Is being emotionally available as a guy a bad thing?

[JohnDon9]

Its about someone whom i helped out in an emotional crisis and we ended up having feelings for each other , but when confronted with the same , got a reply stating "we were just friends and it was clear from the start " ridicuouls as it seems , would you be with someone who understands and helps you out trying to keep you sane rather than someone who has been hurting you for years

[jennifer_bloom]

The bible addresses this - you can't base a relationship on dependency and need - you have to base it on love and convenience - I don't mean gold digging - but if somebody is compatible with you and they live next door - don't try to date somebody in another state or country - practical and caring - thats what love is about.

[JohnDon9]

There aren't people left as such these days though 🤔

[MissDawn7961]

in my opinion it is a cool and loving way for a man to be ! a man who is an emotional man is the kind of man a woman needs to be with her for emotional support ! for everyone needs emotional support from time to time ! thanks

[JohnDon9]

But would she want that from her SO or her friends

[englisc]

I'm not sure what you mean by being confronted with the same and being told you were just friends, since you say that you both had feelings for each other.

Do you mean that you were there for this girl and then she said "we're just friends"?

[JohnDon9]

I was there in her rough times , but then she used to talk to me day and night and it went on for a few months , indeed i had a soft corner for her so did she have for me , we never had friends so it was just us two 😐

[englisc]

Yes, but what I'm asking is did you then ask her out and she said no?

[JohnDon9]

I wanted to know what i meant for her , and the answer was rather cold 😆

[englisc]

Can you answer the question directly?

[JohnDon9]

Its not easy as just asking her out , it was about the vibe

[englisc]

Ok, I see what's going on.

In this case yes, you're being too emotional. You're making the common mistake of thinking that the way to relate to women and to attract them is to be really soft and have these deep, soppy conversations. Thinking that eventually they'll fall for you because you're so sweet.

That's just not how it works. Guys like that always end up and stay in the friend-zone.

What attracts women is masculine attention and fun - flirting, playfully teasing, being direct. Being emotionally available isn't necessarily bad, but when that's all you are it's not sexually attractive.

[JohnDon9]

Indeed , it does work out , so called principle of being the alpha male , but if you get attached to someone you tend to go soft , its somethig natural and yeah its just okay to be who you are , there are a lot of ways one can be attractive , thanks

[serious]

As far as I know being emotionally available is never a bad thing.

[JohnDon9]

Being taken advantage of this everytime?

[serious]

@JohnDon9

Yes being emotionally available all the time is very good but that doesn't mean they should be taken advantage and that person should allow others to take advantage of them and for that being mentally strong is a must.

In today's world only being a nice person with all the good and positive qualities are not enough, it is just useless. Of course Along with all the positive qualities one must be intelligent, mentally strong and should learn to be choosy and selective with people as well and should say NO when required.

Are you getting my point.

[JohnDon9]

True , running behind people won't do anything , its hard not to have any expectations with someone , thanks 😎

[serious]

@JohnDon9

"True , running behind people won't do anything , its hard not to have any expectations with someone , thanks"

Yes nothing wrong with having expectations. It is very fair and justified. However just remember 2 things, you should only have expectations regarding those things that you are fully capable of giving
yourself.

Second is it is completely fine to have expectations but don't enforce your expectations on others. If they naturally are as per your expectations then it is fine and if not then you need to cease contact with such people, you need to develop the attitude of not wanting such people in your life.

[serious]

@JohnDon9

You are welcome.

[JohnDon9]

You are right , thanks for giving me another perspective

[serious]

Thanks for the MHO

[Jamie05rhs]

There's nothing wrong with being emotionally available for a friend. But here's where you fucked up: you assumed that it meant something more when it didn't. If she didn't specifically say anything about having feelings for you, then you should not have jumped to conclusions thinking things had changed between the two of you. by the way, this is an argument for not being friends with girls who you are attracted to.

[JohnDon9]

Life is strange when it comes to emotions my friend , nobody can help you at this except yourself😊

[alex237]

Up to a certain point, it isn't. Just don't turn yourself into a living napkin to wipe tears with

[JohnDon9]

Indeed 😆 only when necessary

[13IsALuckyNumber]

The question title, no.
The question description, obviously.

[JohnDon9]

I shouldn't be helping people then 🤔

[13IsALuckyNumber]

No. You should very much help people.

[markscott]

Being emotionally available is a very good thing, even essential to a good relationship.

[outside_Toronto]

Being an emotionally available friend is a different dynamic than a partner. If you think you help her and she is automatically going to develop feelings for you, you're mistaken

[Anonymous]

Only if I'm attracted to them in that way.

Feelings can't be forced. I apologize.

[Anonymous]

She didn't turn you down because you were too emotionally available, she turned you down because you don't turn her on or excite her, or because she doesn't see you as manly enough.

[JohnDon9]

Excitig her seems a better option lol

[Carbon-12]

My number one requirement for dating is someone who understands me, or at least tries.

I don't know what is going on in your situation.

[JohnDon9]

Everybody is different , its more of that we share same opinions when it comes to love and indeed it could have worked out very well had we been together , but the fact that the one person who you would always want to be with is right next to you and you dont realize the importance, so its better to let go of such feelings altogether. Life is good as it is , Namastey 🙏

[User_Friendly]

My sexuality always has a say, so i would need to know more.

[filipswagson]

in a relationship with a girl of course, and it should be mutual

[JohnDon9]

True unless you are into one there isn't a point

[filipswagson]

the point is to be a good person, and therefore be more likely to get in a relationship

[JohnDon9]

That could work out as well

[cloud9vortex1234]

I think so. I would have told her to get a therapist.

[JohnDon9]

🤣 i tried but it was useless

[cloud9vortex1234]

She can't be helped because she won't help yourself and to top it off she used you. Women do stuff like this. Don't be their Emotional Tampoon because they don't appreciate it in these situations.

[justme1171]

Nope. Not in the least. Don’t make yourself emotionally vulnerable to femicunt bitches

[LCWestWoody]

You made yourself known, personally I would call that good.

[JohnDon9]

Thanks mate , i would rather keep myself as i am and improvise on the way i treat people

[Anonymous]

Yes and no

[GayLoner]

women won't date you