I know Most wouldn't want to walk around on eggshells, but I feel more interracial relationships would be successful if people would just think before they speak. But I for example, say the N word a lot and have to speak carefully when with someone who isn't black, because yes i’d look at them sideways if they repeated the word back. I hate my first ex ever got me into the bad habit of saying that word because my fam is against it. Anyways, I also dont like when nonblack guys constantly bring up my skintone and compare it chocolate. I’m all caramel baby 🙌 lmao but either way just try not to bring up skintone so much. I admit tho, i like when nonblack guys have a really good tan from the sun so I have to speak carefully and not compliment them so much on it 😂 Either way, i do prefer to date within my race or someone mixed with black just because of the things that i’m afraid someone nonblack will actually say... but then again this has never stopped me from still giving interracial relationships a try. #FeelFreeToList#InterracialDating
I would partake in interracial dating and yes I would speak carefully
I would partake in interracial dating but no I would not filter myself
I would not partake in interracial dating but I do filter myself
I would not partake in interracial dating and I dont filter my words around other ethnicities
Select gender and age to cast your vote:
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+1 y
For those who clearly dont realize, the N word im referring to is the one that ends in A that is used in rap songs. Of course im not gonna end it with an ER like a fucking racist. And i also said i control myself from saying the word around those who i dont feel should say it back. Some of you should read the whole damn paragraph and stop fucking assuuuuming
Updates
+1 y
Also, when i say THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK, im not saying you can't be yourself. Im asking wtf you gotta be rude af? Why dont you see what could be wrong with the shit you say? Just take into consideration that it may be offensive and DEFINITELY try to focus on your delivery. If i said “i hate your outfit” then thats rude af. If i said “this dress would suit you better” then do you see how i switched up my delivery! Gah lee!! media.giphy.com/media/XgvkUYhs2ly12/giphy.gif
Do you speak carefully when entering an interracial relationship or do the things you say not really cross your mind?
I dated a black guy for a bit. We didn't have the best communication so I think I was walking on eggshells a little more than you'd have to in a comfortable relationship, but also I knew about 5 black people total so I didn't entirely know what to do if people referred to race. I chose to ignore it and pretend nothing ever crossed my mind. He introduced me to his black friends, I drove us all to get lunch one day and they said the n-word every other word. They wondered why I was being quiet, but how am I supposed to join in that conversation? Their one white friend seemed to have the same strategy. If you can't say what they're saying, just shut up. He told me he was from the Virgin Islands, I just said cool. I didn't ever bring up him being black or anything, I don't know, I really just felt like the best policy was to ignore race. Even when we made out I kinda avoided touching his hair because I'd heard somewhere that it's not okay for white people to just go around touching black people's hair because they want to, and like maybe this situation would be different but I didn't want to ask so I just didn't. Once, I mentioned to a (white) guy my boyfriend knew that I was gonna go to college in Alabama, and the guy said "wait. so you like [boyfriend] but you're going to Alabama?" I was careful to give him a confused, "what's that supposed to mean" kind of look, slight shrug. Again pretend I have not taken any notice of race. Lol. That relationship didn't last long, for other reasons, but yeah I walked on eggshells.
Yea they think all of Alabama is racist and incestuous but its not. And i think only black girls with weave dont like their hair touched. Everyone else is fine lol
Oh at my college orientation here, we played some game where everyone had to close their eyes and a couple people would walk around and tap people who fit a statement. There were a couple black people in the group and one of the tappers took the opportunity to touch their hair (mainly as a joke). There was a little outrage and the black leader of the group real quick told us all "that is NOT okay, you just do not do that to people" which was basically the same vibe I got back home.
@CHARismatic110 from what i seen at my high schools and colleges 🤷♀️ One girl even said cause u could feel her braids through it. None of my other friends ever had a prob and that goes for the guys/girls. So yea i assumed that was cause it was they real hair. Only reason i’d even tell someone not to touch my hair is because the grease would be all over their hands but other than that, i’ve never stopped anyone
I have dated a black woman before I met my girlfriend on #Okcupid (I also found the first one there). We hugged and kissed and while that I stroke through her (cute!) curly hair. She was okay with it. Sure, why should I even ask a stranger to touch their hair? A stranger is a stranger! And how should I feel back being skin-touched by a Filipina officer back in Manila? I found that not okay, but didn't want to come rude and ignored it.
I don't mind myself much tbh, because I know I'm not stupid enough to say something terrible untill I know a person well enough to. I'm very open with my thoughts and very into irreverent cultural debate. It was hard for my poor current partner at first... My partner and I are both mixed. Different mixes. But mixed. And I'm so white passing that my partner had no idea for a long time... and thought I was one of those white people who rags on white people to ingratiate themselves. Till my grandmother came to visit. Then the penny dropped!!!
I’ve never had a problem with being racially offensive. But I also don’t play much into stereotypes. I default to dating white girls but I’ve never made assumptions about anyone based on skin color. My body just gets turned on by the physical features so naturally I’m drawn to white girls strongly.
But speaking carefully has never been a problem when it comes to race. I see everyone as the same on a surface level. People. But I do occasionally say dumb things to girls that can be taken the wrong way. Like telling a girl she looks older with her glasses on when I mean “I’m attracted to older women because older women are sexy” I should just tell her she’s sexy with her glasses on.
Other than that no. I don’t have to watch what I say when I date people from different cultures because it’s just not in my heart to have racial stereotypes or bias on my mind.
To your update: My work collegs were using racist words, evening being a foreigner. I dislike such things all together because other people may misunderstood it when they don't them (my work collegs are friends or are not? So much confusion!).
So, yes. I'm #Libra at heart and a diplomat in many situations. I try to listen more and talk lesser. I mostly (glad nothing racistic) think before I talk/write and did hurt my girlfriend only once a bit. I admit, it was stupid and unthought, okay.
So mostly I watch my tongue to not make myself more enemies but more friends. I learned her language by the way. Habari?
So I don't need to filter but voted B because being careful in words is not the same as filtering your words. It is choosing the proper words and learn from mistakes.
Omg yes! But I'm only ever like this if I fuck with a white girl. When I've been with Latinas I usually feel pretty comfortable talking about a lot of shit, but with white chicks they can be so sissy sometimes.
I still don't like it when they do it, and they think because they're a minority that they should get a pass, but when they do it isn't as offensive as when white people do it, yeah.
Yea i agree no one should but we do and I've given maybe 3 spans a pass. Then again they get mad when i call them Spanish when its posed to be latino or hispanic. I clearly dont know the difference just like i get mad when they say im from africa when i ain't but yea
Spanish refers mostly to people from Spain/Spaniards. American Latinos consider themselves Hispanic or Latino. To me 'Latino' makes no difference from Spanish because Latino comes from 'Latin' and Spanish is rooted in Latin. But, hey, I just call them what they want.
As someone in an interracial relationship, I didn't really think too much to treat the person differently. I just went in with an open mind and willingness to be corrected if I slipped up. It doesn't have to be a big deal.
I really dont understand much of this. If you dont like to use the N word, learn to not use the N word. Why is it wrong to compliment a guys tan or skin tone in general? If I see something I like about a guy, I'm going to tell him. whether he's black, white, yellow or green I wanted to vote A because of the quote "I dont see her/him as black, you know what I mean? She's just her/him, that's what makes him/her great". But then the poll choice went on to say speak carefully. Makes no sense. The best relationships are when you can communicate your needs, get your needs met and be yourself.
I dont like the N word from nonblack people. there's a difference and people should respect that. And i dont want to bring up their tan much cause i wouldn't like if they brought up my skintone much. The pics/gifs are just random stuff i post under the polls as usual. Figured you’d notice by now...
regarding the N word you said "I hate my first ex ever got me into the bad habit of saying that word because my fam is against it." If its a bad habit that you hate and your family hates, change the bad habit. Did I miss something?
I'm mixed (half-black and half-white) and my partner is fully white. We don't have any filters or anything because I kmow the first time he met me, he was interested in ME and never made stupid comments about my skintone. So now we just joke around a lot. He is very pale too so I make cute jokes about it a lot lol
But honestly, I wouldn't date someone who says the n word no matter what race he is. I did date a black guy once and he never used that word which was good. It sounds way too ghetto to me and makes someone look uneducated to me. So not interested in it. My little sister says it a lot and it pisses me off lol
The N word is just a word that needs not be said at all. It's a pretty pointless word. And I also hate talking to guys that aren't black and they constantly refer to my skintone. It makes them seem like a fetishist. But, why does being called chocolate in particular bother you...
I'm sarcastic as hell and don't have a filter, but I also do go out of my way to offend. Two of my best friends are white and we've never really had any issues. They both also happen to exclusively date black guys so yeah.
Its not the fact of being called choc vs caramel. That part was a joke. But it bothers me that all the nonblack guys say “chocolate girl” or “brown babe” or “african queen” and just shit that they shouldn't say. I wouldn't care if a black guy called me those
Believe me, in other countries you find other people. :-) I'm going to meet my 2nd black (I also use African as she is from Africa) girlfriend, the first one did last only a week as her religion was between us, asking me to be converted and I made it politely clear that I'm an Atheist and can tolerate religions as long as they tolerate (not convert) me back.
I’ve been in an interracial relationship before and I didn’t have to follow any rules considering that both of us were born and raised in the US. Ultimately it wasn’t the racial differences that ended our relationship but rather that we had different miscellaneous interests, we’re still friends though.
I think that the rule of watching what one says during any kind of relationship is more relevant when there’s an actual cultural barrier. Like a US born citizen dating a naturalized US citizen.
I would never filter my words or thoughts because of some ones race. In fact I think that's rather racist. I've also noticed that its always expected that the white person in the relationship is expected to filter their words and be not unlike an obedient lap dog while the person who is not white basically speaks unfiltered, to me that is not an equal relationship and I think its again, rather racist. I have my opinions and views I will not censor them simply because some one else cannot handle them, that goes doubly so for some one I am dating (if you don't like me why be with me?). As for would I get into an interracial relationship, absolutely I have no issue with it unless they are racist towards me (which sadly seems to be the case (if you look up advice on interracial dating it is almost always incredibly racist towards whites and treats them like they are evil or stupid, its degrading honestly)).
First off if I was in a interracial relationship then that should already tell my partner I accept who she is or I wouldn’t of got in relationship with her in the first place , my words shouldn’t really cross her mind if I am saying things that aren’t directed to her and even if they are referenced toward her skin color or her heritage but not toward her she should already know it means nothing and it’s just words people say stupid shit all the time when they are upset or frustrated about something so I wouldn’t take it to heart and be offended by it to be honest it’s just words , it only effects people when it is directed to them in a bad way. That’s the problem with this world we all have to watch what we say cuz people take shit the wrong way a lot of times so yes people say shit that doesn’t really cross their minds
Some people do take it wrong but also some dont know how to deliver their words right... so its their fault to. And no being withh me wouldn't tell me that he accepts me because a lot of people fetishize about trying interracial Things but have no intentions of committing to one
The bottom line is it comes down to respect for each other so any relationship I am in I would respect her period , and also I am not the type to use those type of words as part of my everyday vocabulary , I know people say racist words like it is part of their vocabulary and I think people don’t realize that they constantly say something it’s just something that was planted in them and most the time they aren’t using those words to offend anyone , prime example is the N word I hear people say that word like it is nothing , most songs you hear today have that word in it so it’s a word I notice that people tend to make part of their vocabulary cuz it’s planted in their heads from hearing it a lot , so if I was in interracial relationship and she was saying shit that offended me or if I was saying shit that offended her I wouldn’t really take it to heart I would just talk to her and ask her why she is saying those things and vice versa , so that’s why communication is key in any relationship , we all aren’t perfect people so when you are with someone that loves you like you love them you both work together to make love grow , I grew up in New Jersey and the word fuck comes out of a lot of people’s mouths , I heard it so many times that it was planted in me without realizing it so when I say the word fuck it just comes out and I don’t really think about it lol Now I don’t say it all the time but I know it slips out from time to time. So to me it’s just words it doesn’t really mean anything unless it is directed toward me to offend me personally.
I love black girls but i would be careful to date one because i feel I should be mindful of her feelings when it comes to where i live. where i am from people can be very judgmental and not hesitant to voice their unasked for opinions. They might say m things like isn't she too dark? Or she stayed under the sun too much (thinking that they are being funny). might make judgement regard her background too. Or have doubt that i am gay, poor, or just weird for dating a dark woman ( i know a guy who had that happened to him) So i really dont want her to live in such toxic environment where people solely judge her for the amount of melanin she has in her skin
that can be a solution as well. But i saw what happened with Meghan and prince harry. The guy is a royal and he is struggling to protect his wife from scrutiny because she is half black and married into the British royalty, yeah i believe meghan markle is being under scrutiny because of her race, if she was that bad then why prince Andrew isn't being attacked the same way
Nah I don't think it's about walking on eggshells or speaking your mind but more about not being rude, ignorant, and a idiot. I think in a interracial you should be able to talk about things like skin tone however that shouldn't be a constant topic because skin color should not be so important or an issue, they should also be able to talk about more controversial topics on race as well but also be empathetic and try to understand their partners views on those topics. I admit the N word ending in a (A) slips out of my mouth from time to time, but even that depends on the context too - for me it holds the same mean as guy (that's my N, F that N). But even if it slips, knowing that the person I'm talking to wheather it be in a relationship or not has expressed discomfort to me in using those terms, I try my best to respect their wishes and not say such around them.
Well i already told you its best not to say it around me but same time i admit that some do get a pass because they seem to relate more to my culture than others... like i said my ex bestie jony said it a lot and he was puerto rican. I didn't see a prob with him sayin it and i didn't see much of a prob with you sayin it. But im just sayin i know others here y'all met would not be cool with it so i try to correct you before it gets to that level
I'm just gonna repeat myself tbh. If you need to filter yourself to make your relationship work, you should not be in that relationship at all. A relationship where you cannot be yourself in, is a relationship not worth being in. Why build a relationship on lies? That's a genuine question, no meme or reference this time. It makes me honestly depressed seeing people do that. Yeah, you'll be happy for a little while because you get to be with the one you think you love, but you'll be miserable at the end, not being able to be yourself, having to think twice about everything you do and say around the one person you're supposed to trust the most, the one person you're supposed to spend the rest of your days with, the one person you're supposed to be the other half to.
The point is that, with the right person, you won't need to. Intimate relationships require, well, intimacy. Nobody is saying you should never filter or be careful about what you say when you're talking to people of other races, especially if you're white (like me) - but if you want to share a bed with someone, they're going to know how you think, because you *will* let your guard down, eventually. Again, especially if you're white, eventually you *will* say something stupid - if your relationship is solid, it'll be a learning experience. If you break up over that, it's probably for the best, and better in the early stages of the relationship than if you hold it in until you've moved in with each other and he gets custody of the adorable Labrador Retriever you adopted from the pound.
Regarding the update and responses I've read: [Disclaimer: I don't intend to insult or to belittle, it just came out that way. I don't feel like trying to tweak it more than I already have. Just don't take it too personal. Lmao] It's the same word, just modified for shits and giggles or something. Saying a group of people aren't allowed to say a word is literally racist. It's not an "alternative definition", it's about as close to the literal definition as you can be without actually reading it out loud. Saying it's expected for people outside your race to get beat up because they say a word is also racist and considered a pretty shitty thing to say by most reasonable living beings. I personally don't really care, say what you want, as long as no one's getting physically hurt, keep going. But if you can say that, people should be allowed to assume, whatever you're implying them to be assuming, I haven't figured that part out yet. You haven't necessarily proven to be better than them in the responses. Talking about others being rude when you say hate crimes shouldn't make anyone surprised because "they said a word that only we're allowed to say", now that's a bold move. People, say whatever the fuck you want. If you get beat up for it, make their lives an absolute living hell in court and don't forget [insert iDubbz "say nigg*"]. (alternatively, [PewDiePie bridge clip] or [Keemstar telling chat to call Alex a stupid nigg*]).
I ended it on a triple-meme, don't hate me too much. Lol
Im not referring to you in the update bt i will address you know by saying dont be surprised if someone ever did beat you tf up for saying dumbshit. Thats not a threat because im not really reading your statement anyway. Im just saying that some people aren't as nice about this kinda stuff
Obviously, I know what I said. Your update wasn't about it at all, but I still responded to it and some of your responses. It's easier to just include everything here, instead of responding to things one by one.
Imma try to decipher the rest, gimme a minute. It's not a threat because you're not reading what I said anyway? Fokn wot? Why respond to something you don't respect enough to read and not only that, but respond with something that requires deciphering?
Now, I wasn't trying to implicate that it's a threat at all. Saying that it should be expected to get beat the fuck up for SPEECH is what I criticised here. I'm gonna be insanely, brutally honest here. If other ethnic communities reasoned like that, I doubt the black population in the US would be higher than 5% and that's absolutely fucking depressing to think about. Say what you want, again, but don't then complain about others saying shit too, especially if you're saying people of particular races shouldn't be allowed to say a word, which is LITERALLY RACISM. Saying people should expect to get beat up for saying the word anyway is not a threat, nor is it inherently racist, but it doesn't make you out to be any better anyway.
If you would've read anything I said, you'd know I'm not being that nice here either (for a very particular reason, I'm not being genuine here), but beating people up isn't just not being that nice. It is literally one of the worst things a person can do to themselves, not to anyone else. Any positive reputation a person holds is gone the moment they attack someone for saying a word they don't like.
I said dont be surprised if you got beat tf up. Thats me being honest about what i’ve seen occurred. So how is it a prob that im warning you whta I've seen happen to others who didn't think before they speak? Just because its freedom of speech doesn't make what people say okay. And there are things i would not say as well because i feel its something that only people of that culture should say. Like i said, its a two way street and you’re really trying me rn
[1] Inb4 you block me after the first sentence, read the whole thing please, you might be pleasantly surprised. I know what you said, I criticised it twice now, with the same arguments and in a different way a few times as well. I'd even do it again. I said you should say whatever you want, but just don't be surprised when you get criticised for it and when others say things too. Same as you said, so I don't know where I'm "trying" you. I assume we both agree it's not okay to beat someone up for using a word, so probably doesn't have anything to do with that. I don't have an issue with you wanting racial slurs to not be a thing at all, I don't use them either, especially not unironically. But saying only a certain group of people should be allowed to say a word, it's still bs. No matter how you cook it, an egg is an egg. I've seen some shit happen too. I'll give two examples as I don't want to make this even longer than it'll end up being. One of my best friends got stabbed in the ribs and chest and almost died last year because he made a racial joke 4 years earlier. Another friend got his house broken into and was bullied for being transgender (irony) for months because he laughed at that same joke. Later that year, his parents found him hanging from his ceiling.
[2] I don't like using these stories, even the short, not as detailed and gruesome versions, for any justification of actions or words, to score any sadboi points or even to just tell people about myself, as these things do define who I am in big ways. I'm saying it so you can see how you're not even adhering to your own words all the time. You should think before you speak? You're trying to warn me for something that has affected me in an insanely huge way on multiple occasions. How could you have known? You couldn't, unless I told you before, which is my point. Be thoughtful of what you say, obviously, you shouldn't straight up go insulting people, that's not what I'm saying, but when you start walking on eggshells, it's time to cook the omelette. (Idfk where I was trying to go with that, I tried to tie it back to the original question, so there ya go lmfao) I already said I'm only being a cunt here for a very particular reason and that I'm not being genuine. Hope I cleared it up and that not too much of my old trolling habits came back. This site has a tendency to do that to me.
Well of course I would speak with respect, but not to the point where I'm horrified of saying the wrong thing to the person I'm intimate with. Mistakes can happen, and hopefully he/she will have it in his/her heart to forgive me if I say something wrong.
Its 2020. Im white. Male. Straight. Im always walking on eggshells. Interracial relationship is no different. Had plenty. Although its not more of im not going to say X around the other person (s). Just paying attention to something i may say, that could be preceived as something else, because of age/race/background. For instance instead of saying you guys, i say you humans. Same with race. I also grow a bit of skin. For instance i used to hang with a pakistani girl. Her brothers used to call me a slang word for “the white friend”. No idea how to spell it. But got the jist. Although didn’t let it bother me. But im not going around calling anyone “my n word”.
2 African strangers on street find it a bit offending, when my now-ex work college called a dirty statue black because the dirt has a black color... Really? We laughed about them later on. :-)
I'm very unfiltered anyway and sick of walking on egg shells. Tried to describe a woman I worked with one day at a different place and it would have been a lot easier if I just said a black lady. He did in the end as he's married to a black woman so knows what's acceptable.
If that were the case people shouldn't talk to one another period. The chances of insulting someone who isn't an American used to basic American terminology would be too great to risk dating anyone who isn't American. Any foreigner would likely be offended.
Americans, as an example, have limited understanding of some British terms though they both speak English. Yet there's a bloody (fucking in American English) kids cartoon called Fairy (British derogatory term for gay) Parents with a character called Poof (another British derogatory term for gay). I'd laugh about that show - and American ignorance - but it's too pathetic to be funny.
I voted A (the only girl who did so far). I basically agree with you, but in real life I pretty much unconsciously filter myself around partners or potential partners regardless of race until I get to know them really well and I feel comfortable enough to speak my mind. My best friend is totally the opposite, but she's also never had an interracial relationship.
99%of my relationships are interracial from all sorts of countries, culture and skin tone. I perceive being self conscious and walking on eggshell as racist in itself. I just don't notice and don't care. Same for my partners too, we mutually joke about any ethnicity including our own and at each other
Agree to strangers, you be better off being on the safe side as not to offend. But I say the N word around both my black and white friends/ partners no one gets offended coz they no I don't mean it in a bad way nor I'm I racist
For me, discrimating against what one can say or not say based on ethnicity and not taking into consideration other factors about the persons intention/character/feelings for you is a form of racism
Well sorry you have your own defintion of racism and yes people should watch what they say or else not be surprised if someone beats their ass for speaking out of line. But i hear you ✌️
I'm not a racist I couldn't care what race you are. But if I notice another person from another race doing something to bring me down for my race. I'm gonna talk about it... I used to appreciate people more than I do now but there are certain things I just don't like, and won't tolerate whether your black or white etc.
'Inter racial' is not only black-white. My Missus is Thai. I do respect and consider her culture, but I will not let go of the few 'white' (or rather 'western') things that I consider to be good. Which also is a good portion of freedom of speech and mind. I avoid confrontation, but not controversity here and there.
I am aware of this. Just wanted to point it out, because you mentioned the skin tone details. Where I think that 'cultural' differences pose the bigger challenges. Like: grandpa asking for money... 🤭
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