I have a question without judgement haha?

Question

I’m 34, the guy I’m seeing is also. We hit it off, and we soon after had a talk and he didn’t wanna be exclusive. He says he isn’t emotionally available. We are friends with benefits.

we get along amazingly well. We connect like crazy and I know he feels it too. But what doesn’t make sense to me is that he 10000% says he is there for me when I’m having a bad day, offers support, offers reassurance.

we got drunk together and he drunk referred to me as his girlfriend. And made other comments about us being more than friends with benefits. Then made comments about how it would be a cute story if we worked out

He has shared my pic w a friend of his, attempted to invite friends over while I’m there, used my name when talking to said friend he shared pic with.

Tells me he isn’t trying to sleep a bunch of people…. His words:

“That is 700% not the case. This is me communicating and being supportive of your feelings w the spot we are in because I do care. “

We kiss a LOT outside of the bedroom, walks me to my car to kiss me, we stay up for hours talking, we talk all day everyday, he slightly admitted he had feelings. I left after being there 4 days in a row and he told me he missed me….

is this typical friends with benefits behavior?

HollyK21 · Accepted Answer

This isn’t judgement so I hope you don’t take it that way, but not only is this not a normal friends with benefits situation, but you’re selling yourself short by engaging in it. friends with benefits is meant to be a very casual arrangement. Maybe you check in on each other here and there but the point is to be casual sex partners and that’s it. They’re to fulfill that desire for intimacy without the romantic, emotional ties. I’d personally never advise my female friends to get into this situation because it only leads to heartbreak. As women we are emotional creatures and not equipped to share our bodies with a man constantly yet expected not to create any romantic ties.

But now that you’re here, I think you need to start putting things in perspective, and not the fantasy of what you want, since that doesn’t exist but the facts do. Now, you know for a fact he doesn’t want a relationship, he has told you from his own mouth. It doesn’t matter what other things he mentions and honestly I think it’s cold AF to essentially tease you about dating knowing full well he won’t. I also think it’s manipulative to make you feel secure about him not being with other women when that is likely just a lie to appease you. And you’d not only have no idea, but no right to inquire about it because you aren’t his girlfriend, which is a frustrating and hurtful loophole when you cross over from just casual to romantic interest.

So knowing for fact he wants no relationship, if you want that with someone then you need to drop him and find someone who’s more available. It’s important not to get so attached to a man that you allow them to become a hindrance to the sort of relationship you actually want. You should be more attached to your boundaries, your standards, and the vision of the life you want for yourself in the future. By not forming attachments like what you have now, you’ll find it infinitely easier to walk away from men like this guy when the time comes. Knowing when to stop is so important.

lightbulb27 · Accepted Answer

No idea, but sounds like he is confused. You caught a guy, using your female allure.

In another place and time, I'd consider him "armed and dangerous with an impregnating appendage". That is... he's not emotionally sound, probably hurt from prior relationship and/or childhood wounds, alluring, but has difficulty committing.

It's the dang hormones. All you can do is work through the issues and protect your values... which is not clear if you are. I don't know that there is any such thing as "normal" anymore...

Thus, trouble ahead as you get to sort out the emotions...

MrCommodore · Accepted Answer

Unfortunately yes, it can be normal behaviour in these situations. Nobody is unavailable or will "need time" if their dream partner comes along, a guy who won't commit and just wants friends with benefits will never be officiall with you, regardless of his confusing behaviour

Tyrael · Answer

So he's not emotionally available whatever that means, but he's also not interested in seeing other people? Sounds like being exclusive with unnecessary extra steps.

Jdjfjcjj · Answer

Ask yourself what incentive does he have to offer you any more than he currently is considering he already getting sex from you?

friends with benefits are almost always to a guy's benefit more than a womans in my opinion

spartan55 · Answer

If he want to be serious you wouldn't be an friends with benefits. All that other stuff doesn't matter. Why did you agree to be in an friends with benefits if that's not what you wanted?

Iron_Man · Answer

Why bother those things never work out basically just using each other for sex. No emotions you don’t love each other. Nothing and that’s a good way to catch a disease and it’s morally wrong to sleep around.

Anonymous · Answer

friends with benefits is basically unpaid hooker.

OddBeMe · Answer

Eesh. Cut him off and maybe he’ll come around. He’s prob got a side piece, tho.

Anonymous · Answer

This is the example of people complicating their life for no reason.

Guy13 · Answer

The question is please?

I have a question without judgement haha?

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