that there are obvious signs that a person is into you. If your unsure, then thereâs no harm in asking her if she wants to kiss. But if she makes it obvious that she likes you, and the two of you have broken the touch barrier, and sheâs gazing into your eyes and leaning into you, then I think itâs probably ok to kiss her. Start with a peck. If sheâs not into you can just apologize and explain that you misread the situation. If she kisses you back then you can kiss some more and maybe even start a whole make out session.
1
0 Reply
Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
I'd much rather he ask first, especially if we haven't been dating long. It might be a bit different if we were together for awhile, but my last ex would practically lunge at my face with no warning like he was going to bite my head off, and I hated that even after a year and a half.
I've had decent results with just looking deep in her eyes, going kinda quiet, and saying "I'm gonna kiss you now" or "I want to kiss you..." and then just start leaning in and assuming she's into it. Of course if she pulls back or does a scrunchy face or anything then I can dial it back and play it for comedy value instead, it's all in calibration
doesn't asking for the kiss take away from the mood. This is an area technology has definitely hurt us in. I remember being 13 years old and having to actually knock on a girls door to ask her out or get shut down. Eventually you definitely can feel the vibe of a kiss between the two people. That's not something your gonna learn on Meetme or Match or swipe left. whatever. it's funny with all these social net works and algorithms for human behavior. I believe we are more socially inept than ever. How many people could say that after they met a girl and only knew her name that they could have the balls to walk up to her parents house and ask her dad if you could talk with her. Romance is gone women welcome to the future
I personally prefer a guy who just go for it (but slowly & politely, just dont ask) if he thinks it's the right moment. Its much sexier.
The woman feels wanted. The man feels like a man. Its great for both sides.
But i'd been asked for a kiss by a guy who i REALLY liked. so even he asked for my permission, i can only see it as a gentle and classy act (bcoz he is a british). I even respected him even more. Thats a rare case bcoz i really2 liked him + i know his culture. 👌😊
I only ask verbally if I am unsure if he/she is available or not.
Otherwise I ask only with my body language - I lean in, touch them, look them in the eyes, wet my lips, look at their lips, lean in further. At this point it has taken about a second, and they are already 100% aware of my intentions. Their nonverbal answer at that point is a pretty clear 'yes', 'no', or 'maybe'. At yes or maybe I go for it.
I don't think you need to ask verbally, but you do always have to be pretty sure there's consent. A normal person can read body language correctly most of the time, but there are many people (especially on GaG) who are social cripples, so for them it's much trickier. I'd say if you move in for a kiss, do it in a way that gives your opposite an adequate option to react and decline in time.
the first kiss is normally a lot of questionable moves. Generally best not to ask. Leaning in or approaching is a good signal to make then they will make the final approach or turn their head away. Or its very much mutual and you know you want to kiss so both sides just kiss. It's a very confusing first dance kinda and experience can help but not always. From my experience each first kiss has always been different but normally in good ways. Asking makes it weird though.
Just go for it, you should be able to know when they are ready for the kiss just by body language. The connection you both share should be good enough for you to know whether to go for it to not. Asking seems like something that could ruin that moment or future moments because it introduces awkward feelings. Dont be afraid to take that chance. Dont be too hasty of course, but you will know when that time comes to give that kiss.
Observe her body language and her attitude. Depending on those two things you'll know if she's into it or not. However, if you're too nervous or unsure then ask, better be safe than sorry in this type of thing. Personally I've never had an issue with a guy I'm into going in for the kiss. I guess it also has to do with how well you know the girl/guy.
Ask. If your not reading the body language right or if she isn't 100% comfortable or emotionally prepared to do this, you should always ask if it is okay to kiss them.
Same goes for girls, they shouldn't just kiss a guy, they should ask if he is okay with it.
I feel like this only matters on the first kiss and even then it only applies to certain girls in certain situations. In my experience I'm free to go for a kiss anytime (well depends on the situation and mood) AFTER I've already cleared the first kiss hurdle.
It's really attractive when a guy asks, or even just says 'I really want to kiss you right now' and then goes for it. There's something about it that makes me feel special.
There is this tention that builds up, a small touch of the hand, sitting close, long eye contact. And a lingering hug with a pause right intro of your face after the hug. That is when you go for the kiss, that is when it's a sure bet. Otherwise it's just a gamble.
2
0 Reply
Anonymous
(18-24)
+1 y
Ask or let her do it, nowadays so many girls are just looking to be victims itâs safer if you let the women do the initiating of physical contact plus it lets you know if she really likes you. Either she kisses you or none at all guys need to quit caving in
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Anonymous
(18-24)
+1 y
Asking is always the right option. And it doesn't make you a wuss or less of a man. Some ladies don't know what they want but it doesn't give you the right to decide for them. My first kiss was stolen by someone I'm not even in an exclusive relationship with. I was so mad and disgusted especially since someone saw it and made an entirely different story. Maybe some girls are into it unlike me. All you have to do is ask beforehand. Like if you can kiss her on random occasions. Or directly before a kiss. Do not ever make a move that would put the girl in a bad place.
"Some ladies don't know what they want but it doesn't give you the right to decide for them." Honestly, and this might sound kinda non-PC, but every girl I've dated in any capacity was giving off vibes that she kinda wanted me to "decide" it for her. I'm not talking in a rapey way or anything, but it seems that lot of women don't know what they want until it's actually happening. Like, if a girl texts a guy and says "I'm going to make out with you at 8pm this evening", he'll be walking high all day and looking forward til the clock strikes 8. If a guy texts that to a girl, she'll probably find a way to avoid being alone with him come 8pm. Because she doesn't know if she wants to be kissed or not... until she's *actually being kissed*. Just my observation ofc, I don't claim to speak for all women lol
Some girls are put off when you ask that question, but you can always rely in body language. Try to get closer to her face, slowly, that way she can know you want to kiss her, and that gives her time to reject the kiss and move her face. I personally prefer if they ask me.
Now I don't condone forcibly pushing yourself onto someone or anything like that, but I must say it sounds so boring and turn offish. Like imagine saying 'can I kiss you' , 'can I do this' 'can I do that'.
Honestly if you're a person that likes your personal space and don't want your partner to touch you without your permission just don't be in a relationship, what's even the point?
And I'm pretty sure women don't like that stuff either and they wouldn't like to ask their boyfriend before touching them either. Half the fun in the relationship is random grabs, teasing etc.
I think it's actually really romantic to ask first, and it's a great way to show respect. It doesn't have to feel awkward at all if you explain you feel she's so very special/hot/beautiful/etc. , could you please kiss her...
Personally I'd prefer that I just go for it. Obviously I need at least a few subtle hints for her to show that I am interested. When I am with her out on a date and if I see that she is interested then I am going for it lol. It kinda is a turn off when you have to ask.
It is basically reading the persons body language and situation, usually im the one that makes the first move and i tend to just go for it when the situation seems right
Asking for a kiss? Sorry but it's not a job, you don't have to ask authorization in 2 copies signed by the Ministry of Kisses. Seriously we're leaving in such a shitty time for love. We're so ruined by political correctness and fear of being labeled as rapist or whatever that nothing is natural. The right time for a kiss is set by the mood, the atmosphere. You kiss when you feel it's time. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. That's all there is to it.
I'd say do not ask verbally, but lean in for it slowly enough so they can still back off if they want to. Orrr... you can do it like my boyfriend did and spontaneously jump across the room on top of me 🤣
@genericname85 depends on the woman I'd say. But yea knowing each other well enough beforehand might help aswell, I would have probably run away screaming if he did it without us being friends for years xD
@genericname85 I do not really believe in the concept of the "friendzone" tbh. Or at least, not in the way many seem to do. For me, you're only in the friendzone if you've been specifically turned down with a "I only see you as a friend". Until that happens, you are just... friends.
well if he never made any attempts at taking it to more than friendship, then there's never a point where you really say "i only see you as a friend". you'd only say that if he asks you out or confesses his feelings. if he never did that and you do see them as a friend and suddenly he does that, how would that be? xD
@genericname85 well, you cannot "friendzone" someone you are just friends with unless they specifically tell or show you that they want more. Otherwise, your friends of the same gender would be considered to be in the friendzone aswell which is kind of ridiculous.
ugh -.- so you never had a guy that you KNEW would never be more a friend from your point of view then? of course your friends of the same gender are also in the friendzone except you're gay/bi and would consider them for more.
@genericname85 just because you never thought of a friend in a certain way doesn't mean that this can't change in my opinion. So in your opinion, friendship doesn't exist, since everyone you know regardless of gender, age and anything else is just someone you either include or exclude from your group of potentional partners?
no you get me wrong. i mean you get to know them as a friend and you know immediately that you're not attracted so they won't ever be more than a friend from your perspective.
of course friendship exists. someone who's in my friendzone is still my friend. it just means i won't fuck them or date them xD that goes for all of my male friends and most of my female friends. the difference is that they probably don't wanna fuck me, so it's mutual.
@genericname85 but then friendzone doesn't mean anything else besides friendship xD so why would this word even exist? I do not see it as an one-sided attraction, but one-sided romantic feelings. And unless you know about these feelings you cannot know if they exist, are one sided, or are mutual. Pretty much a Schroedingers cat kind of thing xD And for me, the attraction to someone very well can change over the course of several years. For better or worse.
pay attention to the point of view. being in the friendzone is different depending on the point of view.
so if you're all in each others friendzone, everything is fine. the problem arises, whe it's one sided. so they actually wanna fuck or romance you but you don't.
so imagine 2 guy friends of yours. 1. that guy who jumped to kiss you and 2. another friend that you're not attracted to at all, cause you think he's ugly or whatever. imagine the second one did the same the first one did.
@genericname85 if the second one did it then I'd tell him that I do not feel the same for him as he does for me. At that point we can either remain friends (which would make him be in my "friendzone") or we decide that our friendship cannot work anymore and then he's neither freindzoned nor my friend.
"at that point we can either remain friends" which is the definition of the friendzone "or decide that our friendhip cannot work" which is how you usually solve those things.
in my opinion asking makes it super awkward. you guys aren't fucking i dont see why there should be "consent" to lean in and give it a go. usually consent is given through eye contact. if they dont want it then they will turn away.
Tell that a lawyer and he will tell you from a legal perspective its not considered a consent. It should not be asked off a man to put himself at legal risk if you really love him, instead you should make life as easy as possible for those you love.
Hmm... i tend to lean in, slowly for a kiss, if theyre being flirty & if im sure that they want it. And i give them enough time to pull away, just in case if they dont want it. And I'd apologise if they didn't want to be kissed.
Itâs really beta to ask. If youâre not sure if she wants to kiss then donât. Huh her and then put your face close to hers. If she doesnât immediately reciprocate then she doesnât want to kiss
In these days, you may need to ask for an approval before you can initiate the kiss. Due to a possible sexual harrassment case being filed against you. Some might argue "If I didn't like you why would I go to the movies with you?", but again maybe she allowed flirting and dating, but that does not constitute or equate to an approval of a kiss. Lol im just kidding just go for it man!!! But again what I mentioned could very be possible so be aware.
It's a hit or miss. Some are gonna think you're a dork for asking others will appreciate that you asked and showed interest in kissing them. The first girl kissed me without asking and totally caught me off guard then the next one asked me if I was going to kiss her, with my ex I jokingly said you sure did cuddle with me a lot not to go home without a goodnight kiss, just go with the flow
If you have a good feeling that she's not going to slap you then go for it. A first kiss should be spontaneous, it adds to the thrill and makes it more memorable.
Well think for a second before you do it how does she act towards you? If she looks like she likes you but can't tell you yet go for it💙 if your not sure first put your arm around her if she automatically doesn't rest in a bad way your good to do it👍
Just go for it. I've never had a problem when guys do that. I can just explain that I'm taken afterwards. Not that some guys see that as being a problem. 😏
Go for it but dont like force them or anything, they can pull away if they dont want to kiss you, that way no one's forcing anyone but it doesn't kill the mood if they want to.
@TheKack I'm still a feminist though. And by definition, that is what I am. Anyone who doesn't believe in equality of the sexes is not a feminist even if they claim they are. They are instead sexist
@morrowlow I see you're most likely absentminded. Dude, any logical person should be able to SEE and feel when someone wants them and wants EVERYTHING. Obviously don't kiss people who hate you or look at you in disgust.
Maybe don't ask. Say something like "i would like to kiss you right now" or "im going to kiss you" make sure there's a lots of chemistry and carefully observe her expressions, mood and body language all before you try to kiss her.
My boyfriend and I stared at each other for a month before someone got fed up and said "just kiss her already"...
1
0 Reply
Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
honestly I asked this girl once & i had super chapped lips so I waited till they weren't so chapped 3 days later. which I know sounds beta but I still asked just to be respectful & not impose even though it felt it was right & I read into the body language correctly.
Read her eyes. If she wants intimacy they will signal you. It may take time, but it's worth being patient.
0
0 Reply
Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
just go for it. I kissed a girl straightly when I was in class 3...(a little awkward and inappropriate) Now I think it is just a way to show you love, not something about sex or dirty thoughts. So just kiss when you think you need it.
I would same it depends on how her body language is. Sometimes you can tell that it is ok to just go for it. While other times you might be better off asking.
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