Could you date someone with cancer?

[Anonymous]

I’m 31, single and attractive, but I’ve recently been diagnosed with a very rare cancer which means I’m chronic for life and there’s no cure per se because there isn’t a lot of research in what I have.

My hopes in meeting someone and establishing a relationship is up in the air and while I should be and will be focusing on myself now, there’s a part of me who would still like to meet the love of my life. I might not be able to get pregnant because I’m on the drugs but having a family is something I’ve wanted.

I was seeing someone before Covid, but because of it we’ve maintained more a civil friendly relationship and I can’t expect him to stick around. He knows I’ve been unwell but I haven’t broken the news to him because I don’t think he will be give me the emotional support I need just from how he’s been reacting with my health.

Could you date someone who has cancer? Could you walk this journey with the other person knowing this information? Any advice would be much appreciated! Thanks!

[talloak]

Truthfully, it would be a big obstacle. Starting an intimate relationship with someone who is chronically ill is signing on to a lifetime of caring for them. Countless people already do this with the ones they love so it could happen.

The balance is difficult here. A truly good person who loved you would not desert you because of this. But the existing condition is a barrier to him falling in love. If he fell in love with you unaware of your condition and then found out about it eventually and feel deceived and used. He might leave because of the deception. This leaves few alternatives.

I’m a strong believer in honesty. So I counsel against hiding this from others. But your condition is a very personal matter so it is not anyone’s business unless they care about you. So I think the balance is too interact with others and tell them about this when they’ve earned enough trust to know about it. But don’t hold back before their feelings go to the next stage. If you are hiding the truth because you are afraid they will leave you because of it, you probably should say something.

I suggest you seek out support groups for people with chronic conditions. Besides the benefits of that support, they could advise you far better than we on this site could

[RingOfFire]

I don't think this is going to be a big impediment for you. I think lots of guys would not be deterred. Sure it may be a problem for some. But then they aren't the ones for you anyway.

I have a neighbor who was about your age when she was diagnosed with cancer. It's now about 20 years later... she got married, had kids and is living a happy life. She still gets treatments, so apparently it's a lifelong thing with her too.

There are a lot of lonely people in the world. And everyone has some kind of imperfection. You are not alone. Somehow people with every kind of imperfection seem to find someone who doesn't care. It's kind of like magic.

[Alicealex]

If a already dating the person yes. However it’s just too hard and complicated to give yourself to dating when fighting for you life. When I got cancer surprisingly a good a amount of guy slid into my dms again, it however didn’t last long cause I was so sick. They were not my focus and shouldn’t be. My health is number one.

[Clyde_123]

Right.

[MrCommodore]

Yes, once you fall in love with somebody, nothing else matters.

[Anonymous]

No I. Would. Leave you. Sorry.

[Vulvalicker]

Yes I could