Is it normal for a girl to study/read a guy's social media if she is crushing on him hard? Or is that stalker?

[Apope16]

This girl from bumble I started seeing found me on facebook after a miscommunication. You see, several months ago she hung up on me during our first phone call. Long story short I called her out on it and moved on. She was shocked. The details are complicated. Well, I guess she found me on facebook 2 months ago and sent me a message. I never saw it and didn't reply.

This week, I came across the message. I replied forgetting who she was and thinking it was some long lost relative reaching out. Well... it was her. Ever since I called her out and told her off she has been coming very strong and hard. Like.. very thirsty. Messaging me a lot. Apologizing for what she did.

She has openly admitted to liking me a lot. Now she's admitted that she has:

-Looked at my facebook pictures
-Read my facebook timeline the last few days
-She said she knows that I like to "sex text" because she saw a post I made a few days ago joking about it.

Now she wants to set up all these dates. She wants to know my schedule of when I am available. I joked that I was a "Shy guy turned ladies man". She now has been rather bristled by this and says she doesn't like a man with ego. I just ignored that and said it was just a "fact". Now she's being very aggressive asking about dates. She is asking if I will keep seeing all the ladies. I told her yes until I am officially dating a girl.

Anyway, is this all normal? Is it normal for a girl to want to know everything about a man? To study his social media and try to get a sense of what he's doing in life?

Yes. Most girls who have a crush on a guy look through his pictures and read through his timeline. It is not "Stalker" or "Psycho" to do that.

No. If a girl likes a guy she may look at a few pictures. But she won't study everything about him. That is pretty stalker. A red flag.

Updates

+1 y

I actually really like her a lot. Im not creeped out yet. But i have a hard time knowing what is normal these days.

[Kiss_Me]

Women do things that are ingrained into their habits through thousands of years of evolution. They want confident, capable, strong MEN, Not wussy, submissive, girly-men. To ensure you are a worthy mate women will test men. Many of the test are on an almost unconscious level. They don't realize they are testing men, but they do know if they pass or fail. A pass means she is more attracted. A fail means she is less attracted.

The girl described in the post presented a test by showing disrespect. It was passed by calling her out on it while not being an asshole. Now she is in full throttle pursuit.

The demands she is making for dates is out of line. She would respond the same way if you acted the same way. Don't tolerate ANYTHING from a person (girl or guy) that you are unwilling to tolerate down the road. So, YES. This is a big red flag to run.

I recommend going on a few dates with her. ENSURE she knows and UNDERSTANDS you are not dating exclusively. It might even be a good idea to tell her you have "other plans" when you don't want to see her.

One of three things will most likely happen:
1 She tries to demand you date exclusively. At that point you never go on another date. Is this so bad?
2 She is reluctantly cool with it. Date you ass off, and have some fun with her. (interrupt as you wish) Is this a bad thing?
3 She balks at a first date, and you never go out on a date. Is this so bad?

Let us know how it goes... We are nosy like that.

[Barbaric]

In this example she's also probably not used to guys having the balls to call her on her shitty behaviour. Instead she's used to them treating her as though the Sun shines out of her ass and putting up with anything because they want to get laid, which comes off as desperate. She's also still throwing a few shit tests and you're passing them because you don't give a shit. That's why she's chasing this hard.

Anyway yeah, especially today the first thing they're gonna do is look through your social media to get a good idea of who you are.

[RaveWorthy]

When you publicly post on a SMS, you willingly give everyone the right to read it and provide their opinion on it whether you like it or not. You are the only one that can control what is publicly available to others by limiting what you provide. Once you have put it out there, don't expect the site, store or other internet service to be able to keep it private for you. Data breeches occur so often and in such magnitudes, that whatever personal identifiable information you have provide on the internet... should be considered compromised already. Is what she did normal? Only to the extent that she knows and is interested in you and has just read what you provided freely to the public. Don't post stuff about yourself and get upset when someone reads it. Therefore, you only have yourself to blame for what she now knows about you.

[anexi]

Posting your life online does not give people a free pass to stalk you, though. There is a line between respectable social media digging and stalking to the point of creepy. She sounds like she's toeing that line, verging on creepy. Not to mention how unacceptable it is for somebody to get pissy and more aggressive when you say no to a date with them. Imagine if it was a guy that you were not interested in. It would probably make you uncomfortable quite quickly.

[RaveWorthy]

@anexi It doesn't matter... Posting your life online makes it easy for someone to "stalk you" and that means you provided everyone the means to do so. People really need to stop blaming others and start taking responsibility for what they have done. If she had hacked her way into a private system in order to "stalk" someone... then and only then could you say she violated someone's privacy and that is illegal. She never did anything illegal and he could have just blocked her.

[anexi]

Yes, he could block her and maybe he should. However, again - just because he posts about his life that does not make it acceptable for somebody to get creepy. Stalking is stalking is stalking, and it is absolutely inappropriate. Not everything that is wrong is illegal. No means no, and if it has been said then it should be respected. Pretty simple, really.

[Apope16]

Thank you ladies for your thoughts. Im curious about whether i should worry or not. i likebthis girl a lot

[RaveWorthy]

@anexi I know... would it be such a beautiful world if everyone respected each other? Yes, it would! Will it ever happen? Nope, not gonna happen! It's called facing reality and not living in some fantasy world of your choosing. You can't do anything to stop her from reading anything he posts, he needs to be the one doing something other whining about it. Other than protecting yourself by creating groups where you can pick who you want access to posts and blocking and limiting what others can freely see about you. What have I done to a guy whose extra attention I did not want... I wasn't the one feeling anything other than pissed off and when I was through with him... blocking him only to him create another account to harass me with. I kept reporting him for harassing me and finally just ended up emailing all of his messages he sent me to all of his family and friends. Finally all his account were deleted by him or whomever... it doesn't matter he stopped. That is were I learned that was own stupidity that allowed to use what I posted to harass me with. Lesson learned!

[anexi]

Interesting that you say he should just block her if it's unwanted attention, and then go on to give a personal example of exactly how blocking a person did not with in your experience. Thanks for helping to reinforce my point lol.

As for OP, it's really your call on whether to be concerned or not. In my experience, if somebody comes on that strongly and you aren't entirely digging it, pretty soon you'll start thinking of her as needy and attention seeking which are not exactly attractive qualities. If you like it, then more power to you. Just keep in mind that her pushiness will not change, so if you don't like it then it shouldn't be ignored just because you like her.

[anexi]

* did not **work in your experience

[Apope16]

@anexi not to worry guys. I like her. I just want to know if im not picking up on warning signs. Butvi like her a lot.

[RaveWorthy]

@anexi I also told you how to make it work... But, If you're going to fault me for telling the truth and not lying about it. That is someone that I consider to be an asshole and they can get their negative vibes out of my face.

[RaveWorthy]

Thank you for the MHO. You're cool, take care!

[Primrose21]

It's normal for girls to stalk. Girls are the best stalkers. We can even stalk your relatives lol. FBI skills. But getting mad and pushy over a date is not normal. Lol

[Apope16]

She didn't get mad. But she asked me for a date on a date. Lol

[Primrose21]

@Apope16 then "aggressive" is the wrong word choice then. She is just being pushy. Well. If she is not invading your personal space then no harm done. Just block her if you find her annoying.

[Apope16]

I like her. A lot.

[Primrose21]

@Apope16 so u are just playing hard to get?

[Apope16]

No. Just curious and cautious. Finding out if she's not psycho. I've seen the movie Basic Instinct

[Primrose21]

🤣🤣🤣

[coachTanthony]

She sounds like a "crazy" good time! lol

[Apope16]

Stick my dick in crazy? Should I?

[coachTanthony]

@Apope16 At least once in your life. They are spectacular in the sack!

[Apope16]

Been there. done thate. one chic was a stalker. other girls have been best sex ever. So it is a high risk reward type of thing. haha. I think it is funny how 3 girls voted you down. hey... at least once chic was cool with what you said.

[anexi]

There is a line. Yes, it's normal for people to go through a few photos and posts, just to learn more about the person to which they are attracted. But aggression to the degree that you describe is verging on creepy. If you said no even after she explained herself, that's your decision and if she can't respect it then she doesn't respect you. If you already told her you're dating somebody and she still didn't back off, she's just gonna cause you trouble. Best left in the past. 🤷

[zeitgeist057]

It's totally normal to check out someone's social media, or even google them. Whether you like them or not. Even if it's someone I just work with, I usually connect with them on social media, have a look at their posts and photos. It's not stalker-ish, it's just how people connect these days.

That aside, the girl does sound low key drama in the works. I like how bold and upfront she is, but it could easily turn into controlling with the statements she is making, so I would just have a heads up on my radar for that. Good luck, sounds like this one is a go if you are both interested why not start a date and some more intimate interactions?

[Anonymous]

I have gone through my crush’s social media to get to know more about him without having to ask him tons of questions or just to see what I was getting myself into. I obviously didn’t mention it to him because I didn’t want him to think I was creeping... She seems like a very open stalker which is a bit weird.

[Apope16]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 or honest?

[Anonymous]

I think is normal to have an interest in know things about the other person. Even more, your friends offer to find /look for information about the guy you are interested in. But I think she is trying very hard. A red flag could be if you feel uncomfortable or that she is invading your life. If that happens, you can decide what you consider is better for you.

[Liya0078]

I do go through photos what I'm interested in a guy... I feel kind of guilty about it so I would never admit it to the guy.

[Primrose21]

Same

[Apope16]

I am not bothered by that. She flat out told me she did that. Haha. She didn't even keep it a secret. Do girls typically do that?

[Liya0078]

Judging from myself and my friends, it's normal. Especially now when we can barely go outside with them but you still want to see their face

[likelyOK]

Guys do it too I had a guy read deep into my Instagram it’s public so I could not tell until he relieved something he saw that was a couple of months old in my feed. It’s like the more they like you the less they want you to know.

[PrettyWoman_]

It's normal. If a girl likes someone, she checks their social media. People post everything on social media so it's kind of a way to know someone's hobbies/interests & people they hand out with.
The way you described it, sounds a bit creepy. But maybe she was just checking whether you're seeing someone or not.

[Gwenhwyfar]

That in itself is not stalker, but this girl sounds creepy

[Anonymous]

Maybe she's trying to reach out because she likes you or is interested. If you like her, bring this up to her in a joking manner. I still have feelings for my ex and I think he has feelings for me, I stalk his social media all the time.

[Kaneki05]

i mean i like the sound of her so probably crazy... lmao.

[Static_In_The_Attic]

Sounds the alarms, stalker alert & nowadays it’s a common thing.

[CuriousCantaloupe]

We look up on social guys we like but this girl sounds extreme to me lol

[Apope16]

🤣 thanks. Or Thirsty

[Barry88]

Pretty normal, I would say. It's all stuff you've posted on open platforms, so there is nothing wrong with her checking that. I would do it too if I was interested in someone.

[Another_Old_Guy]

It's cool. You like her a lot? Reel her in before she gets awkward.

[BrownBratzDoll]

Im a stalk him on social media and barely talk to him lol

[Icete]

To some extent it’s normal for girls to stalk guys they likes on social media. But from what you described it’s kind of too much.

[Anonymous]

If she is being aggressive then that itself is a red flag

[Apope16]

Isn't that sexist? why is it that a woman must be submissive? Why can't a woman initiate?

[Opinion Owner]

I didn't say she had to be submissive and aggressive usually means more then just being "pushy" and trying to initiate it constantly...

[Primrose21]

@Apope16 Initiation and being aggressive is different. When u initiate you should be ready to accept a possible "no". Getting mad and being pushy over a rejection is not okay regardless of gender.

[SenseiSeptred]

It is nice to be liked though.

[msc545]

Ugh. Stalker.