Do you use self-deprecating humor when you are dating?

Question

Self-deprecating humor is something that is said, often when the speaker has engaged in a faux pas or misstep, to try to make others laugh and - at least superficially - distract attention away from the gaffe. E. g., if I tripped, stumbled, and felt embarrassed, as I picked myself up, I might joke that "Well, there's a reason why my mother didn't name me 'Grace!'" The person making the joke feels relieved that their partner is laughing but self-deprecating humor often conveys a message that the joker suffers from low self-esteem. People who use self-deprecating humor frequently are unaware of the underlying message or they will simply deny that such a message is being sent. Do you use self-deprecating humor in your relationships? Have you been involved with someone who routinely made jokes that put themselves down? Did you wonder about their self-esteem?

Unit1 · Accepted Answer

Sometimes I have self-deprecating humor specifically because I grew up as a dirt poor and starved nobody (The kind of job I work in is for broke blokes like me. The university I study in is for broke blokes like me. The canteens I go to for lunch is for broke blokes like me.).

For instance if some people ask me (depending who they are) questions like "why do you not have a drivers license yet? Why are you eating in some random, unrecognized canteen shack and not in this 4 star VIP cafe (where the food is twice as expensive for the same calories and grams)? Why haven't you been to vacation abroad? Why haven't you returned to Germany yet?" I tell them "I am not middle class enough for that" or "I am a broke low class second class citizen" or something of that sort.

But the women absolutely don't pick up well on that. They see it more as "insulting yourself" and therefore lose huge respect for me. Obviously I don't do that when dating but one of my female coworkers told me, that this is what puts women off. I can see why.

I am not very sure what is worse: Having "no humor" or having self-deprecating humor. I think it's the latter.

spartan55 · Accepted Answer

I am aware of the message self-deprecating sends in a dating context, and agree it could signal low self-esteem. However, in certain spots, I think it can also indicate you don't take yourself too seriously. But use discretion and don't go to that 'well' too often.

purplepoppy · Accepted Answer

I read somewhere that it tends to be a British trait and helps people connect because they share their faults openly. Americans however prefer boastful self comments and avoid self deprecation. Personally I think if you have a "fault" then this type of humour let's you own it so others can't use it against you.

Moonchild714 · Accepted Answer

I don't use Self-deprecating humor. I Never give Ammunition to be used against me. Everyone I've dated had no clue about my Low Self-Esteem I kept it very hidden since I saw it as a Weakness that could be used against me.

SydneySentinel · Answer

When dating, I use humor in casual conversation and I SOMETIMES use self-deprecating humor.

hellionthesagereborn · Answer

Some times though I also frequently do the opposite and act like a narcassist (jokingly and obviously joking). Like when I announce that I am sexy as fuck and then have some one point out my gut, "that's just where I store my sexyness, do you have a better place for it?". Or something to that effect. So I usually do a combination of the two. I don't think that its a low self-esteem thing (at least not for me) nor do I think that's always the case (but it can be). As I've told some one else, I can talk shit about myself because I'm that confident (I have my flaws, but I have my strengths as well so I think being able to accept both is important and humor is a good way to convey that).

standingUP · Answer

Self deprecating humor can be a great characteristic if used appropriately and minimal. Just good advice for any topic.
Timing is everything when being humorous. Using it to drag compliment or reaction out of someone is just bad tactic.
I bring humor into my daily conversation always quick witted. When family visits brothers particularly you need to be quick and sharp and be able to laugh at yourself and past experience good and traumatic lol.
It is enduring to invite people to laugh at the worst of mistakes and unfortunate deeds make us all realize we all make mistakes. And the best we are ever going to get is being human.

Great question

lightbulb27 · Answer

I said rarely and can't think of when I've done that. I've been told I have a "wicked" sense of humor, but I avoid deprecating myself. I used to do that and it doesn't work... and it was lose self esteem.

Males... never lower yourself (and I question humbling myself) before a woman when first meeting. Try it if you don't believe me, it won't go well... You must keep your energy up and masculine imho. Humble may be ok for some... e. g. Christians, or some limited way.

Deprecate while dating/married... I think leads to disaster. She wants the "him" to be his best and accept challenges and grow, now lower. She will try to lower you, don't go for it... it's a test.

humor is really good though to make light of things, at the right times, in the right way.

Obtuse · Answer

Sometimes and usually in response to a clumsy mistake but I tend to follow it up with self-flattery. For example, if I spill my drunk, I might say, "Derp. I'm an idiot... A lovable and charming idiot, but an idiot nevertheless." Might sound obnoxious but, in person, I can usually get laughs and some fun teasing and flirting stuff going on there.

SarahsSummer · Answer

Sure, I’ll pick on myself for the sake of a laugh. I voted F

DizzyDesii · Answer

Nahh i wouldn't be able to think of an excuse that quick.

Avicenna · Answer

I use it, but sparingly and usually to put her at ease

CubsterShura · Answer

I feel like it's so overdone that it might actually make my date cringe.

Torari · Answer

Fuck no. If you don't thinn you're an awesome person, why should i think you're a person worth dating?  Self deprecating humour is about the least sexy thing you could ever do.

FýrdracaDócincel · Answer

Rarely. It's counterproductive as a man to flirt by making yourself look pathetic.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Yeah. I have to be humble, and I have to be honest. I'm not one of those guys who tries to project some manly image of sexiness and perfection.

sdrawkcabosmi · Answer

I've been told that it's not a good idea, but it's kind of my default sometimes 😂

Massageman · Answer

I don't date anymore, but I will use it from time to time- I guess somewhere between E and F.

the_bornloser · Answer

Yes I do.. We need to express that we are imperfect too to our partner for them to feel comfortable. Humor is best for this

KaidenM · Answer

Just about the only humor I know *single tear falls down cheek*

monkeynutts · Answer

Yeah I don't mind making people laugh, even when I did something silly.

Likes2drive · Answer

Voted E , i use humor but rarely make fun of myself

DevylasArsaukas76 · Answer

I'm Generation X Self Deprecating humor is our go to humor

LexyIsSexy23 · Answer

All the time

Slyfox163 · Answer

I'm always talking bad about myself, lol.

Anonymous · Answer

Sometimes, depends what I'm trying to get from her

BronzedAdonis · Answer

No..

Phoenix98 · Answer

Lol yeah sometimes.

LEADFOOTboi · Answer

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