i just end my 8 years relation... but i do not like to go on dates... i am the kind of... if i say yes to a date i go serious. i am not easy to handle... unless the girl find my soft spots... but they are uncommon... so i can be a difficult date... by character.
Yes, we're all datable. It's just a matter of whether or not the person we end up dating is compatible. My biggest flaw is I can be really independent and find something that I'm not fond of a burden. When that happens it sort of goes downhill from there and it usually happens early in the relationship.
Yes I’m undateable I’ve been called to my face that I’m ugly so that made me insecure about everything in my body/appearance. I guess a flaw would be that I’m shy I won’t talk to them if they don’t talk to me.
What kind of jerk would call someone ugly in their face? Don't let people like that discourage you okay? They sound like they're immature and not worth dating or being with if they act that way around you.
No way! Most people are dateable. People have their expectations all wrong. We all aren't going to get that dood or doodette you see on the cover of a magazine so go find someone you have fun with. Turn the lights out and we all look great!
I wouldn't say I'm undateable but just unlucky. The only girls that I seem to click with have boyfriends and as such are either not interested in me or are cheating scumbags (so I'm not interested in them. Or like me but I'm not interested in them because either not attracted to them or they're far too young.
I'm male, so please consider that. When I meet a women I like, and would like to spend time with her, it's simply because I like her. It has nothing to do with her status, her looks, he employment, excreta. So, the term undateable seems kind of a final conclusion which I. can't understand. And what ever flaws you may have, none of them means your beyond being liked. And that is not just my opinion, it's a simple fact. Best wishes friend.
they should be financially stable, they should be not older than 40 and not younger then 25, they should be good looking. Last but not least, have similar values to mine.
Yes it is. He provides financially and i provide in other ways. Such as taking care of the family, nurturing, supporting him. I believe im gender roles so this is my view.
But in the beginning he’ll do more work to prove that he meets your standards than you do. Cause your only gonna give him the respect he deserves after you find out how much money he makes. And I’ll be honest if I found that a woman like that I wouldn’t be with her.
I am undateable because I am no longer interested in dating. ... and I am pretty damn upfront about that with every woman who starts getting that interested look in their eyes and or within their demeanor.
I had a break from dating for a long time. Had reasons. Now I'm not sure if I can do it anymore as I have changed. I had two dates they where fine but I couldn't bring my self to sleep with them. I just knew they where going to not stick. around for another date and I didn't want a girl to stay because I can make her legs shake.. so now I'm just thinking it's time again and need to feel a girls body against me.. so ill get back to you.. I'm not sure if I will as much as I want.
I think I'm datable, but my standards in what I'm looking for and my overall lack of aggression when it comes to pursuing hold me back. I prefer it to just happen organically but life doesn't seen to want to cooperate.
1
0 Reply
Anonymous
(18-24)
+1 y
It's a combination of my looks (don't meet society's conventional beauty standards), ideals/views and personality (I'm not funny or charismatic enough)
What, in your opinion, is society's ideal beauty's standard for women? (Actually thank you for your statement; I think I'm going to ask that as my next question on here!) I'm not disagreeing because yes, I completely empathize with you! I know for a fact I'm not considered "attractive" by most people's standards, which makes dating even worse. It kills me how people assume women don't have issues with dating no matter how she looks.
Aww thank you, finally someone who agrees with me I've said this before and got 10 downvotes by guys in a question The advancements in technology, cosmetic and beauty industry, as well as the rise of social media have raised beauty standards for women. Now most women get fillers and wear makeup from a very young age. In combination with photoshop, this can create unrealistic expectations, which is even worse for people, who don't have the money to or time to work on their looks. in my opinion the standards for women are: be young or look as young as possible, thin but toned, with curves and big breasts and a$$ (which is really difficult, because when you lose weight, you don't get to choose the areas you're gonna lose fat from; most celebrities get implants, lipoosuction or fat transfer..) , flawless skin without any blemishes, large pores, dark circles or any fine lines, thick curly hair, perfectly symmetrical eyebrows, natural makeup (that doesn't look like you're wearing any), full lips, thin nose high cheekbones, chiseled facial structure and flawless style (be fashionable)..
According to studies, men are more visual than women, so that means they're more attracted to their looks, as opposed to women that are more attracted to other factors, like money or social, status, humor or charisma. This doesn't mean that you can't find a partner, if you don't meet society's beauty standards, but thing will be extremely difficult you (especially if you're a woman).. Even guys that aren't conventionally attractive will treat you as of you're their 2nd or 3rd choice
@ anon "According to studies, men are more visual than women, so that means they're more attracted to their looks, as opposed to women that are more attracted to other factors, like money or social, status, humor or charisma." THANK YOU! Oh screw those guys downvoting you; I, along with most other women on here know that's the truth. Yeah, looks DO matter; we all know that. It kills me when I hear guys say they're drawn to personality over looks- not that I'm doubting some guys genuinely do, but the vast majority will always go for looks over everything else first. Why? Because people are visual creatures. They want something, or in this instance, someone, appealing.
I've said this several times on here before, but in the past when I used to try dating sites/app, or just spoke to guys online in my 20s, guys would always say how nice, sweet, what a catch I was, and was drawn to my personality. Then they saw my pictures...
I kid you not- that's when they decided we should just be friends, they ghosted me, or disappeared :| So these same guys that claimed they liked me or how much of a catch I was, suddenly decided that my personality wasn't good enough because my looks didn't meet their requirements.
... yet looks don't matter and women have it "so easy" in terms of dating. Yeah I'm sure some women do: if they look a certain way! The rest of us are just screwed.
I like things a certain way, and I expect them to be that way. I’ve been single and on my own for more of my life than I’ve been in long term relationships. A little jaded I guess.
No ma'am. Trust me, I could tell you stories, sad stories, of how I've been friendzoned, sisterzoned, rejected, ghosted... you get the point. Guys do talk to me... as a friend. But anything romantic? Nope, no interest at all. I'm the one they come to when they have relationship problems!
It's annoying sometimes but at least they do value my friendship; which is better than nothing I suppose.
@Guffrus I get that, I do. Nowadays with all these movements and people claiming "abuse" if you look at them the wrong way, I can only imagine guys rather not talk to women for fear of consequences!
However, the problem is, how are we women supposed to know if you're interested in us if you don't let us know? Goodness knows I am terrible at reading subtly, hints, or flirting. I need someone to blatantly say, "Hey, I like you. Want to go out?"
Seems like you can't win, half the people are complaining that no one is asking them out and the other half are complaining that the wrong people are asking them.
@Guffrus Mhmm, exactly. This is why it's easier to stay single, as sad as that sounds.
I've even tried asking out guys before, but nope- they were not interested in me.
And I get everyone has a type of preference; that's understandable. But those same people are the main ones crying that, "No one wants to date me! Woe is me..."
No, people like and want you, you just rejected or ignored the ones you're not interested in. I don't want to hear them whine when they fall for the wrong person, yet they rejected someone else that would have treated them properly.
I dont think there is any getting away from the idea that if you are single for a long time then the common factor is you not everyone else.
I struggle very much, in all things with 'the perfect is the enemy of the good'
It seems likely that i have been rejecting the good in search of the perfect while expecting to be accepted despite my faults.
I dont feel like thats what i have been doing but it does make sense and Im also pretty sure that i would be the last person to know what i have been doing because none of us like reality, its easier to believe the lies you tell yourself.
"... and most guys want sex ASAP." That is a major problem with dating!!! Apparently some (not all) men assume if you don't sleep with them within a certain timeframe or right away? You're not interested in them and they move on to the next person.
Yeah, that doesn't work for me. I cannot sleep with a man unless I'm emotionally attached to him and know he's not just using me for sex. It's sad that being conservative and not jumping into bed right away is seen as a bad thing by some people nowadays!
I know right! I think they are just slutty, for wan of a better word. Like they may assume you're not interested if you don't have sex straight away, but I think over and above that, they just want sex. It's so lame, and so unattractive.
Exactly this is also one of the reasons I hate dating. If they want sex then they can pay the prostitutes to do it and not to destroy some good girl's life. We are not an object.
This is why i hate dating to. The assumption from women that all guys are like that. I have the opposite problem. I don't connect with women very well. I may find a woman outwardly attractive but so what. I need to know her and trust her before i can feel anything towards her... that only comes with time. And it's been my experience that almost all women catch those feelings and lose interest in me, if they had interest in me before i develop feelings for her. Which to me just comes off as women are just really fickle
Nothing wrong with that! As an introvert, I'm happy most times just sitting in silence or doing my own thing with my partner nearby. As long as it's a comfortable silence :)
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
103Opinion
Probably. Got a couple of red flags men don’t like.
Oh, what kind of red flags?
I'm undateable because I made myself undateable.
I'm a very very paranoid and cynical person with very little faith in humanity.
I prefer porn over actual sex.
I strongly attracted to older women and prefer to date them. (A lot of older women don't like to date younger guys)
I have anger issues.
I lack compassion and empathy.
I'm suicidal and lost all interest in life and therefore I'm not ambitious.
That's about it
i just end my 8 years relation... but i do not like to go on dates... i am the kind of... if i say yes to a date i go serious.
i am not easy to handle... unless the girl find my soft spots... but they are uncommon... so i can be a difficult date... by character.
Yes, we're all datable. It's just a matter of whether or not the person we end up dating is compatible.
My biggest flaw is I can be really independent and find something that I'm not fond of a burden. When that happens it sort of goes downhill from there and it usually happens early in the relationship.
Shit.. I meant no...
Yes I’m undateable I’ve been called to my face that I’m ugly so that made me insecure about everything in my body/appearance. I guess a flaw would be that I’m shy I won’t talk to them if they don’t talk to me.
Highschool guys ( and girls ) are assholes, you are still young, you are going to change a lot until you are 25 yo
What kind of jerk would call someone ugly in their face? Don't let people like that discourage you okay? They sound like they're immature and not worth dating or being with if they act that way around you.
@AFellowWeeb They really are 🤦🏽♀️
Thank you and I won’t let people like that be discourage me.
No way! Most people are dateable. People have their expectations all wrong. We all aren't going to get that dood or doodette you see on the cover of a magazine so go find someone you have fun with. Turn the lights out and we all look great!
I wouldn't say I'm undateable but just unlucky. The only girls that I seem to click with have boyfriends and as such are either not interested in me or are cheating scumbags (so I'm not interested in them. Or like me but I'm not interested in them because either not attracted to them or they're far too young.
I don't think I am, but for anyone to date me right now is just a bad idea.
Oh, why don't you think anyone should date you right now?
I'm going through a hard time, and with the way I am now I'm not gonna be able to give the time that it takes to be in a relationship.
That's why my ex and I broke up last month.
Our lives are getting to hectic to even fancy the idea of dating as of now.
I respect the fact that you realize you're not able to have a relationship right now, or have the time for one. It sucks, but that's mature of you 👏
I'm male, so please consider that. When I meet a women I like, and would like to spend time with her, it's simply because I like her. It has nothing to do with her status, her looks, he employment, excreta. So, the term undateable seems kind of a final conclusion which I. can't understand. And what ever flaws you may have, none of them means your beyond being liked. And that is not just my opinion, it's a simple fact. Best wishes friend.
No I am not undateable. I have high standards and if a man who reaches them and shows interest in me, i will make him feel like a king.
Your also human too so you can jump through hoops and let men with high standards see if your worthy
They do. That’s why I have dated quality men for long and will do the same.
What hoops do you jump through for men?
I am not sure what you mean?
Ok a better question is how do men prove that they’ve reach your high standards
they should be financially stable, they should be not older than 40 and not younger then 25, they should be good looking. Last but not least, have similar values to mine.
And you can spot these standards with out talking to them?
No. Unless it is obvious
So how did you prove that you met a guys standards if you aren’t talking to them
I do talk to men when im single. They usually want me in their lives, i got rejected only once.
So you don’t know what you did to make them want you
I do. I am a lady, i am not liberal, i am attractive , i have good manners and i have values
So do you believe that the same as you wanting men to have money when you just have to have good manners. Do you believe that that’s fair?
Yes it is. He provides financially and i provide in other ways. Such as taking care of the family, nurturing, supporting him. I believe im gender roles so this is my view.
But in the beginning he’ll do more work to prove that he meets your standards than you do. Cause your only gonna give him the respect he deserves after you find out how much money he makes. And I’ll be honest if I found that a woman like that I wouldn’t be with her.
I'm currently undateable because I've decided to not date.
I've decided to do a few things on my own until I feel ready and able to date again.
I am undateable because I am no longer interested in dating. ... and I am pretty damn upfront about that with every woman who starts getting that interested look in their eyes and or within their demeanor.
I had a break from dating for a long time. Had reasons. Now I'm not sure if I can do it anymore as I have changed. I had two dates they where fine but I couldn't bring my self to sleep with them. I just knew they where going to not stick. around for another date and I didn't want a girl to stay because I can make her legs shake.. so now I'm just thinking it's time again and need to feel a girls body against me.. so ill get back to you.. I'm not sure if I will as much as I want.
I think I'm datable, but my standards in what I'm looking for and my overall lack of aggression when it comes to pursuing hold me back. I prefer it to just happen organically but life doesn't seen to want to cooperate.
It's a combination of my looks (don't meet society's conventional beauty standards), ideals/views and personality (I'm not funny or charismatic enough)
What, in your opinion, is society's ideal beauty's standard for women? (Actually thank you for your statement; I think I'm going to ask that as my next question on here!)
I'm not disagreeing because yes, I completely empathize with you! I know for a fact I'm not considered "attractive" by most people's standards, which makes dating even worse. It kills me how people assume women don't have issues with dating no matter how she looks.
Yeah, that's a lie.
Aww thank you, finally someone who agrees with me
I've said this before and got 10 downvotes by guys in a question
The advancements in technology, cosmetic and beauty industry, as well as the rise of social media have raised beauty standards for women. Now most women get fillers and wear makeup from a very young age. In combination with photoshop, this can create unrealistic expectations, which is even worse for people, who don't have the money to or time to work on their looks.
in my opinion the standards for women are: be young or look as young as possible, thin but toned, with curves and big breasts and a$$ (which is really difficult, because when you lose weight, you don't get to choose the areas you're gonna lose fat from; most celebrities get implants, lipoosuction or fat transfer..) , flawless skin without any blemishes, large pores, dark circles or any fine lines, thick curly hair, perfectly symmetrical eyebrows, natural makeup (that doesn't look like you're wearing any), full lips, thin nose high cheekbones, chiseled facial structure and flawless style (be fashionable)..
According to studies, men are more visual than women, so that means they're more attracted to their looks, as opposed to women that are more attracted to other factors, like money or social, status, humor or charisma. This doesn't mean that you can't find a partner, if you don't meet society's beauty standards, but thing will be extremely difficult you (especially if you're a woman).. Even guys that aren't conventionally attractive will treat you as of you're their 2nd or 3rd choice
@ anon "According to studies, men are more visual than women, so that means they're more attracted to their looks, as opposed to women that are more attracted to other factors, like money or social, status, humor or charisma." THANK YOU! Oh screw those guys downvoting you; I, along with most other women on here know that's the truth. Yeah, looks DO matter; we all know that. It kills me when I hear guys say they're drawn to personality over looks- not that I'm doubting some guys genuinely do, but the vast majority will always go for looks over everything else first. Why?
Because people are visual creatures. They want something, or in this instance, someone, appealing.
I've said this several times on here before, but in the past when I used to try dating sites/app, or just spoke to guys online in my 20s, guys would always say how nice, sweet, what a catch I was, and was drawn to my personality. Then they saw my pictures...
I kid you not- that's when they decided we should just be friends, they ghosted me, or disappeared :|
So these same guys that claimed they liked me or how much of a catch I was, suddenly decided that my personality wasn't good enough because my looks didn't meet their requirements.
... yet looks don't matter and women have it "so easy" in terms of dating. Yeah I'm sure some women do: if they look a certain way! The rest of us are just screwed.
I wouldn’t say that I’m undateable, but I know that I am very difficult to live with.
Oh? What makes you so difficult to live with?
I like things a certain way, and I expect them to be that way. I’ve been single and on my own for more of my life than I’ve been in long term relationships. A little jaded I guess.
Men don't show interest in me so yea I am undateable.
I feel you- I really do.
I cannot even tell you the last time a guy in real life showed interest in me :|
I thought I was the only one lol I barely see other women talking about how men don't really show interest in them so its nice that I am not alone.
No ma'am. Trust me, I could tell you stories, sad stories, of how I've been friendzoned, sisterzoned, rejected, ghosted... you get the point. Guys do talk to me... as a friend. But anything romantic? Nope, no interest at all. I'm the one they come to when they have relationship problems!
It's annoying sometimes but at least they do value my friendship; which is better than nothing I suppose.
didn't it ever occur to you that we know you get hit on 24/7 and that maybe you just want to be able to do your shopping in peace?
That and we dont want to be on the sex offenders register when you retroactively withdraw consent.
@Guffrus I get that, I do. Nowadays with all these movements and people claiming "abuse" if you look at them the wrong way, I can only imagine guys rather not talk to women for fear of consequences!
However, the problem is, how are we women supposed to know if you're interested in us if you don't let us know? Goodness knows I am terrible at reading subtly, hints, or flirting. I need someone to blatantly say, "Hey, I like you. Want to go out?"
I pretty much completely stopped trying at all.
Seems like you can't win, half the people are complaining that no one is asking them out and the other half are complaining that the wrong people are asking them.
@Guffrus Mhmm, exactly. This is why it's easier to stay single, as sad as that sounds.
I've even tried asking out guys before, but nope- they were not interested in me.
And I get everyone has a type of preference; that's understandable. But those same people are the main ones crying that, "No one wants to date me! Woe is me..."
No, people like and want you, you just rejected or ignored the ones you're not interested in. I don't want to hear them whine when they fall for the wrong person, yet they rejected someone else that would have treated them properly.
... sorry for the mini rant.
I dont think there is any getting away from the idea that if you are single for a long time then the common factor is you not everyone else.
I struggle very much, in all things with 'the perfect is the enemy of the good'
It seems likely that i have been rejecting the good in search of the perfect while expecting to be accepted despite my faults.
I dont feel like thats what i have been doing but it does make sense and Im also pretty sure that i would be the last person to know what i have been doing because none of us like reality, its easier to believe the lies you tell yourself.
One of the reasons is I am not pretty. The other is that I am conservative, and most guys want sex ASAP.
"... and most guys want sex ASAP." That is a major problem with dating!!! Apparently some (not all) men assume if you don't sleep with them within a certain timeframe or right away? You're not interested in them and they move on to the next person.
Yeah, that doesn't work for me. I cannot sleep with a man unless I'm emotionally attached to him and know he's not just using me for sex. It's sad that being conservative and not jumping into bed right away is seen as a bad thing by some people nowadays!
I know right! I think they are just slutty, for wan of a better word. Like they may assume you're not interested if you don't have sex straight away, but I think over and above that, they just want sex. It's so lame, and so unattractive.
Exactly this is also one of the reasons I hate dating. If they want sex then they can pay the prostitutes to do it and not to destroy some good girl's life. We are not an object.
This is why i hate dating to. The assumption from women that all guys are like that. I have the opposite problem. I don't connect with women very well. I may find a woman outwardly attractive but so what. I need to know her and trust her before i can feel anything towards her... that only comes with time. And it's been my experience that almost all women catch those feelings and lose interest in me, if they had interest in me before i develop feelings for her. Which to me just comes off as women are just really fickle
I am taken but before that it was awkward social skills.
I suck at texting, and not the greatest at conversation. I enjoy just sitting back and enjoying the silence together.
Nothing wrong with that! As an introvert, I'm happy most times just sitting in silence or doing my own thing with my partner nearby. As long as it's a comfortable silence :)
Well unfortunately the silence wasn't good enough and the woman that spend 20year sleep next to me is no longer there.
Hmph, her loss
Thanks.