Introverts and shy people: do you ever find yourself cancelling on date plans?

Question

Specifically in the early stages of dating?

I’ve been on a couple of dates with a new person I’m seeing. She cancelled plans on the day our second date was supposed to take place, we rescheduled but she cancelled again on the rescheduled day. On both occasions, she said she was busy. We rescheduled a second time and we did end up going on a second date in the end and had an enjoyable time together. The same process seems to be happening again with setting up a third date.

Just curious if other introverts and people who are naturally shy/quiet have had a tendency to cancel on dates in the same manner? For daters/partnered of said introverts and quiet/shy people, if you went through this yourself, what do/did you do to overcome this? I know patience is key but it can be frustrating at times, even if I understand it (I’m introverted myself)

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Most often when someone cancels dates like that, it's because they're unsure of you. As in unsure whether they really like you, especially if they've already met you the first time. Either that or they're trying to decide between you and someone else. When someone likes you a lot they won't cancel plans because they don't want you to lose interest and they want to see you.

You're an introvert. You don't cancel plans with a girl you really like do you?

For this reason it's best to move on as soon as the flaking starts rather than keep asking. If they do really like you and the excuse for not being able to meet you is genuine they'll make an effort to try to meet you again. It can also be a thing where they realise that if they keep cancelling dates you'll ignore them and move on, making them less likely to flake on you in the future.

Massageman · Accepted Answer

Yes, I am an introvert, but unless it was due to some unforeseen disaster, I'd always go on the date.

Not just for dates, either. If I give my word to do something, it will get done. If I don't think I can, I won't plan on it and hope for the best: I will just admit up front that I can't/won't have time, beyond my area of skill, etc. and be honest about it so the asking party can make other plans. I try not to leave anyone hanging at the last minute.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Nope. However, I used to ask for longer gaps between dates, even if I was super interested in the guy. (Thank goodness I’m married now so I don’t have to worry about stuff like this anymore, lol.) The gaps were mostly so I could mentally recharge before trying again. Hard to be good company when you’re too drained to do the whole social interaction thing.

Maybe offer something like that as a compromise, but there is a line between an introvert and a complete flake. One compromise I did was text and talk on the phone more. I also offered to do Skype calls, because that was faaaar easier for me. My current hubby and I used to do movie nights over Skype. Just synchronize the Netflix. 😂

SphynxUK · Accepted Answer

Firstly, shy isn’t the same as introverted. And from my experience, it seems someone with social anxiety would cancel, not any others. The thought of going causes so much anxiety and stress that it’s easier to cancel. However, if you fight it, and go, you realise it wasn’t anything to worry about.

Warmapplecrumble · Answer

No I don't cancel date plan, I might get late do to nervousness but that's about it

GlitterFairy16 · Answer

I used too but im trying harder to get myself out there to be more social with people, since lock down.

When im dating someone I really like on the other hand i can over come my shyness and will do anything to see them again.

Anonymous · Answer

My boyfriend is a shy guy and he canceled them at the start. It takes time for them to feel comfortable with you.

pleasestopthis · Answer

No, that's just disrespectful. Even if I feel anxious about it I won't be wasting another person's time over and over.

destrosio · Answer

No, that's just disrespectful. Regarding your case: she is not interested in you, but she is does not want to see you in face.

m3nrtrash · Answer

All the time - best way for me to agree to meet someone is if I know I’m out drinking with friends and ask if they want to meet out later in the night

ConfusedGuy96 · Answer

I've never done that with a date but i've done that with my group of friends.

Peachbae · Answer

Most times yes, with no apparent reason

jirwin7979 · Answer

yes because im to scared of being hurt again

screaming_doorknob · Answer

I'm shy + ugly I can't get a date.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes I do

Clayaya · Answer

Yes 😬

Introverts and shy people: do you ever find yourself cancelling on date plans?

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