Do you speak carefully when entering an interracial relationship or do the things you say not really cross your mind?

Question

I know Most wouldn't want to walk around on eggshells, but I feel more interracial relationships would be successful if people would just think before they speak. But I for example, say the N word a lot and have to speak carefully when with someone who isn't black, because yes i’d look at them sideways if they repeated the word back. I hate my first ex ever got me into the bad habit of saying that word because my fam is against it. Anyways, I also dont like when nonblack guys constantly bring up my skintone and compare it chocolate. I’m all caramel baby 🙌 lmao but either way just try not to bring up skintone so much. I admit tho, i like when nonblack guys have a really good tan from the sun so I have to speak carefully and not compliment them so much on it 😂 Either way, i do prefer to date within my race or someone mixed with black just because of the things that i’m afraid someone nonblack will actually say... but then again this has never stopped me from still giving interracial relationships a try. #FeelFreeToList #InterracialDating

KeziL · Accepted Answer

I dated a black guy for a bit. We didn't have the best communication so I think I was walking on eggshells a little more than you'd have to in a comfortable relationship, but also I knew about 5 black people total so I didn't entirely know what to do if people referred to race. I chose to ignore it and pretend nothing ever crossed my mind. He introduced me to his black friends, I drove us all to get lunch one day and they said the n-word every other word. They wondered why I was being quiet, but how am I supposed to join in that conversation? Their one white friend seemed to have the same strategy. If you can't say what they're saying, just shut up. He told me he was from the Virgin Islands, I just said cool. I didn't ever bring up him being black or anything, I don't know, I really just felt like the best policy was to ignore race. Even when we made out I kinda avoided touching his hair because I'd heard somewhere that it's not okay for white people to just go around touching black people's hair because they want to, and like maybe this situation would be different but I didn't want to ask so I just didn't. Once, I mentioned to a (white) guy my boyfriend knew that I was gonna go to college in Alabama, and the guy said "wait. so you like [boyfriend] but you're going to Alabama?" I was careful to give him a confused, "what's that supposed to mean" kind of look, slight shrug. Again pretend I have not taken any notice of race. Lol. That relationship didn't last long, for other reasons, but yeah I walked on eggshells.

MorticiAddams · Accepted Answer

I don't mind myself much tbh, because I know I'm not stupid enough to say something terrible untill I know a person well enough to. I'm very open with my thoughts and very into irreverent cultural debate. It was hard for my poor current partner at first...
My partner and I are both mixed. Different mixes. But mixed. And I'm so white passing that my partner had no idea for a long time... and thought I was one of those white people who rags on white people to ingratiate themselves. Till my grandmother came to visit. Then the penny dropped!!!

Dongtai · Accepted Answer

I’ve never had a problem with being racially offensive. But I also don’t play much into stereotypes. I default to dating white girls but I’ve never made assumptions about anyone based on skin color. My body just gets turned on by the physical features so naturally I’m drawn to white girls strongly.

But speaking carefully has never been a problem when it comes to race. I see everyone as the same on a surface level. People. But I do occasionally say dumb things to girls that can be taken the wrong way. Like telling a girl she looks older with her glasses on when I mean “I’m attracted to older women because older women are sexy” I should just tell her she’s sexy with her glasses on.

Other than that no. I don’t have to watch what I say when I date people from different cultures because it’s just not in my heart to have racial stereotypes or bias on my mind.

roland77 · Accepted Answer

To your update: My work collegs were using racist words, evening being a foreigner. I dislike such things all together because other people may misunderstood it when they don't them (my work collegs are friends or are not? So much confusion!).

So, yes. I'm #Libra at heart and a diplomat in many situations. I try to listen more and talk lesser. I mostly (glad nothing racistic) think before I talk/write and did hurt my girlfriend only once a bit. I admit, it was stupid and unthought, okay.

So mostly I watch my tongue to not make myself more enemies but more friends. I learned her language by the way. Habari?

ManOnFire · Answer

Omg yes! But I'm only ever like this if I fuck with a white girl. When I've been with Latinas I usually feel pretty comfortable talking about a lot of shit, but with white chicks they can be so sissy sometimes.

ChronicThinker · Answer

As someone in an interracial relationship, I didn't really think too much to treat the person differently. I just went in with an open mind and willingness to be corrected if I slipped up. It doesn't have to be a big deal.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

I have dated Asian and Hispanic women and, if they don't like me the way that I am, they can pack up their shit and move on down the street!

SarahsSummer · Answer

I really dont understand much of this. If you dont like to use the N word, learn to not use the N word. Why is it wrong to compliment a guys tan or skin tone in general? If I see something I like about a guy, I'm going to tell him. whether he's black, white, yellow or green
I wanted to vote A because of the quote "I dont see her/him as black, you know what I mean? She's just her/him, that's what makes him/her great".
But then the poll choice went on to say speak carefully. Makes no sense.
The best relationships are when you can communicate your needs, get your needs met and be yourself.

MissKittyz · Answer

I'm mixed (half-black and half-white) and my partner is fully white. We don't have any filters or anything because I kmow the first time he met me, he was interested in ME and never made stupid comments about my skintone. So now we just joke around a lot. He is very pale too so I make cute jokes about it a lot lol

But honestly, I wouldn't date someone who says the n word no matter what race he is. I did date a black guy once and he never used that word which was good. It sounds way too ghetto to me and makes someone look uneducated to me. So not interested in it. My little sister says it a lot and it pisses me off lol

CHARismatic110 · Answer

The N word is just a word that needs not be said at all. It's a pretty pointless word. And I also hate talking to guys that aren't black and they constantly refer to my skintone. It makes them seem like a fetishist. But, why does being called chocolate in particular bother you...

I'm sarcastic as hell and don't have a filter, but I also do go out of my way to offend. Two of my best friends are white and we've never really had any issues. They both also happen to exclusively date black guys so yeah.

ADFSDF1996 · Answer

I’ve been in an interracial relationship before and I didn’t have to follow any rules considering that both of us were born and raised in the US. Ultimately it wasn’t the racial differences that ended our relationship but rather that we had different miscellaneous interests, we’re still friends though.

I think that the rule of watching what one says during any kind of relationship is more relevant when there’s an actual cultural barrier. Like a US born citizen dating a naturalized US citizen.

Finchie40 · Answer

First off if I was in a interracial relationship then that should already tell my partner I accept who she is or I wouldn’t of got in relationship with her in the first place , my words shouldn’t really cross her mind if I am saying things that aren’t directed to her and even if they are referenced toward her skin color or her heritage but not toward her she should already know it means nothing and it’s just words people say stupid shit all the time when they are upset or frustrated about something so I wouldn’t take it to heart and be offended by it to be honest it’s just words , it only effects people when it is directed to them in a bad way. That’s the problem with this world we all have to watch what we say cuz people take shit the wrong way a lot of times so yes people say shit that doesn’t really cross their minds

hellionthesagereborn · Answer

I would never filter my words or thoughts because of some ones race. In fact I think that's rather racist. I've also noticed that its always expected that the white person in the relationship is expected to filter their words and be not unlike an obedient lap dog while the person who is not white basically speaks unfiltered, to me that is not an equal relationship and I think its again, rather racist. I have my opinions and views I will not censor them simply because some one else cannot handle them, that goes doubly so for some one I am dating (if you don't like me why be with me?). As for would I get into an interracial relationship, absolutely I have no issue with it unless they are racist towards me (which sadly seems to be the case (if you look up advice on interracial dating it is almost always incredibly racist towards whites and treats them like they are evil or stupid, its degrading honestly)).

Meropatrick · Answer

I love black girls but i would be careful to date one because i feel I should be mindful of her feelings when it comes to where i live. where i am from people can be very judgmental and not hesitant to voice their unasked for opinions. They might say m things like isn't she too dark? Or she stayed under the sun too much (thinking that they are being funny). might make judgement regard her background too. Or have doubt that i am gay, poor, or just weird for dating a dark woman ( i know a guy who had that happened to him) So i really dont want her to live in such toxic environment where people solely judge her for the amount of melanin she has in her skin

Creepazoid · Answer

Nah I don't think it's about walking on eggshells or speaking your mind but more about not being rude, ignorant, and a idiot. I think in a interracial you should be able to talk about things like skin tone however that shouldn't be a constant topic because skin color should not be so important or an issue, they should also be able to talk about more controversial topics on race as well but also be empathetic and try to understand their partners views on those topics. I admit the N word ending in a (A) slips out of my mouth from time to time, but even that depends on the context too - for me it holds the same mean as guy (that's my N, F that N). But even if it slips, knowing that the person I'm talking to wheather it be in a relationship or not has expressed discomfort to me in using those terms, I try my best to respect their wishes and not say such around them.

Shiver · Answer

My girlfriend is 3/4 white, 1/4 Japanese and neither of us filter ourselves. Ever. It's a recipe for disaster.

If you need to filter yourself to be in a normal relationship, you shouldn't be in that relationship at all.

Do you speak carefully when entering an interracial relationship or do the things you say not really cross your mind?

momyotis · Answer

Well of course I would speak with respect, but not to the point where I'm horrified of saying the wrong thing to the person I'm intimate with. Mistakes can happen, and hopefully he/she will have it in his/her heart to forgive me if I say something wrong.

Usernamesrdumb · Answer

Its 2020. Im white. Male. Straight. Im always walking on eggshells. Interracial relationship is no different. Had plenty. Although its not more of im not going to say X around the other person (s). Just paying attention to something i may say, that could be preceived as something else, because of age/race/background. For instance instead of saying you guys, i say you humans. Same with race. I also grow a bit of skin. For instance i used to hang with a pakistani girl. Her brothers used to call me a slang word for “the white friend”. No idea how to spell it. But got the jist. Although didn’t let it bother me. But im not going around calling anyone “my n word”.

bubbles328 · Answer

I'm very unfiltered anyway and sick of walking on egg shells. Tried to describe a woman I worked with one day at a different place and it would have been a lot easier if I just said a black lady. He did in the end as he's married to a black woman so knows what's acceptable.

Anonymous · Answer

If that were the case people shouldn't talk to one another period. The chances of insulting someone who isn't an American used to basic American terminology would be too great to risk dating anyone who isn't American. Any foreigner would likely be offended.

Americans, as an example, have limited understanding of some British terms though they both speak English. Yet there's a bloody (fucking in American English) kids cartoon called Fairy (British derogatory term for gay) Parents with a character called Poof (another British derogatory term for gay). I'd laugh about that show - and American ignorance - but it's too pathetic to be funny.

WhiteShoulder · Answer

I voted A (the only girl who did so far). I basically agree with you, but in real life I pretty much unconsciously filter myself around partners or potential partners regardless of race until I get to know them really well and I feel comfortable enough to speak my mind. My best friend is totally the opposite, but she's also never had an interracial relationship.

sensogal · Answer

99%of my relationships are interracial from all sorts of countries, culture and skin tone. I perceive being self conscious and walking on eggshell as racist in itself. I just don't notice and don't care. Same for my partners too, we mutually joke about any ethnicity including our own and at each other

lilyanony1 · Answer

I'm not a racist I couldn't care what race you are. But if I notice another person from another race doing something to bring me down for my race. I'm gonna talk about it... I used to appreciate people more than I do now but there are certain things I just don't like, and won't tolerate whether your black or white etc.

andreasderjuengere · Answer

'Inter racial' is not only black-white. My Missus is Thai. I do respect and consider her culture, but I will not let go of the few 'white' (or rather 'western') things that I consider to be good. Which also is a good portion of freedom of speech and mind. I avoid confrontation, but not controversity here and there.

Anonymous · Answer

I just didn't care about it I was born in country where we had 1 black person as it is small country and VERY cold in winter, and when I left it was still recovering from USSR collapse...

Only when I ended up in UK I felt that invisible boxes think and black people making bad name for themselves, by letting all the stupid ones to mess all reputation...

I would not mind to have black or partial black girlfriend...

And fun fact in Russia it was very big deal (in a good way as it was not common) to have halve black girlfriend with caramel skin tone at some point or maybe even now.

Aakash_Hangargi · Answer

If you are dating someone interracial you are bound to make mistakes because there is already prefed notions in your mind broadcasted by telivision you see certain people in certain ways due the way they were projected to you sometimes its funny you both can share laughs by seeing the cultural difference but sometimes it might get offensive but it depends on how the other person takes it

lcooks88 · Answer

Unfortunately I have no filter, at my job I was trained to think out loud which I do now all the time, which isn't necessarily A bad thing but for some people it comes off strange. Actually I think it's the people that think it's strange that are strange. They pretty much are socially accepted in our society that's has to be politically correct and say the right thing at the right time.

Ziggystar · Answer

I was raised very racist I am a full-fledged redneck if you look up the word redneck up and then dictionary you're probably see a picture of my face underneath but as I got older and got out into the world and learn and discover things for myself I would love to be with an ebony woman color is only skin deep

lucas262 · Answer

Well iv little to no filter,
You can say the N word.

And you can really say the N word.

people call me things like this,
Always as a joke.

Would I call my SO that? Likely not because it isn't what they are they are so and so.

But i wouldn't walk on eggshells.

bananathunder · Answer

I don't filter myself around anyone who isn't in charge of some aspect of my life (boss, co-worker)... also I would be fine with dating someone outside my ethnicity. I do know a white girl who married a black man and she calls him the N word all the time. I told her that I didn't think that was cool (drives me nuts for some reason) and she just blew it off. I hate hearing white people toss that word around

Metallsturm · Answer

I'm not in favor of interracial relations, strongly believe every race has it's own continent where they belong and especially against interracial breeding.
To use blunt slurs when discussing it, such as calling someone n**, chink, wetback or such? Nah, not really my style. I prefer stating blunt facts if asked on the matter or if such discussion arises. I don't really mind being called a racist at all -- I know I'm a healthy racist and I see absolutely nothing wrong with that.

90degrees · Answer

I'm a black/irsh mixed and am married to a latina/white mixed woman. I do not hold back on racial jokes, but I make 100.5% sure it can't be taken as anything other than a joke.
It's all in the context as well.

Sarahr123 · Answer

My boyfriend is the same race as me. I’m not attracted to boys who aren’t my race so it wouldn’t have happened anyway. I personally wouldn’t even if I were attracted to someone because I think it’s best to stick to our own kind.

Walrus_au · Answer

I think I should explain my vote. While I say that speaking 'carefully' in a relationship is not required. I see worlds of difference between speaking 'on eggshells' and being respectful.

I do not see there being any words 'off limits' especially in a loving relationship. But the baggage and usage of some words must be kept in mind.

If people cannot trust each other to be respectful, then it's not much of a relationship.

nirveek · Answer

Just being yourself around anyone regardless of their race is the best thing in my opinion. Although, you do have to be able to filter out certain words if you're in a habit of saying them. 👍

TheWhiteGorilla · Answer

I've never had a interracial relationship, I've sleeper with several girls of different races. I'm not racist so I don't have to filter much. Usually both of us speak rather bluntly in private but filter in public. Never getting rude with it, more playing with mutual respect. Kinda hard to explain, you'd just have to take part in the situation first to understand..

BCA6010 · Answer

Uh, if I feel like I'm tiptoeing on glass, that relationship is going nowhere. If it doesn't feel natural, it's not off to a good start.

R_ūshī · Answer

I wouldn't say offensive things but I'd like to br able to joke with them freely.

Like when I was with my ex who's muslim I told him to have a blast when he was catching his plane (Pun intended). He didn't feel bad and we both laughed.

SjE78 · Answer

I speak my mine no matter who i'm with, if i dated someone of a different ethnicity then way i see it... they are still humour... if they couldn't appreciate me even after knowing who i am then clearly it won't work out, and vice versa

jskaashu · Answer

Yes.. and it's definitely effect as we know first impression is last. Speak carefully and listening capacity should be high to understand what they really want or also it's easy to know, what we think about that relationship

TremorJay · Answer

It's something I am open to, but I do see it as a challenge. I would be careful about what I say until we're comfortable

Littlemissbrat · Answer

Idgaf if my guy makes Mexican, taco, illegal jokes I laugh too. People are too sensitive nowadays. I miss the times before people were PC. Smh.

Pink2000 · Answer

I always speak what’s on my mind. I was quick to say “that’s white people shit” Or “black folk don’t do that” I really don’t care if I offend you or not. He always understood and agreed with me.

mrwhite333 · Answer

Personally I don't worry about it cause I'm not racist. I realize I may say something once in a while that reeks of white privilege but I want that brought to my attention so I can be more self aware and continue to become a better person.

TheFirstMan · Answer

Of course carefully, whoever we were having a conversation, we don't want to marked as rude or less manner. So I choose to love everything and it make sense, I didn't find it was a hard. I like to be a good person. Try it

Anpu23 · Answer

Choice of wording is important in all relationships, especially in romantic relationships. Of course I filter for the company.

mermaidia_lol · Answer

I don't really filter myself because nothing really comes to mind that I think would need filtering.  And same, I don't like being called chocolate either.

Shuri · Answer

My boyfriend is white, I’m black, and we were open on our first date. It was funny. We are still like that 5 months later. It depends on the person you’re with and the vibe they give off.

honestGUY45 · Answer

I didn't read past the N word subject but I'll say this: If you can say the N word then everyone else should be able to say it. That means you're a hypocrite. If you have to be careful about what you would normally say, don't get involved with someone that has a problem with it. Everyone needs to chill with the getting offended about everything and grow up.

SomeGuyCalledTom · Answer

Voted B. I wouldn't need a filter coz to me she's just a woman, same as any woman of my own race; er race wouldn't be the defining feature.

lovedejj_xo · Answer

boyfriend knows I’m black and I know he’s white. We wouldn’t walk on eggshells but if something inconsiderate came up we’d talk about it

Nishikigawa1 · Answer

I'm just me when entering any relationship. I can't be anyone but me. I certainly don't discriminate when it comes to women. I'm just real with it in any case.

Sargentcaptain · Answer

Indifference to someones race is the very opposite of racism though.

SomeGUYonGAG · Answer

I wouldn't filter myself. My step dad is black and I don't filter myself around him, his favorite type of jokes are racist jokes even about black people.

Jerre · Answer

I have dated a number of non-white girls and always have a great time. I don’t watch what I say because I do not say anything that would offend another race or color.

ariadneR · Answer

So I'm interracial, and I censor myself if I dont know you.

lookin64 · Answer

I am what I am, not racists but not to conscientious about what I say just because I have never spoke ill of people

KolaJoe · Answer

I am white and my wife is a Latina and we've been together for five years. A relationship couldn't work if we weren't comfortable with using slurs around each other. A healthy relationship doesn't exist if you're walking on eggshells all the time.

Gopnik · Answer

no i would not get into an interracial relationships and i definitely would not filter my choice of words.

Hans222 · Answer

Probably A: I'm not afraid of it but careful due to potential cultural or religious differences.

Liam_Hayden · Answer

I date without regards to melanin-content and am not careful because I simply do not use racial questionable terminology.

ThatGuy133 · Answer

I'm all for interracial dating. I wouldn't edit what I say but I don't really say anything for anyone to look at me sideways.  At most I do say fuck and motherfucker a lot 😂

Suhailadil89 · Answer

Seems to me the problems u stated are only in your head and due to you bring sensitive or taking offense where its not due.. for ex. If u can say N word casually without meaning it... a nonblack can say too if he doesn't mean it.. and its you who has to trust him that he doesn't mean it. If you can't trust that. Im sorry that relationship isn't for u.

Likes2drive · Answer

I’ve already had interracial relationships but never had to watch how I talk because I never talked like that anyway

Do you speak carefully when entering an interracial relationship or do the things you say not really cross your mind?

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