I’m 17 and a virgin, I’ve never dated, never kissed anyone. I have no experience with guys at all, and when anyone starts taking about the topic of dating I feel so embarassed that a guy has never been interested in me. Furthermore, I am very ugly.
I don’t hate men, but I have come to the conclusion that I’m too ugly to ever be viewed as appealing. (Especially as guys often focus on physical appearance). So I think I will always be awkward, ugly, disgusting and alone.
Am I a female incel? How do I deal with being an ugly loser?
That's not a incel. If you have to think this way about yourself and that's due to self hatred. You're not ugly you are wonderfully made. You should be loved for you not for your appearance. You should not have to be left alone just because other don't like what you're born ass. That's not your problem that's theirs. There is nothing wrong with being a virgin, I'm one myself. You should be happy that you still have your entire self, because once you lose yourself to the wrong person you going to be before the miserable. And it's okay that you never dated, because dating should not be about an experience, it should be about being with the person you want to be romantically involved with, and hopefully build a future together. You're not going to be compatible with everybody. Most importantly, you should not have to be worried about if someone's been interested in you or not. You should be interested in you. And it starts by learn to love yourself. If you don't learn to love yourself now, you going to feel worse about yourself in the future. So stop thinking about all those negative things. I think what you really need for yourself right now if you got to think about all those things like that is to seek professional help please. Do it for yourself. Because you're way too young to be dealing with all that baggage that shouldn't even be yours. But I will tell you by experience, things are not going to change until you start making a change.
Girl if you are under 21, you have no right to call yourself ugly. When I was 20 and under I used to call myself ugly too. When I hit 21, that’s when my face noticeably transformed into a very pretty or even gorgeous girl.
for most girls , your face / facial structure really doesn’t mature until you hit your early 20s. Most girls look more beautiful as they enter their 20s. Right now you haven’t even hit your point of maturity yet. Your face will change. Just give it time. Right now you are extremely young , you haven’t experienced anything all, you don’t know anything either. You’re just a baby. Give it a few years Ans return back to this question.
I think it is very sad, that you have given up, so young, and let our BULLSHIT society control you, and tell you what you are and aren't!! What is wrong with being a virgin at 17? Nothing, that I know of! I dated two, that were virgins and much older than you!! Not a problem, but more of a close, bonding, feeling thing, as we got to know each other. Neither of them thought they were attractive at all! I liked them, because we had a college class together, and loved how we related, and they were open to 'study dates' at restaurants I liked! OK, not so much 'studying' and more 'getting to know and like' dates!! It sounds like you just lack self-confidence, and don't believe in yourself enough!! There is someone, for everyone, and you just haven't found yours yet!! That is OK, and sometimes it takes time, and maybe in college!! Stop doubting yourself, and stop saying you are 'unlovable' and "ugly" and that Bullshit!! Figure out who you are, and what YOU like, and what YOU DO WELL!! When you learn to love yourself, and love the things you like doing, everything else just falls into place!!
The quality of being (allegedly) unappealing does not merit the label of female incel. Things like your perspective, consideration, ideals, notions, etc, determine whether someone is a female incel. You don't sound like a female incel to me. Also, I personally believe there is someone (often many people) out there for everyone, and you're no exception. If there is any truth to what you've said (though I believe beauty to be subjective and appeal to include things beyond beauty), there is still someone out there for you. It may not be prince charming, but he's out there and he's waiting for you. You don't have to be searching day in and day out, but at the very least I'd encourage you to keep your eyes and mind open for potential partners.
I am not saying you are ugly because, frankly, few people are.
However, how come there are ugly people in the world?
Wouldn't it make sense that, if no one loved ugly people or had sex with them but only the attractive people, then there wouldn't be anymore ugly people. That's evolution at work.
But there are ugly people in the world!
Why?
Because ugly people can be attractive just fine because they are beautiful inside and people fall in love with them and have babies with them too.
So, don't be hard on yourself. When I was your age, I didn't have a girlfriend or kissed a girl either. I am married now and, believe me, I am not one with movie star looks.
You do know there are plenty of guys who think they are ugly too. Just try joining some activities group. It would be great if you are a nerd. Because it would be so easy to meet guys. You could join some kind of facebook group dedicated to studying Klingon. Or some meetup dedicated to celebrating Celtic culture.
There is so much you can do to expand your horizons, develop your interests and meet people.
You could be mistaken due to bullying or having unrealistic standards for yourself. I used to think I was extremely ugly when I was your age, and it wasn't until I actually put myself out there that I realized I was attractive enough to be appealing to someone. If I told my 17 yr old self I'd be dating a model some day, I wouldn't have believed it, but here I am.
:) Its so tough being a teen! I know you won't believe me or trust me, cause I wouldn't either when I was 17. But no matter what you think, THINGS ARE going to change. And you won't believe how much they will. Just hang on and do your best to keep your chin up. Adulthood is just around the corner, and so is college, if thats the route you want to take, or a job.. all sorts of new opportunities...
There is no need to feel that way at 17. I'm 29 and have the same status. If you don't think you can improve your look then you can still catch a guy's heart through personality. I would rather have a girl that fits my personality preference over my visual preference. I would never survive with a hot girl who constantly nags and bosses me around and is not feminine.
I never dated or kissed until I was 18 and honestly it wasn't that great of an experience. Guys your age aren't very mature anyway. I married in my thirties and I'm very happy. I bet you're prettier than you think. Why do you think you're ugly?
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3 Reply
Asker
+1 y
I have a big nose and a gap between my front teeth
Is that all? I frankly never cared much about the size of girl's noses. As a matter of fact, I'd go for that girl, because she usually had other things that compensated for it. The teeth... I kind of had an overbite... it mostly went away, but I overlook teeth, too. Your personality is important and your heart even more so. Don't worry. My wife would say she's average, but she's beautiful to me.
Don't be so negative, especially at your age! You aren't even out of high school, which I would argue is the worst period of one's life (unless you peaked in high school, which isn't really a thing to be proud of long term). Wait till college, it will get much better, you will just need to put effort into getting out.
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Anonymous
(18-24)
+1 y
First of all 17 is SO young. You'll realise that soon. Dating and kissing and sex isn't everything. You will find a guy who will find you attractive. Honestly not many people are ugly. I don't think I have encounted anyone who I think is ugly. Rememeber you are worthy of someones attention and confidence will radiate beauty
No, you're not. There are a lot of people who don't have sex until their 20s. You're far from alone. You're 17. I feel like it's way too early to be throwing in the towel. You've barely had a chance to even start.
Sweetie, all that means is your time hasn't come yet and it will. Enjoy life the best ways possible and you'll eventually discover its now your time. And when it does, you'll wonder how could you think the way you did before then. It's something that can not be forced and you're making yourself feel bad over nothing.
I didn’t have my first kiss until 17. I was a virgin until 29. They were choices I made because I knew I wasn’t ready and that my fate would find me. It did! And yours will do. Honestly, just enjoy being you and have fun with your friends. This stuff all falls into place
Acc. To you, i would be the mother of incels lol No need to follow the crowd girl, do what you want, move at your own pace, after all its your life Don't let stupid people decide who you are
Your not an incel if you don't hate men or your not hostile to other people who are dating. There are people who don't care about looks so for whatever it's worth it's not hopeless :)
I'm almost 19 and I feel that exact same way as you. So don't be disappointed no one loves you. You've got a lot of life left to know that one guy is meant for you. I'd like to say more but it might turn out creepy.
You are 17, you literally do not have the ability to be a femcel, at all, you don't even need to be thinking about that
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
You're 17? Oh no it's way too late now. You definitely don't have anymore time to mature and fully develop into a functioning adult. Oh no, tough luck, that's the way the cookie crumbles. (Obvious Sarcasm)
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