Honestly, I've been on the fence about this for some time. I mean my typical rule of thumb is no. I mean my fear is this- what if the relationship goes south and both me and the kid grow attached to one another and I have to break their heart like their dad did. That'd devastate me, and even worse- them. I'd have to spend the rest of my life with that pain in my soul. But on the other hand, I've contemplated suspending my rule if it was the right person. My heart aches to be a dad, even if it's a step dad. So it's a tough choice for me
Maybe. I almost did with a widow one time because I got along so well with her kids and her boy asked me if I would marry his mom. The problem was that she really wasn't my type. We became close friends instead. I'd have to fall for the kids to consider it.
A running joke between us now is that I tell her I'll buy one of her kids off of her for tens of thousands of dollars and her reply joke is that she'll give me one for free. :-D I really liked her kids but the mother is a very different type of personality from the type of women I got along with best.
I didn't like the kids initially. She brought them to a bar and I did everything I could to stay as far away from them as possible. I don't know why but they isolated me among my friends and wanted to hang out with me, asking me all sorts of questions while I reluctantly answered and then asking me to give them piggyback rides. Then I sort of started to have fun and ran to buy Spiderman costume and sang spiderman songs at them in karaoke box while they laughed. Maybe they singled me out since they were biracial white/Japanese mix like me, and reminded me strikingly of me and my little sister when I was a kid.
Later they started asking the mother all the time to hang out with me so she started asking me if she could drop them off with me at my place while she went to work or on a date. So I said, "Sure!" Then I hadn't played video games in ages but got Playstation, X-Box, Nintendo Wii, and we played video games together, I took them to Disney Land, etc. I thought of myself as "uncle" but might have started getting too close since the boy, in particular, kept asking me to be his dad. That's when I seriously considered dating the mother, but it's like we're wildly different personalities. The kids on me at that bar the night I first met:
But it's vital at least that the kids really like me and I like them a lot. I had parents that divorced and would never want to be that weird guy the mother is dating that the kids don't like.
It worked out well in the end. She ended up finding a very good, responsible guy who cares about the kids -- I met him and I could tell right away that this is a very fine man, and the kids liked him. And now they're teenagers -- I think the boy is 19 now and the girl is 16. Anyway, rambling aside, it's really about the kids for me and what they feel about me. They are #1. Mother is #2.
And in my case at least, if I were to date such a one, I want to meet the kids *very early* into dating process -- maybe even the first date is okay. And if the father is still active in the picture, I want to meet him too very early on.
Thank you for sharing your experience! 6 months ago I started talking to this guy, I knew he had a son and shared custody (50/50). I got to know him and eventually started dating in November. Thanksgiving being in November he wanted me to spend it with his family, and meet his son as well as his family, I was really scared but it went well. Since I had been talking to him before that and I hadn’t met his soon I didn’t think it’d be a big deal until I started being around him more and then started having doubts. I got over it now, every time he picks up his song he’s always asking about me and if I can go over or if they can come, so I guess he likes me! I’m 21 and he’s 23, his son is 5. I guess I have no issues, other then his bm! I haven’t met her yet but she does want to meet me and I’m a bit scared. 😬 She hasn’t been a problem... but i do feel like he’s more there for his son then she is. Like let’s say he has his this week, it’s all good and what not then let’s say today is the day he need to go back but she won’t be answering and if she does it’s super late and she be like “ keep him for a few more days” which sometimes ruins plans we have, which I don’t really mind.. but it bothers me that she takes advantage of my boyfriend because she be going out doing stuff on her day but makes excuses for their son to be with him and not her. It’s suppose to be 50/50 not 80/20 you get me? I feel like it’s not my place to tell him that it bothers me how he’s too nice about it, because if it was him doing that she would not stop calling and would even come on her own will to leave their son on his days. Hope it makes sense.
It makes sense to me. I haven't experienced a situation where the biological other parent was in the picture since there was a widow. I'm also not sure if I'm cut out to be a stepparent or just get along well with kids because I have this super immature side. :-D I had a bit of difficulty disciplining those two kids when we hung out because every time they caused a bit of mischief, I wanted to laugh instead of be serious... had to learn how to be a little more serious there.
For me that general argument of how it's undesirable to raise someone else's biological children... it never clicked for me because the kids are faultless. Someone has to raise them, and the single parent might need help. But if I am to help, I want to do a decent job, so it's important that I get along with any kids here... maybe even more important to me than getting along with the parent.
I honestly wouldn't. I think it's just a lot of baggage, at some point you're going to be introduced to the baby and eventually the baby mother. It makes it hard to leave especially if you already have a bond with the kid and also whether you like it or not you and the baby mother are going to need to have some kind of relationship for proper co parenting and I'm not up for that.
Maybe my answer will change as I get older, but 21yr old me isn't interested
25 year old me did it loved it, but while I was spending time with tgeir Daughter the Parents were falling back in love and got back together. That left me with a Double Heart Break. I said no kids ever again. Then 23 years later I married a wonderful man and adopted his son and the ex and I get along perfectly. She has Terminal Cancer and asked me to Adopt their Son.
At the moment, no. First of all, I'm not really a kid person (I don't have anything personal against them, but they wear me out and I just don't enjoy being around them for long periods of time), and as of this time in my life, I don't want any kids of my own and therefore would not want to take care of someone else's kid, either.
Honestly? Depending on the kid. I would not consider dating an unworthy man, so we are not talking about his qualities. So it all boils down to the kid - how old are they? do they live with mum or dad? what kind of role do they want me to fill in? are they open at all to have their parent dating or do they require special attention from their parents at this point in their life?
I don't really know, I mean I would like to have a son someday to name Brendan after my little brother who never developed a brain. And even though if I was to be with someone who already has a kid, but is willing to have another, then I would depend on how the kid is, and so long as she only has one.
No. For several reasons. 1: i don't like children. 2: I need my partners attention on me and mine on them. Not a kid. I'm not at all ready to deal with a complex situation like that. I need a patient, stable woman in my life to keep me grounded. 3: baggage. Too much baggage. 4: I'm not too keen on raising another man's child.
How did they end up single with a kid? Where is the father? Is she friends with her ex/the father? How many kids? What age? What gender? What race? Will they follow my rules when in my house? Does she expect me to provide for them?
Oh god no. Do maybe, serious dating no. There are a LOT of reasons, but the primary one is that you will NEVER be her first priority. EVER. The kid, her job, her mother, her life, will always be more important. He's well down the ladder of importance to her.
When you build a family the right way, an intact married couple, then the man remains the priority. For without him, it's not a family any longer.
I did in the past and got my heart double broken loss him and the kid. Said never date a guy with a kid again. Fast forward 23 years I not only dated a man with a kid I married him and adopted his son.
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Asker
+1 y
If you don’t mind me asking, did he have full custody or 50/50? I’m currently dating someone with a kid, it’s been 2 months now but I’d like someone opinion on how they dealt with it.
no for I do not want to wait for him to find someone to watch his kid before we can date ! I do not want his child with us on our date either ! for it is mine and his date and not mine , his kid and my mans date ! thanks
When kids are involved it's never black or white. There are many factors to take into consideration before making a decision... Theoretically speaking I would, as long as some of those factors are sufficiently covered.
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
Only, if she: Only one kid 2-5 year old, wants more kids, with me, kid same race as me so I would not see those funny looks, Real daddy will never be seen, I could raise him/her (kid), like my own, not just be step dad... And she has stable mind.
Ha ha... no. Not into men with children. I don't want children, I'm not dealing with baby mothers, and I'm not going to take care of someone else's child. :)
Depends on the situation if the guys recently left the kids mother then no too much mess and drama but if they have their rules set and a working relationship and I liked the kid why not?
No, it’s not my child I wouldn’t wanna take of someone else’s child. I won’t have no say so in anything the child does. It will be constant tension & conflict. Too much drama for my liking.
Married now but when single no. I want my own wife (1st marriage only, no divorced women) and I want my own kids (not a ready made family from some other guy).
Having my own biological children and starting my own family from the ground up is something quite important to me so I won't be inclined to. But it's not impossible.
It has never happened and I'm in a long term relationship. But it wouldn't be a deal breaker for me. More and more women around my age already have children.
Although I have kids myself and am good with them, I probably would not. Her focus will be on her kids and, in my experience, there's too much chaos in such families on a daily basis.
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