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I don't want to kiss my boyfriend?

Anonymous
I'm really confused because I like him a lot, and I care about him a lot. I've also kissed him before and enjoyed it a lot too. I just haven't kissed him since March ever since this whole pandemic happened. We've been able to hang out a few times over these months, and each time he asks to kiss me, but I say no. It's like, I want to kiss him, but I don't want to be dumb and risk getting covid. And then sometimes I think am I using covid as an excuse not to kiss him? Or is my reasoning valid?

I also think I've developed a small fear of being intimate with someone, I'm not sure. It's just, I thought I liked kissing but now I'm not sure if I can really see myself doing that with anyone? What does that mean? Am I hesitating because it's been a long time since I've kissed my boyfriend and I'm nervous? Or do I just not see the appeal in kissing anyone anymore?

I will say I've struggled with whether or not I'm asexual, so sometimes I think I am asexual or graysexual because of these situations. But then I think, maybe I'm not? and then I wonder again. Is it bad that I don't want to kiss my boyfriend? I feel like I would if there wasn't a pandemic. Or maybe the fact that we haven't been able to spend a lot of time together makes me feel distant? And not close enough to feel comfortable kissing again? In the past I know I've definitely wanted to kiss him and enjoyed it a lot. Why is it different now? If I just went for it and kissed him, would I realize I still like it? Or would I not enjoy it? I know these are questions only I can really answer, but any input as to what I should do to figure all this stuff out would help
I don't want to kiss my boyfriend?
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