True or False: No man is perfect, but a "trying" man is everything?

[coachTanthony]

True

False

Other (left my "trying" insight) in the comments below

see poll ( Plastic men are boring )

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Anyone trying to please their partner is a good thing. And much appreciated. I'll take the little things a partner does to "show" love and caring, over "gifts" and "words" of love any day. There's lots of little, but more important ways to care for and love one another. And that's what a good relationship has.

[ecfresh]

You love language must be acts of service?

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@ecfresh
Excuse me? Doing things for inter another. Who said service? I said the little things. Like my husband used to know when I was in pain and just bring me my pills and a glass of water. And when he was too sick to care for himself, I cared for him. You may see that as acts of "service". We saw it as taking care of our loved one.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

* one another not inter excuse typo

[ecfresh]

I didn’t come up with the terminology, you can google ‘5 love languages’. Never meant any disrespect, just tried to reframe your original comment. If you have a different love language than acts of service, please let me know. I believe we serve people that we love

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@ecfresh
Acts of love is how I phrase it. Service sounds like a job and it is a privilege and a blessing when you have someone who cares for you and you care for.

[Insightfull]

@Brainsbeforebeauty I don't like the name of that "love language" either.
Personally, my top love language is touch

[coachTanthony]

The book "The Five Love Languages" is a good book!

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@Insightfull
Love language one thing but service? You do for one another that's not service that's normal acting in a relationship. I didn't serve my husband I took care of him. And vice versa

[ecfresh]

In the Bible Jesus washed the feet of his disciples. He did it to show that He wasn’t above them but rather loved them and could sacrifice for them. There is a term in management called service leadership which also equates to supporting those people whom you are leading, not treating them as subordinates. So while I know the word ‘service’ can evoke thoughts of servants and subjugation, I prefer the other examples of service being those actions you do for someone you love. It’s just a term.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Thanks for mho🙂

[purplepoppy]

Most men are very trying.

[coachTanthony]

Wow thanks!

[SydneySentinel]

Both partners have to put into the relationship. Neither should have to carry the weight of everything. So yes, "doing" means a lot.

[ecfresh]

Is there no third option to just do things right in the first place? Washing dishes a child can do and get right.

The idea is some people don’t want to do the task. That may be due to laziness, lack of experience, or (more rarely in 2020) the mindset it’s their partners job.

Would you stop doing dishes because you were single? Keep eating meals off the same dirty plates over and over until they grow mould and you have to buy new plates and start the process over.

Yes, there are single men and women who don’t wash their dishes each time. Very few allow mold to grow however some reuse them once or twice and are less diligent about using the dish washer.

Do single people not cook for themselves? Living in a constant state of food poisoning and raw food?

Yes, some single people cook while others use the microwave or order takeout.

As for changing the oil? I'm mystified genuinely curious what this means? Engine oil? Cooking oil? Some other oil I'm not even thinking of. Is there a special single people oil that's different from couples oil?

I meant changing the car oil. It was a nod to the 1950s mentality of gender roles where the wife was expected to cook while the man took care of the car. I believe in 2020 those roles are obsolete and both people are capable of doing all tasks required both inside and outside the house.

Don't you agree the question is overly vague and has not enough detail?

Some vagueness but the asker can always add detail

[username-5000]

I think when women talk about wanting a man with ambition and success they really mean a man who tries. For example I think most women don’t mind their man not being a millionaire or super successful but they just want to know the man is trying. Some guys are just deadbeats who are satisfied working the same low end job without any attempt to move up or aim higher but a lot of guys never settle and will always try to one up themselves in any way possible and that is the difference. For example, I am poor. I am in college. But I will never drop out. Even if I fail a semester I will keep going. I will not settle for not having a degree and a decent quality of life. I have a wonderful beautiful girlfriend and she knows I’m poor right now but I think the reason she admires me is because I try no matter what. She does the same and I love that about her. Ambition is so important in everyone but I don’t care about the social level. Just the fact that ambition is there.
Also I try to show her how much I love her by doing nice things for her and helping around the house. Guys, as long as you are trying, you will be fine and will be attractive to any girl but never stop trying.

[Moonchild714]

Any Man or Woman Trying to Help out those they care about even total Strangers is showing Love. SERVICE, is the Greatest Gift Of Love One Can Give in this "What's In It for Me World" I Live to everyday to be of Service, right I'm learning to Accept more... Remember with Loved ones when they acknowledge your Trying, Good Deeds, Service, Act of Kindness follow that up with "Of course, I Love You" Remember Words are the MOST Powerful Tool We have, we forget the Good Deeds but never forget the "I Love You's"...

[Moonchild714]

Good to see you again @coachTanthony it's been a bit 😉

[coachTanthony]

Yeah super busy time of year! Hope all is well!

[Moonchild714]

I'm doing. Everyone was trying to find their Valentine I take it

[NineBreaker]

I assume "trying" means "trying to make things work". When it's worth it, the answer is a definite yes.

The reason is that no one is perfect, and the best of us are those who strive for perfection (knowing it's not attainable). This brings me to the issue of untealistic expectations and preferences: Stop looking for someone with criteria that only fit a miniscule percentage of the population. Ironically, you can find this individual, but if they don't care about you, or is willing to cut and run ar the smallest sign of turbulance, then all of their good qualities won't matter.

Am I in the ballpark, eh Coach (@coachTanthony)?

[nelly83]

I think in order for a marriage to work out, a man definitely needs to have several things such as loyalty, good father temperament, a stable income, mature, needs to value the woman for who she is regardless of her looks. Every woman looks for different things but these are all things that are mandatory when it comes to being husband material.
I do not think simply "trying" will suffice. You don't hire a job applicant because they are trying to meet the requirements, you only hire those that are MEET the requirements. Otherwise, problems will arise. There are way too many women out there dating guys who they know they are too good for but they never break up. You're just wasting time dating unqualified dudes.

[hansukota]

But u do know that people cannot be perfect and have their own shortcomings

[nelly83]

@hansukota depends on what those shortcomings are

[hansukota]

I don't think so. Unless they are things like cheating etc.

[nelly83]

@hansukota things such as mental issues, not accepting responsibility over his actions, being insecure and controlling your partner's every move, bad tempered, abusive behavior, blaming your spouse for every little problem in your life, being passive aggressive rather than being honest with feelings, not valuing his children as the first priority in his life, a man who doesn't know how to communicate at all, gambling,

These are all reasons why divorce is so common nowadays

[hansukota]

Yes, for those reasons agreed. But I'm guessing the asker was talking in general terms such as sex, being romantic, being there for each other and all that.

[EmbraceThePain]

Well, trying you best to be a quality, honest, loyal, trustworthy, brave, intelligent, caring, kind, understanding, relentless, moral, just, motivated, and non lazy man is what every man can do. This is my definition of what a perfect man is, but I’m sure some people will slightly differ. I don’t think perfection can be reached, but striving for it like it does will only cause improvement over time despite never reaching it.

[Randomawkwardness]

I mean, I guess. In your picture, a man shouldn't wash the dishes to 'try' to make his partner happy, he should help wash them because he eats off of them too. I guess relationships should really be 50/50 and I don't think either partner should give more or less to eachother. In little acts, it's always good to show your active love for someone but I wouldn't consider that trying - more like doing and both partners should do that.

[Jamie05rhs]

I actually think a lot of people are slackers, so I prefer to wash the dishes myself because I don't want to get sick!

[Randomawkwardness]

Too true, I had an aunt who had just buy new dishes rather than wash them.

[Jamie05rhs]

Wow.

[DanielAppleton15]

For me, I don't believe that any man or woman is perfect. So both of them in a relationship need to try their best to bring out the best in each other. If they can't do that then they're just not right for each other in my opinion.

In relation to that picture and other household roles, then I think both the man and the woman should do as much each other and both should appreciate what the other does for them.

[ChiTown33]

Absolutely agree! Character is everything. And what separates women in happy relatioships vs. Women that can't seem to find a happy relationship is this lesson.
Women will give a laundry list of what the want in an ideal guy. Not realizing that if they pick a guy with character most will fall into place.

[Adam_INTJ]

If you mean a "trying" guy is focused on trying to keep his relationship nice and trying to keep his partner happy, no. That will go down in flames.

It's not a good model of a relationship to have the man be the weather vain for the woman, just bending to make her happy.

That will feel like having a child more than a boyfriend to her.

Breakup will come soon.

[Jamie05rhs]

I don't know, dawg; I disagree. I think you should always have an attitude of service to your spouse.

[Adam_INTJ]

I recommend reading "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert Glover. That service is often used as a manipulative bargaining chip to get what you want in a contractual way. Service needs to come from a place of abundance, expecting nothing in return.

[captain_enterprise]

In my experience women appreciate the effort. The want a thoughtful man. They also want with passions, hobbies and interests. In short they want him to be interesting. Yes helping out and doing your share is part of it.

[1828ToastyTimothy]

There needs to be a certain degree of intelligence with the work they do (e. g., no perfection needed though a) an effort is made to improve with time, as is the case with anything, and b) are reasonably productive with their time. Of course, it's contextual depending on personal circumstances too. Every decent person should have an opportunity to experience a relationship (Not everyone I met with physical or cognitive disabilities are decent people).

[1828ToastyTimothy]

One thing I forgot to say: those people who genuinely need to make other people feel small are the ones who are weak, needing to knock others down to elevate themselves. Will some people say things they shouldn't say? Yes. Everyone has their story. I tend to forgive those who are hurt by what they said, but not everyone I will forgive or interact with.

[stuntbrain]

Kinda leaves no room for success. Do or do not, there is no try

[coachTanthony]

Just try man... try lol

[stuntbrain]

Making half-assed attempts is my new life directive

[ChiTown33]

That's not trying that's making a half assed attempt. Lol

[SydneySentinel]

You have to whole-ass things in life.

[stuntbrain]

A wise bot once said it's better to whole-ass half the time than to half-ass the whole time

[SydneySentinel]

That may have some fractional accuracy...

[stuntbrain]

That's true. The idea definitely has a few holes in it

[liburnia]

My husband is all but perfect, but I wouldn't change him for hundred others because of how much he tries to make me the happiest woman (and succeed)

[NaultD]

It reminds me of the "make your bed" book by an American admiral. It's a good quality to achieve as a standard in every day life and the benefits are beyond the message itself. I don't think any person would argue that it is a noble admirable thing.

The problem is we are not talking about how to get there. How do you make a bed or be the trying guy if you are still in bed? The end goal and working backwards from that only works for people like the people that created the standard.

[hotfirework]

Effort is everything in both genders. There's no such thing as the perfect person, so if you're looking for that you're gonna be disappointed. Someone's kindness and effort is important.

[Unit1]

That sounds sensible, yeah.
It also applies perfectly for women too if you think about it.

there's a difference between being perfect, striving for perfection and being obsessed with perfection.

[JustinDavis1232]

Hey. Nobody is perfect.

A perfect man or a woman doesn't cheat, doesn't flirt, doesn't harm, doesn't fight and doesn't exist. Accept the way they are, if you like their persona. But, if you wanna change them, then I don't know what to suggest you.

[Insightfull]

It depends on the context, but in general, trying is the only way to improve.

It's possible to try too hard, such as when flirting.
It's also possible to try too hard in a relationship and be the only one keeping things together. It should be 50/50.